yeah man whatever

My boyfriend told me over text that he didn't know the Minotaur story
  • Boyfriend: I... I don't even know the story that well babe, I can't even say xD
  • Me: Okay so
  • Me: Poseidon gives a bull to King Minos, the best and shiniest bull you ever saw, and he's like "You can have this, but only if you promise to sacrifice it to me later" and Minos is like "Sure yeah okay man whatever" so Poseidon sends this bestest bull ever galloping up out of the salty sea spray, and everyone standing around is like "Hot fuck look at that bull" And Minos agrees, and he likes the bull SO much he decides to just quietly sort of...keep it. And he does kill a bull for Poseidon but it's one of his own, lame normal bulls, and Poseidon's no pushover so of course he notices.
  • Me: Poseidon is also notoriously easily angered, and he's royal pissed about this, so he comes up with one of the most devious punishments ever, and he infects Minos' wife Pasiphae with a desperate, DESPERATE thirst for the bull. Like she can think of nothing but getting some of that hot Bull D.
  • Boyfriend: ..........Thefuck.
  • Me: But it's hard to convince a bull, especially a divinely spawned bull, to fuck you if you are in fact not a cow but a human queen, so she comes up with a plan
  • Boyfriend: I thought some god comes down in bull form and fucks her??
  • Me: Ohh, no no no, that's the much much more tame story of Europa, who has sex with Zeus in bull form. This is different
  • Me: She goes to the best inventor she knows, Daedalus, and she's like "I need this bull to fuck me I NEED IT" and Daedalus is like "That's really weird maybe you should talk to someone" and she's like "I am talking to you and I am your queen so you better fucking make this happen for me I am going to peel my own skin off if I don't get some bull dick ASAP. But he doesn't want me because I am not fat, four-legged, and mooing."
  • Boyfriend: Oh..... oh no.
  • Me: So Daedalus shrugs, probably shudders a little, and builds the prettiest, most fuckable wooden cow a bull ever saw, but he makes it hollow, presumably with some openings in some awkward places.
  • Boyfriend: OH GOD. NO.
  • Me: So Pasiphae puts this monstrosity in the field with the bull, climbs in it, and waits. And Daedalus really is a skilled inventor, and he apparently knows what a bull likes, because Pasiphae finally gets the hot bull loving she's been dreaming of
  • Boyfriend: I........ I need an aspirin. That is disgusting.
  • Me: Only she apparently hasn't been tracking her cycles, because she gets pregnant, and births the minotaur and King Minos is like "What the fuck?" and Pasiphae is like "Honey I need to tell you something"
  • Me: And that is how it happened
  • Boyfriend: That is NOT HOW THAT WORKS
  • Me: Welcome to Mythology.
5

i guess? this is an au? idk i just want harley englishes to be hot lifeguards whatever, people always draw dirk swimming but jade and jake grew up on a pacific island? LET THEM BE THE SWIM

2

Even more townie makeovers!


Dina Caliente & Johnny Zest / Zoe Patel & J Huntington III

8

FURTHER CAPABILITIES: Hurl it at people? Doorstop? I dunno.

3

Yeah whatever man its alright👌 and yeah I guess so.
The first one is something I’d probably wear if I wasn’t such a p0sie cat
and the second one is a outfit I wore to an annoying school dance that my mom forced me to go to.

“Pretty body”
That acutally made me feel slightly better about my appearance I guess.., thanks though💜

INTP-ENFP One Last Awkward Interaction
  • INTP and ENFP are meeting for the first time in a few months.
  • ENFP: So, INTP...
  • INTP: Yes.
  • ENFP: What was it like after I left?
  • ENFP: Did you take it really hard, not having me around?
  • INTP: It was awful.
  • INTP: I cried.
  • INTP: A lot.
  • ENFP: You did not, shut up.
  • INTP: ESFP held me most of the time. I cried on her shoulder, most days.
  • ENFP: You're such a jerk! \(*^▽^*)/
  • ENFP: Hey, I like your tie!
  • INTP: Oh, thanks. Yeah, I'm really mad about the fact that this outfit is really smashing, yet the gown covers everything, so you really don't even get to see it.
  • ENFP: Oh my god, me too.
  • ENFP: I mean, look at this dress. I want some of the poofs to be visible, you know!
  • INTP: Mmm. A tragic shame.
  • ENFP: How am I supposed to woo all the guys.
  • INTP: Okay.
  • ENFP: And especially.
  • INTP: No.
  • ENFP: How am I
  • INTP: Stop.
  • ENFP: Supposed
  • INTP: Don't.
  • ENFP: To woo YOU??
  • INTP: ...
  • INTP: *Sigh*
  • ENFP: Yeah, I haven't changed--
  • INTP: No, I know.
  • ENFP: ヾ(@⌒▽⌒@)ノ
  • INTP: (⊙_◎)
2

Sometimes I enjoy looking manly a little bit too much.

2

another meme i won’t finish — ten movies:

The Amazing Spider-man 2: “Everyday I wake up knowing that no matter how many lives I protect, no matter how many people call me a hero, someone even more powerful could change everything.”

Imagine that Adrien and Nino have made it a tradition to have a sleepover and watch a really bad movie at least once a month. Imagine Adrien legitimately enjoying them, and Nino liking to make fun of everything that happens on screen.

anonymous asked:

Do you know if Culebras are killed (excluding traditional stake to the heart or heart removal) can they come back to life? e.g. Neck Snap, Shot anywhere else, Brutally falling. I know they can be dismembered but I'm not sure on the other ones

SANCTUARIO.  i’m actually laughing at the neck snap cause of that one incident richard had with @bringerofruin underwraps but yeah man or gal, whatever you identify as ) culebras totally can so totally come back, these’re sturdy ass bastards we’re talking about !  still hurts like a bitch, right ?  getting shot, burned, stabbed, whatever the fuck but generally, it’s fine but give it time; they will be back. their resistance in no way, shape or form makes ‘em immune to pain, lol. so, if you shoot a culebra point blank; he / she / they’ll definitely feel that but if it’s weaknesses you wanna swan dive into right now? being exposed to the sheer cold of anything is a huge one for these guys. 

why’d you think culebras’re usually lounging about places with warm climates, huh? they like the sun bc cold blooded af. most of the culebra population if not all of it’s inside the southern states in north america to south america; why? cause it’s colder up north, too cold and culebras can’t stomach the cold presuming that…much like real cold blooded fucking snakes, can’t handle that shit too well. 

wanna speed the healing process up when they are down? help your culebra friend get off his/her/their feet cause you’re the caring type and shit? just give ‘em a nice, warm vein to penetrate and then they’re set. hint, hint: blood helps an injured culebra heal faster and it saves the hassle of dialing 911 cause we all know what a fucking drag it is to call ) but yeah. a culebra should almost always be able to walk it off after an injury; depending on the severity, that is. if it’s too close to the center of the chest and it’s not treated on time or the culebra goes a certain long ass amount of time without drinkin’ the fruit punch off somebod can definitely lead to serious consequences, man so be a pal 

The Badassery of Molly Weasley and Why She Deserves All of Your Respect

Alright folks sit your fine asses down it’s time to talk about MOLLY FUCKING WEASLEY.

We all know how badass Molly Weasley is - “Not my daughter, you bitch,” and all that - but I never truly realized how incredible she is until something occurred to me today.

Not only did Molly Weasley push seven children out of her uterus, which is something to be in awe of in and of itself, but she was raising six of those children during the first war, when Voldemort was at large and the Order of the Phoenix was fighting the good fight.

Molly Weasley was pregnant with Ron while Bill and Percy were outside on their toy broomsticks; while Charlie was bothering the gnomes and nearly getting fingers bitten off in the process; while she was chasing Fred and George who had just started walking and were already racing to see who could get to the top of the stairs first; while little baby fetus Ron was kicking her bladder (because he was totally a kicker lbr). And at the same time, she was worrying about the war that was being waged outside and more importantly, her brothers who were fighting in that war.

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