“The game invites kids and fans of the film and the popular Guardians of Ga'Hoole book series to join an unlikely band of heroes as they take on the role of a Guardian, a winged warrior and protector of the owl world, in an epic story of good versus evil.
• You don’t know it yet but you meet the three most important characters in the game within the first ten minutes. Why are they here? Why are they gathered in Helgen? Helgen is so small.
•Astrid is perched on a bookshelf. You watch her swing her leg and as you watch you begin to question your sexuality.
•The sky graphics are so beautiful you note to yourself as you climb a ninety degree mountain on your horse. The ground graphics are so beautiful you note to yourself as you descend ninety degrees to the ground on your horse.
• Sorry lass, I’ve got other things to do. We’ll talk another time.
• You’ve just murdered an entire Orc stronghold in nothing but a chef’s hat. Children are screaming. You are screaming.
• The skyrim tag is filled with nothing but nude mods and gif sets. My child is an astronaut, I’m so proud.
• I am your sword and your shield, my thane.