I blew up her phone for the, what I thought to be the thousandth time only to get no response. I ran my fingers through my rushed messy blonde brownish hair and threw my phone down next to me. I tried to make my thoughts flood with memories of us but all I could think about was her she had to be the worst mistake I made yet. All because I walked into her trap of being ‘just friends’. My world got fucked up. My heart aching over the words she said in the text. “I USED to love you…” God it played over and over in my head and I couldn’t stop it. My eyes tearing at how badly I realized I fucked up.
My phone beeped and I immediately picked it up hoping it was a text from her and sadly it wasn’t. It was from her. I rolled my eyes sliding open my phone and going into my contacts to block her number. I couldn’t stand the sight of her or her name at this moment. My heart was wrecked and so was Y/N’s. I was so broken and damaged but I knew she was destroyed. I wanted had to fix this. Before I move to grab my keys, I was mentioned in a Instagram photo. Thinking it was one of my fans just mentioning me in something I opened it hoping it’d be a harmless joke or something but it wasn’t.
The picture was of Y/N who was laid up with some strange ass guy with his hand near her sex. My blood immediately boiled. But it boiled more at the caption. “I’m trying to get rid of you.💔” My heart beating with anger as I now rush to grab my keys and grab my leather jacket sliding it on my broad shoulders and run to my car. Turning the engine I speed down down the black empty road, making sure to stay within in the MPH range as well as pushing on the pedal. Finally pulling up in the front of her house sloppy wise, I got out and started banging on her door. Not knocking, banging myhands aching as I continued. “Y/N! Open the goddamn door!” I started yelling through her wooden door.
No answer. I kept banging. “Y/N! Open the fucking door!” I yelled louder only to hear music start playing from her open window. Now i’m extremely heated. Not only is she with another guy but she’s gonna pretend i’m not here. I stepped back before kicking the door open and storming in slamming it after me. Not closing it. Slamming it after me. I looked around the entrance and she wasn’t there. She’s upstairs. I jumped over the table and ran upstairs with anger piercing over my body. I went to turn her door knob, locked. “Goddamn Y/N! Open the door!” I yelled banging on it. But the music just got louder. Now even more angry, I stepped back and kicked it open. And there she was. Straddling him with nothing but lace on.
The same outfit she wore for me on my birthday. I pulled her off him by her shoulders and restored to beating the guys face in. Punch after punch after punch and she came pulling me by my leather jacket. “Justin stop!” She screamed. I ignored her. I kept going. Punch after punch. All I could think about was him being inside her. Being inside her sweet sex that could drive a man crazy with the slightest taste. Her having his babies. Him marking her like his territory like I used to do. Him placing the perfect diamond ring on her finger and asking her to be his for the rest of his life. My anger boiling over me, I kept going. The blood splattering on the pillow from my hands and his face.
“Justin! Stop!” She screamed again before pounding me in my back with her fist. She hit hard as hell but right at this point her hitting me was the last of my worries. She then as I went for the last hit stepped in front of me. Stopping my fist from colliding with him. Her small hands pushed against my chest pushing me back and slapping against my ribs she abused my front. screaming and crying, asking why’d I do what I just did. While looking down into her eyes as she looked up at me, I could see the broken heart that her eyes surfaced. The emotional pain, the damage I did. The tears spilling down from her face from the damage I did. Not no one else but me. As she slammed and punched against my front the guy scrambled his clothes from off the floor stumbling and ran out the door.
Not able to breathe and hurting I hugged her as she punched and slapped against my chest. Her head lying in my chest as my hand cradled her head and rubbed her back. “I’m so fucking sorry!” I said whispering kissing her head. Her tears standing my white tee. “I love you so much baby girl…” I said which sent her over the edge. She pushed me back and slapped the shit out of me. She slapped me so hard, I could taste the blood from my lip in my mouth. I nodded understanding why she did it. “I deserve that.” I said wiping my mouth. And there it was again. Another slap to the other side of my face. Both my cheeks stinging and red, I nodded not even mad at her abuse to me considering what I did to her heart.
“If you loved me you wouldn’t have hurt me!” She shouted cradling the place her heart lied. “You wouldn’t have broke me!” She said looking me in my eyes. She paused, “You’re hurt too?…” She asked as I nodded in response. She understood why. Her words killed me. But she subsided her sympathy and continued with the verbal abuse that I caused her to inflict. “You don’t have the right to be!..” She said pushing her fingers to my chest. “No right to be!” She said crying. I nodded. “I know…” I said reaching my arms out to her. “Don’t touch me!” She shouted pushing my arms down. “I loved you! Trusted you! I gave you everything! I was in love with you!” She shouted me not breaking eye contact. I was so broken for breaking her. I felt like a part of me died too.
“All I wanted you to do was be honest with me. Tell me the truth! Not lie to me! Hurt me! Not break me! But love me! Trust me! Keep it 100 with me and you couldn’t even do that!” She said trying to keep her composure from hitting me again. “Go ahead…” I said looking down. “Hit me…” I said gulping. “I won’t fight back, I won’t stop you, because you’re right. But I couldn’t bring myself to it. I couldn’t see your face when I told you. I didn’t wanna be the one to kill your heart…” I said speaking. And there it was. The slap. I sighed deeply. Annoyed with her slapping me but accepting it because I deserve it. “But you did!!” She screamed. “You didn’t mean to but you did! It wasn’t your intention but you did it!” She shouted following her sentence.
“I’m sorry! I’m so so so sorry. You have no idea how sorry Y/N. I love you endlessly and I can’t stand what I did to you…I never lo…” And before I could finish it she asked me the question I was trying to avoid. “Are you still in love with her?!” She shouted. Freezing me from my thoughts and feelings themselves. “Answer me!” She said. “NO!” I Yelled at her. She was pushing the line to ask let alone think that. “Have I loved her once? Yes of course! But who do I love now? You! Am I still in love with her? No! Why? Because I’m in love with you! I wanted you to be my everything! You are my everything! My heart my life! I can’t breathe without you! I can’t sleep without you! I can’t live without you! You’re my other half and without you i’m gone!” I stated stepping closer to her. Her eyes glowing with forgiveness but yet again she didn’t allow herself that pain. She stepped back as I came closer.
“I can’t with this right now! Get out!” She yelled pointing towards the door. I sighed not moving. She pushed me, stumbling me back a little. “Get the fuck out Justin!” She said still pointing towards the door. Obeying not wanting to make things worse, I did. But before moving, I pulled out a ring box and sat it on her dresser. I stormed out slamming every door I walked through behind me. I walked to my car and I heard the door open behind me. She threw the ring box back at me. It hit my chest harshly and I sighed. She slammed the door not bothering to say a word just going back upstairs. I kneeled down and picked it up noticing the difference in size, it wasn’t the box I had gave her. She threw this at me so I could feel some sort of pain as backlash. I don’t blame her at all.
Feeling some sort of soft hope I got in my car leaving the box on the sidewalk. I drove off and pulled up back home. I got out walking in and closed my door behind me. The anger slightly pumping through my veins. I stripped down to my socks and jeans and laid on the couch. Looking at nothing but darkness, a small tear shed from my eyes. Thats how I feeling at this point. My whole entire world was dark without her. And I didn’t wanna live. I couldn’t breathe. My heart collapsing slowly. A light flashed upon my phone and I opened it loading the image on Instagram. It was a picture of the ring box I gave her with a small note attached that said, “Until the end of time, I promise. Do you?” And it had yes or no in bubbles below it. The photo was titled with the caption, “I don’t know anymore…💔” And I shut my phone off. My heart aching in pain if she had said no. I don’t blame her for not answering right away, but her saying no would mean that this is something even I couldn’t wouldn’t be able to fix and that damaged me.
I shut my eyes my heart drowning in sorrow. My mind drowning in regret. And my world drowning in darkness. I can’t live without her. I can’t breathe without her. I can’t sleep without her. I can’t dream without her. I can’t survive without her. My world revolves around her. And now it’s just dark…
I don’t just love her…
I’m In Love With Her! ❤️
I just wanna take the time to thank you guys for the 1,009 followers I have now. It means the world to me and i’m so thankful for you guys. There might be a part 2 if you guys want that. Might even be a part 3. I love you guys so much! I have so much more to work on for you guys and i’m excited to post this. I hope all of you enjoy this and there’s so much more work I have yet to release. I will be forever grateful.
A little mid-afternoon Starbucks Sesh before the weekend commences. My anatomy professor hands out the PowerPoints one unit at a time and I’ve come to find that it’s quite helpful to have that, annotate them, and translate them into my regular notes. Here’s to the first week!