yack it

modern taako wouldnt shoplift. he was the only one who wanted to stop magnus and merle from stealing from the bank in redcliffe. he would, however, take a pair of bolt cutters, break open the dumpster where sephora tosses their unsold goods, and dig around for free shit

“its not in the store, its not being sold, its factually garbo. hence its free game, my dude” - taako, probably

Young Adult Teen Boy Protagonist: But…But I’m a nerd. I’m in a math class. I’ve watched Star Wars. I went to a library in the first chapter… And she’s the quirky new girl in school who likes poetry and old music from the 80′s and isn’t at all conventionally attractive but always gets hit on and is probably going to be played by Emma Watson in the movie. Sure, she has some major flaws; like being clumsy or having too many freckles, but how am I ever going to compete with the fundamentally unlikable and abusive jock boy that she likes for no apparent reason but to create an obstacle for me in the plot?

Friend of the Protagonist Who’s the Most Painful Closeted Cis Gay Stereotype Ever Created and Will Eventually get a One and a Half Page Coming Out Scene: You’re quiet, you’re basically nondescript in almost every conceivable way; you’re a total catch!  But–But don’t get the wrong idea, it’s not like I think you’re hot! I’m not gay or anything!

Other Friend of the the Protagonist Who is Non-White in Some Way: Yeah Kirk, everything’s gonna be swag. Just deadass chill, homie.

Reminder to unfollow me if you’re
-a terf
-a radfem
-belief self dxxing is invalid
-truscum
-believe immigrants can be “”“illegal”“”“
-dislike otherkin
-dislike neo pronouns
-Literally if trans ppl tell you you’re transphobic every other day than u r and u need to stay 100038383838 mil miles away from me
-the last one goes for any other type of bigotry

Date Night ~Jack Wilder~

Prompt: Being married to Jack {taking care of him when he gets sick on date night}

Pairing: Jack x Reader

Word Count: 400

Warning: it’s short, it sucks, i hate it, it’s the best I got…

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Guitars and Scarred Hearts 5/?

A CS Rockstar!Killian AU

Also on AO3 - check the new tag, loves

Super huge shoutout to @lenfaz​ for carrying my ass to the finish line. Tagging @teamhook​ and @galadriel26​, too. 

****

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit!”  

Emma scrambled to get herself back to rights in order to help Henry. The sundress she’d stripped off was tossed five feet away and even in the dim light, she could see it was inside out. Killian was holding up one half of her bikini sideways, clearly trying to determine whether it was the top or bottom. As another heave and telltale splatter came from the rear of the boat, he all but threw them at her, quickly doing up the three bottom buttons on his shirt and stuffing the tails down into his boxers, jostling his hand a little to try and clean himself off. 

“Swan, I’ll go see to Henry.” He was already on his feet, moving away from her. “You take a moment.” 

“Killian you don’t have to-“ Cursing under her breath, Emma found the two halves of her bikini and made quick work of tying the bottoms back on, stretching to reach the last piece of discarded clothing as she heard him speak to Henry.

“Come on. We’ll hit the head and see if there’s anything left in that stomach.” 

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square enix: -teases lunyx in kingsglaive, lots of flirty undertones with fireworks and tension, has more screen time together than noctis and luna in the actual game-

square enix: oh yeah noctis is engaged to luna. have this npc remind you that noctis and luna are getting married. prompto, remind noctis that he’s getting married to luna. did we mention that you’re getting married to luna?

me:

New Zealand Slang

I might not know them all, or I misremember them. Nonetheless, here’s a list from memory.
A
a into g: get going, arse into gear, as in ‘I’ve got to get my a into g’
anklebiter: small child
arse over tit: head over heels
Aotearoa: Maori name for New Zealand, it means the land of the long white cloud
B
beaut, beauty: splendid, terrific, as in ‘beaut of a job you did’
bit of a dag: hard case, comedian
bite your bum: go away, get lost
boy-racer: young man who drives fast in a car with a loud stereo
brassed off: disappointed, annoyed
bugger off: go away, piss off
C
carked it: died
chocka: choc-a-block, full, overflowing
chocolate fish: chocolate covered marshmallow fish, frequently given or offered as a reward.
chippie: potato chip
couldn’t see the road to the dunny if it had red flags on it: said of somebody blind drunk or slow witted
crash hot: excellent
crikey dick: expression of surprise
crook: sick, poorly, also to go crook at, meaning to be angry with, or to put someone crook, meaning to give someone bad advice
cuz: cousin
D
dairy: corner store, the only shop allowed to open 365 days a year
dear: expensive
doodackie: thingamajig, or doodad, an object that you can’t think of a name for
drop in it: get someone in trouble
dunny: toilet
E
Eketahuna: doesn’t exist. It’s like saying 'timbuktu’ or 'shangri la’.
F
fizzy drink: soda pop
flat stick or flat tack: full speed, as fast as possible
fuckwit: idiot
full tit: as much power as possible, “cmon! We need to go full tit!”
G
get off the grass: disbelief, 'stop pulling my leg’
gizza: give us a
going bush: get away from it all, take a break, become reclusive
good on ya, mate!: congratulations, well done
good as gold: good job, not a problem
guts for garters: in big trouble, as in 'I’ll have your guts for garters!’
H
home and hosed: safe, completed successfully
hoodackie: what you call someone when you cant think of their name
hard yakka: hard work
heaps: a lot of work to do
how much would you charge to haunt a ten room house?: rhetorical question to suggest a person is ugly
I
if your brains were barbed wire you couldn’t fence a dunny: you are stupid
J
jandal: thongs, flip-flops
K
kai: food, from the Maori word for eating
Kiwi: New Zealander
M
my arse is a red cabbage: ’ if he can do that, my arse is a red cabbage’
O
Other Side: Australia
P
pack a sad: become morose, ill-humoured, broken or dead, as in 'the washing machine packed a sad’
pack a wobbly: get angry
pakeha: non-Maori person
pav: pavlova
piece-of-piss: easy, as in 'that was a piece of piss’
piker: slacker, a person who gives up when things get difficult
piss: any alcohol
piss around: waste time, procrastinate
piss awful: very unpleasant
piss easy: very easy
piss up large: large scale drinking of alcohol
piss up: party, social gathering
pissed: drunk, inebriated
pissed off: angry, upset
pissing down: raining heavily, pouring down
prang: minor car accident, as in 'he was in a prang yesterday’
puckeroo: something that is buggered or broken
Q
quite nice: something you say when you want to be polite but can’t really think of anything to say, as in 'his tie is quite nice’; can also mean the opposite of the actual words: 'Your car is in quite nice condition’
R
rattle your dags: get a move on, hurry up
rellies: relatives, family
root: to have sex
rough as guts: unpolished
T
two sammies short of a picnic: brick short of a load, a bit thick or crazy
S
she’ll be right: everything will be OK, it’s not a problem
shitheap: utter mess, as in 'your bedroom is a shitheap’
sickie: to take a day off, apparently sick
smoko: break, rest period
sook: silly or a scaredy cat, as in 'just a big sook’
suss: figure out, as in 'I’ve got it sussed’
T
ta: thanks
tata: goodbye
tiki tour: scenic tour, roundabout way
tin-arse, tinbum: lucky person
togs: swimsuit, speedos
two-thirds of five-eighths of fuck all: very little
U
up shit creak in leaky gumboots: in trouble, variant of up shit creek without a paddle
up the boohai shooting pukekos with a long handled shovel: none of your business, used kind of like “up your butt and around the corner”
W
Waikikamukau: pronounced 'why kick a moo cow’, its basically so remote it makes Eketahuna look like the capital of the USA
were you born in a tent?: sarcastic question asked of somebody who has left a door open
what’s that got to do with the price of fish?: challenging the relevance of some remark
whinge: complain
wobbly: tantrum, as in 'he threw a wobbly when he heard that’
wop-wops: out of the way location
wouldn’t know shit from clay: naive or stupid person
wouldn’t know them from a bar of soap: I do not know this person
Y
yonks: a long time, ages, as in 'haven’t seen him in yonks’
yack: conversation between friends, natter
you ain’t wrong: you’re right
you get that: resigned acceptance
you make a better door than a window: said to somebody standing in the way, perhaps in front of the TV
you think you’re a flowerpot because you’ve got a hole in your bum: you love yourself