yeah i'm not doing it in order

  • Peter: Dad when you and dad got into an argument, did you ever... You know...
  • Tony: What?
  • Peter: Have you ever... Stopped having sex with dad in order to win an argument?
  • Tony: You can do that?
  • Peter: Yeah, but...
  • Tony: You mean that if I stop having sex with your father, he'll paint the bathroom?
  • Peter: Yeah, but aren't you worried about how it can hurt the relationship?
  • Tony: Blah, blah, blah. I don't care. I'm getting my bathroom painted.
  • Doomfist: Who are you?
  • McCree: Alright, now hold on! I know this may seem weird, but I'm here to convert you to the side of good!
  • Doomfist: ... Are you kidding me?
  • Hanzo: I thought he was pretty clear all things consid-
  • Doomfist: What could I possibly gain from joining such a... Ragtag group of fighters?
  • McCree: ... We have pretty good health benefits?
  • Hanzo: And on Fridays we get to choose where we want to order food from!
  • McCree: Yeah! Oh, but you gotta put your new in the list! We have a specific order written out already.
  • Doomfist: ... Can we really get anything?
  • (Later)
  • Reaper: Oh, hey Akande. What are you doing here?
  • Doomfist: I heard there was a takeout list or something-
  • Junkrat: Say no more, it's on the wall over there.
Pizza toppings
  • Shiro: alright guys I'm ordering pizza! What toppings do you guys want?
  • Lance: spicy Italian sausage!
  • Hunk: Supreme, Shiro!
  • Pidge: pepperoni and mushroom!
  • Keith: Extra pineapple!
  • Lance, Pidge, Hunk: wHAT?!
  • Keith: *shrugging* ...what? It's good!
  • Hunk: okay, I love to create works of art in the kitchen but fruit NEVER goes on pizza!!
  • Pidge: yeah, man, that's just gross! Plus EXTRA pineapple?!?
  • Lance: Thank you, Hunk! That's so wrong! First you say you're born in S.Korea, next its being raised Texas, we all come to find that you're half GALRA! AND NOW YOU SAY YOU LIKE PINEAPPLE..no EXTRA PINEAPPLE PIZZA!!! WHAT THE QUIZNAK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!
  • Shiro: Lance calm down! It's just pizza!
  • Keith: we're dating! Been dating for 5 months now! So the real question is, what's wrong with YOU?
  • Lance: 😠😶 🖕
  • Shiro: everyone gets their own pizza, Keith, good news for you no one will touch your leftover pizza
  • Keith: 😃😆👍
  • (I love extra pineapple pizza and my family thinks it's the weirdest, grossest thing ever)

lisa-in-the-sky  asked:

I'M HAVING THE WORST DAY so I would lovvvve to read stucky "it's 2am and I'm drunk and need salt for my fries and I know you're awake so OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR" 😁😁

“You need /what/?” Steve asks the handsome man who has lived across the hall for three weeks.

“Salt,” the man says, holding a soggy McDonald’s bag in one hand and a flashlight in the other. He is tearing up. “I need salt.”

“Why?” Steve asks.

“To exorcise demons,” the man says, then winces. “No, that sounded so much cooler in my head, but I can’t lie to you. I have all of these french fries but none of them are salty. I need salt for them, or else the world may end.” He pauses, then amends, “/My/ world may end.”

Steve gives him a once-over. The guy from across the hall is typically put-together. Steve has only ever seen him in a suit, with his hair slicked back. Now, he’s stubbled, wearing a t-shirt so worn that Steve can practically see his nipples through it, and a leather jacket. He also smells like a brewery.

Honestly? Steve kind of likes him better this way.

“How many fries will you give me?”

The man’s eyes go wide, like this question has caused him actual thought and, frankly, hurt. He groans. “Five!” he shouts. Steve holds back a laugh. “I will give you five french fries in exchange for your salt.”

“Ten,” Steve counters.

The man’s mouth opens, like he genuinely cannot believe that Steve would have the audacity to ask this of him. Steve can barely restrain his laughter. Then he shuts it, straightens up, and nods with firm resolve. “Fine,” he says, “but only because they are getting cold.”

“‘Course,” Steve says, then opens the door wider. “C’mon in.”

He’d feel more self-conscious about the way his apartment looked if he thought that the guy from across the hall would remember this in the morning. As it is right now, he doesn’t feel self-conscious in the least, and is actually sort of excited for his fries.

“So what’s the occasion?” Steve asks. “Why all the fries?”

“My fiancé dumped me for a secret agent.”

Admittedly, that wasn’t what Steve was expecting. “Sit,” he says, pointing to the couch. The guy from across the hall sits. “I’m Bucky,” he says, then adds with wide eyes, “and I’m really sad.”

“I’m Steve,” Steve says, “and I’ll get the salt.”

“Thank you,” Bucky says, then starts to cry.

— —

The next morning, there’s a knock on the door.

Steve opens it, blurry-eyed and tired. “Hi,” he says, when he sees it’s Bucky. “You feeling okay?”

“No,” Bucky says, “but I brought you a present.”

“What?” Steve asks.

Bucky holds out a cylinder of Morton’s salt with a red bow on top. “I’m sorry for last night,” he says.

Steve can’t help but smile as he takes the salt. “It wasn’t a problem, really. Made my night a lot more interesting.”

Bucky looks down, straightens out his shirt. “You’re really chill,” he says. “And I know I’m a mess, but I appreciate you letting me into your apartment and everything.”

“We could do it again the next time you have a break down,” Steve suggests, then adds, “or whenever, really.”

Bucky looks up. “Yeah?” he asks, looking kind of cute and shy beneath long lashes.

Steve shrugs. “Sure,” he says. Then, “But the fry tax goes up if you’re in a good mood. I’ll need my own order.”

Bucky groans, Steve laughs, and together, they empty that new container of salt.

  • Nick: is [separating working and life] easier in LA?
  • Harry: uhmmm I don't think so, I think it depends. I have a lot of friends who have moved there for work and stuff, but I like both. I love living in London. I'm here most of the time.
  • Nick: It's probably easier to get like a nice kale salad in LA, cause I know you experienced that drama last night.
  • Harry: yeah I had some friends over from LA...
  • Nick: oh god, get a load of this guys, he had a nightmare!
  • Harry: I had some friends in from LA and they were like lets order in for dinner and I was like cool and they were like lets just get some salads or something and I was like they don't really do that here. I don't really know anywhere you can order in a salad.
BTS as tourists in the States (N.Y)
  • Jimin: Okay guys so first we are going to the MET and then we'll take some pictures at time square, and then-
  • Namjoon: Jiminie...Stop, I want to live my life and in order to do that I NEED to go to Brooklyn right now and see where Biggie got shot.
  • Suga: He got shot in L.A.
  • Jungkook: Yeah L.A MAN! WHOO!
  • Suga: I'm going to the hotel. I feel pretty jet-lagged.
  • Jin: You have to be kidding me. We were in Canada. They basically have the same time zones.
  • Suga: Doesn't change the fact that I'm tired.
  • Jimin: No Suga! If you leave you're going to fuck up my itinerary! We need an even number to go on all the rides at Deno's!
  • Jungkook: DENO'S NEW YORK YASSS!
  • Jin: But we have seven.
  • Jimin: (Thinks) You can go Yoongs
  • Taehyung: I'm hungry.
  • Namjoon: We just asked you if you wanted to eat at the a pizza place and you said no.
  • Taehyung: I wasn't hungry then.
  • Jin: Okay Tae, there's a Dunkin' Donuts coming up, we'll stop at the next exit.
  • Taehyung: I'm not hungry for that. I want a burger.
  • Jungkook: IN AND OUT YESSS! FUCK YEAH L.A WHOOO!
  • Suga: Jk.We. Are. In. NEW YORK!!
  • Jungkook: America!1 Yass FUCK YEASS ARMY WHOOO!!
  • Jimin: As soon as we get Tae's food we are back on the road. We are on a tight schedule.
  • Hoseok: Jimin you need to relax.
  • Jimin: I can't relax. We have a day to see the whole city! We gotta be Hustle and Bustle Bangtan Boys today.
  • Taehyung: Annyong, we are Hustle and Bustle Bangtan Boys! Haha, that should have been our name.
  • Namjoon: Our fans would be B.L.A.S.T instead of A.R.M.Y
  • JUNGKOOK: BWAHAHAHHAH! B.L.A.S.T!! USA, USA USA!!! USA! WHOO-
  • Jungkook is knocked out by all of the members at the same time. He dreams of in and out burger and the Hollywood sign
  • ~Armygirl
  • Midnight calls then
  • He Tian: Hey mountain wake up~
  • Guan Shan: WTF do you know what time is it??
  • He Tian: Yeah it's 1 am and I'm hungry
  • Guan Shan: You woke me up so I can cook for you?
  • He Tian: Well duh~
  • Midnight calls now
  • He Tian: Hey mountain wake up~
  • Guan Shan: WTF do you know what time is it??
  • He Tian: Yeah it's 1 am and I'm hungry
  • Guan Shan: You woke me up so I can cook for you?
  • He Tian: I ordered pizza come eat with me~
Natural Rivalry

ask : could I request a Percy one too? where the reader and Percy are together and she’s a daughter of Zeus, Zeus and Poseidon are going into war, and she has to fight against Percy? can you make it angsty but fluff at the end?

hopefully this lives up to your expectations !! I really like this one for some reason so enjoy !

warning : maybe like one swear (I’m not even gonna sugar coat it you guys should know I’m a heavy swearer by now I literally have almost no filter like I’m semi- nice but  like swearing nice you feel me??)

You glared at the sky. The one time your father could let you down easily.

And of course he doesn’t.

“Someone has to win!” Nike screeched, and you and your boyfriend, Percy, stood about ten yards away from each other in an arena.

Zeus and Poseidon just had to fight.

“I’m not fighting her.” Percy tensed, his voice soft. His expression didn’t match. His sea green eyes were glaring at you, his fingers white from holding Riptide tightly in his hand.

“Yeah, I’m not fighting him.” You agreed, but you fought the urge to choke out your boyfriend. You looked in the crowd, seeing all of Camp Half Blood. Your fingers thumbed the small gold coin in your hand, and you resisted flipping it and attacking Percy.

“SOMEONE HAS TO WIN!!” Nike’s aura flowed through your veins.

Someone has to win.” You and Percy repeated simultaneously, matching glares. Flipping the coin, it landed in your hand as an imperial gold sword, that you wielded without effort. Something in the back of your mind screamed at you to stop, but your subconscious ignored it for you.

“GUYS STOP!!” Piper’s voice shouted, and your mind cleared for a while, your hand wavering. Percy became less tense. But as fast as Nike’s hold on you two dispelled, it came right back.

“SILENCE DAUGHTER OF APHRODITE. SOMEONE MUST WIN!” Nike screeched. That was enough for Percy. He charged at you, attaching quickly. Blow for blow, you blocked every single one, the need for victory running like poison through your veins.

But where you were faster, Percy was stronger. Bronze clashed against gold, the impact leaving a ringing noise loud enough for someone to hear all the way in Boston.

Growling, Percy knocked you off your feet, pinning you to the ground. His sword was pressed against your neck, every second he pushed it against your neck more. You screamed in a mix of rage and pain, dark clouds taking up the bright summer sky.

Thunder boomed, and you lashed out, tackling Percy and swinging at him a few times. He used the pouring rain to his advantage, the harsh and extremely quick water pelting against you, shoving you off of him.

Static electricity burned inside you, and it arced in long, white bolts, attacking Percy. Percy fell to his knees, burn marks littering his skin. He stood up again, and your swords clashed again.

It went on for a while, minor and major injuries being exchanged between the two, nobody brave enough to break up the power couple.

You jumped, your legs wrapping around your boyfriends neck before you flipped him over. He groaned, grabbing your legs and slamming you onto the ground. The wind was knocked out of you. You coughed blood, knocking your boyfriend in the mouth with your elbow.

Your boyfriend?

Your eyes cleared.

“Percy?” Pain rushed through you in constant waves. His eyes were clouded, and he charged at you again. You screamed, skidding back, getting to your feet, and bolting, ignoring your probably broken ankle.

“PERCY STOP!!” You screamed in horror, your back against a wall in the arena. He brought his sword down, and you deflected it, knocking it out of his hands. Your bloodied hand grabbed the front of his shirt.

Struggling in your grasp, Percy glared at you. You ignored it, tugging him down forcefully, pressing your lips against his. Slowly but surely he came back to you, and he pulled away.

“Shit-” You winced, looking at Percy.

“Look at you.” He responded. You both did a lot of damage to each other. In relief, you threw your arms around your boyfriend, the storm clouds clearing in the sky.

“Percy, I’m so sorry, I-” You clutched his tattered camp shirt in your fists, your head hanging. Knots tied in your stomach. “I almost killed you.” With a voice barely above a whisper, your watery e/c eyes looked up up at Percy’s sea green eyes.

“I should be saying sorry. I almost killed you.” He pulled you into an embrace, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Yeah we get it. You two are powerful. You can kill each other. Whoop de do.” Nico twirled his finger in the air, before jerking his thumb back to Will.

“Yeah, um. For what you guys did, that’s at least ten days in the Infirmary. Doctors orders.” Will looked worriedly at the both of you.

“Will I’m fine-” Percy started.

“Doctors orders Jackson.” Will argued, and you laughed slightly, leaning up and pressing a kiss to Percy’s cheek.

Let’s just say Will was very busy for the next ten days.

- Nezzie

anonymous asked:

I'm new to this and I don't know what blogs to follow do you have any

1. youre new to what? tumblr? nsfw blogs? nudes? im confused…
2. do i have “any”? do you mean any blogs to suggest to you? if thats what you mean, sure.

@cynegetic || @br-y-ce
@iwasawinrar
@bootyoptics
@we-want-nudity
@n-ulla
@mxxn-kitten
@theropegeek
@dumdolly
@katevictoriax
@thesailorrvenus
@erinashford
@puxxxy
@porncute
@womenexcelllence
@mermaidnympho
@la-femme-publique
@anintimateexhibit
@netfilxandchill
@dirtymindedhipster
@success
@prayforbooty
@wus-god
@ropebaby
@hornyropebunny
@w-y-s-f
@fragile-waste
@sani-m3
@winterfoxxie
@nicevagina

these are in no particular order btw, and yeah theres tons more but idk what youre into. those are just most of my favs. hope it helps xx.

the signs according to ME, based on what I've absorbed from tumblr even though I don't pay attention to 75% of the zodiac and might not be able to even name them all from memory
  • aries: PISSED OFF ANGRY FILLED WITH RAGE AND ANGER AND IS ALSO MAD
  • taurus: the impression I get is they're similar to aries in that they’re angry and stubborn? but the difference is that while aries will clock you in the jaw, taurus will hold a grudge for the rest of your born days. your born days, not theirs, because they’re going to outlive you out of spite
  • gemini: is what I think comes next? anyway apparently geminis are very social and bubbly and they're people persons (people people?), but also they’re supposed to be all two-faced and gossipy, because twins. which is very mean to say about twins.
  • cancer: no offense to anyone who is a cancer, but my Least Favorite Human that I've ever met is a cancer, so my perception is tainted. cancers cry a lot. all the time. about everything.
  • leo: you know, I honestly don't know what is associated with leo, besides... lion. so therefore, leos are brave. you might belong in august, where dwell the brave of heart. their daring, nerve, and chivalry set leos apart. congrats you're gryffindor now
  • virgo: or is it libra comes first? I think it's virgo. um, anyway, virgo is my moon sign. I respect virgo. the general sense I get is that they're very... anal and particular and organized? their lists are color-coded and have subheadings?
  • libra: or possibly virgo, depending on whether or not I switched the order. BUT YEAH SO, LIBRA, SCALES. ALL ABOUT THAT FAIRNESS AND JUSTICE. common room is next to the kitchen.
  • scorpio: uuuuuuuGHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M SO FED UPPPPPPP I am a scorpio but I don't WANNA BE a scorpio I'm so TIRED of everything being nothing but femme fatale tropes and byronic hero nonsense I'M NOT MYSTERIOUS!!! are people even mysterious in real life? also please stop talking about how sexually charged and passionate I am. please don't do this. you're making this uncomfortable for everyone and I wanna exchange my sign for something else
  • sagittarius: the sense I get is that sagittarius is best personified by a weird kid at summer camp who hardcore believes in aliens and whose knees are full of band-aids
  • capricorn: does capricorn come next? I don't honestly even know. I don't know anything about capricorns. they're represented by a goat though, so that automatically makes them better than every other sign. A MERMAID GOAT, NO LESS. listen, idk what capricorns are like, but I'm trading my star sign. I WANNA BE A MERMAID GOAT. I WANNA BE A MERMAID GOAT MORE THAN ANYTHING.
  • aquarius: the only thing I know about aquarius is that song in Hair
  • pisces: fish. has lots of emotions, but is pretty chill and creative? bunks with sagittarius at summer camp, but personally prefers cryptids to aliens
First meeting {Sentence Starters}
  • "Pretty quiet place, isn't it?"
  • "Can I pet your dog?"
  • "I love your ____! Where did you get it?"
  • "Didn't know anybody else was here."
  • "Sorry, is this seat taken?"
  • "You haven't seen this ____ anywhere, have you?"
  • "Wow, this line's really long isn't it?"
  • "So, you come here often?"
  • "Yeah, can I help you with something?"
  • "What do you usually order when you come here?"
  • "So- weather's pretty nice."
  • "I'm so sorry! I didn't see you!"
  • "Don't suppose you know where to get a great meal around here?"
  • "Can you tell me how to get to ____?"
  • "Mind if I share your umbrella for a minute?"
  • "Hi! I just need you to pretend like you know me!"
  • "You need directions or something?"
  • "This seat's open!"
  • "Haven't seen you around. Need something?"
  • "Um, hi. How long have you been standing there?"
  • "Don't ask, just run!"
Ordering drinks at a restaurant
  • Shiro: I'd like green tea, please.
  • Lance: I'll have an iced coffee.
  • Hunk: A chai latte is good.
  • Pidge, not looking up from her computer: Espressos. Two.
  • Coran: Do you have Nunvil? No? Uh... I'll have some grape juice then...
  • Allura: I'm fine with water, thanks.
  • Keith: I'll have some anti-human rage.
  • Shiro: He'll take some chocolate milk.
  • Keith, poking Shiro's shoulder: Ask her if I have whipped cream and sprinkles on it? And a bendy straw??
  • Shiro: Yeah, sure. *looks back to the waitress* And the rest of that, please.
3

Ok, gonna be hella trashy rn

So in J-hope’s birthday V live, Jungkook said that he often crashes in J-hope’s bed and sleeps there bc it’s comfortable. And this happens every night.

Guess who shares a room with J-hope? Jimin.

Jungkook probably steals J-hope’s bed in order to be in the same room as Jimin since they’re “all-nighter friends”, and he ends up falling asleep there.

But before Jungkook falls asleep, I wonder what they do… I’ll stop there before this gets any trashier

  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b>Winn:</b> Whats gonna work? Teamwork! Yeah, buddy, we did it again. Winn and Lena to the rescue. Winna. Got a nice ring to it, huh?<p/><b>James:</b> Thanks, Lena. That was really something.<p/><b>J'onn:</b> We appreciate the help more than you can know.<p/><p/><b><p></b> <b>Guardian:</b> Thank you.</p><p/><b><b></b> <p>Lena:</b> *smirks* Thanking me twice, Mr. Olsen?<p/><b><p></b> <b>Guardian:</b> What.</p><p/><b><p></b> <b>Alex:</b> Thank you. No, really, <i>thank you.</I><p/><b>Maggie:</b> Thanks, Ms. Luthor. Lena. Sorry. Habit.<p/><b>Monnel:</b> *in his pod* and tell Lena I said thank you!<p/><b>President:</b> Ms. Luthor, your work and assistance has been invaluable. Truly.<p/><p><b>Snapper:</b> Go run a story on Lena Luthor. The public are idolizing her.<p><b>People:</b> All hail Lena Luthor.<p/><p><b> Kara:</b> Hey.</p><p/><b>Lena:</b> Hey, I was just thinking about you. Are you okay?</p><p><b>Kara:</b> Yeah. I mean, no, but I will be.</p><p><b>Lena:</b> I'm so sorry, Kara.</p><b> Kara:</b> Uhgg sorry. I'm trying really hard not to cry, but it has <i>not</I> been working!</p><p><b>Lena:</b> Some believe it can make you feel better. Crying releases endorphins that are linked-- sorry, that, it's not important.</p><p><b>Kara:</b> *grins* Brainbox.</p><p/><b><p></b> <b>Kara: </b> So you were incredible today.</p><b>Lena:</b> Ahh, not really. Oh, did you want some water? A hot drink? Anything I can get you?</p><p/><b><p></b> <b>Kara:</b> Is that whisky?</p><p/><b><p></b> <b>Lena:</b> ... Yes</p><p/><b><p></b> <b>Kara:</b> I'll have some of that.</p><p/><b><p></b> <b>Lena:</b> ... Okay, sure. How about I order some food too? What do you like? Chinese?</p><p/><b><p></b> <b>Kara:</b> Yeah.</p><p><b>Kara:</b> Hey, Lena?<p/><b><p></b> <b>Lena:</b> Yeah?</p><p/><b><p></b> <b>Kara:</b> Thank you.</p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>

kradeiz  asked:

I agree with you that Jack and Maddie, while flawed, are not abusive parents, but I'm less sure when it comes to Sam's parents (Jeremy and Pamela, I think?). I mean, I could see the problems between them and Sam simply being some temporary issues that they need to work out to let Sam be herself, but they do seem pretty controlling and keep trying to coerce her to be something she's not. Regardless, you'll probably discuss this when you analyze the two of them.

Yeah, I can see where you’re coming from. Pamela especially seems controlling of her daughter. She even put a restraining order on one of her best friends because he “seemed troubled.”

We don’t really see enough of their relationship to really be certain, though. For the most part, they seem content to let her do her own thing. The only time they’re ever shown getting really involved is Control Freaks, and even the Fentons are actively pushing against Circus Gothica.

Emotional abuse is hard to spot from the outside, because so much of it relies on manipulation. Simple differences in wording, tone, and even the perception of the victim can change a situation from safe to unsafe very quickly. I’m inclined to lean towards Sam’s parents being overprotective and very conservative, but not outright abusive. Sam doesn’t fear them in any way, for one thing. In fact, she has no problem standing up to them and even cutting up the dress her mother hands to her while it’s still in her hands.

It would be so easy for a family as wealthy as them to ship Sam off to some boarding school or something to whip her into shape, or they could even not care what she does at all and go on vacations at all. They’re involved in her life, and while they push things that they think are right, they don’t try to force it.

Compare Pamela and Jeremy to, as an example, the Northwests from Gravity Falls. Pacifica is stubborn and shows a rebellious side, too, but her parents have her trained to submit to them with a simple ring of a bell. Sam still has access to the family’s money to buy her clothes and goth books and such. They let her build and care for her own greenhouse. She was even allowed to invite Tucker over for a movie night.

They aren’t the best parents, and they do a lot wrong, but I think they’re trying to be supportive and give Sam her freedom in their own way. They just get worried when they shouldn’t because their views are so different from hers. That’s how I see them, anyway. It’s easy to read them either way because of their lack of screen time, but I wouldn’t call them abusive.

  • Mercury: I don't know if I like this.
  • Emerald: What? The arson, the 2nd degree murder, the sexual harassment, or the grand theft?
  • Mercury: No, no, no. I'm talking about the man's laughter. Why do we have that!?
  • Hazel: That's a good question. Why DO we have that?
  • Cinder: Hm, a strange order to carry out indeed.
  • Watts: Perhaps the queen is in a funk?
  • Tyrian: Well that's what she said when I wrote the list!
  • All: ...
  • Watts: YOU wrote it?
  • Tyrian: Yeah, why?
  • All: ...
  • Hazel: For gods sake it's supposed to say manslaughter.