yan tapos na

may nagcecelebrate dito sa amin malapit tapos may videoke sila. edi goods lang kasi minsan lang naman eh. kaso hindi ko mapigilan mga bes? alam niyo yung feeling na gusto ko na lang bumaba tapos agawin ko yung mic sa kanila. nakakaurat hindi man lang nila matama ng maayos yung nota?? hirap na hirap ang mga gago tapos feel na feel pa. wankoba pero ang sarap turuan eh hayop na yan. tapos galing na galing pa mga barkada nila ay jusko nasiraan na ata.

Dyan naman magaling ung mga lalaki eh. First makikipag kaibigan tapos i aattach nila ung sarili nila sayo tapos boom pag na attach kana, shempre di pa sila tapos. Lalo ka nilang papahulugin sa patibong nila shemprr magiging clingy sila sayo magiging sweet and caring lahat ng ka shitan ganun. Then pag hulog na hulog kana mag i-i love you na yan. Tapos ung pang finale nila iiwan kana. Goal kasi nila ung pag iniwan ka nila gusto nilang gumulo ung buhay mo nang dahil sakanila. Ung iisipin mo sila lagi, iiyakan kasi di mo alam kung bakit ka nila iniwan ng ganun ganun nalang, ung sabi nya mahal ka nya pero bat ka iniwan. Nako nako memorize ko na yan.

Hala akala ko ba you dont give a shit. Bakit may pake ka sa'kin? Haha. Hindi ako sanay na may pake ‘yung mga tao sa'kin kasi madalas, lahat ng nakapaligid sa akin, wala namang pake. Oh well, siguro ngayon lang 'yan tapos mawawalan ka na rin ng pake kapag nagtagal.

gastug bakit ang mahal na ng tuition ngayon! hype yan!!! yung kapatid kong grade 3 43k tuition tungnu yan! tapos yung kapatid ko na grade 9 45k tapos gusto nila na ako na magpapaaral sa kanila pag graduate ko! wew!!!!! HAHAHA sabi ko na nga ba gusto ko pa mag-aral eh!

pero feeling ko tatamadin ako. lalo na, solo flight na ko, well oo nandiyan naman sina xy pero alam mo yun.. naalala ko pa noon, nag aalarm pa yan pag slam na. tapos yung libre pa yung pizza non pati alak. pero la eh. pero oks lang. mukhang di rin naman siya pupunta. cos yeah, he feels it too. i know it. i know him so well.

Bus Ride

So tinopak ako. Imbes asikasuhin ang TSIB and TMEUAS updates, nagdecide ako na gumawa ng AU ficlets about first meetings // or what if ganito sila unang nagkakilala?

This one’s something new. You’ll know why.

**

Prompt: idk you but you fell asleep on my shoulder on the bus and the only reason i’m letting you stay there is bc you look very comfy and i’m a good person - it’s totally not bc you’re also possibly the cutest and most precious human being i have ever seen hahah okay maybe a lil” au

Facebook Group Chat

Anya Casabueno: HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS

Andreau Cortez: Why?

                             At nasan ka na, Anya? You’re late

Zade Pascual:   Wag ka ngang masungit, Andreau. Parang di ka nalelate ah

                           What’s wrong, Anya?

Anya: Guys I think I’m in trouble

Andreau: Trouble!?

                 What trouble?

Zade: Sabi ko sayo sumabay ka na lang kay Dan kanina eh!

Andreau: ANYA WAG MO KAMING I-SEEN ZONE NASAN KA NA

Anya: Bus. Traffic. That’s not the problem

Zade: Eh ano? Nasan ka na ba?

Anya: May kuyang nakasandal sa balikat ko guys help

Andreau: Sus akala ko pa naman kung ano. E di tulak mo

Zade: Bastos ka talaga kahit kelan Francisco

Anya: Nahihiya ako omg

          He looked so tired guys

          And studious. Nakatulog siya hawak yung handouts ata niya?

Andreau: Handouts?

Anya: Ugh he’s reading Nick Joaquin. Kay Prof Dimalaan.

           Siya yung terror prof ng lit diba?

Zade: Oohh.. schoolmate pala natin yan! Nice!

Andreau: Itulak mo na, Anya. Baka chansing na yan

Zade: Wow alam na alam mo ha

           Malamang gawain mo kasi

Andreau: Ignorning you, pascual

Anya: WAG NA NGA KAYONG MAGLQ HELP ME HERE

Andreau: kanina ko pa nga sinasabi sayo na itulak mo na

                  Try mo rin kasing hindi maging mabait minsan

Zade: Yeah, Anya. Take the advice of the grumpiest person in the world

Andreau: STILL IGNORING YOU, PASCUAL

Zade: Ewan ko sayo

Anya: Guys he stirred! Akala ko gising na siya

          Kaso shit natulog ulit!!!!!!

          Nahihiya ako guys sarap ng tulog niya

Zade: Gwapo ba?

Anya: ZADES GRABE KA

          Cute siya in fairness

Zade: Eh di go lang! kung mukhang harmless naman pabayaan mo na

Andreau: mga gawain mo talaga zades

Zade: Tapos paggising niya make him super uncomfortable para hindi ka na niya kausapin

          Ignoring me pala ha

          Mukha mo

Andreau: Anya wala bang pangalan yung handout niya?

Anya: Wait lemme check

           Shit meron kaso natakpan ng braso niya

           He maybe cute and all pero ang bigat ng ulo niya ha

Zade: Take a selfie! Patingin si kuyang cute!

Andreau: zades! Respect the guy will you?

Zade: Sus kung si Roldan ang nasa pwesto ni anya ikaw pa tong magsusuggest sa kanya ng selfie jusko

Anya: in fairness may point si zades dun

          Wait lang naghahanap ako ng maayos na angle

Takes a selfie of her and the sleeping guy

Zades: TEH MARUNONG KA BANG MAGSELFIE

            BAKIT HINDI NAMAN KITA YUNG MUKHA NIYA?????

             PINAASA MO AKO

Anya: SORRY HA

          Dumaan kasi yung kundoktor. Ang sama ng tingin sa’kin

           And he’s snoring. God andreau sana ganito ka humilik

           Peaceful

Andreau: Ha ha ha fine gang up on me

                 The guy looks cozy, anya. Watch his hands, baka mamaya kung saan yan mapunta

Zade: Ugh you and your protective crap, cortez

          Isa pang selfie!!! I wanna see his face!

Anya: ZADES!!! Last na yon!!!

          Grabe he looks so peaceful. Naaawa ako. may eyebags na siya shet

           At andreau hindi siya mukhang manyak ok

Andreau: sus sa una mukhang hindi manyak yang mga ganyan

Zade: maniwala ka kay andreau, anya

      Based from experience yang sinasabi ni andreau

Andreau: back to ignoring you pascual

Anya: he stirred again! Kaso mas sumandal pa siya uhuhu

        And still snoring. Ang cute ng snore niya

Andreau: ugh need I remind you guys na hindi to girl chat. I’m here

Zade: don’t be such a spoil sport, cortez

Anya: Lean ang name niya

Zade: Lean? As in payat?

          What kind of name is that????

Andreau: wow nagsalita ka ha

Zade: shut up ignoring you

          Walang last name? isesearch ko sana sa student database

Anya: natakpan ng braso niya yung last name

          Batchmate natin omg!!!!

Andreau: plot twist: hiniram lang niya yung handout sa iba at two batches younger satin yan

Anya: Bwiset ka Andreau cortez

          No wonder hindi ka sinasagot ni Zades

Zade: YUCK EXCUSE ME HA HINDI NAMAN AKO NILILIGAWAN NIYAN

Andreau: Hindi naman ligawin yang si pascual ano

Anya: hahahaha so cute guys

          Omg gumalaw na rin kami hallelujah!!!!

          Siguro mga 20 minutes nasa terminal na ako

Zade: hoy gising na ba si kuya???

          Don’t forget to get his name!

Anya: he sleeps like a rock

          I’m afraid na tulo-laway siya huhuhu org shirt pa naman tong suot ko

Zade: uy may DNA yan!!!

Andreau: saan mo ba nakukuha yang ideas mo, pascual??

Zade: not important

          PERO GIRL GISINGIN MO NA YAN TAPOS PAKILALA KA HA???

          WAG MONG PANSININ ‘TONG ISANG EPAL DITO OKAYY??

Anya: Nahihiya nga ako!!! I’ll just ignore him later

           Okay guys gtg palowbat na ako. see you sa mtg ok??? Don’t kill each other.

           Byeee

**

20 minutes later

Andreau: Anya??? Still there??

                Saan ka na?

5 minutes later…

Zade: Anya??? Yoohooo 25 minutes na!!! where are you???

3 minutes later

Anya: Guys sorry!!!!! Nakicharge pa ako sa powerbank ni Lean eh!!!

Zade: IM SORRY WHAT???

Andreau: WHAT

Anya: UHMM.. YEAH

Zade: Anong yeah ka dyan?? Wru???

          You’re still with him!?????

Anya: Oo nga!!!

          A funny thing happened earlier

          Right after kong patayin phone ko nagising siya

          And he apologized profusely. He’s so cute about it

Andreau: more girl stuff I see

Zade: andreau kung ayaw mo sa usapan libre magleave group ano

          o tapos???

Anya: Ayun he asked if okay lang daw ba na ilibre niya ako ng brunch

          Nandito lang naman kami sa mcdo. Paalis na rin kami

Zade: wow he’s smooth! Kinikilig ako!

Andreau: lagi ka namang kinikilig eh

                Hoy dalhin mo yan dito ah. Pakilala mo samin. Papunta na rin si dan dito

Zade: yeah bring him here!!! Dali baka marecruit natin sa org hahaha!

Anya: baliw kayo

          Okay you might see him

          Ihahatid daw niya ako dyan

Zade: AAAAHHHH KINIKILIG AKO!!! <3 <3 <3

          Girl, last na. pwede selfie??

Andreau: what’s with you and your selfie obsession? Btw idedelete ko na mga selfie mo sa ipad ko

Anya: mamaya na lang daw in person

          Para pamysterious! See you guys!!!

**

Much to Andreau and Zade’s surprise, kilala pala nila si Lean.

Si Leandro Abarquez, ang student assistant nila sa Phil Lit. Ang klaseng hindi nila pinasukan that morning dahil sa meeting nila.. kuno.

Paano magluto ng spaghetti with feelings?

Una, iluto ang pasta sa kumukulong tubig, salain mo hanggang sa maubos yung tubig. Yung wala na syang maibigay kasi ubos na ubos na sya. Tapos isantabi mo, dyan ka naman magaling eh. Pag naibigay na nya lahat, iiwan mo. Tapos gagamitin mo yan mamaya, pag tapos ka na dun sa isa.

Pangalawa, oo laging may pangalawa. Di ka kasi makuntento sa isa. Igisa mo yung sibuyas, bawang at karne tapos haluin mo na parang naglalaro ka lang. Paglaruan mo gaya ng ginawa mo sa akin. Lagyan mo din ng paminta. Pag wala ka non punta ka sa mall o gym, madami don. Tapos ilagay mo na yung tomato sauce. Para maglasang spaghetti. Pakuluan mo.

Icheck mo yung pasta, kasi masyado ka nang nawili dyan sa isa mo. Tapos paghaluin mo na yung sauce at pasta. Oo pagsabayin mo. Pagsabayin mo kami! Tapos kainin mo na! MABULUNAN KA SANA!

My love for you will be POLE-vermore
  • Aguinaldo: Naniniwala ka bas a forever?
  • Mabini: Bakit bigla mo na lang natanong iyan?
  • Aguinaldo: Basta sagutin mo.
  • Mabini: … hindi ko alam. Mahirap mag-assume.
  • Aguinaldo: Sayang.
  • Mabini: Bakit?
  • Aguinaldo: Dahil sa’yo, naniniwala ako sa POLE-ver. *Ngiti sabay pakita ng dimples*
  • Mabini:
  • Mabini: … medyo kinilig ako.

“Promise! Peksman! Mamatay man!” Sabay taas ang kanang kamay na parang nanunumpa. That is one of the funny things I remember in my Childhood days. It’s too easy to say a promise no? But due to the simplicity of saying a promise, maraming napapako. I’m one of those people who is guilty about it and I think everyone does. But you know what, there are lot of promises that God said and knows how to fulfill.

I remember a song that says,
“Pangako hindi kita iiwan
Pangakong di ko pababayaan
Pangako hindi ka na mag-iisa
Pangakong magmula ngayo'y tayong dalawa
Ang magkasama”
but here is the right deal, lahat ng yun sinabi na ng Panginoon. Kulang pa nga yan eh. Ganoon kadami ang pangako ni God.

There are 3,573 promises in the Bible. Nakakatuwa. Sa kinadami dami nito, we always choose to worry. The Only thing God can not do is to lie.

I’ll enumerate some of His promises so that it can bring you comfort. It is a must that we should know His promises because those are the things we should hold on to. So here we go!

“I’ll never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
See, hinding hindi ka kayang iwan ng Panginoon at mas lalong di ka niya kayang pahirapan. Speaking of reality, tayo ang nang iiwan. He is always there for us even if we leave Him, He is always there. Minsan when we commit something wrong, nakakahiya ngang lumapit sa Kanya eh, but God is willing to accept us kahit pa na ang dumi dumi natin. Remember the prodigals’ son story? The way the father accepts his son even if the son committed something wrong. That’s how God accept us with wide arms open ready to be hugged.

“Nothing is too hard for the Lord.” Genesis 18:14
Walang mahirap. In fact, God wants you to pray what is really hard for you to fulfill. Wag munang ipag dasal na God will be with you kasi the reality says that God will always be there for you. Kung feeling mo, pabagsak ka na, pray the impossible. Kung feeling mo, di ka sasagutin ng nililigawan mo, pray the impossible. Nothing is too hard for Him even if the situation says it’s impossible.

“He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son.” Revelation 21:7
We are OVERCOMERS! Diba? This is so amazing. Ako, ikaw, tayo! We are all winners. If there are battles we are facing, ang sabi ni Lord “Tapos na yan, you already won. You already have the victory.” Sometimes the battle may knock us down but the war can be won. Battle is just a smaller picture while the war is the totality of it. Yep! In the end you will be victorious and inherits what God intended us to have.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Alam ni Lord ang plano ng buhay mo. Hindi ikaw ang may alam sa plano mg buhay mo. Those are two different things. God knows your past and even what is really happening now, but the greatest of it is that He already knows your future. Kalma ka lang. The promise says it all. His plans are for good. If you are reading this, wag kang mag worry. You have bright future indeed.

“Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” Acts 16:31
Jesus saves you and so does your family and the people around you. A lot of Christians have the same problem. How can they let their parents accept Jesus as their Saviour. The problem here is we are all lacking in actions. Yes we believe that He saves. Yes I am saved, but how about my parents and friends? Sometimes fullfilling a promise can be done by a third party which in this situation, God is calling you to be His mediator. Trust me, God will help you and that is one of His promises also.

See, these are some of His promises. Napakarami ng promises nya. Yet only few lang ang nasabi ko. Our God is our healer. Our God is our provider. He is our mighty refuge. The atmosphere changer. The lifter. The answer and He dwells inside of you.

One thing is for sure, God loves you so much that he died for you in the cross. John 3:16 says it all. A promise that was already been fulfilled. Mapalad ka. He died for you and me, or should I say US, leaving us all that He is really LOVE after all and that is an another promise.

Balentayms

Gusto ko lang batiin kayong lahat ng hvd at para makatulog na ako buong araw para Feb. 15 na ako gigising. Chausse.

Matagal tagal na akong ‘di nakakapagblog ulit because I’m busy, ya know? Kung may forever man, 'yun ay ang pagiging busy ko sa buhay. Actually ngayon, I am in the middle of doing absolutely nothing. Kitams? Bale, napadaan lang talaga ako dito para mag-blog dahil syempre, valentines tapos harthart na naman tayo, paano na ang brainbrain?

Pero maiba naman, guys. Gusto kong mag-post ulit ng tungkol sa pag-ibig dahil nga love month ngayon. Love month nga ba talaga o nutrition month? Ang dami kasing ampalaya e. Itong post na ito ay para sa mga nagmamahal, nagmamahalan, nagmahal, o magmamahal. Wala akong paki kung may syota ka o wala, dahil 'di dahil mahal mo ang isang tao, kailangang maging kayo.

Kapag sinabing “love” or love month or February or mga bagay na may koneksyon dito, 'di ibig sabihin na para lang 'to sa mga magsyota kaya 'wag kang umarte diyan, wala kang talent fee. Matagal ko nang ka-date ang nanay ko tuwing valentines.

Dati, may naalala akong binigyan ko ng flowers ng Valentines. Sabi niya, wala pa daw nagbibigay sa kanya ng flowers. 'Di naman kami, pero noong binigyan ko siya, umiyak siya at nagpasalamat. First time kong magbigay ng flowers nun at bumili ako sa tabi agad-agad noong may nakita akong nagbebenta. 'Yung babaeng 'yun ay 'yung kapatid ko. Wala tayong magagawa, mahal ko siya e.

Para sa mga 'di ako naabutan dito, marami akong naging ka-M.U. at sinaktan lang ako at naging pangalan ng blog ko dati ay “Pinanganak para saktan” dahil walang wala na talaga e. Parang, “May ginawa ba akong mali?” or “Pangit ba ako?” na parang malabo naman. Akala ko nga dati, karma na 'to. 'Yung huli kong girlfriend, 14 years old pa ako tapos nangako ako na mag-gi-girlfriend lang ulit ako 'pag naggraduate na ako ng college dahil 14 years old ako noong 1st year college ako.

Kaso ang nangyari, tumagal ako sa college dahil palipat lipat ako ng course na parang “Uy! Nakamit ko 'yung pangako ko sa huling gelpren ko.” dahil akala ko dati, promises are meant to be broken noong highschool palang ako. Noong pagtanda ko, naging [kahit papaano] mabuting tao ako. Natuto akong magmahal dahil nakaranas ako. Totoong experience nga talaga ang pinakamagaling na teacher. Ngunit, ilang beses man akong nasaktan.

Bilang lalaki, akala nila na ako 'yung manloloko at papalit palit ako ng babae kahit kailan ko gusto. Pero 'di nila alam ang kwento ng bawat love story ko. Nagmahal lang naman ako. *insert bgm here*

Hanggang sa dumating 'yung punto na ayaw ko nang magmahal. 'Di ko naman kailangan sa buhay ng mga girlfriend girlfriend na 'yan. May mga kaibigan naman ako, may pamilya naman ako, etc. Ok na 'yung mahal ko sila, natuto ako. Love is blind, ika nga. Ginawang bulag ako ng pagmamahal at ginawang tanga. Pero lumayo ako ng konti muna sa mga ganung bagay. Nagpahinga ang puso ko. 'Di naman masamang magpahinga kapag pagod ka na.

Ngayon, masaya na ang puso ko dahil iniingatan ito ng isang babaeng mahal ko. Ngayon, iisa lang kami. At sa relasyon namin, walang lalaki, walang babae. Pero 'di siya lalaki, guys. Babae siya, pero pagdating sa relasyon, walang lalaki, walang babae. 'Di dahil ako ang lalaki, ako ang unang magtetext lagi. 'Di dahil siya ang babae, dapat siyang umarte arte para lang malambing ko. Dahil pwede siyang magtext kahit kailan niya gusto una or lambingin siya kahit 'di siya umaarte.

Sabi nga nila, sa una palang kapag nanliligaw 'yung lalaki o boyfriend na, dapat lalaki lahat magbayad lagi ng ganito’t ganyan. Pero sa amin, maghahati kami ng mga gusto namin or kung gusto niya minsan siya magbayad, edi sige. Ako naman din minsan ang magbabayad. Kumbaga kapag mag-asawa na, ganito na kami. For example, si Mom ang nagbabayad ng mga gusto namin at si Dad naman nagbabayad para sa mga kailangan namin.

Walang “Di porket lalaki…” or “Di porket babae…” dapat sa isang relasyon. 'Di rin kami masyadong nagwo-wall post or naka-public relasyon namin dahil 'di namin kailangan ng fans sa relasyon namin na parang Jamich or *ehem* 'yung iba na nasa FB *ehem* na post ng post sa wall dahil syempre, privacy rin. Ang importante, mahal ko siya at mahal niya ako at masaya kami.

'Di ko alam kung ano habol ng iba na puro tag sa kanyang significant other sa mga posts e. Minsan, ok lang. Sinurprise ka ng rosas? Binilhan ka ng damit? Ok lang, pero 'yung halos palagi nalang? Ay, iba na 'yan. Baka nga 'di niya mahal 'yung taong 'yun. Dadami lang “fans” niya tapos kapag nagbreak? Iyak.

Tapos mag-po-post ulit ng bagong lalaki/babae tapos tag ng tag tapos magbe-break ulit tapos magpo-post ng kabitter-an tapos itong mga punyetang kaibigan, magco-comment at “Patayin na 'yan!” tapos siya naman pala talaga ang may kasalanan kung bakit nag-break tapos may iba na naman, tapos forever na naman daw tapos break, and so on…

Lahat nalang sinabihang soulmate. Aba, e ang landi naman pala ng soul mo, 'te?!

Para sa mga solo flight ngayong valentines, dadating din ang araw na maskikiligin kayo sa love story niyo kaysa sa love story ng iba. 'Di dahil single ka, dapat maging malungkot ka na. 'Yung iba nga, may karelasyon, masaya ba? I’m sure may mga alam kayong kwento na si girl/boy, niloko ang syota niya.

At kung niloko ka ng ex mo o pinaglololoko ka ng mga ex mo, tandaan mo na 'di lahat ng tao, katulad niya. May mga taong naghihintay rin ng katulad mo at iingatan ka. Maniwala kayo sa akin dahil ako na mismo ang nakaranas nito. 'Di ko naman sinabi na 'di kayo magpakipot or magpakipot dahil wala akong paki sa style niyo, pero 'yung girlfriend ko, noong hindi pa kami, medyo 'di na siya nagpakipot kasi nalaman ko na gusto niya pala ako since dati pa. Ito 'yung sinasabi kong “May mga taong naghihintay rin ng katulad mo at iingatan ka.”

Noong nalaman niya na 'yung mga babae 'yung nananakit sa akin, nalungkot siya na parang ako 'yung taong gustong gusto niya dati pa at gustong ingatan and stuff, tapos sasaktan saktan lang daw nila ako? 'Di ko siya pinili dahil mahal niya ako. Pinili ko siya dahil mahal ko siya. Nalaman ko lang na nagustuhan niya pala ako dati pa noong kami na.

At please lang, kapag may ka-relasyon ka na, hangga’t sa maaari, kung may problema sa relasyon niyo, ayusin niyo 'yan. As in, kayong dalawa lang. Kayo 'tong may relasyon, 'di naman kami. Kilala niyo’t isa’t isa, unless naging kayo na 'di niyo kilala isa’t isa… E, ewan ko nalang?

Tungkol sa mga bagay na ireregalo sa kanya sa valentines? 'Wag niyo sa akin itanong lalo na’t 'di ko kilala syota niyo. E kung sinabi kong stuffed toy tapos allergic pala siya? Edi kasalanan ko pa na na-ospital siya? Tulad nga ng sinabi ko, ang relasyon niyong dalawa ay para sa inyong dalawa lang. Kaya nga <3 e, kasi less than 3 lang ang involve.

Wait For You (one-shot)

“O nagparamdam na ba?”

“Sino?”

“E di si Mogs.”

Tumigil sa pagdo-drawing si Julie at tinignan si Yeng. “Hindi. Bakit?”

“Hmm. Miss mo na no?”

“Di ah.” Saka nito tinuloy ang ginagawang sketch ng dinedesign nitong damit.

“Weh. Di daw. Bakas naman sa mga mapupungay na mata mo na namimis mo na iyong mokong na yun e. Ano na naman bang nangyari dun?”

Bumuntong-hininga si Julie. “Malamang may bago na namang chix iyon.”

“Selos ka?”

“Di ah. Alam mo ikaw, ma-issue ka din e no.”

“Sus, denial queen ka talaga forever.” Umupo si Yeng sa chair na malapit sa pwesto ni Julie. “E bakit kasi di mo pa sabihin dun na ikaw na lang ang ligawan nya.”

“Ha?! Baliw ka talaga. Bat ko naman gagawin iyon. Saka alam mo, hayaan mo na lang iyong si Moe. Kung saan sya masaya bahala na sya.”

“Iyong totoo Julie, sa akin ka pa ba magtatago?” Seryosong sambit ni Yeng. Tinignan sya ni Julie. “Alam ko namang confused ka dyan sa kaibigan mo na yan e. Isang araw, kukulitin ka, tatawagan mayat maya para magreport, kukumustahin ka, at kahit sobrang busy pupuntahan ka nya nasaan ka man. Tapos sa susunod na araw, ayun parang di ka na kilala. Ni good morning text wala. Tapod uulit na naman. Di ka pa napapagod kakahintay dun? Kaya hindi ka magka-boyfriend e, kakaiba yang attachment mo sa kaibigan mo na iyon na mahirap intindihin.”

Natawa si Julie saka nya binitawan ang lapis nya’t humarap kay Yeng. “Alam mo ikaw ang dami mong napapansin. Normal lang sa amin ni Moe iyon. Wala na din naman kaming pakialam kung ilang buwan man kaming di magpaparamdam sa isa’t isa no.”

Yeng rolled her eyes. “Napakahalata mo na nga, deny ka pa din. Naku ewan ko na nga sa iyo. Pero kung ako ikaw, magtatapat na ako sa lalaking iyon para gumaan na pakiramdam ko.” Tumayo si Yeng at bumalik sa table nya. “Basta ako sigurado ako.na sa oras na malaman mong may jowa na iyon, iiyak ka talaga.”

Hindi na kumibo si Julie at tinitiga na lang ang di nya pa natatapos na design. At walang ibang nasa isip nya ng mga oras kundi si Elmo lang.

Walong taon na silang magkaibigan ni Elmo at naging.malapit sila nang tumira sila sa iisang dorm nung college, since parehas sila ng school.

Elmo has been her closest guy friend and the sweetest. He has always been there for her at nakakausap nya ito about anything. Until one day, she started feeling something for him and he started finding other friends and other things to do. Minsan palagi nya itong kasama, katext at kausap.at minsan nama'y hindi.ito magpaparamdam sa kanya ng ilang linggo.

Sa loob-loob ni Julie, tama ang mga sinabi ni Yeng. She’s already so attached to Elmo that she forgets to see and notice other guys.


Halos isang buwan na rin nang magkita at magkausap.ni Elmo and since then ni text ay wala itong natanggap mula sa kanya. She misses him and she hates that she does, all the time.


Nanonood sya ng fashion show sa isang lifestyle channel nang mag-ring ang doorbell. Nakatira sya sa isang apartment na niregalo sa kanya ng parents nya nang gumraduate sya ng college with honors sa course na Fashion Design.

Tumayo sya’t pagbukas ng pinto'y di nya inasahan ang nakita. “Oh.”

“Musta.” Nakangiting bati ni Elmo.

Pinaghanda nya ito ng juice at ng ginawa nyang cake kaninang hapon. Sinilip nya ang oras, alas-nwebe na ng gabi.

“Lipat ko ha.” sambit ni Elmo, saka nya dinampot ang remote at nilipat sa sports channel.

“Naligaw ka.” si Julie.

“Ayoko sa bahay. Nag-aaway na naman si papa at si Melissa, nakakasawa na.” Si Melissa ang stepmother nya. “Dito na lang kaya ako matulog? O kaya..dito na lang kaya ako tumira?”

“Ano?! Ayoko nga ‘no.”

“Ang arte mo naman. Sige na.”

“Sira ulo ka talaga. Ubusin mo na nga yan, tapos umalis ka na. Matutulog na 'ko.”

Saka tumungo ng kusina si Julie para ayusin ang mga nakakalat lang gamit at pinagkainan. Maya-maya'y naroo na din si Elmo hawak ang baso ng juice.

“Ano nang balita. Kumusta ka na.”

“Okay lang. May mga orders kami ni Yeng kaya medyo busy sa shop.” Saka sya humarap sa binata. “Ikaw?”

“Eto ganito pa din.”

“Anong nangyari sa iyo? Tagal mo di nagparamdam ah.”

Napangiti si Elmo. “Na-miss mo ko no?”

“Di ah. Parang normal lang.” Sagot ni Julie.

“I was in Singapore.”

“Nasa SG ka?”

“Oo. For two weeks. Tapos nag-stay ako sa Baguio for a week and then kakauwi ko lang from Davao.”

“O-kay. So, nainip ka lang ganun? Nafeel mo lang na magbyahe at magbakasyon.”

“Parang ganun na nga. Gulo sa bahay e. Nakaka-stress din sa work. I needed to get away and be far from everything, from everyone.”

INCLUDING ME, sabi sa isip ni Julie. “Ah talaga.” Saka sya nagumpisang maghugas ng pinggan.

“You know what. Sana sinama kita."Napatigil si Julie. "It would’ve been more enjoyable if you were there, with me.”

“Weh. Gusto mo lang talagang magsolo. Ganyan ka naman e, madaya talaga.” And Julie tried to keep herself together.

“Totoo nga. Kaya lang, naisip ko..kung niyaya kita sasama ka kaya sa akin?”

“Depende.”

“Depende saan?”

“Depende kung,” hinarapan nya ulit si Elmo. “gusto mo talaga akong isama o wala kang mayayang iba kaya ako na lang, kasi wala ka nang choice.”

Natawa si Elmo at ibinaba ang baso. “May laman nyang sinabi mo ah. Galit ka ba sakin?”

“Hindi ah.”

At parehas na silang nagseryoso. “Bakit? Hindi ka ba maniniwala kung sasabihin ko sa iyo gusto ko talaga ikaw ang kasama ko?”

“Bakit naman ako? E natitiis mo ngang hindi magpakita o magparamdam man lang sa akin ng isang buwan.” Saka naghugas ng kamay si Julie at bumalik sa sala. Sinundan sya ni Elmo.

“So you did miss me.”

“Umalis ka na nga.”

“Sabihin mo munang na-miss mo ko.”

“Mukha mo.”

“Were you waiting for me?” Napapikit na si Julie at naiinis na sa kakulitan ng kaibigan. “Were you expecting me to-”

“Oo na!” Biglang inis na humarap sa kanya si Julie at inis syang tinitigan. “Oo namiss kita! Oo naghintay ako sa iyo, at naghihintay pa rin ako! Nakakainis ka kasi!” Hindi sumagot si Moe at pinagmasdan lang sya. “Alam mo, ayoko na ng ganito. Ang tagal ko nang…ang tagal mo nang ginagawa sa akin 'to at ayoko na. Ayoko na iyong isang araw ipaparamdam mo sa akin kung gaano ako kaimportante sa buhay mo kung gaano mo ko kailangan, tapos sa susunod na araw hindi ka na magpapakita.” Inis na natawa si Julie. “Moe, hinihintay kasi kita e. At sa kakahintay ko sa iyo nakakalimutan ko na iyong sarili ko, iyong mga bagay na mas kailangan ko palang pagtuunan ng pansin kasi nasasayang iyong panahon ko sa kakaisip na..tatawag ka ba? Ano.na kaya nangyari sa iyo? Bakit hindi ka nagpaparamdam? Bakit di.mo sinasabi sa akin kung nasaan ka? Sinanay mo kasi sa ganon kaya nahihirapan akong…nahihirapan akong hindi ka isipin. Tapos babalik ka na parang wala lang. Kailan ka ba ulit mawawala? Ang hirap e. Ang sakit.”

Matagal na tumitig si Elmo sa kanya. “I missed you.”

“And I like you!” And Julie finally had all the courage to say that. “So much! At hindi na to nakakatuwa. Ayoko na dumating isang araw na sinayang ko lahat ng pagkakataon para hintayin ka, hintayi ka.na magsabi sa akin na isa lang ang nararamdaman natin tapos babalik ka at sasabihin sakin na may nakita ka nang iba. Ayoko na, Moe. These feelings that I have for you, they don’t make me happy anymore. And I want to just let it go. Kaya please, huwag ka nang maging extra.nice sa akin. Huwag mo nang iparamdam sa akin na kailangan ko kung hindi naman talaga, kung ang totoo wala ka nang choice kaya ako na lang ang pinipili.mo. Ayoko nang dumating sa point na…mahal na mahal na kita at hindi na ako tumigil sa kakahintay sa iyo.”

Elmo didn’t know what to say. He looked down and then looked back at Julie. “What do you want me to do?”

Huminga nang malalim si Julie bago sumagot. “Tell me the truth. Sabihin mo sa akin kung ano talaga nararamdaman mo. Gusto kong malaman.”

Elmo smiled. “Iyong totoo? Hindi ko alam. Ang alam ko lang…kahit ano mang gawin ko, kahit saan man ako.mapadpad, kahit sino pa makilala ko… babalik pa rin ako sa iyo.”

Hindi nakakibo si Julie at nakipagtitigan lang kay Elmo. Maya-maya'y umalis na ang binata at tahimik na lumabas.

Naiwang nakatayo si Julie doon at saka sya napaupo nang marealize nyang she just let go of the only guy she’s ever been in love with. Humiga sya’t tinitigan ang ilaw sa kisame. And told herself she has to finally stop waiting for him.

Anim.na buwan na nang huli silang makapagusap ni Elmo at hindi na ito.muling nagpakita sa kanya. In just a snap, she lost her bestfriend and she misses him every now and then.

Pero buti na lang at may ipinakilala sa kanya si Yeng na binata na kaibigan ng boyfriend nito. Greg is a smart, funny and a gentleman. Masarap itong kasama at marami silang pagkakatulad ni Julie.

That’s what Julie has been waiting for, someone to come into her life and make her leave her old feelings behind. She’s happy that she met Greg at dumating na rin sa point na umamin na ito ng nararamdaman. Julie didnt say yes, and she also didnt say no. Gusto nya na kapag tatanggapin na nya si Greg ay buo na ang puso nya.


Greg didn’t leave her side. He became her new bestfriend. Another six.months have passed and Greg was still around. Then Julie thought maybe it’s time for her to finally be his girlfriend.


“Sasagutin ko na sya, pa.”

“Really? That’s good. I like that guy.” Nakangiting sabi ni Darwin. Nasa bahay nila si Julie at nagmimiryenda sila sa garden.

“Really?”

“Yup. He’s a very nice guy and you two look really good together. Do you like him?”

Julie nodded. “Yeah. I really do.”

“Do you like him…enough?”

“Ano'ng ibig nyong sabihin?”

“I mean do you like him enough to-”

“Tito!” Sabay silang napalingon ni Julie at saka natanaw si Elmo.

“Moe? Anong ginagawa nya rito?” Tanong ni Julie. “Haven’t I told you yet? He’s been my gum buddy since you two broke up as friends.” Nakangiting naglalakad palapit sa kanila si Elmo. “And what I was asking was…do you like Greg enough to totally forget about this guy?”

At bago pa mab makasagot si Julie at nakalapit na sa kanila si Elmo. “Tito, ready ka na?”

“Yes. Kukunin ko lang iyong wallet ko.” Iniwa sila ni Darwin sa garden.

Tinignan sya ni Elmo. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Musta?”

“Ayos lang.” The awkwardness is so obvious but they both tried to hide the tension. “So, gym buddies kayo.ni papa?”

“Yep.”

“At bakit di ko man lang nalaman?”

“It was your request remember?”

“Huh?”

Napangiti na lang si Elmo. And Julie admitted that after one year of not seeing him, she missed missed him so much. “So, how’s the suitor?”

“Kinuwento sa iyo ni papa?!”

“I deserve to know what’s happening to.my bestfriend, right? It was you who has stopped caring.”

Sa narinig na iyon ni Julie ay tila nalungkot sya nang husto. Hindi nya akalaing iyon ang naging epekto kay Elmo. Bumalik si Darwin at tinawag na si Elmo.

“Paano Jul, see you again when destiny feels like bringing us together.” Nakangiting sambit ni Elmo. At bago ito umalis ay, “You know what? You have no idea how hard it was to keep myself away from you. Kung naghintay ka sa akin noon, you actually didn’t know that I was waiting for you, too.”

Napaawang ng bibig si Julie at hindi na nakapagsalita dahil.mabilis na na naglakad paalis si Elmo. Sinundan nya ito ng tingin hanggang sa di na nya ito matanaw.

After a few.minutes, sya na ang umalis at umuwi sa apartment nya. At pagdating nya doo'y saktong nagtext sa kanya si Greg.

And then, she suddenly realized what has changed since she let go of Elmo.


“Pumasok ka na muna.” Yaya ni Darwin kay Elmo.

“Hindi na po tito. Salamat.”

Bumaba si Darwin sa kotse’t bago ito tuluyang pumasok sa loob ay may pahabol pa itong sinabi sa binata. “You know young man, I’ve been in love with just one woman, Julie’s mother. And one thing I learned…you never stop waiting for the one you love.”


Nanonood ng reality fashion show si Julie nang mag-ring ang doorbell. Tumayo sya’t binuksan ito.

“Hi.”

Lumabas sila ni Elmo at nagtungo sa malapit na parke. Alas nuwebe na ng gabi. Bumili ng ice cream on stick si Elmo at hindi sila nagusap habang nasa swing. At nang maubos na nila ang ice cream, Moe spoke first.

“So…kayo na ni Greg?”

“Bakit mo tinatanong?”

“Wala lang. Para alam.ko kung…dapat pa ba akong maghintay sa iyo.”

“Maghintay saan? Alam.mo di kita gets.”

Nilingo sya ni Elmo at nagtinginan sila. “Na maging tayo.” Napakunot noo si Julie. “Nag-promise ako sa papa.mo noon na maghihintay ako sa araw na papayagan na nya akong.maging girlfriend ka. At age of 25, medyo pihikan ang papa mo e.”

“Ano bang sinasabi mo-”

“I’m sorry kung may mga pagkakataon noon na nawawala ako. I just want to show your father…how much I wanted to be with you. How.much I wanted you to be.my girlfriend.”

“Si papa?”

Nakangiting tumango si Elmo. Julie looked away and went silent for a couple of.moments. And then she took a deep breath.

“Hindi ko sinagot si Greg.”

“Why?”

Nagkibitbalikat si Julie at saka natawa. “Well, I guess…I don’t like him enough.”

And then she looked at Elmo who’s still staring at her. He smiled, and she smiled back.

And both realized that waiting was worth it.

THE LUCKY ONE

Chapter 13

I closed my door with a bang not even caring if my neighbors would report me to the management. Opportunity na kasi yun tapos di niya pa ko pinagbigyan? Like what the hell!

I took a cold shower to relieve my anger and after that got dressed and decided to just go out and go somewhere. Kahit saan ako dalhin ng paa ko.

‘San ka?’ I asked her through text. It took her about 10 minutes to text me back.

'Lunch with college friends. I’ll see you later tonight okay? Clean your condo.’ she replied. I rolled my eyes and went to the parking lot and out my condo building.

I decided to go to the mall to pick-up some clothes from my sponsors and have a haircut as well.

“Good afternoon, sir.” the staff greeted when I entered the salon.

“Hi.” I smiled and they immediately assisted me and did their job.

After I got my haircut, I thanked them, paid and went around the mall looking for a decent restaurant to have my late lunch alone. It was almost 3pm and my stomach’s grumbling already. Gutom na gutom na ko and I was about to enter this restaurant when I heard a familiar laugh. I looked around searching for it and when I finally found the owner, my heart stopped. It was Julie. She was eating outside the restaurant adjacent to the restaurant I’m about to go in. Yes she did say she’ll be out for lunch with her friends from college but what made it worst is that she isn’t with her college friends. She’s with the person I’m starting to hate. Yes. Kasama niya si Enrique. And I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t want them to see me but I also want to go up to them and surprise them. I decided to just go inside the restaurant and watch them from the window.

“Uhm. Excuse me sir, are you ready to order?” the waiter asked.

“Ha? Yeah. Give me the T-Bone steak with Mandarin Salad and orange juice.” I said without taking my eyes off my subjects.

“Okay sir.” and he went to the kitchen.

I saw how she laughed and talk to him. She’s enjoying every bit of it. Her eyes sparkling. Her smile genuine. And somehow I felt that I’m starting to get hurt at what I’m seeing and so I called the waiter immediately.

“Yes sir?”

“My order’s to go okay?”

“Oh. Sige po sir.” sagot nito and went to tell the chef. He brought my order to my table and I went out the shop and to the parking lot.

I arrived home and ate my lunch as I watched basketball on the tv. Di ko alam that I’ve been murdering my food kung di ko pa mapapansin na lasog na yung steak and the salad’s all over the place. I tossed the box on the table and went to my bedroom to take a nap.

“Elmo wake up.” I heard someone said. I buried my face on the pillow and groaned. “Elmo wake up.”

“Hmmmm?!”

“Elmo!” I heard the voice yelled. I opened my eyes and saw her sitting at the edge of my bed.

“What?” I asked, sleepy.

“Stand up.” she said as she softly slaps my face. “Muppet wake uuuuup.”

“I’m up.” I said and sat up. “Why are you here again?”

“I told you diba? Babalik ako.”

“Ah. Oh? How’s your lunch date with your friends?” I asked as I rubbed my eye. I looked at her and waited for her answer.

“Hmm. Okay naman.”

“Sinong kasama mo?” I asked again. It took her awhile before she finally answered my question.

“Si Mikee tsaka si Cara.”

“Ah talaga? How are they? Di mo ko sinama, may utang sa aking subway si Mikee.”

“Sorry muppet. Next time okay?” she said and pinched my nose. “Pero teka. You have some explaining to do.” she said.

“Huh?”

“Sabi ko maglinis ka ng condo. Bakit pagdating ko dito ang kalat. Food everywhere. Anong ginawa mo? Nagfood fight mag-isa?” she laughed. I remembered why there’s a mess in my pad. It’s because of what I saw and I somehow felt mad at her. Naiirita ako sa kanya. Mikee at Cara pala ha. The hell. I know who’s with you. Akala mo ha.

“Ts. Go home Julie. I’m not in the mood for this.” I said waving her off.

“May problema ba?” she asked me. Oo meron. Nagsinungaling ka. Si Enrique ang kasama mo at hindi sila Mikee at Cara.

“Wala. Masakit lang ulo ko. I’m really not in the mood to talk right now.” I said. She placed her hand on my cheek then on my forehead.

“Wala ka namang lagnat. Uminom ka ba ng gamot?” she asked. I shook my head tsaka humiga uli sa kama.

“Go home Julie.” I said feeling tired. I heard her heaved a deep sigh.

“Fine. I was about to ask you kung ano yung sasabihin mo sa akin kaninang umaga but I guess you’re really not feeling well. Sige. Bukas na lang siguro.” she said habang hinahaplos yung buhok ko. “Matulog ka na ulit. Pero in case you feel hungry, there’s food in the fridge. Reheat mo na lang ha.” sabi niya. I nodded and closed my eyes. “I’ll go ahead. Good night.” she said and kissed my forehead. “Pagaling ka ha?”

*****

Honestly, I don’t know what’s wrong with Elmo. He’s been acting extra weird since this morning. Una ang sungit tapos biglang ang lambing tapos masungit nanaman. He’s giving me mixed signals and I don’t know what to do with him anymore. Makikitulog pa naman sana ako sa condo niya because it’s Angie’s day off and I’m alone at home. Pero mukhang di naman ako welcome.

“Maq, ang weird niya talaga.” I said. I’m at Maqui’s house and I asked her if I could sleepover and she immediately said yes.

“Bakit? Ano bang nangyari?” she asked while she offers me a bowl of popcorn.

“I don’t know. Kaninang umaga kasi I went there para bumawi sa kanya. Kasi last night, I forgot that he was there and I was talking to Quen on the phone–”

“Wait. Sino si Quen?”

“Yung co-model niya. Yung nakilala ko nung nagpunta ako sa shoot nila.”

“Ah okay. So you and Quen were on the phone tapos?”

“Tapos pagbalik ko sa sala, wala na siya. He went out without even saying good night or that he’ll go home. Tapos tinawagan ko siya pero ayaw niya sagutin phone niya. Then he texted me tas alam mo yung ang cold-cold nung way ng pagkakatext? Na maffeel mo na may tampo or something.”

“Oh. Eh bakit daw?”

“I don’t know. So yun nga. Kanina nagpunta ako dun sa condo niya. I cooked him breakfast. Tapos inasar-asar ko pa siya then binantaan niya ko na hahalikan ako–”

“Weh?!!” Maqui reacted and scooted closer to me as she shoves popcorn in her mouth. “Tapos tapos?”

“Tapos nagpunta ako sa kwarto niya. Awkward Maq. Alam mo naman diba?”

“Corny mo. Pakipot pa pektusan kita diyan eh.” she said and rolled her eyes. “Tapos anong nangyari?”

“Tas yun nga. Inaayos ko kwarto niya tas pumasok siya. Nagsorry ganun. Then sabi ko okay lang. Tas nung inaayos ko na yung table niya, he hugged me from behind.”

“Eeeeeeeeeh!!!! Ano ba yan!!! Oh tapos?” kinikilig na sabi ni Maqui.

“Ang adik. Para kang timang dyan. Hahaha.”

“Eh kasi ang landi-landi eh.” she said. “Oh tuloy kwento!”

“Tas yun. Nagsorry pa din siya. Explain ekek pa. Tas bigla niya kong binuhat papunta sa kama. Tapos–” I paused and I saw Maqui smiling at me. “What?”

“You’re blushing.” she said.

“Psh. Hindi ah.” I said defensively.

“Okay. Sabi mo eh. Oh tapos? Ano pa nangyari? You had sex again?”

“Maqui!!”

“What? Eh ano bang ginawa niya?”

“Geez. Greenminded ka masyado. So yun na nga. Binaba niya ko sa kama then he rested his head on my belly. Alam mo yung naglalambing? He was drawing circles on my tummy habang nakapikit siya. Then I played with his hair tapos I asked him kung may problem ba. Sabi niya wala. Then tumabi siya sa akin then niyakap ako tapos sumubsob pa sa ulo ko. I can really feel na may problem eh. Alam mo naman ako. Mabilis kutuban sa kanya.”

“Eh meron naman daw ba?” she asked.

“Sabi niya may sasabihin siya. Kaya lang it was interrupted kasi may tumawag sa akin asking me out for lunch.”

“Sino?”

“Si Enrique.” Maqui’s eyes grew wide in disbelief. “Don’t tell Elmo, Maq! Please wala siyang alam that Quen and I went out for lunch.”

“Julie Anne!”

“Please Maqui.”

“Bakit di mo sinabi?”

“Wala. Tsaka friendly date lang naman yun eh.”

“Sa tingin mo maniniwala siya dyan?”

“Tsk. Basta I told him na I went out with Mikee and Cara. Mukha namang naniwala siya kasi di na siya nagtanong ulit. Tapos yun nga. Pagbalik ko sa condo niya ayaw nanaman niya akong kausapin.”

“And you’re telling me na ang weird niya?”

“Yes! Ang bipolar!”

“He’s not gonna be like that kung di mo siya pinagpalit over that 'friendly’ lunch date.”

“Eh–”

“Julie, you both had an amazing morning. Ang sweet niyo sa isa’t isa then dahil lang sa tawag na yun, bigla kang eeskapo sa kalagitnaan ng moment niyo?”

“Eh kasi–”

“Ang tanga mo din eno? Akala ko ba mahal mo si Elmo?”

“Eh–”

“Eh ano? Mas gwapo ba yang Enrique na yan para ipagpalit mo kay Elmo?”

“Gusto ko lang naman magkabuhay outside our own little world. Kaya yun.”

“Nag-enjoy ka naman ba sa ginawa mo?”

“Yes?”

“Eh bakit patanong? Hindi ka sure?”

“Sure ako. Masaya naman kasama si Quen eh. He’s funny and sweet. Tsaka gentleman siya.”

“Whatever.”

“Maqui naman eh.”

“Look Julie, I’m not against you having a date with someone else pero dahil alam ko kung sino talagang laman niyan…” she said and poked my heart. “Hindi mo ko macoconvince na masaya ka sa company ng mga kadate mo.”

*****

“Nyare brad?” Gino asked. He went to my pad to play PS4 with me. Bumili kasi ng bagong game and we wanted to try it out.

“Ha?” I asked.

“Ang tahimik mo kasi. Feeling ko mag-isa lang akong naglalaro. Ni hindi mo nga masyadong ginagalaw player mo oh.” he said.

“Sorry dude. Ulit.” I said and restarted the game.

“Naah. Nevermind. Ano ba nangyari sayo?” he asked placing the controller on the coffee table.

“W-wala. Not in the mood to move. I feel lazy.” I answered.

“Julie problem?” he asked. My eyes grew wide and he gave me a knowing smile. “What happened dude?”

“Wala to.”

“Come on spill. Alam ko may tinatago ka sa amin about you and Julie.” he said. I stood up and went to the fridge to get some beer and handed one to him.

“Uhh… Pano ba? Uhm remember 3 years ago?”

“Yes. What about it?”

“Yung sinasabi niya na I kissed her?”

“Yeah. You said that it didn’t happen.”

“Well… it did. And uhm… I wasn’t really drunk that time. I was just… I was just pretending to be drunk.”

“Seryoso pare?!”

“Mukha ba kong nagjjoke dude?” I asked him. He shook his head and nodded for me to continue. “So yun. I really kissed her. Even told her that I love her. Pero pare ang sakit nung mga narinig ko sa kanya eh.”

“Bakit?” he asked.

FLASHBACK…

“Julie mahal kita…” I said and then I kissed her. I felt nervous at first because she wasn’t reciprocating my kiss but I smiled when finally, she did. She was kissing me back and she was even caressing my face. I started to kiss her neck and started unzipping her hoodie when she pushed me away.

“Julie lasing lang yan eh. Nagpadala ka naman. Alam mong sakit sa ulo yang lalaking yan. You know he doesn’t reach your standards. Tumigil ka nga.” I heard her say to herself. I pretended to just sleep as I felt her remove my shirt and made me wear a new one.

The next morning when I woke up, I was still thinking about the kiss. And I started to feel the pain in my gut when I remembered all the things she said about me. Masakit pala. Para akong nabasted nang di ko pa nga nililigawan.

“Moe?” I was surprised to see her back in my pad. She was playing with the strings of her hoodie and she was staring at me intensely.

“Uh. Yeah?”

“Last night…”

“Oo grabe nalasing ako. Buti nahatid ako ni Kris eh isa ding lasing yun diba?” I told her as I fold my blanket.

“No. A-ako naghatid sayo dito.” I looked at her and her forehead was creased.

“Ikaw? Akala ko si Kris. Blackout ako kagabi eh.”

“Ako naghatid sayo. Uhm… Y-you actually did something last night.”

“Ano? Teka huhulaan ko. Naghubad ba ko kagabi mula elevator hanggang dito? Hahaha.” I said pretending to be really drunk having no memory of what really happened.

“No. You uhm… Y-you kissed me Elmo.”

“I did?! Seryoso manager?”

“Di mo maalala? You even said something…”

“Grabe. Nilagyan ba nila ng vetsin yung shot ko kaya nalasing ako agad? Hahaha. Seryoso nagawa ko yun?”

“Ts. Pupunta ba ko dito kung hindi?!”

“Oh. Bakit ka galit? Wala nga akong maalalang ginawa ko yun! Drunk guy here.”

“Whatever.” she said and stormed out of my condo.

END OF FLASHBACK…

“Kaya ba sinabi mo na wala kang maalala?” Gino asked. “Kasi nasaktan ka sa mga sinabi niya?” he added.

“Sakit pala nun pre no? Hanggang friendzoned na lang talaga ako.”

“Look bro, you don’t know what’s going on in that little head of hers kaya wag mo sabihin yan. Maybe she’s just scared. Takot siyang irisk yung friendship niyo.”

“No dude. She’s happy with someone else.”

“Ha?” gulat na tanong ni Gino.

“You know Enrique right?”

“Yung co-model mo sa clothing line na ineendorse mo? Yeah. Bakit?”

“I saw them a couple of days ago and uhm…”

“Ano?”

“She looked happy with him, dude. And alam kong wala na kong laban sa kanya.”

*****

Friday night. As usual dinner nanaman with the barkada. They decided to have it here at my house and we thought of having Mexican food as our dish.

“Oh. I bought tequila!” Diva said as she placed the bottle on the counter. “Shot ha? Body shot tayo walang KJ.”

“Wahaha. Ayos naisip mo ah. Apir apir!” Jmee said. “Hoy ang KJ may parusa ha.” she added.

We were gathered around the dining table and was about to eat when Sef spoke.

“Wherelaloo si Elmoloo?” he asked. Dun pa lang namin napansin that he is not around. All eyes were automatically glued on me.

“Jules, si Moe?” Derrick asked.

“H-ha? Ewan ko. Di pa nagtetext sa akin yun mula kagabi eh.” I said. Maqui was looking at me and I just shrugged.

“Kagabi nandun ako sa condo niya eh.” Gino started. This time, we all looked at him. “Mukhang problemado eh. Walang kibo.” he said.

“Eh wala bang sinabi sayo?” Derrick said

“Ewan ko. Di nga kumikibo diba?” he answered.

“Hayaan niyo na. Isave na lang natin siya ng food tapos pag dumating siya tsaka na lang siya kumain.” Maqui said.

“Uhm. Mauna na kayo. I’ll wait for him.” I said.

“You sure Jules?” Diva asked. “Baka gutom ka na. Wag mo na hintayin si muppet.”

“Hindi okay lang. Sabay na kaming kakain.” I said. They started eating and I went outside waiting for his car to arrive. 15. 30 minutes have passed but he hasn’t arrived yet and I’m starting to get worried.

“Jules, pasok na dito. Baka natraffic yun.” Gino said. Pumasok na ko sa loob and they are all gathered in the living room.

“Sorry I’m late guys.” we heard a familiar voice and when we looked he was standing by the door, a box of donuts in hand.

“Dude. Bakit ngayon ka lang?” Kris asked.

“May pinuntahan pa kasi ako eh. And medyo nag-enjoy kaya nalate ako ng dating. Sorry.” he said. “Kumain na kayo?” he asked.

“Si Julie hindi pa. Hinihintay ka.” Maqui said. “Kain na kayo dun.” he looked at me then nodded.

“Uhm… Tara na Jules. Kain na tayo.” he said as he placed the box on the table. “Hoy. Wala munang kakain niyan hangga’t di kami tapos ni Julie kumain ha. Bilang ko yan.” he warned them. They all laughed and we both went to the dining area.

“Bakit ka nalate?” I asked him as I prepare his food.

“Ha? Wala. Eh yun nga may pinuntahan pa ko.”

“Saan?”

“Basta. Somewhere lang. Anyway andito naman na ko. Kain na tayo.” he said. “Oh.” sabi niya sabay bigay sa akin ng juice. “Bakit di ka sumabay sa kanila kumain? Hinintay mo pa ko.”

“Eh wala ka kasing kasabay. Kaya yun.”

“Ah.” he took a bite of his food and we ate in silence. Nakakapanibago. Hindi naman siya ganito before. He’s the talkative one and sobrang nakakailang that he’s acting like this.

“Uhm. How’re you feeling? Diba nung nandun ako sa condo mo, masama pakiramdam mo? Okay ka na ba?” I asked. He only answered with a nod. “Oh.”

After we ate ay tahimik pa rin kami na nagligpit ng kinainan and then we went back to the living room to join them.

“Oh game na!” Derrick said as he opened the bottle of tequila.

“Uy. Ayos yan ah.” Elmo said as he sat next to Jmee. I sat next to Maqui and she leaned her head on my shoulder as if telling me that she knows what I’m feeling.

“Moe, game ka body shot?” Diva asked him.

“Oo ba! Hahaha. Parang college days natin.” he replied.

*****

The game started and we were all game for it. Matagal din bago kami nagganito ulit. It’s actually spin the bottle but instead of answering questions or doing the consequences, we will do body shots. Pinauso namin ni Gino to when we were college kasi patay na patay ang mokong kay Maqui. And para makascore ng halik, he thought of doing this game. Ayos din no? Since then, they were inseparable.

“Oh game na.” Diva said and spinned the bottle. Tumapat ito kay Sef and lahat kami nagtawanan.

“Omg omg omg. Seryoso ba itey? Kalurkey!!” he whined as he took the shot glass and lemon. Tapos nilagyan na niya si Diva ng salt sa balikat and we all laughed when he shrieked after taking his shot. “Eeeeeeeh!!!”

“Hahahahahahahaha.” we all laughed dahil diring-diri yung itsura niya.

“Omg. Bakit ba kasi friendship ko kayo! I mean, ugh! The ideas you have guys. So kadirdir for my being!” he whined.

“Whatever bakla. Oh next na!” we all each had our shots and sobrang enjoy na lahat.

“Oh Jules ikaw na ulit!” Jmee said. Julie spinned the bottle and we all waited for it to stop at its target. Spinning. Spinning. It seemed nonstop. Until…

“Elmooooooo!!” they all yelled.

“Teka teka teka. Bago shumot si Elmo. Saan natin papalagay yung salt?” Kris asked. Nagbulungan naman silang lahat while I pour tequila on the jigger glass.

“Lam ko na.” Derrick said and even gave me a smirk. “Pre, sa tyan ni Julie.” he said.

“Ha?” I asked.

“Dun sa baba ng pusod. Sa may puson.” Maqui said as she laughed. Julie shot her a death glare and she laughed even more.

“Bilis na putek! Parang di magbestfriend tong dalawang to.” Diva said. I heaved a deep sigh tsaka na lumapit kay Julie. I put salt to where they wanted it and I looked at her before I took my shot.

“Wooooooooooh!!!!” I heard Derrick and Kris shout.

“Brad nakunan mo?” Kris asked Gino.

“Oo. Hahahaha. Solid to!” he said and showed us the picture. “Imba ka pre! Ang halay ng dating!!” he teased me.

“Gago.” was all I said and then went back to sit beside Jmee.

We finished drinking and everyone decided to go home already.

“Maiwan muna ako. I’ll help Julie clean up the mess.” I said. The truth is, I wanted to talk to her about her lying to me. Ilang araw ko din kasing inisip yun. And if she really wanted to date other guys, she should just tell me. I’m her bestfriend after all.

“Elmo, san ka ba talaga nanggaling kanina?” she asked.

“I told you already diba? I went somewhere.”

“Where is that somewhere?”

“I have an event sa Laguna. You happy?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Oh. Why do you have to know about my whereabouts? Ikaw nga hindi kita pinapakielaman sa mga gala mo eh.”

*****

“Oh. Why do you have to know about my whereabouts? Ikaw nga hindi kita pinapakielaman sa mga gala mo eh.” he said. I shot him a look and he just raised his eyebrow.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?!” I asked him.

“Wala! Baka kasi ikaw ang may dapat sabihin sa akin eh. Diba?”

“Ano?!”

“Lunch date with college friends? Mikee and Cara pala ha.”

“Oh bakit?! Totoo namang nagkita kami ah!”

“Oh please. I was there Julie. I know who you’re with.”

“Were you stalking me?! Elmo ano ba naman yan!”

“No! I went to the mall to have a haircut and to get stuffs from my sponsors. Malay ko bang dun din kayo magdedate ng 'college friend’ mo na anong pangalan? Enrique! Whom you just met a couple of times at wow ha! Date agad? Like seriously Julie. Gaano ka ba kadesperada?!”

“WHAT THE HELL ELMO! KAILANGAN BA SA LAHAT NG KILOS KO KAILANGAN ALAM MO?! KAILANGAN KUNG SINONG KASAMA KO KAILANGAN ALAM MO?! KAILANGAN SA BAWAT GALAW KO, SASABIHIN KO PA SAYO?! JUSKO NAMAN!”

“Look Julie, I’m not here to pick a fight okay? Sorry sa nasabi ko pero please naman. Can’t you be atleast a little demure?” he said calmly. “Uuwi na ko.”

“NO!! YOU STARTED THIS, TATAPUSIN MO TO. LOOK, ELMO. ALAM MO BA KUNG BAKIT PUMAYAG AKO NA MAKIPAGDATE KAY QUEN?! BECAUSE HE IS NOT LIKE YOU! IBANG-IBA SIYA SAYO. HE’S A GENTLEMAN, HE THINKS LESS ABOUT HIMSELF AND MORE OF OTHERS, HE ISN’T LIKE YOU NA PURO SARILI ANG FOCUS. HE IS BETTER THAN Y–”

“STOP! STOP! STOP!!!” he yelled. I looked at him as tears started brimming in my eyes. Galit na galit ako. “Stop it Julie. Masakit na! Masyado nang masakit!”

“Bakit?! Dahil totoo lahat ng sinabi ko? Na you are a selfish and a very immature per–”

“Masakit dahil mahal kita!!” he yelled. “Mahal na mahal kita Julie and I don’t want you loving other guys.”

“Elmo…” I don’t know what to say. Is he confessing? As in sa ganitong moment talaga? “El–” he didn’t let me continue. He just held my face and kissed me. I tried pushing him but he was strong. He hugged me as he continued kissing me and as much as I wanted to hate him, I can’t because I love him too. I surrendered to his kisses and reciprocated them. Even wrapping my arms around his body and pulling him close to me. He smiled against my lips and he kissed me again. His kisses started going all over my face then down my neck.

“Moe…” I moaned softly.

“Julie I want you.” he said and I nodded. Because I want him too. Been wanting him all my life. He carried me and we went to my bedroom while we kissed. He laid me and continued to kiss me as his hands started roaming around my body.

Our kiss deepen and I felt like he really wanted me. “I love you, Julie. I love you.” He said between our kisses. My heart melted.

“I want you.” he said and kissed me.

“I need you.” and he kissed me again.

He whispered in my ears and nibbled it. I’m starting to feel something, I’m enjoying what he is doing. He kissed me down to my neck. Then he took off his shirt. Oh gosh this guy. I can’t resist him. And he kissed me again. He opened his eyes, “Julie, open your eyes please.” He said and I opened my eyes. We’re kissing, eye to eye. I can see in his eyes how much he meant those words. His hands went inside my top feeling my curves 'til he reached my bosoms. He cupped the right one and I closed my eyes and bit his lips. He smirked.

He unhooked my bra. And then he slowly moved his kisses down to my shoulders that gave me that shiverish feeling as he gave me a good massage on my bosoms. Di ko na alam kung anong nangyayari sakin. He drives me insane. Elmo drives me insane.

He slowly put down my top’s strap, while his two hands are busy massaging my two bosoms while giving me wet kisses on my shoulders. I moaned, at lalo ata siyang ginanahan knowing na I’m giving in. He took off my clothes. He looked amazed with my body as if I was the last piece of jewelry in the world. He stared at me for a second and look into my eyes.

Ang tagal naman nitong si Elmo oh. “Hoy, muppet ano ka na dyan? Ang tagal mo naman eh.” I pouted. Nabibitin kasi ako sa ginagawa niya. Why does he have to be like that?

“Haha. Masama bang titigan muna yung katawan mong nakaka-ano, Manager?” he teased.

“Nakaka-ano ha?”

“Nakakabighani. Haha!” Elmo answered. “Tara na nga tuloy na natin. Galing mo talaga mag-moan.” And he mimicked my moan. Ayos to makaasar ah.

“Siraulo ka talagang, Muppet ka! Umalis ka na nga!” Sabay hagis sa shirt niya and I slightly pushed him away but he was strong enough to pull me and now I’m on top of him. He rested his back sa headboard ng kama ko and he even pulled me closer.

“You’re such a tease, Julie.” Elmo grabbed my waist as he puts stray hair behind my ear. “You’re teasing me unconciously and I will always get attracted to you.” he said. I smiled at him and cupped his face and I kissed him torridly. Elmo, you are a tease as well.

*****

I played with her nips while sucking her other breast. Julie loves the sensation. She’s even letting out soft moans. At habang nakaupo siya sa ibabaw ko, she must have felt how hard I am. Kaya I can feel her getting so wet.

I laid her down as I continued sucking and licking her breasts. Unti-unti ko rin inalis ang buckle ng belt ko at tinulungan naman ako ni Julie hanggang boxers na lang ang natira sa akin.

“Grabe, muppet ang hard na niyan. Wag na kaya natin ituloy nakakatakot eh.” sabi niya habang nagpipigil ng tawa.

“Ay ano ba naman yan, Manager. Ang daya-daya mo naman talaga oh.” I playfully sobbed.

“Sorry na, Muppet.” And Julie kissed me again.

We shared a beautiful night. After I confessed my true feelings for this amazing girl. I can somehow feel that we will have our forever. Because I can feel that she loves me too and that she’s willing to take the risk with me.

“I love you Julie.” I said and kissed her hair before I closed my eyes. She snuggled closer to me and embraced me tighter giving me a kiss on my chest.

 “May nagtanong sa akin kung pwede ba daw niya akong maging ka-fling.”

       Ano ba talaga ang ibig sabihin ng salitang “FLING”? Ang alam ko, parang char-char lang daw yan, parang kayo pero hindi kayo. Alam mo yun? Sabi naman ng iba, friends with benefits daw. Friends kayo pero parang magsyota ang turingan ninyo. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit kelangan pa maging fling. I mean, let the person do the effort. Huwag mo siyang hayaan na i treat as syota kana niya kahit hindi pa nagiging kayo. Okay lang naman yung mga kilig moments pero yung more than that? yung tipong mga bagay na ginagawa na talaga ng totoong magsyota. Tskk parang nawalan naman ng saysay ang “panliligaw stage” nyan. Tapos kung hindi man magwork yung fling2 na yan, tapos! ayun wala na. Parang wala lang nangyari eh! ang masakit lang, naka-invest kana ng feelings mo sa taong yun. Mapababae man o Lalake nasasaktan, sinaktan, umaasa, paasa, minahal at nagmahal. Lahat naman tayo ay tao lang nagkakamali rin pero why not take the risk? Huwag yung fling2 lang.. Ligawan, mag-effort, tapos kung ayaw ng babae, edi stop. Humanap ng iba at pagtuunan ng pansin ang iba pang mas importanteng mga bagay. Pero kung nagpapahintay din naman ang babae, edi maghintay. Sa mga babae naman, huwag magpaasa, kung ayaw sa lalake, sabihin agad pero kung gusto naman, eh magpakipot muna pero sana’y alam din ng lalake na meron ka ding nararamdaman para sa kanya. Give and take. Step by step. Slowly but surely. Dahil darating at darating din ang tamang panahon para sa mga ganyan. Kailangan mo lang talagang mag-antay. Hindi mo man malaman kung kelan pero puso mo na ang magdidikta kung siya na ba talaga. 

“Ang tunay na pag-ibig ay dapat lang hintayin dahil wagas na kaligayahan ang tiyak na mararating.”

–MT

An Open Letter to the Man I Love the Most (IIF Fanfic)

Para kay mama. This is way overdue, I know.
************************

Dear Wesley,

The first time I saw you, I knew you weren't mine to have.

You were the popular guy. Always wanted, always taken.

And me? I was a bitch.

At one point, I even heard one of your friends making fun of me. They called me lots of names, until finally, one eventually stuck.

Your crazy friend called me a snerd and there was nothing left for me to do but to take it.

But you know what?

It hurt.

Kasi alam ko sa sarili kong I wasn't what you think I was, but if it meant I would be noticed by you, tinanggap ko nalang.

Sorry. Mukha na ba kong tanga?

Siguro ganun talaga pag nagmahal ka na.

Nawawalan ka ng reason, ng self-respect at self-appreciation kapag ang mahal mo may mahal nang iba.

Four years, Wes. Four years kong inantay na mahalin mo din ako. Pero sa dinami-rami ng naging girlfriend mo, ni minsan, hindi ako yung napansin mo.

God, I was stupidly inlove with you that I wanted to be a fling if it meant that I  could be with you!

Pucha naman.

Alam mo bang nasaktan ako nung nahalikan mo si Rachel nung elementary pa tayo?

Tangina, bakit sa dinami-rami ng pwedeng mangyari nung araw na yun, yun pa?

I bought a new dress for you.

I made myself up only to get noticed by you.

But you didn’t.

And it broke my heart.

After that I promised myself that I’d stop pining for you.

Sino ka ba para iyakan?

Maganda ’ko, and I deserve better than to hang on to someone who wouldn’t even give me the time of day.

But you know what?

One smile from you noong Freshman Orientation , and I was a goner.

Para akong tanga na kinalimutan nalang ang lahat.

Don’t get me wrong, though; I’ve liked a lot of boys apart from you - more handsome ones, smarter ones, even more athletic - but there was something about you that just keeps on catching my eye.

Which, I believe, is the reason why I got so obsessed (well, atleast that’s what my friends say) with you.

Nagsimula ang lahat sa pasimpleng tingin.

Magkaiba tayo ng section, kaya kinuntento ko nalang ang sarili ko sa pagsilip sa room niyo with every chance I got; palaging nagvo-volunteer kapag may kailangan ang mga cher ko sa teacher niyo,maglalakad ng mabagal sa tapat ng room niyo kapag lunch o kaya naman recess - minsan pa nga, nakakalimang cr ako sa isang araw masilayan lang kita.

Pusanggala, ang creepy ko di ba?

Sa bawat pagsilay ko sa’yo araw-araw, pipigilan ko ang kilig hanggang sa makaupo ako sa seat ko para lang kumisay sa harap hg barkada ko.

Ang barkada ko na sa sobrang supportive, kulang nalang ipagtulakan na nila ko sa’yo, mapansin mo lang ako.

Kami ang pinaka maingay sa games mo, ang mga weirdo na daig pa yung may megaphone kung maka-cheer sa’yo. Tapos palihim na sisilip kung nakuha ba namin ang atensiyon mo o kung nangiti ka man lang sa kalokohang pinauso ko.

Shit, napapansin mo ba yun?

Siguro hindi.

Sa dinami-rami banaman ng karibal ko at sa seriousness naman ng mukha mo, malamang nasa bola lang o di kaya naman sa flavor of the month mo lang ang focus mo.

Kung alam mo lang ang nararamdaman ko everytime na kumikindat o ngumingiti sa mga then girlfriend mo, tangina, sana sinapak mo nalang ako.

It was around our second year that I decided to give myself a chance and love someone else - like I said, maganda ako - hindi man pasa sa standards mo, pero putangina, maganda ako.

My boyfriend and I were together for almost five months, but we didn’t work out.

Alam mo kung bakit?

Oo, assumero. Nagbreak kami ng dahil sa’yo.

Na kesyo palagi nalang daw niya kong nahuhuling nakatingin sa’yo, na kapag naglalaro siya ng basketball, nasa’yo lang daw atensiyon ko kahit na siya ang chini-cheer ko. Ikaw nalang daw ang magaling, ikaw ang confident,  ikaw na lahat! 

Kaya nahiya ako, Wes. Hiyang-hiya ako kasi akala ko, ako lang ang may alam ng lahat. Nainis ako sa sarili ko kasi ginawa ko siyang second best… hindi ko binigyan ang sarili ko na mahalin siya kasi hung up ako sa’yo. Even though you never really knew that I existed.

Walang hanggang sorry nalang ang binigay ko sakanya nun. Nag-iyakan kami, niyakap ko siya habang paulit-ulit akong nag sorry sakanya kasi he didn’t deserve it.

Pero alam mo? To this day we remain friends. Sinabi niya na aantayin niya ko, until siya naman ang mahalin ko.

Tanga e.

Parang ako.

First sem natin ngayong fourth year highschool, nag -outing tayo. Beach.

May dalang alak nun yung mga kaklase ko at ilan sa mga classmates mo.

Responsable kang SC President, pero pinalampas mo yung time na yun kasi nga sabi mo, once lang naman, graduating na din naman tayo.

Halos dalawang taon na kong walang boyfriend at ikaw, kakahiwalay niyo lang ni girlfriend number 23.

Si Pepper.

Nang malasing na lahat, naglaro tayo ng Truth or Dare.

Truth or Dare, na matapos ang dalawang walang kwentang dare e nagkaroon na ng twist - kung sino mang matapatan ng bote, hahalikan sa labi ang sa tingin nila ay ang pinaka-attractive sa grupo; in a way, truth and dare na ang naging flow ng game.

Ginusto kong umayaw, pero pinagbawalan ako ng lahat - bawal ang kj, sabi niyo pa nga. Kaya hiniling ko nalang na sana, wag akong matapatan.

Unti-unti nang lumakas ang loob ko nung nakalimang ikot na ng bote pero di pa ko natatamaan. ‘Konting ikot nalang,’ sabi ko sa sarili ko, ‘malalasing na mga yan tapos ayawan na’.

Kaso tangina, ang tindi rin namang mantrip ng tadhana.

Nung nagkapayagan nang huling ikot na, sa’kin pa siya tumapat.

Ginusto kong magsinungaling nun, ginusto kong halikan nalang yung ex ko para matapos na, pero tangina. Bukod sa magiging unfair yun para sakanya, naisip ko na baka ito na ang sign para matupad na ang pinapangarap ko - na baka yung halik yung maging catalyst para ako naman yung mapansin mo. Ang maging si number 24.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I gathered all the courage I could muster, held your face between my hands and kissed you like my like depended on it.

It was awkward, yes. Hell, you froze like you couldn’t even comprehend why a stranger was kissing you like she has been in love with you for years (which was the truth)!

I was about to pull away when you latched your arm on my waist, the other behind my neck and pulled me closer. You kissed me back and for the first time in four years, I thought we had something.

Natulog ako nung gabing yun with a stupid smile on my face, and hope. Hope that finally, we were going somewhere.

That hope died the next day on our bus ride home. I tried calling you, hoping to see something on your face when you see me, but then there was nothing.

Dun na rin ako kinausap ni Barbs - the one who insisted on calling me a snerd.

Sabi niya, ‘Teh  piece of advice - yung halik niyo kagabi? walang meaning yun sa mga katulad ni Wes. Quit being stupid and move on. Save yourself and find someone else who’ll be worth it. ‘

Pero hindi pa rin ako naniwala. Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na insecure lang siya, na may iba siyang agenda kaya pinapalayo niya ko sa’yo.

It wasn’t until the next few days that I began to understand.

Ilang instances ba kitang nakita na nakatulala kay Rachel? Na iba yung ngiting ipinapakita mo sakanya kapag inaasar mo siya during club meetings, yung pagtingin mo sa way nila nina Barbs tuwing nakakashoot ka  trying to see if you’ve impressed her.

I have always felt invisible around you, but that realization took things to a whole new level. It’s not that I was invisible to you - you were just too busy focusing your attention on her that you didn’t have time to look at someone else.

I now knew what my ex felt like - to have been given a piece  of something that made you hope for something more, only to have it callously taken away from you.

With that thought my heart broke all over again.

Since then I have been through a phase in my life where I didn’t believe that I have any worth - tangina kasi, ano bang wala sa ‘kin?

Hindi ba ako maganda? masyadong masama ugali? O sadyang nasobrahan lang talaga ko sa tanga? Pinaniwala ko ang sarili ko na inlove ako sa isang tao na ni minsan, hindi man lang ako nilingon. Hindi man lang kinilala, at kahit kailan, hindi naman talaga ako pahahalagahan.

Nakakaputa, nakakasira ng self-confidence, nakakababa ng self- worth.

I felt completely rotten inside.

Siguro karma.

Karma kasi pinakawalan ko ang isang bagay na totoo kapalit ng isang bagay na sa isip ko lang pala magkakaroon ng chance.

Sising-sisi ako, Wesley.

Kung hindi lang ako tanga, I could’ve seen what my feelings for you really were.

It was love, yes. But it was only a love that was all in my head, a product of all the girlish fantasies that I’ve had of me and you.

A love that grew and was nothing but fiction, a feeling that I let myself fawn over and ended up with me taking the one that truly loved me for granted.

A love that although made me feel great all these years, I now realize that it isn’t real.

And with this thought, I decided to let you go and seek the one who will truly make me happy.

Wes, I am writing this letter not to make you feel guilty, but to thank you.

Thank you for all the happiness you made me feel throughout the years that I have loved you.

For making me realize that I shouldn’t force myself to chase for the love that I think I deserve, but rather wait for the one who will love me more than I’ve ever dreamed of.

To wait for that someone who will look at me the way that you look at Rachel.

To believe that I am worth more than what I think I am.

So thank you, Wes.

There will still be a part of me that will always love you, but I will now make sure that I will give the bigger piece of me to the one I’m meant to be with.

The one I will love more.

I hope we’ll both get to be happy and get the ones that we truly want.

Lovingly yours,

Maricar