yeah let's see how long that lasts!

Spy AUs

•Ugh I hate teaching the trainees they’re so weak and annoying…. how the eff did you take me out? Could you teach me that??

•I know you’re pretty strong on the physical side of things, but holy eff dude, you are hitting that bag so hard that your KnUckLes are bLeEdiNg.

•Why am I tied up? Oh, you caught me? Yeah, let’s see how long that lasts for.

•We’re both professionals and we’re both super good at our jobs but hOw could we resist using our sneaking powers for evil and teaming up to play the most fRuStrAtInG game of hide and seek 

•We were on a mission together, something went wrong and the building exploded, you’re off telling our manager that everyone inside died, but I hear a cry so get your ass over here and help me get this cute little boy out before he dies!

•Epilouge to the above - we saved the kid, adopted him, and I’m trying to take care of him, but you taught him our insane spy skills so now I can never find him without climbing into the vents! 

Patches_El Diablo X Reader

@yesmarkusthings Wanted an imagine were the reader get’s injured on a mission, and Chato kind of babies them? I dunno. Feel free to take artistic liberty with that, but yeah I’d be grateful. SO, um ,thank you. 

Jenn’s note: Woohoo! Back on a creative streak! Here we go! Let’s see how long this lasts. Hope you like it.

Word Count: 843

Warnings: Cussing and nudity and blood.

Disclaimer. I don’t own Suicide squad or the gifs

Originally posted by warnerbrosuk

It was an absolute god damned cluster fuck. Flag was down and the machines were everywhere. Your boyfriend Diablo was occupied melting the hub while you were just desperately trying to hold your own.

“A little faster please Dia?” You called over your shoulder. You heard a grunt in response as your pistols jerked in your hands, causing another bot to cease. Within the next minute the pile of scrap at your feet grew as more machines dropped at your hands. That was, until there was a large explosion that rocked the building and knocked you to your knees. Every surviving bot froze or fell over. You climbed back to your feet and holstered your now empty pistols.

“Amor, you’re bleeding.” Diablo said, walking towards you quickly. You looked down at your stomach and saw the dark patch spreading across your army issued vest.

“Well would you look at that.” You blinked, biting back a groan as the pain hit you. You fell onto your knees again, Diablo catching you before you could fall farther.

“Amor!” He exclaimed

“I’m good, I’m good.” You mumbled, grasping at your com. “This is Colonel Y/N L/N requesting med evac for Colonel Flag and myself.”

“Affirmative L/N. We’re sending them now.”

Sighing in relief you felt your Dia lower you against a wall. “Y/N, Pollito. Stay awake.” He said, cradling your cheeks.

“I know, I know. Give me your shirt.” He complied and you hastily tied it around your middle to stop the bleeding. “Question me Dia. Keep me awake.” You mumbled, breathing shakily.

“What’s my real name?” He asked

“Chato Santana.”

“When’s my birthday?”

“The ninth-“Your answer was cut off by a cough that filled your mouth with the taste of blood. “Shit” you groaned, clutching your wound. Your vision was threatening to go black and you fought it off the best you could. When you heard the rhythmic stomping of the med team you let out a sigh of relief as the blackness closed in.


Since you went down coughing it was only natural that you woke up, hacking out your lungs. When someone pressed a bottle of water to your lips you gratefully fought enough down to calm your breath and open your eyes. Diablo was looking at you worriedly.

“Hiya babe.” You said, bearing your still bloody teeth in a half grin.

His ‘eyebrows’ furrowed.

“I’m fine. As long as I’m not in heaven right now, that is.”

“Well if you were, you sure as hell wouldn’t be seeing me. I ain’t no angel, carniῆo.” He finally said. He was quiet, more so than usual, but not an angry silent. Just worried.

“Dia, you have the ‘worry face.’ Seriously, I’m fine. The Wall gives me the best healthcare so I can stick around and keep your dumbass out of trouble.” Your words didn’t come out nearly as comforting as had wanted them to. You sighed and grabbed his hand, seeing the unconvinced look in his eyes. His perpetually warm one fit around your normal one perfectly. “I’m good, I swear. However, I was impaled, so I think that earns me a hug.”

He rolled his eyes at you but nevertheless pulled you into his arms. “You worry me amor.”

You smirked. “I could say the same to you.”

After a few minutes the doctor came to talk to you but lost you after the words “two weeks bed rest” left her lips. Diablo saw the look you had and made a mental note to make sure you would follow her directions.


One week in and already bed rest was killing you. You needed to be moving, combat was ingrained in your bones. None of the various excuses you had used to get up had convinced Dia to let you walk. He carried you to the bathroom even! He babied you 24/7.

“Morning chica.” He said, entering the bedroom with a plate and mug.

Instead of the traditional response you pouted. “I swear to everything holy, one more hour in this bed and I will explode.”

He just smiled and shook his head. “You ain’t gonna explode.”

“You sure?”

“Si.”

“But I need a shower!” You whined before you could ask what he was doing he had picked you up and started towards the bathroom. “Dia, I can bathe on my own.”

“You really want to?”

You huffed, not wanting to verbally admit that he was right. He sat you on the counter and started running the water. You peeled off you shirt and smacked Diablo’s hand away when he tried to help you change the yellowed bandages around your torso. When the tub was full Diablo wordlessly helped you out of the rest of your clothes and into the tub.

“You know you don’t have to baby me, right hun?”

“Well I ain’t gonna let my girl hurt herself more than she already has.” He replied, moving to shampoo your hair.

“Hey!” You gasped, faking hurt. “Just get your ass in here with me. I want cuddles.”

“Of course amor.”

Slutet!

Exo reaction to being too big

How would EXO react when during sexy time their GF/BF moans out “It’s so deep!” And/Or “Its so big!” ?

I hope you like it <3 blowjob version

- Sky x

~

Suho: *smirks to himself* 

Originally posted by wintershower

Baekhyun:  Is that a challenge? *Thrusts into you deeper*

Originally posted by wuboxian

Chanyeol:*rolss his hips deeper into you* Oh yeah? How about now? ;)

Originally posted by fyeah-chanyeol

D.O: *giggles to himself and is shy* ahah sorry baby

Originally posted by dyoru

Kai: *shy but proud Jongin* Don’t pretend you don’t love it Jagi

Originally posted by blondejongin

Sehun: *smirks* Oh I know.. Let’s see how long you can last babe *rolls hips*

Originally posted by purpleuhan

Xiumin: And don’t you forget it princess *wiggles hips*

Originally posted by ky-ngsoo

Lay: if it’s that big I wanna hear you scream

Originally posted by elaysium

Chen: I’m not even sorry

Originally posted by clair-voyances

Ghost Stories: Liam Dunbar (Pack Mom)

Originally posted by fuckingworsnopfronzak

Hey guys! So this is for my sweet anon! I hope this is good for you! I’m absolutely shattered so it may be a bit crap but I hope you enjoy anyway! Let me know Xxxxx 

It amazes me how well this pack can just…brush things off. Like “Oh yeah, last night this guy try to attack me but I totally cracked him.” “Oh right, cool bro did you see the new Star Wars movie?”

I swear that was an actual conversation I heard between Scott and Stiles, I swear.

“So who has an actual scary story to tell?” Scott asked, after listening to Malia’s long and very gruesomely detailed story of how she caught a deer and ate it in the woods once. Too which Stiles turned on her with big reproachful eyes and said, “So it was you who killed Bambi’s mother!”

“If you want to tell a horror story, let’s just talk about Dumbo!” Stiles muttered, stuffing a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

Picking up a handful of brightly coloured Skittles I fire three at Stiles head before sniffing, “We do not speak of Dumbo!”

Stiles laughs as he brings up a blanket over himself, tying it like a cape around his throat and ignoring Liam’s sniggers.

“Well I think we need to set the mood first.” Lydia said, standing up and going round the room, blowing out candles and switching off the big lamp.

“See? Much more spooky.” Lydia says before lugging over a mirror that was propped against the wall and sitting it in the centre of the misshapen semi-circle everyone was sitting in.

3 rounds of Bloody Mary and things were starting to get weird. The light from Kira’s phone flashlight kept flickering. Scott and Malia kept flashing their werewolf eyes that kept making the rest of us jump.

“Hello? Is anybody home?” Stiles said to the glass mirror, knocking on it with his knuckles. “Am I literally getting rejected by a ghost girl?”

Everyone burst out laughing and I looked at their laughing faces. Before realising one was missing.

I frowned, squinting round the dimly lit room before finding Liam, curled up in a ball, behind the side of the couch. His hands were clamped firmly over his ears and his eyes were screwed shut.

And now I could see the fear written plainly on his face and I’m sure he was shaking.

I crawled out of the circle, unnoticed by the rest and sit down next to Liam before pulling him onto my lap. He gasps in shock but quickly buries his head into the crook of my neck.

“Hey sweetheart you okay?” I breathed into his ear, but despite how quiet I was Scott’s werewolf hearing picked up on it and his head snapped in our direction.

“Shush.” I mouth fiercely at him and he nods before, “What’s up with him?”

God damnit Stiles.

I hug Liam closer to my chest, kissing the top of his head and I hear some people snigger, though I couldn’t make out who through the dark.

“Aww, is ‘wittle Wiam fwightened?” Yet I couldn’t mistake Stiles’ taunting voice for anyone else.

“Shut it, Stilinski,” I defend, subconsciously hugging Liam tighter.

“Continue with your story.” I wave vaguely in their direction, unsure about whose turn it was.

“You’re okay.” I whisper soothingly into Liam’s hair which was softly tickling my chin. He didn’t say anything, just simply sighed into my neck.

Everything was going good. I was really getting into Kira’s story about the creepy grave girl before sudden loud piercing shout of “Boo!” was screamed in my ear.

Liam and I flipped out, both screaming really loudly in fright as Stiles and the rest of the pack howled with laughter.

“You guys are cruel!” I scold, throwing multiple cushions at the direction of the laughter whilst putting one arm round Liam.

“Cruel.” I muttered under my breath, pressing a kiss to Liam’s temple, surprised to find how hard he was shaking.

“Come on guys, time to sleep.” Lydia said, shifting the cushions and pillows around so that they were spread out evenly.

“Night guys.” Kira yawned, snuggling into a blanket and everyone mumbled out a “Goodnight” before settling down.

I went to move and let Liam lie down himself but he simply held on tighter to my shirt. Smiling fondly I ran my hands through his hair and shifted around till I was comfortable.

I was already half-asleep until I felt myself being gently shaken awake. I moaned but slid my eyes open and jumped awake when I was met with Liam’s bright glowing ones.

“I’m scared.” He whined and instantly my arms wrapped tighter round him, hushing him.

“I hate the dark.” He muttered into my hair and I pulled back. Setting him gently to the side I pull myself up and switch on the bright light.

Instantly loud groans filled the room and Stiles looked at me like I killed someone. “Turn it off!” He yelled, throwing a pillow in what he thought was my direction. Turned out he was about 7ft off.

“No, this is payback for earlier.” I smirk evilly, sliding back into the cocoon of duvets I was sharing with Liam.

“Better baby?” I asked him softly and he nods, finally closing his eyes as he drifts off to sleep.

"Mom, exactly how many rules did you break?"

Well, let’s see….

1. Meeting Maxon before the Selection

2. Insulting him when he gave her what she wanted

3. Kneeing him in the groin

4. Not to mention her not keeping one of her maids in her room at night

5. Telling Maxon she broke curfew on a regular basis

6. Telling Maxon she would be only his “friend” (yeah like that lasted for long) and expressing she wasn’t there to win but would stay to be Maxon’s inside person in the Selection

7. Hearing about the Rebel attack during the photoshoot

8. Calling him Maxon instead of Prince Maxon during the Report interview

9. Her letting Aspen come in to her room and kiss her

10. Having her maids go in with her at the first Southerner attack 

11. Receiving Gregory’s diary (even though Maxon gave it to her)

12. Going into that room in general

13. Telling her father about the book

14. Is dancing with Aspen at the Halloween party one?

15. Running to Marlee to try and stop her caning

16. Fighting Celeste

17. Meeting Aspen afterwards

18. Her hearing from Aspen about the southern provinces and the king’s demoting of sympathizers

19. When Maxon left for New Asia and she met up/made out with Aspen

20. Reading the military report on the rebel attacks

21. Oh, and let’s definitely not forget her suggesting to undo the social system of Illéa on national television

22. Knowing the secret about Maxon’s back.

23. Is attempting to seduce Maxon one?

24. Sneaking out of the palace with Maxon to meet August and Georgia, well after curfew I might add

25. Suggesting that she asks Nicoletta to give money to the Northern rebels. (That could be considered treason)

26. “Technically” jacking up the Convicting

27. Maxon and America almost frickle frackled

28. And finally, after Maxon proposed to her, she’s caught with Aspen


I don’t think her wearing pants was a rule broken, since Maxon gave them to her, and he said she could only wear them on Saturdays, which she did.

(CONTINUED)

CRAIG: Okay. But I won’t go without you.
TWEEK: What? No! You should go! Nth, this is too much pressure!
CRAIG: Tweek!
TWEEK: You should totally go! You’ve wanted this for years now!


TWEEK: Nngh?
CRAIG: How long has it been since you’ve slept?
TWEEK: … When did we see each other the last time?


CRAIG: The tickets are for this summer. You can still change your mind and I will wait for you.


TWEEK: *lets him go* C-Craig?
CRAIG: Yeah?
TWEEK: Are you… are you happy with Thomas?
CRAIG: Why are you asking?
TWEEK: Because you’re my best friend a-and I want you to be happy!

(TO BE CONTINUED)

  • Zelena: Don’t worry Roland, I’ll come visit you soon with your baby sister. Let me give you a hug.
  • Little John: No no, no.
  • Roland: No thanks.
  • Zelena: I’m sorry what?
  • Roland: You killed my mom.
  • Little John: And raped Robin Hood.
  • Zelena: Well…yes but I’m good now.
  • Little John: Oh yeah? How long has that lasted? Just 24 hours so far right?
  • Zelena:
  • Roland:
  • Little John: Yeah, that's what I thought. Bye. See you never.
A Promise

This gif belongs to ledanna. Word count - 1224

I had fun writing this so I hope you guys like it! - Kris

I strolled towards the opposite end of the grocery store with Daryl next to me. There was already two cans of peaches and three cans of beans. I had considered grabbing the last package of chocolate donuts in the aisle to our left.

“Think these are any good?” Daryl asked as he picked up a loaf of bread.

“Let me see.”

He handed it to me, making sure he didn’t drop or accidentally squeeze it. His hands were scuffed and bruised with bloody patches, but still strong.

“How has bread survived this long in the apocalypse?” I pondered out loud. “Yeah, no. It isn’t any good.” I handed it back and pushed the cart further. I sighed lightly, “I wish it was like this before.”

“Like what before what?”

I snickered. “Like this,” I gestured around us, “before this,” I again gestured around us, but this time it was at the empty shelves and the blood spattered walls.

Daryl shrugged. “Yeah but then I wouldn’t have met you.”

“That is true. There are pros and cons to the end of the world, I guess. Hey, what about those-”

My sentence was cut off as a walker turned the corner, approaching us. It had a missing arm, but its other one reached for us as it snarled loudly.

Daryl aimed his crossbow, shooting the walker in the head easily. When he ambled over to retrieve his arrow, another walker joined the scene.

“Daryl, we need to go,” I stated as I grabbed the items from the cart. It was just better to walk away rather than fighting it. Sometimes the walker hurt itself, making it easy for us. This time, though, the walker snarled and sauntered over.

Daryl and I ran out of the store and greeted the sun and green leaves. I had grown up in a different part of the country, so seeing leaves when it was supposedly December shocked me. The humidity and bugs were tiresome. I was constantly shooing at my arms and hoping my hair didn’t look too bad, even for the zombie apocalypse.

“What was your life before all of this happened?” Daryl questioned me.

I shrugged.“Well, you know, I lived up north. So, summers all I would wear was tank tops and shorts, while in the winter, hard to believe, but I was bundled up. Everyone would wear gloves, hats, scarfs, and we always had blankets in the car just in case of an accident. I also had a job at a bakery. Yes, I sold bread on weekends.”

Daryl chuckled. We walked a few more moments before he looked down at me. “What about yer family?”

“What about them?”

“Do you miss them? What were your relationships like?”

“Well,” I paused, thinking, “I do miss them. I’m not even sure if my younger sister is alive or not. When this first started happening, I tried to get a hold of her, but the lines were already down. My older sister died a few years ago. My parents did, too. We were all pretty close. I was closer to my parents than my siblings, but that was fine.”

“Wow, I would have never guessed that,” Daryl smiled, stopping to stretch.

As he stretched his arms upward, I could hear some joints popping and I could see a little peek of his stomach. I reached forward, poking his skin. He jerked forward, covering himself. I laughed at him as he glared at me.

“You know you love it, Daryl,” I smiled up at him and crossed my arms.

We looked at each other for a few seconds before Daryl leaned down and kissed me. It was sweet and I could feel his beard against my cheeks. Soon, though, one of his arms wrapped around my waist and the other was in my hair. I linked my own arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

I could feel Daryl becoming more desperate, hugging me tighter and pulling my hair. He loosened his grip around my waist and started to pull my shirt up enough that he could fit his hand underneath it. I heard him moan once before I pulled away, trying to catch my breath.

“Are we really going to do this here? In the middle of the woods?” I grinned, still out of breath.

Daryl smirked. “If it comes to that.”

I rolled my eyes and unlocked my arms from around his neck. “We are not going to do it here.”

“We did it in a mall before, (Y/N),” Daryl crossed his arms in front of his chest.

I laughed, “That was because we had no privacy, Daryl. Just because we hooked up once doesn’t mean I’m going to hook up with you every time you’re horny.”

Daryl scoffed at me, shaking his head. We gathered our stuff again and continued walking. The prison wasn’t far, but it would be getting dark soon, so we had to hurry.

“If you had the chance to leave and go back up north, would you go?” Daryl’s voice was calm, but I could tell he would be pained if I said something wrong. He couldn’t look me in the eye and his head was down, watching his feet.

“I’m not sure. I’d love to go back; it is home after all, but I like being with the group, and with you. It would all depend.”

“On what?”

“I don’t know yet,” I shrugged. I often thought about this situation, though. What if I did have the chance to go back home? Would I go or stay? The group at the prison are all from the south; they’re used to the warmth and humidity all year long. I was actually starting to miss the snow and freezing temperatures.

As we were approaching the prison, Daryl whipped his head to me. I shot him a confused look and turned around. Before either of us could have done something, a walker stumbled out of the bushes to my side. I took out a knife, ready to attack. It should have been easy: a clean swipe through the head.

However, as I swung, the walker stepped back as it tripped on something. It came forward again, holding up an arm. I sliced that off, but I didn’t have time to recover: I dropped my knife as the walker surged forward and toppled over me. My back was jabbed with rocks and roots. The walker snapped at me with its massive jaw. I couldn’t help but scream loudly as I tried to shove it off.

Suddenly, the zombie on top of me went limp and blood splattered my face and clothes. The corpse was shoved off of me and I felt strong arms lift me up. Daryl was brushing me off and we were both breathing hard.

“Are you okay? (Y/N), are you alright? Are you bit, scratched?”

I shook my head. I had never been that close to death before. Sure I’ve been on my own and I’ve killed plenty of walkers, but there has never been a moment where one was on top of me.

“Let’s go back to the prison and clean you up,” Daryl suggested as he grabbed my arm and lead me away.

“Daryl, promise not to tell anyone about this,” I pleaded.

Daryl gave me a once over and licked his lips. He nodded, “I promise.”

how the 11x23 destiel scene should have went

@1940sdeancas @bad-buttercup @katteens ladies you might wanna read this

 dean and cas embraced. after a long moment, cas began to pull away but dean refused let him and pulled him even closer and embraced even tighter; his eyes closed shut. at this point it gets really sad bc this would be their last hug; the last time cas ever sees dean, the last time dean ever sees cas. and dean finally pulls away and instead of their infamous shoulder touch, dean caresses cas’s cheek and says “i wanna try something” and he slowly leans in to kiss cas. chuck and everyone behind him look away sam mutters, “i knew it” to himself.

dean pulls away and cas is flustered. dean scoffs a chuckle. “not how i imagined it.” 

cas narrows his eyes. “you imagined us doing that?”

dean cocks his brow, smirking. “more than once.”

cas smiles and dean smiles back. “i never thought our first kiss would be our last.” dean said solemnly.

cas smile morphed into a frown. he doesn’t speak for a moment. ‘it’s not.” suddenly, he grips dean’s jacket and pulls him into their second kiss. 

“you know,” chuck whispers quietly to rowena. “when i made these two, i had no idea it would take eight seasons for them to finally make out.” 

rowena just shrugs and smirks. 

they pull apart and dean suddenly remembered they weren’t alone. “uh sorry about that.” 

“no, it’s okay. please continue.” chuck encourages. “i’ve been waiting a long time for this.”

“what?” dean said.

“what?” cas said.

“nevermind.” chuck replied awkwardly.

sam cleared his throat. “just a reminder, that we kinda have a world to save here.”

“right.” dean said.

Maternity Leave does not equal Poor Work Ethic
  • Male Coworker 1: any idea when [woman who left for maternity leave 3 weeks ago] is coming back?
  • Me: MC1! She had the baby 3 weeks ago. It's going to be a WHILE.
  • MC1: Ok ok yeah I know, but like another couple of weeks or what?
  • Me: Let's just assume she'll be gone 12 weeks and if we see her prior to that you can be happy.
  • Male Coworker 2: Right but she'll come back before that. I mean her work ethic is great!
  • Me: O_O How does her work ethic have anything to do with how long she'll be gone on maternity leave?
  • MC2: No I just mean that when she was in her last few weeks of pregnancy she would be here and I'd be all "oh you should go home!" and she'd be like "no, no I have work I need to get done"
  • Me: Right, because she was working and had work to do and although pregnancy is challenging, it's not a disability. The moment you come back from Mat leave you lose whatever else you didn't take. If a woman chooses to spend whatever time she is allowed with her newborn child it doesn't mean she has a lesser or poorer work ethic than someone who comes back to work.
  • MC1 & MC2: Whoaaaa....
  • MC2: That's not what I meant! You know sometimes I say things that just don't come out how I mean them.
  • Me: Yes, I know we've had conversations about that before but you should really work on figuring out how to say what you ACTUALLY mean instead of following every offensive or problematic phrase with "That's not what I meant". That's a serious life skill.

“Hey, pretty lady. How much longer until we’re back at school?”

“Three more days.”

“How are things back at your house?”

“Fine, I guess. My dad apologized so everything’s okay for now. How about you?”

“Yeah, things are good. My entire family was staying here for the holiday and they didn’t leave until last night.”

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah, everything’s great. Just tired. It’s been a long week.”

“I’ll let you go then. Go take a nap or something.”

“Will do. I miss you, Aya.”

“I miss you, too. See you soon, okay?”

“I look forward to it.”