yay for science letting me be a freak

hubwalker1  asked:

Mass effect

Eeeeee yay thanks for letting me talk Mass Effect!!!

Tell me a fandom and I’ll tell you which character I resemble the most/identify with

Mordin.

Mordin.

Like. There is no question about it. NO QUESTION AT ALL.

Doctor Mordin Solus.

It actually often creeps me out how much I relate to him sometimes. 

Mordin and I both are learners and academics who love to study multiple subjects in deep depth. Mordin and I have an enjoyment and respect for everything from science to music and culture; we’re both musicians; we’re both creative writers; and we both tend to do 2,000,000 freaking projects at the same time.

Mordin is a character who is very confident in himself and always believes he did the right choice, even when the choice haunts him later. I look back at my past and say, “I hate how this choice came to this,” but usually feel as though I acted the most logically. And that’s another other thing about Mordin and me: we’re both logical thinkers. The choices we make are based upon careful, assessing calculations. Morals are a part of our calculations - it’s actually illogical to disregard morality when making a choice. So we will simultaneously say, “I made the best choice,” and actually legitimately believe that, while at the same time feel terrible about said choice we made. We will say that the problem is done but internally we’ll go a long ways to try to fix it, even years later.

Mordin’s someone who has gone from being well-esteemed to being a nobody in a back corner. I, uh, guess I was pretty commended when I was in school? Highest GPA for a valedictorian in my high school’s 120 year history, Phi Beta Kappa in college, started teaching college classes at nineteen, uhhhh… yeah, stuff like that. I have no intention of sounding boastful and I feel very sorry if it sounds that way - in truth, I actually don’t like talking about my “accomplishments.” But anyway. I can relate to riding at the “top” (even if I wasn’t like some AMAZING IMPORTANT PERSON like he was)… to being someone working in a very small out-of-the-way place where no one knows anything about me and what I’ve done. We take steps back into something simpler to get out of the agony of harder, less comfortable work… to try to fix the internal discomfort we have about who we have become. I’ll admit it… I’m about at Mordin’s Omega phase. I’m trying to get my life together, I’m trying to get my soul together, and there’s a lot I have to fix about my life inside-and-out, based upon the consequences of what I’ve done in the past.

And then I was playing a pure Renegade ME 2 route for the first time this last month, and the Renegade conversation I had with Mordin during his loyalty mission hit home to me. He said things that I completely believe about myself. For instance, Mordin said that he wished he were less intelligent so he didn’t have to carry the burden he did. I don’t want to cockily say, “Yo I’m smart,” but uhhhhh… well. I am smart. Growing up, I constantly kept wishing I’d quit being at the top of my class so that I wouldn’t feel the pressure of continuing to perform perfectly in school. I got over that and I don’t care one bit about what others believe of me. But even now, I feel uncomfortable that God has given me semi-okay intelligence and a hankering for knowledge… because that means that I have to use these gifts for something. And that’s a big responsibility.

I’ll cut it off there… but yeahhhh. You get the idea. Fucking Mordin Solus.

I honestly feel embarrassed saying that Mordin is my favorite character sometimes, and I definitely don’t like to say I relate to him to most people because I don’t want to sound like I’m this amazing, kick-butt, uber-intelligent man. I’m not that amazing. Let’s be real. XD But it is the truth that Mordin is easily the character I resemble the most and relate to the most. We even both go from working hard to suddenly randomly singing!

I just hope… I can use him as an inspiration… to go from the worst stage of my life to my best… I have no illusions I’ll become a hero and legend like he did… but I hope this means that my life will radically grow for the better and I’ll grow like he did. Looking at Mordin makes me very emotional because he sings so much to how I feel I’ve been, how I feel I am now, and how I feel I want to become.