Dirty Animal Companion
Context: So we just started our 5e campaign, and we had just finished killing the lookout for the bandit base we were sneaking through.
Ranger: I take my wolf to the river to wash the blood off him.
Me (The DM): I mean it just mauled a person to death, but I guess.
*pause to see if anyone with prestidigitation wants to mention the fact they can just clean the wolf*
Me: *internal sigh* Since we can’t spend 30 minutes cleaning your wolf, I’m gonna be generous and say it only takes 5.
*as the Ranger is cleaning the wolf we get back into combat, but he rolled a nat 1 to notice*
Me: Man, you’re really intent on cleaning your wolf lol.
Ranger: *sighs* yea I guess I am…
*group proceeds to get into combat again, and the Ranger rolls another 1 to notice. The whole group is laughing as this starts getting funnier*
Ranger: *getting angry at this point since he hasn’t been able to do anything for the past 15 minutes (in game it had only been 2 minutes* OH COME ON!
Me: You’re reeeeaally intent on cleaning your wolf.
*at this point the Ranger only has a minute of cleaning left, but is spotted by more bandits*
Me: Ok, bandits have spotted you roll perception to see them.
*rolls another 1, everyone but the Ranger is dying of laughter*
Ranger: *defeated at this point* oh come on……. WHY?!?!
Me: You are oblivious to the bandits as you clean you wolf. You’re cleaning your wolf with almost a religious fervor, as if it was a command from the gods themselves.
*the group protects the Ranger and his wolf, but because of the fighter, one of the corpses lands on the wolf, making it even dirtier than it was at the start*
Ranger: GOD DA- *drops from call, and rage quits*
Legend says the ranger is still clean his wolf to this day.