Reading Yasmin How You Know? made me question so many things about my own life. What would happen if I were to die tomorrow? What would be the fondest memories I leave my friends and family? What would they say/write about me?
This terrifies me. I am nowhere as good a person as I can be yet. I’m far from being a good daughter. Much less a role model to my brother, a friend to a friend, an exemplary employee to my bosses, a mentor to the interns, a devout Muslimah to Allah s.w.t.
I haven’t found someone to love to my heart’s content. I have not written my best piece. I haven’t read all that I want to read. I have not seen the world. I have nothing to offer the world.
I haven’t made amends with the people I may have hurt or abandoned. I haven’t fully come to terms with my issues. I haven’t said all that I need to say.
I got the whole “how do you know you’re a lesbian if you’ve never been with a man” question at work today and honestly it offended me bc they wouldn’t ask this to our flamboyant gay boss or to the other more snapback butch type lesbian here. You can know you’re attracted to someone without having sex with them like fuckkk.
A/N; Here is part 6! This has been my most requested part yet, and I’m glad so many are reading. If you want more request part 7 here! All types of feedback are always appreciated, and questions are always welcomed too! This part is pretty dramatic, and quite long, but there’s a lot more to come! Let me know what you think.
Credit to @vivalakatee for helping me with some ideas for this part too!
To say that all of your lessons up until lunch were absolute hell was an understatement. And your fight this morning with Calum was the least of your problems, but it was constantly on your mind, producing a lack of concentration, which brought you to your teachers attention in nearly every single class this morning.
But, again that wasn’t even the main source as to why you’re feeling so shit. The problem, which is very strange and it maybe self enforced, however, you kept getting this strange feeling in your stomach every time you walked into a classroom or corridor, that everyone was whispering and staring at you. It was making you extremely paranoid.
Now, usually, you were never effected by the goings on outside class, always focused on work because you actually want to do well for yourself and no one else. But this had came to your attention pretty quickly. Despite your routined concentrated demeanour which you held during the changes of class, barely acknowledging anyone in the halls, you walked towards physics for your second class whilst in the mix, any group, or even pair of people you crossed paths with became completely silent.
This completely snapped you out of your concentration, for a second or two, and you proceeded to move to physics class, turning a blind eye to it, even though you were feeling uncomfortable. And once you got to physics, the exact same silence filled the room, which filled the halls when you stepped in. And this kept happening over and over. Something was up.
Currently you have your lunch period, and normally you would be perfectly fine walking into the cafeteria by yourself, but today that was not the case. Instead, you pulled out your phone to text Yasmin, or maybe Mal to get one of them to come eat lunch with you because already you are fed up with this entire situation. But instead, when you seen the flood of messages left by Calum on your phone, you purposefully turned it off and put it away in the back pocket of your jeans.
Making your way towards your locker, you noticed Mal, Yas, Chloe and Jennifer were all gathered there, whispering, making you even more eager to get there, therefore you picked up the pace at which you were walking at.
On approaching them, all four turned around to face you giving you apologetic smiles. And the air was very, very tense. “Is this a pity party or something?” You joked, trying to lighten the mood.
The four remained silent, whilst you opened your locker, throwing in your books frustratedly. “Okay is someone going to tell me what the hell is going on?” You sighed, hands coming up to rub your head soothingly, this entire day was enforcing a headache on you to be honest.
“There’s a rumour going around that you have an STD.” Mal spoke up bluntly, and as soon as he did, your stomach dropped. Do you ever get that feeling where you find out something that you didn’t need to know and you wish you never heard it? Yeah, thats exactly what your experiencing right now.
“But that’s- that’s impossible. I haven’t since-” you stuttered, ready to burst into tears at any second. “Y/N we know.” Yasmin cut you off. “Do you have an idea who spread it?” Chloe asked, almost annoyed as you were. She was definitely the tough one of the group, the one who was always up for anything, and the one who would never back down from a fight.
“Yeah, yeah actually I do.” You sighed thinking of Calum. Did he really do this because you fell out this morning? I mean, who else have you had a feud with in school apart from him.
You shut your locker abruptly and turned to face your friends, trying to hide the sadness in your eyes. “Look guys I’m gonna go to the nurse and head home, I’m not feeling the best.” You mumbled out before they all said their goodbyes, understanding the way you work and right now you need to be alone.
Honestly, you have so many feelings right now you don’t know what to do, say or act. Clearly not in the right mind to be at school at the moment. But above all you feel stupid. Stupid that you ever crossed bridges with Calum after what he’s done to you.
Calum’s day wasn’t going any better than yours. Not as bad, but definitely not much better. The guilt from upsetting you this morning was eating away at him during his classes, so much that he was finding it difficult to focus also.
At lunch, he planned to find you and apologise and make things right, after leaving countless texts on your phone, which you didn’t reply to. He knew you were pissed and needed to make things right and figured that that would be the best time to catch you.
Due to his mind wandering to you, he hadn’t paid attention to the commotion going on around him today. He hadn’t heard the vile things that people were discussing about you, which is why he was so shocked to hear from his friends at lunch what the 411 update was.
“So Calum man, that Y/N girl is off limits now.” One of his friends chuckled, making Calum drown in confusion. “What?” He quizzed, curious as to what the boys were talking about, he hadn’t spoke a word to any of them about what happened this morning, so how did they know? “Man he doesn’t even know yet.” Jack retorted, evoking a laugh from the rest of the table, leaving Calum confused again. “Hey.” Ashton, Calum’s best friend motioned “Apparently she has chlamydia.” He told, eying Calum sympathetically. “I’d still fuck her.” Jason joked, making the rest of the boys laugh again, and Calum’s shocked face now only turned to one of disgust. “Bullshit!” He shouted, making all the heads of every student in the cafeteria turn to look at him. “Where the fuck is Nia!” He stood up searching for her and finding her, sitting at her usual table, with a load of other cheerleaders.
He stormed over to where she was sitting, ready to punch a wall. “What the fuck is wrong with you!?” He yelled, looking straight down at her, grabbing the attention of the whole off the lunch hall again. “I don’t know what your talking about.” She spoke coyly, acting innocent which she definitely was not.
“Don’t play dumb Nia you know what you did. That rumour about Y/N. It’s a surprise that anyone in this place would believe anything that comes out of your mouth. What the fuck, what has she ever done to you? And you know how I knew this was you, because you said the same thing about Hailey last year even though I only fucked her once. Seriously, get a grip of yourself and grow up. Nothing. And I mean nothing is ever going to happen between us ever again. You psychopath!” He screamed, B lining for the exit of the cafeteria, on route to find you.
He passed your friends table, and asked where you were and to his dismay you had already gone home. He knew already that you must’ve thought it was him and the guilt was now eating him alive.
When you got home, you finally let the tears fall from your eyes, that have been awaiting for over an hour now. You decided that it would be best to not tell your mom about today’s events, because although you tell her everything, you know for a fact she would want to get involved, and you’re a big girl who can handle her own problems. Just not right now, you just wanted a good cry, and to binge watch Orange is the New Black, snuggling up in bed with your sponge-bob pyjamas on, pretending you hadn’t a care in the world.
Honestly, you must’ve cried for four hours straight, it wasn’t until Yasmin came at five thirty, that you finally stopped for a while. she comforted you and watched netflix for a while. She also got you all your notes you missed from your classes, and filled you in on all the cheerleading training you missed too, as well as the gossip from lunch time.
“It was Nia, you can stop blaming Calum Y/N.” Yasmin told you from the bottom of your bed. “What? How do you know?” You questioned, shocked at this new information. “Calum confronted her today at lunch about it. She said the same thing about Hailey, remember? He did it in front of the whole school, so stop stressing woman, no one believes it’s true anymore.” Yasmin smiled, thankful that the raven haired boy was able to settle this, and protect her best friend. “You’re kidding.” You spoked, surprised.
“Yeah Y/N, I’m so kidding.” Yasmin sarcastically retorted, causing you to throw one of your pillows at her. “You should hear him out. He seemed pretty concerned today when he asked us where you had gone.”
“No, I’m still pissed at him from this morning.” You stated sternly, and you were. Even though he left you countless text messages apologising, you still were annoyed after all. You’re not one to forgive easily, because of how much shit you’ve been put through by boys like Calum in the past.
Yasmin just rolled her eyes at your stubbornness. “How’s the head?” She asked. “Sore. But better.” You admitted. “I’m just tired, hungry and sad.” “Aww poor baby!” Yasmin fake pouted mocking you. “I’m gonna go, I have a chem paper tomorrow.” You just laughed at her obvious lie, “When have you ever revised for a test?” You questioned catching her out. “Plans with Mikey I’m assuming?” You snickered. “We’re going for McDonald’s no biggie, I didn’t catch him this morning.” She stood up heading to your bedroom door. “Yeah, sure no biggie.” You teased her, making her blush. “Bye Y/N, I know you feel so much better now that I’ve visited.” She winked and left.
Once Calum returned home from football, it was exactly six thirty and as usual, he was procrastinating getting a shower, too lazy for his own good. His mind was still on you. He slid his phone out from the pockets of his shorts and scrolled through his texts to see if Y/N had relied, to any of his them but unfortunately you didn’t, which only left him feeling disappointed, not in you, but in himself, for his words this morning.
He honestly was only trying to flatter Y/N and prove that he’d never go back to Nia, but girls are girls, and obviously she took it the wrong way, which Calum hadn’t prepared himself for. Next time he’ll leave that subject out, when reassuring any girl for that matter.
Anyway, sitting on his bed, Calum opened up the Twitter app, and surprisingly seen a tweet from you, posted 3 minutes ago.
@Y/N_Y/L/N: all I want is a pizza, some chocolate and cuddles 😭 😭
Bingo, Calum thought, before he stripped himself out of his football gear and headed to get showered, finally motivated to do something.
“How’s your head sweetie?” Your mom asked you, leaning down and putting her palm over your head to check your temperature. She hadn’t realised you were sleeping, weakening you, making sure you were okay.
Your eyes remained closed, “It feels better.” You mumbled, still half asleep. “Yeah, your temperatures gone down, thank God.” She sighed in relief, you weren’t even that sick, but your mom being your mom is just overly concerned. “Yeah, I’m kinda hungry.” Fully awake now, you began to sit up. “On it.” Your mom kissed your forehead and left the room, as soon as the door bell went also. “On that too.” She called to you.
Calum stood nervously, scared that your dad might answer the door and he’d be in for the fright of his life. Holding a pizza, six different kinds of chocolate, and a teddy bear, the guys for sure we’re never going to let go of this for as long as he lived.
However, all his thoughts were shook off as soon as your mom answered the door. “Hello?” She said clearly confused. What on earth was a teenage boy, around your age, standing outside your front door, in grey sweats and a black hoodie, holding a pizza, lots of chocolate and is that a bunny?
“Uh-hi, Mrs Y/L/N is Y/N home?” Calum asked nervously, swallowing the lump in his throat, taken back by the resemblance between the two of you, and how young your mom is. His mouth went back to being completely dry. He’s never even been this nervous around you.
“Miss. And yes, she is sweetie, who are you?” She questioned, easing him a little bit, recognising his scared state. “Uh- Calum, my names Calum, Y/N and I, we go to school together. Could you give these to her?” He asked, stuttering a bit, holding out the food and teddy he bought for you.
“Well, I could give it to her, or you could? If you wanted to.” She spoke, and Calum could’ve swore he saw her smile. “Yeah sure, if you don’t mind.” And with that she stepped away from the doorway, motioning Calum in. “Hold on, I’m just going to make sure she’s okay.” Your mom spoke before running up the stairs to your room. Honestly, she seems more excited for this than you.
“Who was at the door?” You asked. “Your friend from school, Calum, he brought you a few things. I’m gonna send him up okay.” She spoke to you slyly, “Calum, what, why? Mom I’m in my pyjamas, I don’t have any makeup on.” You spoke running to your dressing table to look in your mirror, to be met with puffy red eyes and disgusting bed hair. “Mom Oh my god, Look at my hair! No he cannot come up here. I hate you. Tell him no. I’m a mess” You pleaded, walking back over to your bed, pulling the white covers around you again. “You’re gorgeous. And Y/N, he is so cute, get your act together.” And with that she left your room. Oh boy.
Calum came up the stairs, and stood at your bedroom door, rehearsing what he was going to say, then knocked and walked in after you said to.
As soon as he seen you he couldn’t have felt more guilty. Obviously, due to your red eyes, you were crying and he pinned himself responsible for that. He stared at you for a bit before he walked to your bed. “Can I sit?” He asked, and you nodded your head. On sitting down opposite you, he began to tell you why he was here.
“I saw your tweet, um, the pizza it’s pepperoni on one side, and spicy on the other side, the way you like it, and oh, here’s a garlic dip. And another one, just incase you know you use the first one up.” He stammered, and you were kind of in awe that he remembered this.
“Uh, the chocolate, I didn’t know which one to buy, I remember how many types you love, and that your a ‘chocoholic’ so I bought a few. I gave a bar to your mom too. You know the mint one you said she liked, to get on her good side.” Now you were biting your lip desperately holding back a smile at how fucking cute this gesture was.
“And, I didn’t quite know what to get you for cuddles, so I thought this rabbit would’ve been good, because I remember you said if you had a pet it would be a rabbit because of how fluffy they are and-”
You cut him off by planting your lips on his soft, sweet, plumped ones, whilst wrapping one arm around his neck, and placing the other on his cheek. At first he didn’t realise what was happening, leaving you to do most of the work. But eventually once the shock was gone he began kissing you back and boy, was he good. His hands slid down to the sides of your waist pinching your right one, so that you’d open your mouth slightly, granting his tongue access to yours. Smooth. Before long, you broke the kiss, smiling at him, and he returned the same to you with his glorious grin. “I’m sorry, seriously, I’m a jerk, a huge jerk. But the rumours weren’t me i swear, and I hope you like my peace offering.”
“It’s okay, I heard what happened at lunch. I love it, it’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me. And I’m sorry I look like such a mess, I didn’t know you were coming over.” You pulled away from him, placing both your hands in front of you again. “You’re beautiful.” He reassured you, as he swiftly stood up. “I’ll go now, you need to rest- I.” You cut him off “Calum, stay.” You blurted out. “I mean only if you wanna, I can’t eat all this pizza myself and, as much as I love the rabbit, I think that you’d be a lot more cuddlier than her.” You blushed.
“Sure, your mom won’t mind?” He asked approaching your bed, whilst you moved over to the other side to let him under the covers. “Yeah, you brought her chocolate right? And as long as you don’t try anything, I think we’ll be just fine.” You snickered.
“You’re the one that kissed me!.” He winked, laughing, now laying right beside you in the bed. He snuggled into your front and you turned the TV back on. “Nice pjs by the way. Patrick from sponge bob hmmmm.” He teased you, making you giggle and blush. “Shut up, you love them.” You defended. “I have to say they are cute.”
And the rest of that night was filled, with Netflix, pizza, cuddles, chocolate, teasing, and just a little bit of making out. Score.
What Do Girls' Names Say About Their Personalities?
Emily — You are a devoted friend. You often prioritize the happiness of others above your own. Try to set some time aside for yourself!
Anita — You are the queen of esoteric talents! You can juggle, moonwalk, walk fast, spit into anyone’s mouth, slap your dad awake when he’s sleeping, and rob stores then burn the money.
Hannah — You’re a bleeding heart. Literally! Gross. Get a body, Hannah!
Rebecca — Family means everything to you. Anyone’s family. You like to go into their houses and tie them up and gag them, then act out all the Simpsons couch gags with your new living puppets.
Rhonda — That’s a stupid name. Are you a mom? That’s a mom name.
Yasmin — You know how to party! By knocking everyone out with codeine and drawing nude Dr. Seuss characters all over them. Is that a Grinch dick? That’s a Grinch dick!
Gina — Gina, you are so boring it’s criminal! Get a personality, Gina!
Charlotte — You’re super feisty and nothing can stand in the way of your goals. If your goal is to pick up a quarter off the sidewalk and someone gets to it first, they’ll get a sea urchin up the ass courtesy of Charlotte (that’s you!).
Marissa — It’s your destiny to find the other half of the amulet and follow the path it reveals. Get on that, Marissa! You go girl!
Kristin or Kristen — You are a real planner; an organization freak! You planned the Kennedy assassination.