yammy science

If the espada had a democratic government...

As requested by @29thspirit. :)

In this AUverse, Aizen has been kicked to the curb (or, more likely, chose to leave), and the espada have installed a democratic government. With themselves as the parliament of course. How would their meetings work out? Let’s look at a representative sample!

Halibel: I, President Halibel, am calling this meeting to order.

Grimmjow: Okay but seriously - how come SHE gets to be president??

Halibel: Because we voted, Grimmjow. And literally everyone voted for themselves except for Ulquiorra, who voted for me.

Ulquiorra: I am emptiness.

Ulquiorra: Giving myself a vote seemed wrong.

Zommari: And you voted for her because…?

Ulquiorra: She is the only one of who is even remotely reasonable - aside perhaps from Starrk, who did not want the job.

Starrk: Yeah I only voted for myself because that was easier than thinking.

Aaroniero: I still say I should have gotten two votes! There’s two of me, you know!

Szayel: Yes, because giving more voting power to gillian. That’s what we want.


Barragan: Could we PLEASE get this ridiculous and undoubtedly short-lived farce started? The sooner it starts and fails, the sooner we can get back to monarchy, the only form of government that actually works so long as I am king.

Halibel: Our first order of business is old business. We still need to set a date for general elections. So long as we remain in charge unelected, this is not a true democracy.

Barragan: Oh. The horror.

Nnoitra: What, you think the hollows won’t vote for us?? Of course they’ll vote for us! Unless they want to be fucking slaughtered!

Halibel: Do I need to explain what democracy is? Again?

Nnoitra: Hey, I get what democracy is! It’s something that makes no fucking sense for hollows like us!

Nnoitra: I think we should reopen the matter of a fightocracy!

Halibel: That’s not a thing.


Starrk: But I don’t want more power…

Yammy: Uh, I’m actually the strongest, remember?? I love the idea of a fightocracy! Don’t you like it, Ulquiorra?

Ulquiorra: As I said the last three times we discussed this - no.

Yammy: But WHY

Halibel: Enough, please. We are not going to all fight each other to the death until one remains. We are going to do this. We are going to have elections and all sentient hollows will vote for their representatives.

Nnoitra: That is so unfair. It’s prejudiced against people who used to slaughter lesser hollows for fun!

Zommari: Sentient hollows, you say? What, so the Steves don’t get a vote?

Halibel: They have a hive mind and are controlled by other hollows.

Zommari: And that means they’re not worthy of being represented??

Zommari: This is supposed to be a government by hollows and for hollows - all hollows!

Zommari: I am so going to be the Steve representative.

Szayel: So…you’ll get them snacks?

Zommari: If that is what they want!

Grimmjow: Wait…so power will go to whoever gets voted for?

Halibel: Yes. I am glad that you have finally figured that out. After a mere five meetings

Grimmjow: Oh man, I’m hot, I’m cool, and I go around shirtless all the time with great hair!

Grimmjow: Everyone’s gonna vote for me!

Nnoitra: You think you can get more votes than me? Ha! No one can resist my rad spoon hood!

Grimmjow: Rad?


Halibel: Enough! I will choose a date and bring it to you all for approval.

Halibel: Before we end, does anyone want to discuss anything about how the voting process will actually work? We need logistics.

Barragan: Here’s an idea: if one of us happens to get all the votes, that person becomes supreme ruler.

Halibel: No.

Szayel: I would like to volunteer to make electronic voting machines! I can promise that they will not be rigged in any way.

Halibel: …

Szayel: They won’t! I don’t care about elections. But I DO care about planting my bugs in as many people as possible, which my voting machines will do.

Halibel: No.

Szayel: Is this government anti-science??

Yammy: I want to know if puppies can vote!

Halibel: We are all animals except for Zommari who is a pumpkin. I don’t see why not.

Yammy: Awesome!

Zommari: If his puppy gets to vote, then my Steves get to vote!

Halibel: We will consider it.

Grimmjow: I think we should make a law that humans can’t win the election!

Halibel: That is smart. That way Aizen cannot sneak back in.

Grimmjow: Aizen? Fuck that guy! I’m worried about Kurosaki!

Grimmjow: That guy is always stealing my victories!

Aaroniero: We need to return to the matter of multiple votes for hollows with multiple consciousnesses!

Aaroniero: I have like a dozen, so…

Halibel: No.

Nnoitra: I would like to suggest trashing this stupid voting thing and just have a FIGHTOCRACY

Halibel: …and that is my cue. Meeting adjourned! 

Starrk: Meetings like this almost make me miss Aizen.

Halibel: No one said democracy is easy.