So I was thinking about this moment in “Ides of March” when Gabrielle was talking to Xena all about how She saved her:
“Xena, you’ve brought out the best in me… Before I met you, no one saw me for who I was. I felt… Invisible. But you saw all the things I could be. You saved me Xena.”
Now, let’s all look back at who Gabrielle was in episode 1 when we first met her. She seemed so optimistic, this doe-eyed young woman who was excited to go on this adventure with Xena; “teach me everything you know!” She seemed so innocently positive about the world, naive even.
Yet, in Ides of March, Gabrielle describes her life back then as empty, hollow… She felt completely invisible. No one even knew who she really was on the inside.
As someone who suffers with depression and anxiety, God do I relate to this. Feeling completely awful on the inside but having this veneer of fake happiness around me so that people wouldn’t be able to tell that I was dying inside. I can’t possibly trust anyone to actually see the person I am… What if they think I’m weak? Or that I’m not worth their time? With a bubbly facade, I can be well liked right?
“That’s what we all dream about isn’t it? Someone that looks so deeply into our soul that they’d find something worth dying for.”
Gabrielle, a soul in turmoil, crying out for a hero… Someone to see her for who she was, and accept everything about her, the darkness and light. The good and the bad.