yay i get to be high

2

16.09.2016 // High school has ended, all my friends are going to college and i couldnt get the score for med school at my nationals. yeah, i failed.
SO WHAT?
Let me tell you what, i’ll be at home studying for the nationals again but this time with strong steps, straight voice & determination. Oh and no school! Yay!

Its hard. Its hard to stay for another year. Its hard to see everyones college photos. Its hard to disappoint everyone including myself. Its hard to fail. So i need my community’s support. Can you please send me some motivation?

I love you all 🐱

anonymous asked:

Im thinking of writing a fanfic! Do you have any suggestions on how to make it as good as possible?

yay anon! I’m happy new writers are still coming in. Um, I’ve only got experience in very specific genres but I guess general tips I try to use myself are:

🍓 Write for yourself and a few friends. Seriously this sounds trite but if you just focus on what you want to read (or what your friends want to read) then you’re less likely to get stressed about being a crowd pleaser. When i first started, I was obsessed with being “deep” and stylistically “high brow”. It was AWFUL. my writing was pretentious and shit AF.  Hopefully ti’s not like that now haha…

🍓 have a rough plan to avoid plot holes and inconsistencies.

🍓 try to have rational motivations and avoid lazy plot devices - e.g. conflict due to 2 people refusing to communicate for no apparent reason. 

🍓 avoid cliches & sexism - e.g. The Female Character That Comes Between The OTP, dead wives/girlfriends, sexist Omega verse dynamics. These reduce your characters to flat 2D things i feel.

🍓 avoid templates and archetypes in characterisation. 

🍓 avoid describing characters by their appearance - e.g. “The platinum haired man said _____”. oh god. just please don’t do this. 

🍓 avoid expositions unless absolutely necessary.

That’s all i can think of off the top of my head right now. What about you guys? Do you guys have any writing tips? Please leave me a reply!! I think the hardest thing for me to master is pacing and konwing how to write fast paced without being choppy. Don’t know how to do that…

Unpopular Opinion TM

I’m both excited for and I dread A Lot season 2b of Shadowhunters, where malec is concerned.

I can’t help but feeling a shred of hope and happiness when I think about my favorite characters and having them on screen again.

But

Seeing how rushed and cut short their moments were during 2a, I don’t trust that the people involved actually realized what they did wrong, especially seeing as they’d continuously patted each other on the back during the whole season, thinking they did such amazing things for malec, and their reactions (or lack thereof in certain cases) when people pointed out that no, they took a step back where the couple and representation were concerned, not one ahead.


I know that fandom is elated about the scene in 2x10, about them saying I love you, but for me to enjoy it (and I do, because Matt and Harry did a great job and it is not fair to take my frustration with the writing&directing on them), I have to forget basically everything they did during 2a, I have to forget that we had no on-screen development for them to get there so fast.

No, having some cut short moments where they say important stuff is not enough, if you avoid actually showing them talking about themselves and being casually intimate like the m/f couples were shown, even when they did not have the same emotional investment that malec has.

Once again, the only intimacy they were willing to show us, happened in the finale and was made into a statement.

Look at their kisses: the ones that have some weight, are a statement, the other ones, are awkwardly directed, filmed and cut short- or they don’t happen at all- and THAT’s the only kind of physical intimacy they dare to give us the whole season -bar 2x01, but that was written by Michael Reisz when Ed Decter was still around. For the whole season, these two guys were barely left to be just two guys getting to know each other and developing their relationship. I mean, the only conversation they had where they were trying to know each other is in 2x06.

The more the season advanced, the more I felt like they were just quickly scratching points off a bullet list where malec was concerned, in order to get over them to concentrate more on other characters and their drama, instead.

I don’t even want to mention the ways in which they “toned down” Magnus, taking away many aspects that made him unique in s1 (his looks, his attitude, his pride, his sexuality etc), and the way he was sidelined during the finale, because, come on, rendering Magnus powerless for no reason, just because you’re too lazy making his powerful self part of the action, is an awful slap to the face.

There are some good things that were given to malec, like them actually aknowledging Alec’s suicide attempt, thank the lord, but they don’t erase the bad, like the bad does not erase the good.


And all of this? All of this makes me afraid for the way they’ll handle them in 2b. I have faith in the actors, but not so much in the people responsible for writing and representing these characters, anymore. I want so badly to hope for there to be more and more good in 2b, instead of the bad, but I also don’t want to be crushed if they ignore their mistakes and continue on this path.

Things I WANT in ACOWAR #2

We all know Amren isn’t High Fae, her silver eyes, her lamb blood drinking, her pretty baubles, Tiny Ancient One. There are so many theories as to what she is (Dragon, Goddess, Some Vampire thing, etc), and that in ACOWAR she may get released from the physical prison, and go home, but listen, listen. What if she does get released, and what if she doesn’t want to leave. As much as Amren has a front, she loves the Court of Dreams. She is attached to Rhys, Cassian, Mor, and Azriel, and let’s mention how much she truly likes Feyre. They’re her family, and they have been for a long time.

6

Oya High - First appearances (5/?)

The Kissing Scene

A/N: Hey y’all! Sorry for not getting this out sooner. School has been pretty hectic this week and I wasn’t able to get much done but now it’s out lovelies!! I hope y’all enjoy it. :)

Request: (anon)  Hi! Your writing is amazing!! Can I PLEASE get a kg3 x reader where they’re in a play with a kissing scene but they hate each other so they’re dreading it but then in a practice they actually fall in love and F L U F F YAY.

Pairing: (King) George Frederick X Reader

T/W: slight angst if you consider calling someone out and a bit of yelling angst but it gets very fluffy

Word Count:1,209 (wowza that’s long)

Time Period: Modern High School AU


Theater has always been your favorite thing. Your outlet from all the nonsense that lies in your home. From all the fake friends that stepped all over you. A place where you could be practically anyone you want.

Theater was perfect.

Except for the fact that George Frederick was in it. He has always wanted people to call him “King George” because of all the leading parts he gets. On top of that he is a jerk. Selfish beyond words. He believes that he’s better than everyone, being popular because of his father’s business. And everyone just lets him step all over them….. Except for you. This probably also has to do with the fact that you like… Okay like isn’t the right word. Love… George Frederick. 

You have always refused to be degraded by his words. He hates you beyond anything and you hate him way less than he knows. You two always make everything a competition. Everything

Math? A competition. PE? A competition. Theater? A competition.


You stood in front of the casting list taped firmly onto the door in the auditorium. A mixture of anger and shock immersed throughout your body. 

Romeo and Juliet Rewritten Casting List:

Romeo: George Frederick

Juliet: Y/N L/N

You ignored the rest of the cast sheet simply staring at the words before you. You have to kiss George Frederick. This cannot possibly be happening. You sat down in your usual seat contemplating what you just read. You are the first one to read it. Of course

George strutted into the room glancing at your angered face for a split second, smirking. Ha. That fool probably thought that you were angry about getting a “small part”. Joke’s on him. He reached the casting sheet, staring blankly at the list before him. You could see the red emerge on his face, you being the same shade.

He turned to you and you two made eye contact. He looked angry. You are almost positive that you looked the same. He rolled his eyes at you before sitting….. Right. Next. To. You. You turned to him, a smirk getting planted on his face. You rolled your eyes. “Why are you sitting next to me?” You practically hissed. 

George made an over dramatic face acting offended, placing a hand on his chest. “So now I can’t sit next to you? Didn’t know that was enforced. Although….. You do understand we will eventually have to get more intimate than this?” He smirked at you. You blushed. You were flustered. Because of George Frederick. You cursed yourself before responding.

“Ugh. Don’t remind me. Although……You seem rather excited to kiss your rival. Do you not….. Georgie?” You smirked, using the nickname he despises. His eyes narrowed, his face flushing slightly. 

“Why must you always call me that? I do not enjoy being called that and you know it.” He hissed, you flinching at his words slightly. You immediately smirked back to him.

“Well of course I know that Georgie. But ya’ see. I don’t like ‘King’ much more either…. And I also kind of enjoy making you angry.” You smiled. He opened his mouth to speak, getting cut off by the students rushing into the classroom. He sighed, sitting in his regular seat.


The teacher, Mr. Washington, walked out of his office, staring at the students scattered throughout the room in their seats. He smiled at everyone before beginning to speak.

“Hello students! As you have probably seen, the cast list for ‘Romeo and Juliet Rewritten’ are up! Congratoulations to the two leads. Y/N as Juliet!” He exclaimed. You beamed, smiling at everyone. “And George Frederick as Romeo.” Mr. Washington practically sighed. You giggled at the way he said George’s name, to find George glaring at you. Well, speak of the devil.


It has been 1 week since getting the casting sheet. You have already learned your lines while George was having some trouble. You sighed, walking up to the puzzled George staring at his script.

“I see this is taking you a while to learn. Need any help?” You sighed, taking the empty seat next to him.

“I’m rather fine. Thank you…. prick.” He hissed, bringing his eyes up to meet yours before looking back down at his script.

“You’re such a jerk.” You sighed, getting up to leave. George scoffed behind you.

Excuse you.” George said angrily. You slowly turned around, anger in your voice.

“Excuse me? Excuse you! I have stayed strong with every single cruel thing you have said to me! Do you know how hard that is George? The person you love degrading you everyday of your life?! Why do you think I call you names? Why do you think I make fun of you? It makes my coping easier. I make fun of you to spend time with you idiot. And now I’m nice to you for once and you call me a prick?” You shouted tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. 

George’s eyes widened at you, blushing like a madman. “I-im sorry.”

“Whatever.” You sighed, walking away from him.


It has now been two weeks. Time for your first practice all the way through. Meaning….. Kissing Scene. It was already at the kissing scene. That was fast. You looked at George who was blushing like a tomato, but who are you to judge when you look the same?

You stared into his dark brown eyes as he stared into your E/C eyes. He looked nervous and his hands were shaking. You leaned in for the kiss before he jumped away quickly. “Wait! Y/N can I speak to you before we do this?” He asked, biting his lip. You turned to Mr. Washington who nodded in understanding as you walked close behind George to an empty room.

“W-What was that for?” You questioned, raising an eyebrow. He turned to you, his eyes glistening slightly.

“I was thinking and……. D-Did you say that you loved me last week?” He asked. You flushed completely, remebering that you did, in fact, confess your love the week before. Crap. Your eyes widened slightly. 

‘U-Um… You remember that?” You said nervously, your hands fidgeting as you looked down at the ground.

“Well. Of course. Considering I do love you quite a lot as well.” He smiled genuinely to you. Your eyes widened even more if even humanly possible.

“R-really?” You asked nervously. He nodded.

“I don’t just stop making fun of someone unless I love them. If I do remeber correctly I have stopped making fun of you.” He laughed, causing you to giggle a bit.

“But why did you force me to come in here with you Georgie?” You smiled. He rolled his eyes playfully at the use of the nickname..

“I wanted to kiss you. Before we have to kiss as actors. If that makes sense.” He stated, losing his smile which turned into a worried frown.

“W-well. What are you waiting for Georgie?” You laughed. His eyes widened and he stepped towards you planting a passionate kiss to your lips. When you both pulled away you smiled at each other. You intertwined your fingers with his before walking back to the stage.

Maybe this kissing scene won’t be as bad as you thought.


A/N: I HOPE Y’ALL LIKED THAT 

So I work for a quite high end clothing store and so we like to spend a lot of personal time with customer helping them out.
So this older rather rich lady comes in (Louis Vuitton handbag and everything) and I spend an hour helping her try everything on. She keeps raving on and on about particular pieces she loves and is gonna get so much use out of, now I don’t make commission but if the store meets target for the month we all get a bonus right? So I’m going “yay! This gonna be a big sale!” Because by now she’s put about $3,000 worth of stuff aside that she likes.

I have to mention that the store was quite busy at this point and I’ve been letting my co-workers deal with it but I could have been out there too helping them. Anyway
I ask if she wants me to take her things to the counter for her. She goes “oh no I’m just going to buy it all online”. She then leaves all of her clothes in a strewn heap throughout the changing room, and walks out.

imusuallyobsessed  asked:

Olicity in a turn-of-the-century frontier town. (I'm watching "When Calls the Heart" and it's stuck in my head.)

The sun was high in the sky and the dry dust swirled around his booted feet as Oliver Queen, Star’s sheriff, walked through the streets of his town.  At this time of day, crime was limited mostly to men getting charged too much for the rotgut they swilled in the saloons along the optimistically-named Glade Street.  So that meant he could leave his deputy, Roy Harper, watching the jail while he paid a visit to his sister and took her to lunch.  

He nodded at the townfolk who greeted him and did his best to steer well-clear of women like Miss Helena and Miss Susan.  They were both fine women, of course, but Oliver wasn’t ready to settle down.  Not when he had his sister to bring up and a town to protect.  Not when he was still atoning for what he had done during the War Between the States.

Soon, he arrived at the small house he shared with his sister.  Taking off his hat as he stepped onto the porch, he opened the front door and called out, “Speedy?”

“In here, Ollie!”  His sister’s voice floated out of the room their mother would have called a parlor, but which they called the sitting room.  Since after all, they weren’t back East anymore.  

“Thought you might want to get lunch with your brother, if you wouldn’t be too embarrassed–Oh.”  

Thinking his sister had been alone, Oliver hadn’t thought anything of tugging his shirttails free of his pants and unbuttoning a few buttons while walking into the sitting room.  He had sweated through his shirt in the dry Arizona heat, so he knew Thea would insist on a fresh shirt if she was to go to lunch with him.  

But his sister wasn’t alone.  There was a young woman, with blonde hair twisted haphazardly into a knot, wisps escaping around her pink-and-white face.  Behind her spectacles, her eyes the color of the sky were wide, and her naturally pink lips were parted in an O at the sight of him in his unkempt state.  

“Ollie, really?” Thea asked as Oliver quickly put himself to rights.  He nearly dropped his hat until his sister plucked it from his grasp and stepped away with it.

“You could have given me a warning,” he muttered at Thea’s back before turning to his sister’s guest.  “Beg your pardon, ma’am.  I didn’t realize my sister had a visitor.”  

“No … no, it’s quite all right,” the young woman said, sounding rather dazed.  That made Oliver take another look at her, wondering if perhaps the heat was getting to her.  She had the look of someone newly arrived from the East; perhaps she was feeling light-headed?

Thea returned from the hall and said airily, “Oliver, I’d like to introduce Miss Felicity Smoak of Boston.  Miss Smoak, this is my brother, Sheriff Oliver Queen.”  

“Pleased to meet you, ma’am,” Oliver said, nodding to the young woman.  “Welcome to Star.”  

“Thank you,” Felicity said, fidgeting a little with the handkerchief in her hand, before rising to her feet.  “I don’t want to intrude upon your no-doubt-limited time together as siblings, so this seems like a perfect time to conclude my visit–”

“Oh, no,” Thea replied.  “If Ollie’s gonna take me out to lunch, he can take you out, too.  That way, you can explain more about your problem and he can start to help you.”

Oliver knew at this point he should protest Thea’s high-handed treatment of not just himself, but Miss Smoak, too.  Yet … there was something about the woman in front of him, in the bright blue dress.  Some spark about her, even though he had only just met her, that made him want to get to know more about her.  And after all, if she had some business that required the sheriff–well, he was the sheriff.  

“I couldn’t possibly–” Felicity began, but Oliver held up a hand and she shut her mouth so hard, her jaws clicked together.  

“Miss Smoak, I don’t know much what Boston’s like,” Oliver said, gazing down at her.  She was so much shorter than he was, yet her presence seemed to fill up the room.  “It’s probably not that different from Philadelphia, where Thea and I were born.  Yet out here on the frontier, people take care of each other.  We help each other.  And we certainly give newcomers a warm welcome.  So please, allow me to treat you to lunch and help you get the lay of the land.”  

She bit her lower lip, her white teeth sinking into her very plump, very kissable bottom lip.  Oliver swallowed, trying to get his thoughts–and his body–under control as he waited for her response.

“Thank  you so much, Mr. Queen.  Sheriff!  I meant Sheriff Queen.  Although I do regret that I might have need of your services as sheriff, instead of just getting to enjoy lunch with you.  And your sister, of course.  I–I would gladly accept your invitation.  ‘Your’, in this case, being both yours and Thea’s invitation.”  Felicity took a deep breath, her face going even more pink.

He couldn’t help staring at her, a small smile growing on his face.  For an Eastern girl, she wasn’t polished to a boring perfection, this Felicity Smoak.  She would be the last kind of girl his mother would have wanted him to become acquainted with.  Yet in that moment, Oliver Queen realized he was going to become more than acquainted with Felicity Smoak.

Someday, she was going to be his bride.

During my first year of college, I tried many new things to get out of my comfort zone and learned many life lessons throughout the year.

In high school, I mostly focused on school, running, drawing, my blog (which I started during the middle of 11th grade). I was not really “social”, and only hung out with 1-2 friends at a time. I did really well in all, and I was very happy.

In college, I decided to branch out, since I would describe myself as introverted in high school, I decided to get out of my comfort zone and be more social.

I’m a bioengineering major, entrepreneurship minor, runner for a division 1 cross country and track team, freshman representative for the Chinese Student Association, write articles and take photos for Spoon University, and work in a bioengineering research lab. I was also posting 3 times a day on my blog, and also made sure to post on my food art Instagram every day, and my personal/running Iinstagram every 2-3 days. I barely had time to draw, which is one of my favorite things to do.

I attended a bunch of events first quarter to try something new, and learned that all that social activity took away my time to do things that I am passionate about. I and found myself looking back in high school, and living in the past because I wasn’t as happy. However, that was an important learning experience for myself.  

Here are some life lessons I have learned during my first year of college that I hope helps you.

1. Most important: Never take anything personally. The more people I met, the more I started to realize that you’re just not compatible with some people. Think of it this way: If you know that you are only trying to be friendly, but the other person doesn’t seem to like you, then that is their problem because they’re obviously blind and can’t see your awesomeness. They are not worth your time. Same thing with getting rejected from something. Once you stop taking things personally, I promise you will feel happier because it’s not your fault if you’re just trying to be a good person.

In high school, I never had the desire to branch out and meet new people from my school, therefore, the people whom I hung out with share many similarities with me.

You don’t have to get along with everyone, and you’re not limited to anyone either. Be nice to everyone, because you don’t have time to make enemies and/or deal with drama.

2. People are worried about themselves. I personally don’t think it’s necessary to try so hard to present yourself. People don’t judge you as they may seem to in high school. Everyone’s mostly minding their own business.

3. Find your own method of time management. In college, no one is going to tell you what to do. You can have class from 1-9 hours a day, and you need to plan the rest of your time well.

4. Realize your limits. Everyone has a different limit, and it’s something I believe you should experiment with early on in life to find out.

In high school, I was very successful in running, so everyone seemed to know who I was. I came into college feeling like another face. I was injured, and not doing as well in everything as I would like because I was involved in too many activities. I do believe in trying new things to explore, but realize that you have a limit. Learn to prioritize.

5. Learn to say no. I like to be a nice person, but I also believe that in order to be able to help people, you must take care of yourself first. By spring quarter, I started to feel tired of having to do so many things, so i worked up the courage to say no to some of the things, so I could have more time to study for my test, finish homework, or simply because I need to go run.

Missing a party to study is ok, in fact, no one seems to really care. I never party because I rather study and do quiet activities in my room such as drawing on weekends when I have a little extra time, and my friends understand that. Don’t feel weird if you are not into things that everyone else seems to be, and you don’t have to make yourself do things that you don’t want to (unless it’s school work because you’re here for a degree), either.

6. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something. I don’t party or drink. But that doesn’t mean I don’t isolate myself from people who do. I have friends that like to party, but they never force me to do something that I’m not comfortable with. You’re not “weird” if you chose not to drink because your true friends will accept you for who you are.

7. Appreciate your parents. Don’t take them for granted and become friends with them. 

8. Get to know your professors. Don’t be intimidated, they want to help and it’s fun to make friends.

9. Don’t be shy. That’s not how you get what you want. Plus, don’t be afraid to speak in class, and someone probably has the same question.

10. Make friends in classes. You can make great study buddies and share notes when either of you are absent.

11. Use a planner (paper or electronic, whichever you prefer) because physically writing helps you remember things more.

12. Take advantage of your resources such as interlibrary loans, databases, writing centers, tutoring, friends, professors, gym, and anything else.

13. Don’t buy your textbooks from the bookstore since they usually cost more. Get them from a friend, or find them online. 

14. Be confident. Fake it until you make it. That’s how you get many things in life.

15. Prioritize your health. Without it, you have nothing.

16. Make a list of things to always carry with you. For example: Food (quiet food in class), headphones, planner, phone, laptop, gum/mints, chargers, notebooks, etc.

17. Learn to adapt to change. Don’t expect it to be easy. I thought I was a very independent person in high school and that I would love college, but so many things change. I struggled my first quarter, then I got used to the routine. It will be hard at first, but you will learn and grow and become a better and more mature person than you were before.

18. Don’t be afraid to try new things. The more you know about yourself, the better equipped you are to make decisions about what you want in your life.

I have more life tips here!

How to Study Effectively

How to be Happy

How to be Productive and Achieve your Goals

How to Start a Healthy Lifestyle

How to Start Running

Yay! 2 fully colored pictures in (what I think is) a week! That’s a new record for me! :D


I don’t know. I felt like drawing rouge. I thought I would only get as far as the outlining and maybe flat colors, but I didn’t think I would add shading and a decent background to go with it. I even used gradients, which aren’t my specialty at all XD

Look at her, she’s having fun :3 (do not steal my art or I will find you -_-)

anonymous asked:

SO I HEARD YOU WERE ADDING HAIZAKI.,Whale, can we get a soulmate AU where you have a tattoo of the first words your soulmate says to you, and when they meet she's completely disappointed that it's someone like him. At least they are at first?

yay!! first haizaki request!! 

warning: some swearing


‘Yo, you’re hot.’

It’s like some kind of twisted motivational poster, tattooed onto your arm to forever make you smile and hold your head up high- walking positively from place to place.

Except, it’s not.

All those three words can ever do is make you scowl. You didn’t need a soulmate in the first place; you never believed in the fairy tales so why would it have to happen to you? And, of all the people it could have been, it had to be a fuck boy.

A fuck boy.

Well, sucks to be you.

He approached you as soon he realised, and by then you were already groaning with irritation about the mark just above your wrist.

“Hey, can we talk?”

He held up his arm; you struggled not to punch him in the face for existing - let alone being the reason you were in this mess.

“No. Fuck off.”

A low whistle answered you and you regretted everything. Apparently, the stronger the hate the stronger his “I think I’m seductive but I’m actually not” moves were to become.

“But babe,” his mouth was situated far too close to your ear for your liking, “we’re destined to be together.”

“Anyone with that attitude is destined to be alone.”

Shutting his mouth, he walked away with a swagger - a form of mischievousness, a tiny promise that he will be back.

You hoped desperately that that wouldn’t be the case.

***

“I don’t want anything to do with you.” The words are vicious, icy- hateful with no hint of more caring emotions. And this, this sentence of venom, is your best friend. Or, perhaps it is more accurate to state ex-best friend.

She walks away and you break down.

It’s a cruel world, and you have experienced the worst.

But then, amongst your tears and cries of the toxic friendship that you needed home but could never have wanted to lose, two strong arms wrap themselves around you. You are pulled into a powerful embrace, wet eyes hidden against a muscular chest and the steady rising soothes your shaking form.

He is what you have been missing.

Saudade - Part One. Smut

Author: mystic-biscuit
Rating: 18+ NSFW
Words: 3051


Notes: YAY! New series. I’m not sure how long this will be, as of right now it might be a long one. The smut in this is pretty mild compared to some of my other stuff and I get kinda sappy. @dumbass-stilinskiis amazing, she past tensed my flashback cause i’m a turd.

I hope you guys like it. I think its gunna be alot of fun to write :)



Saudade: a deep emotional state of melancholic longing for a person or thing that is absent

Keep reading

Here's my outside-of-the-tag "Ben's Letter From the Refuge" rant

-just based off of the audio okay

-It’s in a different key. They transposed it up like a whole step(?) for his squeaky lil voice.

-Allow me to repeat: THEY TRANSPOSED LETTER FROM THE REFUGE UP BECAUSE HIS VOICE IS TOO DAMN HIGH

-He was not stoner Race in the refuge. Far from, my friends. FAR FREAKING FROM.

-He’s so young. That’s the main thing I’m gonna say. You get like a babbling/chatty child thing off of him and he’s younger than Zachary.

-Okay, he tried to put on a bit of vocal flair where Zachary just kinda talks it. I feel like it’s written to be a talky, honest song. Just a letter. But maybe that’s just because that’s how Zachary sang it in the first boot. And Ben sounds AMAZING on it, vocally, but yeah, I expected just a liiiiittle more honest emotion? (I know it’s his first night these are opinions so fight me you’ll probably win)

-But like it might have worked in his favor a bit. His Crutchie reminds me of Andy’s, because Andy’s would be such brightly painted-on optimism because he seems like he’s physically not used to frowning. He sounds so optimistic, or at least in a hurry to make Jack think so (he might be nervous but he’s nervous and stuttering at the top of his lungs like “ITS GONNA BE OKAY I PROMISE IM DOING GREAT”).

-The moment where he breaks. THE MOMENT WHERE HE BREAKS. Can I please just listen to “Damn this place” on repeat for the rest of my life because it’ll slowly deprive me of all other emotions. LISTEN TO HOW DIFFERENT HIS VOICE GETS.

-Did they change/modify/add to the orchestrations because damn??? It sounds gorgeous good lord

-you can hear Ben breathing and at first I was like “isn’t that a liiiiitle overdramatic??” but then it started kinda working for me idk I guess I need the visual

-how many times do you think he’s sung that in the shower

-But yeah. Zachary is kinda more “tired” but keeps revving himself up to say something inspiring before going back down. More honest. More talky. Ben is a rambling child singing a song and the weight of everything doesn’t even hit us until almost the end of the song. My heart hurts so fucking bad and I haven’t even listened to Prologue yet.

-WHY WAS THE AUDIENCE LAUGHING SO HARD

And bitches on StripperWeb irritate me too. Talking shit about new girls who are nervous and scared. Sometimes so nervous they have a friend with their first night.

“If you’re gonna be that scared/timid then you shouldn’t be dancing. I didn’t need any of that when I started”

Yay bitch good for you. Some bitches tend to forget that not all girls go into stripping because they want to. It could be circumstances that are leaving them with no other immediate option right now. They may not be emotionally ready but they’re still swinging around the pole and pretending to be someone they’re not all while not tryin to fall apart.

Fuckin congrats on proving yourself of being nothing more than an inconsiderate bitch on her high horse who thinks she’s the shit because you had a willing, conscious choice to get into this industry. That you’re head strong and nothing weighing you down fuck you.

3

hooray for riDICulous angles :P.also im feeling so much better today than i was yesterday like yesterday was just 👎 but today is so much better and i feel a lot better and i also wore a DRESS. sorry im just v pleased that i look cute? :D

also bonus pic aka my fave:

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Ok yay I’m going to get my ears pierced tomorrow I’m excited

Side note: No, my ears have not been pierced yet, despite being a senior in high school,

My mom likes to bug me/pressure me about it, but it has been one of the few things I can control no matter how much pressure she puts on me about it

so I’ve been holding out as a way of exerting some kind of control over myself/my personal style

You know, because I turn tiny, inconsequential things into big forms of rebellion

but now I actually feel like I want to so I’m actually getting it done yay

I had never even been kissed but I knew who I was

The #growingupugly tag is a pretty interesting read. 

I was one of those kids. Precocious, clever, introverted and bossy. One of those nerds that needed to be taught a lesson. I was also (un)fortunate enough to be very tall and sturdy and hit puberty early. Yay me.

I remember those awkward school dances and parties where nobody wanted to dance with me because I was so much taller. And nobody wanted to make out with me because I was weird. And “ugly.” And “fat”. I remember being involved in those stupid truth or dare games as the dare - “you get to kiss Lilith”. (And the boy would go “FUCKING HELL, NO.” Fun for everyone!) I remember some high school boys grading my boobs (which is a totally charming thing to do), giving them the grade “pretty sweet melons, shame about the rest”. I remember the boys in my class and their vile game that can best be described as rape charades. They’d chase after a girl, try to put a pencil or something similar between her legs and laugh as she’d fight them off. I remember how disgusted I was (I actually told the headmaster and then our homeroom teacher spent three hours of biology class shouting at the boys that they were awful little shits) but also that painful stitch that came from knowing that no boy would ever chase after me.

I remember thinking that I’d have other things. I was fourteen and then seventeen and thought nobody would ever want to be with me so I’d better find other things to do, other persons to be than smooth, sexy Lilith.

Way into my 20s I always thought boys laughing somewhere meant that they had spotted me and found me ugly. I’ve spent half my life avoiding men not because I thought they’d assault me but because I didn’t want to be mocked. At least 20% of my hatred of hegemonic masculinity originates from the fact that boys were so indescribably fucking awful to me when I was a kid and a teen. Even now teenage boys in groups freak me the hell out. I’ve never been bullied by girls, I’ve been targeted solely by boys and even now, at 34, I can see that glint in some men’s eyes when we argue about something. That look: I hate you because you’re an ugly bitch. I would never shag you.  (Because they think that holds power over me, that I want their approval as though I hadn’t un-learned that long before I turned 18. I’m the kind of woman a certain type of man hates because he couldn’t break her when he was a boy.)

But I also remember having space to become A  Person, rather than A Girl. Reading books, playing video games, geeking out over uncool things with my geek friends, watching and learning and observing enough to get a grasp of who I was and who I was not. I jumped into politics and feminism and animal rights. I got involved in causes, got to know people who cared about the same things. And boys who weren’t horrible. (Even if they didn’t want to sleep with me because they were nice but didn’t do charity and my friends were cute and petite.) I made plans and had dreams that didn’t involve romantic relationships in any way. 

I’ll always treasure that, and I’m genuinely grateful that I never learned to measure my worth in how thin/fashionable I am or how many people that find me attractive. I hate that I have this experience, but this sexist, shitty world wouldn’t have made the opposite experience any better for me, I’m sure of it.