yeah i'm in class right now

Keith in the Garrison part 3 (I swear I'm done now bye)
  • Iverson(Angry @ Lance): You disappoint me greatly! You simply need to take notes from Keith, the absolute model student.
  • Iverson: *Points to Keith, who's currently fast asleep in class*
  • Keith, jolting awake after pidge elbows him: haha yeah responsible me all right!! fighter pilot!! zoom zoom here I go
A Russel and 2D Moment
  • Russel: *scrolling through his Instagram feed*
  • 2D: *playing Candy Crush*
  • Russel: *sees one of his old friends from the city* Aye, that's what I'm talkin' about!
  • 2D: What? *looks at Russ' phone*
  • Russel: My ol' homeboy's son graduated an he's on his way to college!
  • 2D: Oh, that's nice! *smiles*
  • Russel: Yeah, he finna make that bread!
  • 2D: Wait, how can he make bread if he's in college? They have cooking classes there?
  • Russel: *looks at him* Are you for real right now? I meant he's gonna be makin' money, not actual bread.
  • 2D: Oh...he's still gonna take the class right?
tfc as conversations between me and @ursofuckingclassy
  • Allison: Where's the FUCKING confetti emoji?? oh. there it is.
  • Nicky: bouta try to watch shadowhunters with the netflix app on my phone. like a goddamned caveman.
  • Renee: Well. That was perhaps the most unsatisfactory conclusion to any series I have ever read. And I read the Harry Potter epilogue.
  • Dan: SHE ISN'T EVEN CUTE. IS SHE WORTH SHUTTING UR FRENZ OUT? I DON'T THINK SO.
  • Matt: I was about to say "next I would listen to..." but then I would've listed like ten songs, so.
  • Seth: BUT YEAH. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE IT. SO IDK.
  • Aaron: wow thanks for that, i feel so goddamn validated now.
  • Andrew: my own mother. you come into MY HOUSE and start making statements like that? no.
  • Neil: exactly. like...tonight i have a lab due for my horticulture class and i'm like.....naaaaah...not gonna.
  • Kevin: pal, idk if you've met me, but my body composition is 50% complaint, 25% anxiety, 15% self-deprecation, and 10% depression.
  • Wymack: get some manners ya HEATHENS
  • Abby: Do I need to ship you some sedatives?
  • Bee: he looks right at me out of nowhere and goes, "i know your soft spot"
  • Jean: you think i WANT to like things that hurt me? that piss me off? no. it's a curse.
  • Jeremy: Can we just take a second to appreciate how good you're doing at finding the bright side rn? who even are you?
  • Riko: greedy fuckers

i just remembered an art project i did back when i was 12 and like,,,, how did i not realise i wasn’t straight earlier oh my god

basically we had to design these bowl things and decorate them with an issue that was really important to us and most people did animal charities etc. but i did a whole gay rights themed bowl that was decorated with rainbow tissue paper and pictures of wlw couples and i just

i had a fact that was like ‘1 in every 4 ppl are lgbt’ and this kid was like ‘so there’s at least 7 of us in this class who are gay’ and i was like ‘oh shit yeah probably i wonder who they are’

kat

i have some news for u buddy

The Greatest Thing Just Happened In Class...
  • Friends: *casually just chatting about deep and mystic issues*
  • Friend 1: So I heard about these things called tulpas...
  • Me: *attempting not to seem too surprised and excited* Oh, really?
  • Friend 1: Yeah, do you know what I'm talking about?
  • Me: You could say that....
  • Friend 1: Do you think it works?
  • Friend 2: Of course it doesn't work...
  • Me: It seems to work pretty fucking well for me.
  • Friends: *stunned silence for a few seconds*
  • Friend 1: *leans in conspiratorially with childish wonder*
  • Friend 1: Oh my god, is yours in the room right now?
  • Me: *looks over at Des, who's sat behind Friend 1*
  • Des: Can I hit the idiots?
  • Me: ...Yeah, they're in the room.
  • Friend 1: Woah... that's awesome.
What went down in Reflekta
  • Vincent: all right everyone, it's time to pose for a photo!
  • Chloé: are you Pixelator?
  • Vincent: what? no! Pixelator's a creepy stalker and imma an Italian stereotype
  • Chloé: I think you're Pixelator
  • Chloé: he's named Vincent, he's a photographer, he's probs even voiced by Matt Mercer, although I think the wiki might be wrong about that
  • Chloé: so are you Pixelator, lying, or a result of a discontinuity between the scriptwriters and animators?
  • Vincent: f**kin bring it Chloé
  • Chloé: oh no he's gonna snap me to a digital void with a magic camera
  • Vincent: no, go stand in the back of the class photo
  • Chloé: I stand in the front or imma call my daddy
  • Vincent: oh good, I could use an assistant, now make like a pizza and olive me alone
  • Marinette: ok wow Chloé's no match for this guy
  • Juleka: I thought this episode was about me
  • Chloé: oh yeah right
  • Chloé: Sabrina, go lock Juleka in the bathroom
  • Juleka: this is not what I meant :(
  • Marinette: um Vincent could you maybe do something about this
  • Vincent: sorry I'm too busy wrecking Chloé
  • Rose: *rescues Juleka*
  • Juleka: this whole situation is terrible
  • Juleka: I've got some kinda curse, Chloé's after me, and the scriptwriters still won't let us be canonically gay
  • Rose: so you're gonna get akumatized?
  • Juleka: what no that sounds like the worst possible idea
  • Hawkmoth: I disagree
  • Juleka: nobody asked you Hawkmoth
  • *Reflekta happens*
  • Reflekta: dammit
  • Reflekta: why is it pink
  • Hawkmoth: it's the traditional color of chaotic evil
  • Reflekta: I think you just made that up
  • Hawkmoth: yeah maybe
  • Hawkmoth: now make more people pink
  • Reflekta: why
  • Hawkmoth: so that you can give everyone your face in order to finally be seen
  • Reflekta: that's really creepy
  • Reflekta: why couldn't you just give me a giant projector like Lady Wifi had?
  • Hawkmoth: idk now go zap some people
  • Reflekta: *zaps Chloé*
  • *Reflekta happens*
  • Reflekta: wait so I'm Reflekta now?
  • Reflekta: no I'm Reflekta, you're Chloé
  • Reflekta: but the chat transcript clearly lists me as Reflekta
  • Reflekta: oh god this is confusing
  • Reflekta: so do I get to zap people too?
  • Reflekta: no that's just me
  • Reflekta: dangit
  • Chat Noir: oh god, you both look exactly alike! which of you do I kill
  • Ladybug: no killing anyone pls
  • Chat Noir: omg have some respect for the trope Ladybug
  • *Reflekta happens*
  • Reflekta: this was not well thought out
  • Reflekta: ok imma go zap some more people so BYE
  • Ladybug: ok Chat Noir let's go set up a trap for her
  • Ladybug: which of you is Chat Noir
  • Reflekta: that's me so let's go stop a villain together and it'll be amazing
  • Ladybug: ok you're Chloé
  • Ladybug: other Reflekta, are you Chat Noir
  • Reflekta: indeed I am, m'lady!
  • Ladybug: call me that one more time and I'm going with Chloé
  • Reflekta: my apologies, m'ladybug
  • Ladybug: right that's even worse
  • Ladybug: come along Chloé
  • Reflekta: aw dangit
  • Reflekta: THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY
  • Ladybug: on second thought imma go at this alone
  • Reflekta: aw dangit
  • Reflekta: it's funny cause both of us are sad now
  • Ladybug: *ollies outy*
  • Reflekta: hey André are you ready for a makeover
  • André: not really feelin this
  • Reflekta: yeah me neither but I need a sidekick so
  • *Reflekta happens*
  • Reflekta: nvm I'm defs feelin this, it's totes my color
  • Reflekta: great now lets go to the place Ladybug's telling us to on the TV
  • Ladybug: wait that worked?
  • Reflekta: *dramatically enters studio*
  • Ladybug: Reflekta? more like RefWRECKEDa!!!
  • Ladybug: aaaaaaaand you're not the real one
  • Reflekta: nope
  • Ladybug: good cause I need to think of a better line
  • Reflekta: HEY GUYS
  • Ladybug: Reflekta! how dare you menace the city of Paris with your confusion and bright pink! this will be your final stand, and will mark the end of
  • Reflekta: yeah the first line was better
  • Ladybug: well have it your way
  • Ladybug: *RefWRECKS her*
  • Juleka: oh good it's finally over
  • ROLL CREDITS

schnaeffchen  asked:

Honestly, as a writer-director (I'm, right now, doing what you said about calling oneself a writer though never having been published) I'd pay real good money to see your short stories on screen. Like, I'm completely broke, but dude I would get the money to see that. I LOVE them!

Hell yeah! I firmly believe that you have every right to call yourself a writer regardless of publication creds! And also, director! I’m taking a screenwriting class right now and let me tell you this is nothing like I expected, what is even happening

And thank you! I am also broke so I’m sure we could sneak into the theater together, it would be my honor to be your accomplice :D

gabrielthemoose  asked:

Aro Dean calls Cas "buddy" and "pal" and "devastatingly handsome friend" because he really believes that and the guy's really, *really* hot and always licks his lips because they're so chapped and dry. Dean obviously has to kiss him to get him to stop. Only problem is, Cas thought Dean was ace, not aro (thank you very much, small town gossip, for mixing everything up), and he is very confused by this.

Drawing away hesitantly, Dean frowns at Cas. Sure, explicit consent and all that jazz is great, but Dean usually has a pretty good bead on when people were into him and he’d been so sure…but Cas hadn’t kissed him back.

“You know you don’t have to do that, right?” Cas’ tentative words were a perfect mirror of Dean’s uncertain thoughts.

“I…I think that’s my line?” Dean said, confusion growing.

“It’s okay, Dean,” said Cas, running a soothing hand down the slope that Dean’s arm made as he rested his hand on the arm rest of Cas’ chair. “You’re not wrong that I’ve been…that I’ve grown attracted to you, but I need you to remember: that’s my problem, not yours. You’ve done nothing wrong and you owe me nothing.”

Dean’s jaw dropped.

“Wha?” he managed. He shook his head, rattling his brain in a vain effort to process what Castiel had just said and what the fuck it meant. “Um…dude? You okay? Like…duh? It’s just a kiss. Heck, if you wanted more than a kiss, that’d be cool with me. You’re hot, and I’m hot, and I think we’d be pretty fuckin’ hot together. In case you didn’t know, I’ve got a single, and I’m single, and you’re single, so…” Dean emphasized the point with a lewd wink.

Now Castiel looked stunned. “Oh,” he said faintly. “I think…I think perhaps there’s been a miscommunication.” Uh oh. Dean’s stomach sank. “Charlie…Charlie told me you were asexual?”

Before he could stop himself, Dean snorted a laugh, another, rolled back in his chair and let it all come out. “Oh God,” he gasped between peals of uproarious laughter. “Holy shit that couldn’t be more wrong, did she really say that?”

“Um…I thought that’s what she said,” Cas confirmed. “But maybe I misunderstood?”

“Aromantic, Cas!” Dean exclaimed. “Fuck, God no, I’m not ace - not that there’s anything wrong with being ace, but…damn! No wonder you’ve been sending me mixed signals.”

“Aromantic?” echoed Castiel weakly. “That…um…that does ring a bell, now that you say it, but I guess I thought I misheard? I’m, uh, not familiar with that one…”

“It’s pretty easy,” Dean replied, lounging in his chair. Oh, yeah, he could work with this now that he understood the problem. “Right, there’s heterosexual - physically attracted to the opposite gender; homosexual - physically attracted to the same gender; bisexual - physically attracted to both genders, if we’re going to buy into the idea there are only two genders, I mean, the gender spectrum complicates all of this but you get the idea; and there’s asexual - lacking physical attraction toward any gender. Well, there’s also a romanticism scale - heteroromantic, romantically attracted to the opposite gender, homoromantic, biromantic, you get it?”

“So aromantic would mean ‘lacking romantic attraction toward any gender?’” posited Castiel. Dean nodded. “How does that…how does that actually work?”

“Differently for different folk.” Dean shrugged. “In my case? Mostly one night stands with men and women who then get annoyingly pissed that I don’t call the next day even though I warned them it was only a one night stand and I don’t do relationships. They’re just…relationships are just such a pain in the ass.”

“That’s not true,” Castiel said, voice going strident. Dean’s stomach sank again. He’d had it up to his eyeballs with people who denied the existence of his aromanticism, and he’d truly thought better of Castiel. “You do do relationships. What do you think we have, Dean?”

“Uh…we’re friends…?” said Dean. This was already going cockeyed from what he’d expected. Again. Say what he might about Cas, at least the guy was always full of surprises.

“And isn’t friendship a relationship?” Cas continued patiently.

“That’s different,” Dean protested.

“So if we went back to your single, are you saying it’d only be a one-time affair?” Cas asked.

The question took Dean by surprised. The answer that sprang to his lips - well, duh, of course, isn’t that what I just said? - suddenly seemed off - wrong - and he paused, snapped his mouth shut, frowned, and pondered why

Because Cas is my friend.

If Cas wanted to fuck more than once, I’d be okay with that. I mean, assuming he doesn’t suck in the sack.

Okay, that was badly worded. I really, really, really hope Castiel sucks in the sack, and likes to be sucked in the sack, and all that jazz.

Cas is hot.

Assuming the sex is good…

“I guess I figured…yeah?” said Dean hesitantly.

“But we’d still be friends, right? Our existing relationship as people who enjoy each other’s company wouldn’t be negatively impacted by us having sex, would it?” There was a triumphant gleam in Cas’ eye. It was a good look on him. Dean kinda wanted to kiss him senseless, and ride his cock into oblivion.

“Friends with benefits, eh?” Dean replied thoughtfully. Cas nodded. “Yeah…yeah, that actually sounds…kinda awesome. I mean, no commitment or nothing - if we don’t like the first time, we can stop - and just to be clear, we’re not talkin’ exclusive, right?”

“Of course not.” The best part was that there wasn’t a trace of disappointment in Castiel’s voice.

Wow. This might…this might actually work!

“Ya know I was serious about now, right? We’ve both got some time, I’ve got a room to myself, and…” Dean trailed off as Cas stood up.

“Good,” Cas said, leaning forward to whisper in his ear, “but I hope you don’t have class later, ‘cause by the time I’m done with you, you won’t be sitting comfortably for a week.”

Oh…yeah…this is definitely going to work.

ask-filmstudentdenmark  asked:

Join the anti Andi movement?

“So yeah this is bullshit for a lot of reasons. I noticed you made pamphlets so you know what I decided to make my own. Suck on that, Bendtson.”

“As you can see, my pamphlet already has better content I mean look at my great mission statement, isn’t it great?”

“Now this part’s my favourite. It outlines all the reasons you’re so wrong and I’m so right. If this was English class I’d be acing it.”

“But that’s not all. You know what else I did?”

“T-shirts. Your move.”

pavender headcanons for @st-millay for @hpfemsecretsanta

apple it was super fun to get to know you this month and i hope you enjoy this thing (it’s also somewhat inspired by this post by @weasleyey)

  • parvati and lavender get a little flat together a few months after the battle of hogwarts
  • technically they’ve been wanting to do this since halfway through sixth year after a conversation about the future (one that didn’t feature tea leaves for once)
  • the severity of lavender’s condition after the battle delayed their plans; pompfrey kept her under a close watch for any uncommon symptoms for weeks, causing parvati to practically move into the hospital wing and pester the nurse when lavender’s asleep
  • “how much longer?” “i just want her to be safe, dear-” “merlin, yes, i’m sorry, it’s just-” “i know”
  • but that’s another story, one that parvati would rather not dwell on
  • instead they move in a few months late, no harm done
  • well, actually, it’s harder than they expected

Keep reading

2

@just-one-more-bridge-to-cross tagged me to post a selfie and I’m finally doing it now (my bad) but YEAH on the left is a low quality picture of me being a snapchat slut and the one on the right is an VERY RARE picture of me smiling (and my friends from Russian class lmao.)

But yeah Imma tag @dehumemezation @gematria-is-a-killing-name @pugdestroyer666 @braineater @fifty-shades-of-gray-chapter @withfreyjaonourside @murderous-absolution @havokkchild @we-are-the-sickness @night-witch-of-the-butts @nerdyawkwardness @punkularity

2

Imagine Carisi having a crush on you but you’re dating Dodds

Our Smiling Carisi (x)


r e q u e s t  b y  a n o n s


You smile at Mike and excuse yourself.

“Hey Staten Island,” you say. Carisi smiles from ear to ear just by hearing your voice. He’s been surrounded by violence all day and hearing your voice dissipated everything.

“Whatta’ you up to?”

“Gonna drop off some sweets for Noah in a few. Want some?” Sonny moves to sit on his desk and didn’t pause in his answer.

“Can’t say no to your baking” Seeing you is mostly why he agreed, but your baking is the cherry on top. “How ‘bout lunch?”

You look up at Mike who’s eating his food with gusto. You bite your lip awkwardly.

“I’m sorry Fordham but I’m actually having lunch with Mike right now. Raincheck?” The mere mention of his name dragged Sonny’s smile down into a frown. Sonny never forgets that you’re dating Mike, but oh how he wish you’re with him instead.

“'is all good. Can’t wait to see you. Drop it off later?” You smile and agree.

“Yeah!I have to go now. See you later, Staten.” You hang up and give Mike your attention again. He smiles at you and offers you a breadstick

Pack Mom - Part 17

Originally posted by whatafantasyy

Originally posted by hoechlins

Request//  can you do part 17 to pack mom where Liam goes to school to tell mason about Talia taking her first steps and some seniors tease Liam about it and he comes home crying and tells Derek because y/n isn’t there because she is out grocery shopping with Talia and he goes to school to talk to the senior :) please and thank you p.s I love your account and you ❤️

Part 1 Part 2  Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10  Part 11Part 12  Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17

I couldn’t believe that my baby girl took her first steps. She was growing up so fast. The wedding was going to be perfect. But first Derek and I had to sort everything out. So we better get started. But before we do anything, I had to take Liam to school. I was in the kitchen making breakfast as Liam came in ready holding Talia’s hand to help her get her balance. 

“Morning Sweetheart,” I said giving him a big hug.Then picking Talia up and giving her a big hug. I placed Talia in her high chair as Liam as at the table.

“I can’t believe she is walking!” Liam cheered smiling at Talia.

“I know, you did a great job. Told you, you would be a great big brother” I told him as I ruffled his hair, giving him and Talia their breakfast. 

“Dada?” Talia asked looking around the question.

“Aww, sweetie he’s out at the minute. He had to see Uncle Scott and Uncle Stiles” I informed her as she started to eat her breakfast.

“Is everything okay?” Liam questioned.

“Everything is fine, he just had to sort some things out” I told him, he nodded and finished his breakfast. As the kids finished their breakfast, I took their plated and washed them as Liam kept Talia entertained. 

“Come on kiddo, ready for school?” I asked Liam as I picked up my car keys, Liam got up off the floor and grabbed his bag and Lacrosse stuff and was ready. I grabbed Talia and headed to the car. All the way Liam and I talked about school and stuff about the supernatural. Until we arrived at school. Liam gave me a hug and then hopped out and gave Talia a hug. The before we left Stiles came over to the car.

“Uncle Stiles!” Talia yelled making sure everyone in the whole school could hear her. 

“God I wish Derek was here right now to hear that!” Stiles laughed as he tickled Talia causing her to giggle. 

“Hey Stiles you alright” I asked 

“Yeah I'm good, finally, that mini meeting had finished with Derek, I don’t know how you can marry him, he’s just so grumpy and moody” Stiles admitted.

“When he is with you lot, he is” I laughed, as the school bell went.

“Well, you two better go off to classes and don’t be late,” I told them as I waved goodbye and drove home.

Liam’s P.O.V

School was pointless. Half the lessons I didn’t even need. So when the bell went for lunch it was like music to my ears, I raced out to go and find Mason to tell him about Talia. I was so proud of my little sister and I wanted to tell him.  I spotted Mason so I picked up my speed and raced over to him. 

“Mason! Mason! Mason! Guess what!” I shouted as I got closer to him.

“What?!” I asked back.

“Talia to her first steps! She was with me in my room and she took her first steps!” I cheered excitedly. 

“That’s amazing,” Mason said giving me a fist bump and then some other people came over to us, who were total jerks.

“Aww is little Liam all excited because his baby sister took her first steps in his bedroom. That’s cute Liam” One of the boys said laughing.

“Wow, Liam you get so excited so easily!” Another on of the boys said. It was supposed to be a conversation between Mason and I. They weren’t supposed to hear.

“Aww little Liam, trying to be the best big brother ever. You will end up scaring her with your stupid anger issues” Another one of the boys joked.  I could feel the anger building up inside me.

“I would hate to be your little sister. She has to live with you” Which made all of the boys laugh. I could feel my claws protruding from my fingers. I clenched my fists tight and I could feel the blood oozing out. I pushed past them, knocking one to the ground and headed home. 

Derek’s P.O.V

As Y/N and Talia would be at the shops for a while, I was going to have a bit of time to myself. The sofa and TV. I got myself a drink, practically collapsed on the sofa then switched on the TV. I just got my show up, until I got the scent of anger. Strong anger. The loft door flew open.

Liam stormed in throwing his bag to the ground in rage. I shot up and went over to him.

“Dude, calm down, tell me what happened. But you need to calm down” I told him. But when he lifted his head up his eyes were glowing. This was bad.

“Liam just listen to me, you need to calm down. Just come and sit down and we can talk. Just come one, deep breaths. Just calm down” I tried calming him as I took him over to the sofa. When he looked back up at me, his glowing eyes were gone and replaced with blue tear-filled eyes. 

“Liam what happened” As I said that Liam burst out crying, I pulled him into a hug.

“Some stupid lads at school laughing because I told Mason about Talia, then they were saying they felt sorry for her because I was her brother and I would end up hurting her because of my anger issues” Liam cried. I hated seeing him like this. These boys weren’t going to get away with this.

I stood up and Liam looked up at me.

“Come one your going to show me who these boys are and I need a little chat with them” Liam smiled wide and followed me to the car. As we were driving back to the school I looked over to Liam who was looking out the window.

“Li, listen. There idiots. You are the best big brother ever and Talia loves you so much. They don’t know what there on about” I told him as we pulled up “Now show me who they are” I said as we both got out the car. 

Liam looked around everyone then pointed at a group of boys. “There they are. The main one is Jack” Liam told me and I walked over to them. As we gained closer all the boys looked over to us and stood up. 

“Aww did little Liam have to go and get his daddy. That’s so cute” Jack laughed.

“Act you age,” I said standing with my arms giving them the death stare.

“You don’t mess with the Hales, because if you mess with one. You deal with all of us. So if you say one more word to Liam. We will make you regret it. Because Liam is a great big brother and his baby sister loves him so much. He’s so much better than you. So do you understand?” I asked still standing in the same position. Jack just laughed as all the other boys looked shocked and kind of scared. I stepped forward to Jack, Now standing right in front of him.

“I said do you understand?” I said through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, yeah,yeah sorry Liam. Sorry for what we all said” Jack said as he waved to his friends to go. I looked down at Liam and smiled and he smiled back. 

“Thanks, Dad”

4

“Hey, you’re Sawyer, right? I saw you at school today.”

“Yeah, that’s me. And I know you’re Arthur. You’re one of the other smart kids aren’t you?”

“The smartest actually. But I heard you’re pretty smart too. You wanna team up to take over the class?”

“Nope. I like to work alone.”

“That’s too bad. That means we have to be enemies now.”

“Really? Well dang. I think we could have been really good friends. See you later, enemy!”

Compliments I’ve Gotten That Are Very INTP-Esque
  • “Your handwriting looks like a scientist’s writing.”
  • “I feel like I’m sitting in a lecture hall listening to the ‘really cool professor’ get off topic.” (Just after I told someone to wait while I collected my thoughts, to then continue explaining something.)
  • “How are you not a famous scientist yet.”
  • (I get a lot of scientist-related compliments)
  • “I can tell when you start thinking seriously about something; it’s like I can literally see the gears turning in your head!”
  • “I like hearing your stream of thought.”
"the saiyaman saga was sick" sentence starters
  • "hurry up boys! zoey 101's coming on soon!"
  • "YEAH LOVE THAT SHIT."
  • "this young man's mastered the art of energy beams and not blinking. ever."
  • "oh yeah, bag the money and be chill!"
  • "extra chill!
  • "chill as FUCK you bitch boy!"
  • "the fuck was that..."
  • "YEAH I DON'T FUCKIN' LIKE POLICE YEAH!"
  • "police brutality's awful. i should help out."
  • "WHO KILLED THOSE GUYS?"
  • "like uhhh not me dude."
  • "when your side-chicks got side-chicks, you ain't gotta fight shit."
  • "you wanna quit touchin' my ass dude..."
  • "hey uhhh... you gotta fuckin' problem?"
  • "OH YEAH after this workout you can hit me in the shower! JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME!"
  • "mr. satan is really cool and stuff. he saved the world three times and i'd fuck his daughter— wait why does the book say this—"
  • "where'd he go? how'd he get away? why do i wear gloves to school?!"
  • "hey, can you hang out with my kid? he's turning into a real fucking gym rat."
  • "yeah i love this towel. this is my shit right here."
  • "toys? nah, sorry, i'm not a freak."
  • "hey you work at wendy's dude?"
  • "YEAH i can't wait to save like two people... then get bored with this..."
  • "now that i have this cool new suit, i should drop my mixtape..."
  • "don't hang out in front of home depot again."
  • "[name], don't be a bitch."
  • "call me like, indecisive, but maybe red and green kinda sucks for a costume. it's like my mom bought me a power ranger's suit and didn't give a shit."
  • "nah [name] seriously... don't... fucking worry about it."
  • "class, can you tell me what page we're on, because i can't find... oh... this is a tv manual..."
  • "keep doin' this and you're gonna be big and strong like one of them atlanta falcons. you like them atlanta falcons boy?"
  • "YEAH I LOVE THE AT. LANTA FALCONS."
  • "i haven't jerked off in like 5 hours so i really gotta get home."
  • "why didn't you get a bruise from that punch?"
  • "uh, because i'm not a little bitch-ass"
  • "you ever wonder how often retail workers see a customer realize some emotional mistake and run to fix it? like in the movies; some guy will be buying an above-ground pool table and then suddenly leaves to fix something he regrets, like breaking up with a girl, or... i don't know, trading his son for a bill russel rookie card."
  • "who invited the bob marley fan club?"
  • "robin the fuckboy wonder."
  • "i just woke up from a 14 hour nap."
  • "neet. with two e's."
  • "i'm a superhero. me and the tournament's like playing the lottery, except everyone's ticket caught on fire and i photoshopped mine to win."

james potter having fun mucking around with his position as head boy, making jokes about it and throwing one point to gryffindor as often as he can manage – “i like that windsor knot, flannery, one point to gryffindor! sirius congrats on not wearing that ridiculous dog collar today, a point to gryffindor! evans you’re looking vivacious as ever, two points to gryffindor!”

but early during his seventh-year term he’s doing his patrols (which he takes Very Seriously and never uses as an opportunity to explore the possibilities of hidden tunnels) when he comes across a few fourth-year gryffindor boys snickering in a corner a little too sinisterly, and james knows what those smirks mean because he wears it often enough himself, so he strides up, straightens his tie, and manages his best Head Boy Glare.

the boys gather, they think they’re gangly enough to conceal the sniffling kid in the corner from view but they’re wrong. he catches a glimpse of silver and emerald peeking from between the fourth-years’ cloaks. 

“what the hell’s going on, douglas?” he barks at the one student whose name he can recall. “get out of the way, move, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” he grabs two of the boys by the shoulder and pushes them back.

“nothing potter, just having a laugh with thompson here, just showing him the ropes y'know –”

the shaking boy in the corner can’t be more than a first-year. james feels fire in his veins.

“you’re not getting a fucking warning, none of you are – he’s a first-year for god’s sake, and so help me god the first one of you who says ‘but he’s a slytherin’ is heading straight to dumbledore’s office – i take that back, you’re ALL headed straight to dumbledore – he’s a FUCKING first-year – REMUS! remus do me a favor and drag these pricks up to the headmaster’s office, tell him i’ll be there in ten minutes.”

the boys’ mouths begin to open as remus strides over, brow furrowed.

“and forty points from gryffindor – not that i’m sure you belong here at this point. for god’s sake, pick on someone your own fucking size.”

remus leads them away with a silent glance to james, whose shoulders are shaking. he nods slightly, the wordless “i’m okay it’s okay” developed unconsciously among friends. james’s knuckles are going pale around his wand; he doesn’t remember drawing it but it strikes him now that several hexes rested on his tongue. he draws a breath, slips his wand back into his robes, and turns to the small boy. he is frail, swimming in his patched robes – james assumes they’re an older sibling’s. a slight black boy, eyes wide, his mouth tight, but he clenches his jaw when james’s eyes meet his own.

“you all right?”

thompson nods, wiping at his nose. james rummages through his bag for a tissue, curses himself for being inadequately prepared for emotional disasters, and settles on a crumpled napkin. the boy takes it.

“listen, ignore them, okay? plenty – er – you know, yeah, plenty of good wizards have come from slytherin. artemis atherman, with the chudley cannons? slytherin. and – it doesn’t matter, look, you’re ten times better than they are just for not preying on people smaller than you. fuck them. prats like aren’t getting anywhere but ambition will.”

he feels tangled in his own words and stops talking because if he doesn’t he may choke on his tongue. thompson remains silent. james lowers his voice.

“i got some of that too, when i first got here. it’s horse shit, but i’m looking out for you now, all right? tell me if they give you any more trouble yeah?”

the boy nods. his eyes are drier, james notices, and he stands straight. james remembers being that small and forging his backbone from steel.

“go on, you’re gonna miss your class.”