xanxus chan

Sawada Ie(Yasu/Mitsu)

Summary: Giotto reincarnates as Iemitsu. Shenanigans ensue. (It’s as cracky as it sounds).


Warnings: Craziness, Highly Likely Won’t Make Any Sense, I Had A Lot Of Fun Writing This, Too Much Fun, I.W.P-chan Likes To Contribute To The Fandom’s Crack Corner, Little Snippets, Brief Fic, Features I.W.P-chan’s Headcanons About Enrico And Massimo And Federico (You Have Been Warned), The Penguins Postcard Makes An Appearance.

Disclaimer: Don’t own.


When Sawada Iemitsu was born in Namimori, Japan, a devastating hurricane struck Sicily, the island where Vongola’s HQ was situated.

No one would make the connection.


Timoteo di Vongola had come across Sawada Iemitsu, the last descendant of Vongola Primo, by sheer luck.

(Bad Luck, he would realize later).

He had offered Iemitsu a job in the Vongola; he was ambitious, and can anyone blame him? His eldest son was only ten years old (his middle child was seven and his youngest was five), and he didn’t want Primo’s descendant to threaten their future.

He had planned to use the opportunity to keep an eye on Iemitsu.


One simply can’t ‘keep an eye’ on Iemitsu.


“Where is Iemitsu?” Timoteo, exhausted, asked for what appeared to be the 5435th time that month.

He got his answer when five-year old Federico burst into his office, face flushed pink and eyes sparkling with excitement, and he babbled about wanting to learn how to dance on the ground and on the ice and in the air.

“Oh?” asked Timoteo when Federico took a breath after his uninterrupted onslaught of words, “And why is that?”

Federico beamed, “Mitsu showed me! He looked so cool! I wanna do that too! Can I? Can I?”

Timoteo should have probably had 'words’ with Iemitsu, but as he was confronted with Federico’s puppy eyes and pout, there was no way he could weasel out of Federico’s request.


Things… escalated.


“What is this?”

“Invitation to Iemitsu’s wedding, boss?”

“Iemitsu is going to get married?”


Fifteen-year old Enrico sniffled as he watched Iemitsu and Nana get married.

Had it already been a year since Iemitsu and Nana met? And in a classical coffee shop AU, too?

His OTP was getting married!

He cried.


Nana leaned back on her hospital bed, sweaty and exhausted after she delivered her baby boy, lil Tsu-kun. She was handed her baby, she looked down at him and cooed at his sheer adorableness.

On the floor next to her bed lay Iemitsu, sobbing and wailing about how he 'saw a baby so beautiful he cried’.

Her husband dragged himself towards her bed, took a look at their baby boy and started another round of ugly sobs.

Her husband was so emotional and dramatic!

(One would think he was the one who carried the child and gave birth.)


Timoteo looked down at Iemitsu’s desk. It was a mess (Iemitsu was just as fond of paperwork as Timoteo, which meant not at all), and among that mess there was a postcard with a picture of Iemitsu, his wife and his two-year old son all beaming while being surrounded by penguins. Timoteo turned the postcard to read what was written on it.

Celebrating my tuna-fishie’s first time saying PAPA!

Timoteo’s eyebrow twitched. It was the third time this year alone (and it was still April!) that Iemitsu took an unannounced, extended, leave to 'spend time with the fam’.


Desperate times call for desperate measures.


How Reborn got suckered into tracking down a wayward Mafioso from the Vongola famiglia, he would never know.

And another thing, why was that goddamn Sawada Iemitsu not promoted by Nono yet when he was clearly able to evade Reborn? And not just that- he also had his very much civilian wife and two-year old son with him, while also sending postcards to Nono.


Reborn never knew misery and frustration until he was confronted with Sawada Iemitsu.


Iemitsu returned to his job a month later.

(In case anyone was wondering, Reborn had failed to track him down.)


Sometimes, people wished that Timoteo never introduced Iemitsu to the Vongola.


One of those people was Deamon Spade.


Deamon stared.

Iemitsu stared back.

The person before Deamon had a different hair style, different face, different body structure, but Deamon would recognize those eyes anywhere.

“Giotto.” Deamon took a step back, “I can explain?”

Iemitsu smiled.

Deamon shuddered; he recognized that Smile.

(It was the same Smile his beloved Elena would aim at him before she would banish him to the couch for the foreseeable future.)


Timoteo and his guardians stared warily at the door Iemitsu disappeared into; it was quiet, too quiet. Any room that Iemitsu entered was never quiet.

When the screams and bangs and mad cackling came from behind the room’s closed door, they honest to god were relieved.

And then Iemitsu came out from the room.

He looked at them and smiled, “Don’t worry! It was just a cockroach.”

Just a cockroach.

Iemitsu turned contemplative; they shuddered a little, “Did someone order an ice sculpture of Deamon Spade? I just found one inside.”



The sculpture was unnervingly accurate in its depiction of Deamon Spade.




Why did it have what looked like yet another sculpture of Deamon Spade inside of it?


(And why was Deamon’s expression in the inner sculpture one of horror?)


Ganauche III looked around the office, “It appeared as if Deamon Spade himself was frozen inside the ice.”

Timoteo knocked back the drink in his hand, “Nonsense!”


When Iemitsu was given the position of Vongola’s Outside Adviser, the entire criminal underground sagged in relief.

Now, there was no way Iemitsu could become Don Vongola. He was bad enough as it was, there was no need to crown him the literal king of the mafia.

(No one would survive.)


Reborn personally gathered the Arcobaleno to celebrate.

(The aftermath of their party would become a thing of legend.)


Xanxus clenched his fist, an old man snatched him because of some flames he could make and declared Xanxus to be his son.

And here he was.

In front of him were his 'family’ members: his 'father’; his 'brother’ Enrico, who was engrossed in whatever he was looking at on the device in his hand (and only looked up long enough to take a look at Xanxus and then wave to him when his father introduced them to each other); his second 'brother’ Massimo who nodded calmly at Xanxus; and his third 'brother’ Federico who waved enthusiastically and beamed at Xanxus.

A door banged open and a blond burst into the room; he looked around and his eyes landed on Xanxus.

Xanxus had the sudden urge to flee and never look back.

The blond pounced on him.

“Oh my GOD! You are just so cute!” The blond mystery man giggled, “I hereby declare you as my son! Let me take you to meet your little brother!”

“Mitsu!” Federico whined, “Wait until after he gets acquainted with his big brothers before you take him to tuna!”


'Mitsu’ appeared to think about it, “Okay… Enrico!”

“What?” Enrico grumbled, eyes still glued to what he had in his hand.

“Put down that hardcore OT4 BDSM smut you’re reading and take Xanxus to the shooting range for some sibling-bonding time!”

Xanxus briefly wondered what 'hardcore OT4 BDSM smut’ was and why it made his 'father’, Massimo and Federico blanch. Mitsu didn’t seem to care, and it couldn’t have been that bad as Enrico was blank-faced as he read it throughout the entire introduction.

But, did someone mention a shooting range?

Enrico beckoned Xanxus, “Follow me.”


Xanxus first impression about his new family was that Enrico was awesome, Iemitsu was crazy, and Timoteo, Massimo and Federico were all sissies.


 End (part 1?)

I was sorely tempted to add 'A/B/O’ to the 'hardcore OT4 BDSM smut’

i-w-p-chan  asked:

3, 17 and 20 for Xanxus/Dino?

3. Who walks around the house half-naked and who yells at them to put on some clothes?

Xanxus is definitely the one who walks around half-naked, Dino is too busy ogling to even see the other people around them (he needs all his concentration for navigating and ogling at the same time, honestly. His aim isn’t even preventing himself from tripping, it’s not breaking bones- a more realistic goal). The one who yells at Xanxus to put on some clothes is, predictably, Squalo, who would very much like to eat his breakfast without his boss showcasing for the boyfriend. 

17: Who keeps getting threatened by the other’s overprotective older sibling?

If we’re gonna go ‘’everybody lives’’ - Enrico did so once just because he wanted to know what it felt like because it was a Big Point in fanfiction and he just had to try it out. 

Frederico is really too sensible for it (read: he saw it as Cute Little Brother Number 2: This One Screams Less), Massimo gave a shovel talk with such glee that not even Dino could take him seriously. 

Tsuna is no older sibling and neither is Bianchi, but they gave Xanxus the shovel talk of his life and still squint at him every time he does anything more than holding Dino’s hand. 

20: Which one types with perfect grammar and which one types using numbers as letters?

Dino has ATROCIOUS text etiquette- to the point where many people ask themselves what he’s actually trying to say. 

…Xanxus is slightly OCD about grammar, but also can’t be bothered to text a long message, so mostly he just calls. There was this one time he pretended to be possessed by texting Dino in a Dino-esque way to mess with him, and knowing how scarily insistent Xanxus is on grammar, Dino believed him.

He came home with the local exorcist on speed dial, only to see Xanxus laughing his ass off. Let’s just say it was an incident nobody ever spoke off again and that Xanxus slept on the couch for a week.

Would You Drop by the Afterlife on Your Way Back? Part 2 (Final)



The two finally went to the Sun division, the check up and recovery processes passing faster than Xanxus expected.

It was all Sawada’s fault, Xanxus had gathered from the dissatisfied muttering of the motherhenning Suns, complaining about Sawada Harmonizing with Xanxus just to get him up to snuff.

Which, actually, threw Xanxus for a loop, he knew about Skies Harmonizing with other Elements but he never heard of Skies Harmonizing with other Skies.

The soul reaper doing a final check up (after he kicked out a jittery Sawada, to ‘avoid distractions’) apparently understood Xanxus’ silent dilemma and sighed before putting away his pen and papers, “It’s Tsuna’s special skill. Did anyone mention him being one of our Sector’s best Skies at handling Harmony? He is. It’s why he gets sent out to get people like you, stuck in the ice.” He then ushered Xanxus towards the door, “Now, beat it, kiddo, no one here is in the mood to deal with a jittery Tsuna, he’s susceptible to burning things down. Take him to see Ricardo-sama or Lavina’s little brat, he may calm down.”

When Xanxus exited the examination room, Sawada tugged him and urged him to follow, “We’ll go see Ricardo. I don’t know what Daniela has planned, but whatever it is, we’ll need Ricardo in the know. He’s very good with clean and cover ups.”

Luck was on their side and they met Ricardo just outside the Sun division.

Or, actually, luck may not have been on their side as Ricardo looked worried, “Do you have any idea what Daniela is planning? She just snatched up her three kids and the four of them have been discussing Things with Elena. Elena is giggling. I repeat, Elena is giggling.

“I don’t know!” Sawada threw his hands in the air before stuffing them into his mane of hair.

Ricardo raked his hand through his hair, “I’ll go get paperwork ready for any possible emergency that may crop up.”

Sawada launched himself at Ricardo and held his hands between his, “If I didn’t know exactly how much you wouldn’t want it, I’d have staged a rebellion, kicked the captain out and declared you the new captain.”

Ricardo shook his head, “Tsuna, I thought we talked about this.”

Sawada deflated, “Yeah, I know, no more overthrowing your father just to instate his second seat as captain.”

“I have to go, Daniela is coming over. Keep me posted, all right?”

Sawada nodded.

Nonna walked up to them with a particularly vicious grin, “Xanxus. We’d like your help.”

Xanxus knew better than to deny his grandmother.

And clearly, Sawada knew to stay the fuck out of her business, evidenced by how he crept away from the two of them.

“Oh. No, you don’t.” Nonna’s arm shot out and her hand latched onto Sawada’s shoulder with a vice-like grip, “We’d like your help, too.”

Sawada whimpered; Xanxus did not blame him.


Elena was a devastatingly smiling beauty who’d be right at home bonding with Lussuria.

And then she opened her mouth and spoke, driving in the need to be thankful that there was no she was in contact with Mammon deep into Xanxus, “We’ll be invading his dreams.”

Xanxus would be an asshole and petulantly ask whom she was referring to, but he was surrounded by his brothers and grandmother, all of which were deceased. And with him in the equation, they were all connected to one person whom they could possibly have a reason to torment in his dreams.

His dear 'father’.

Elena waved a hand, “You know that idea about seeing your dead family in your dreams? You get to have payback and possibly also convince him to free Xanxus. Two birds, one stone.”

Elena and Nonna high-fived each other.

“Now, let’s get to it. Tsuna, be a dear and get us there,”

Sawada murmured from where he was standing next to Xanxus and his three siblings, “I’m one hundred and fifty three years old. I outrank Daniela and I shouldn’t let her boss me around like th-”


“Alright! Alright!”

Sawada’s shoulders slumped and he stepped forward before he repeated the process Xanxus witnessed before to open the same portal he did before inside Vongola HQ.

“There!” Sawada gestured towards the portal, then he crossed his arms and pouted.

Elena and Nonna stepped through, Nonna snatching Tsuna with her on her way. Federico smiled helplessly as he followed, accompanied by a smirking Massimo and a snickering Enrico, who tugged Xanxus with them.

Surrounded by his brothers and following his grandmother, Xanxus’ tense shoulders relaxed for what felt like the first time since Federico was declared dead.

After they stepped out of the portal into a corridor Xanxus recognized as one being near the Ninth’s quarters, what Sawada had said before about people being unable to see them slammed back into the forefront of his mind, helped along by the sight of Visconti bypassing them without a glance in their direction.

“Let’s go!” Elena tore down the corridor with disturbing confidence, Nonna and Xanxus’ brothers not far behind her.

Sawada sent a helpless look at Xanxus who shrugged and followed after his family, confident that Sawada would follow.


The ninth was lying in bed when they entered his bedroom. The occasional tremor wracked his frame, his fingers twitching and his eye brows furrowing faintly.

Xanxus wondered what he was dreaming about to make him act that way in his sleep.

Nonna halted next to him with an inscrutable look on her face, before it was replaced with a steely look and she nodded in Elena’s direction.

The group gathered around the bed in a circle, sans Sawada who climbed onto it and crawled close to the Ninth.

“Alright, Tsuna, work your magic.”

Sawada nodded, his amber eyes sliding into a glowing orange color.

Xanxus, realizing that Sawada was about to Harmonize with the Ninth, focused his attention on him to see him at work (he hadn’t seen it properly at the Sun division and his curiosity was nearly killing him).

Sky flames burst into life on Sawada’s forehead, spreading down his arms and snaking upwards from his shoulders into the air.

The flames then branched into web-like patterns, expanding throughout the room and beyond. Xanxus could feel the Harmony wrap around him and the others, could feel it reaching outside of the room and shooting down corridors, snatching up anyone in its path into its web with no one other than the spirits being the wiser. The flames reached outside Vongola HQ and engulfed it completely.

“Ready whenever you are,” Sawada spoke, voice deep and emotionless.

Elena strode forward, the ring she wore glowing with Mist flames as she trailed her hand across the bed sheets, over the Ninth’s shoulder, neck and face, her fingers stopping in mid-air, hovering above the Ninth’s forehead.

And then her fingers descended.

Once she made contact with the Ninth, her flames embraced them from where Xanxus didn’t notice they were surrounding them.

The flames tugged them forward, helped along with Sawada’s Sky flames.

There was a burst of light, and they were falling.

They were falling, falling through smoke and lights, through fire and ice, through water and clouds, until they weren’t falling anymore.

Their landing was gentle; their new surroundings recognizable; they were standing inside the room Xanxus had confronted the Ninth in.

The room was empty except for Xanxus, Nonna, Enrico, Massimo, Federico and the Ninth.

The Ninth was kneeling on the floor; there was a pool of blood in front of him.

Nonna walked towards him, her clothes changed from the soul reaper uniform to her old red suit, her heels clacked on the floor, causing the Ninth to whirl around and face her.

His blank expression melted away into one of shock.

“Timoteo,” Nonna spoke, her voice reverberating through the place, her tone was flat.

The Ninth stiffened, his eyes moving from her to Xanxus and his brothers (who were all surrounding him), and back again before settling on Xanxus.

The Ninth paled.

The dream space shifted, and Xanxus’ body encased in ice slipped into being between the Ninth and Nonna.

If it was possible, the Ninth paled even more.

“Your own son, Timoteo.” Nonna’s voice was like thunder.

The room shook and the five spirits slipped away from the dream.

Back in the Ninth’s room, Elena observed each of them carefully before removing her hand from the Ninth’s forehead.

Nodding her head at Sawada, she stepped away from the bed.

Sawada took a deep breath and gradually retracted his flames. When he was finished, he hopped away from the bed.

The moment Sawada stepped away, the Ninth started shaking, his flames fluctuating.

Mere moments later, the Ninth jolted awake at the same time his door was kicked down as his guardians flooded the room.

“Timoteo?” Ganauche neared his boss, carefully sweeping the room for any signs of danger, his gaze passing over the spirits in the room more than once without noticing them.

The Ninth rushed out of his bed, stumbling over his feet as he grabbed his cane. He speed-walked, almost running, out of the room.

The spirits followed him alongside his guardians.

They ended up in front of a door very familiar to Xanxus.

The door opened, revealing the same room they were just inside in the Ninth’s dream. Except this time, it was Xanxus’ frozen body lying in-wait for them.

“Your rings!” The Ninth barked, walking up to the ice and holding out his hand with the Vongola Sky ring. The guardians seemed to hesitate for a moment before they followed the Ninth’s command and stepped up to the ice, reaching towards it with hands adorned with the Vongola rings.

In-unison, the seven lit their rings.

Fire burned strongly on top of each ring, and next to each ring-bearer, a specter formed, taking the form of each ring’s respective first holder: Vongola’s first generation.

Xanxus didn’t have time to react to the Mist specter taking Elena’s form (instead of the expected Deamon Spade) as Sawada nudged him, telling him to brace himself before he walked towards the ice as well, his flames bursting out and encompassing him like a cloak.

Sawada stepped up next to the Ninth and held his hands to the ring, causing the fire burning on the ring to grow into a great column of flames.

And then the ice started melting.

Massimo’s hand landed on Xanxus shoulder, tightly squeezing it before letting go to give Enrico and Federico the space to tightly hug Xanxus. After the hug was finished, Nonna walked up to him and held his face in her hands, her eyes staring deeply into his, before she kissed him on the forehead.

Then the ice was melted completely, Xanxus’ body dropping out of it and into the Ninth’s hold; Xanxus felt his chains’ rattling ring in his ears as they tightened around him and pulled him towards his body.

Heaviness settled around his form, weighing him down, making him feel almost like drowning. He tried to struggle but Sawada touched him and his form went limp.

And then everything faded to black.


Everything was a mess.

Xanxus sighed explosively and scrubbed a hand down his face, ignoring the faint tremors in his fingers, the moment he was alone in his office.

Only a day had passed since he woke up, his body having been removed from the ice only a few hours before he regained consciousness.

He’d steamrolled his way into his office in Varia HQ, ignoring the protests of the resident motherhens (Squalo naturally being the loudest) over him needing to rest more before he returned to his work.

The events of the previous day would have felt like a wild hallucination, had Xanxus not been feeling the lingering effects of Sawada’s flames fighting against the ice-induced coldness and numbness in his body.

And there was also the matter of his silent observer, going unnoticed by all but Xanxus.

Given that Xanxus was the only one inside the office, he took the chance to question the only other person in the room, “Oi, trash. Weren’t you supposed to go unseen by living people?”

Sawada stepped up to Xanxus’ desk, acting casually as if he didn’t reek of flames and his eyes didn’t hold the faintest glow of orange, and he shrugged, “Normally, yes, but you’re still Harmonized with me and you’re a special case. Your soul is still not settled in properly. Plus-” Sawada’s hands went inside the folds of his clothes and took out some papers, “-remember what Ricardo said about preparing paperwork for any possible outcome?” Sawada put down the papers on the desk, “This is official permission to grant you access to your spiritual abilities, which you unlocked after your 'out of body’ experience. At least enough to see us and be able to interact with us. Plus permission to share certain topics with you.”

Xanxus scowled down at the papers as he scrutinized them, “This has been signed by your fucking captain. Don’t you have any rules about living people being in contact with your Soul Society or something?”

“We do. But there are exceptions. And. Well.” Sawada scratched his cheek, “Mama and Cozart tag-teamed the captain. He can’t say no to them. I think mama was a little sad she didn’t get to have you over.”

“And why would she have me over?”

“You miraculously spent only an hour or so in Soul Society so you didn’t have to follow the rest of the procedures.”

“Which are?”

“We’d have spirits ejected out of their body go into hiding using an artificial body while we work out the logistics of how to handle extracting the body from the ice. As a matter of fact, I could have melted your body when I first came to get you, but I didn’t because one, my priority was your soul’s state, you needed to visit the Sun division to heal up before we got you back into your body without any backlash from the ice.

"And two, where would I have gone with your body if I did melt it? Sure, your soul would return to your body, but you would need days to wake up and your body would require care. My initial plan was to get into contact with the Varia and get them in on the plan without telling them about the soul-related specifics.

"Except Mammon needs copious amount of money for compensation and so I needed time.”

Xanxus’ scowl deepened, “And you just do all of that out of the goodness of your hearts?”

“Kinda?” Sawada grimaced, “It’s a repayment of sorts. The ice technique was created by our captain; think of it like taking responsibility for his actions.”

Xanxus dropped the papers and leaned back in his chair, “And you expected me to what? Play nice and stay with you just like that?”

“Oh no.” Sawada waved a dismissive hand, “We’d offer you jobs as a substitute until you got your body back.”

“A substitute.”

“Yeah. Those exist. Spirits of people who wander out of their body via astral projection usually do that. We get a lot of Mists working as substitutes as a result. Like Mammon. You can ask them about it. Or not. Mammon is Mammon.” Sawada shrugged helplessly, “And then there are those like you. We provide you with an artificial body that looks either quite older or younger than your actual age so that you can interact with people without arousing suspicion from those who know you as you, and we, figure out a way to get your body back.”

Silence stretched between them as Xanxus turned all of what Sawada said over in his head.

Some minutes later, he spoke, “And what do substitutes do?”

“They have nearly the same job as ours. Mainly the taking down corrupt souls and sending the still not corrupted ones to Soul Society. You don’t have to deal with any of the bureaucratic aspects, lucky you.” Sawada smiled wryly.

Xanxus decided to continue questioning Sawada, since he 'had permission’ already, it was better to milk the chance for all it was worth.

“What marks the corrupted souls as different?”

Sawada’s features blanked and his eyes glowed briefly, “It’s difficult to miss them. They are quite known in the criminal underground of the living world. Known and feared.”

That was when the door to the office banged open and Squalo briskly walked up to Xanxus’ desk with a huge scowl. He dropped the files he had with him on the desk.

“Shitty boss,” Squalo ground out, clearly still pissed about Xanxus returning to work so quickly, “Shit happened not too long ago.” He glared down at the files as if they personally offended him, “It seemed like a famiglia was taken down in short time a couple of hours ago. The Estraneo. Completely wiped out and their base burned to the ground-” Sawada suddenly grinned mirthlessly, his flames, burning underneath his skin, burned hotter, spreading an air of grim satisfaction, “-Vindice were on the scene.” Squalo scowled harder, “And Mammon-supported rumors have it that at least one of the Vindice guards was taken down by the mysterious assailant.

Sawada barked out a harsh laugh, his eyes glowing orange, “Elena had so much fun with them. Don’t worry, she’ll be paying Mammon with some bonding time.”

Squalo stormed out of the office while Xanxus flipped through the files, his mind reeling from the new information.

Sawada hopped onto the desk, eyes scanning the words before pointing his finger directly at the mention of the Vindice, “Like I said: known and feared.

Xanxus felt a wild laugh threaten to erupt from his throat. “Why are you telling me all of this? Is it just the permission?” Normally, he’d be more collected and careful, but he’d just been told by a person who looked like a teenager, but held an aura of someone ten times older and experienced, what the nature of the Vindice (the obscure, feared, revered jailors of the underworld) was.

Xanxus would be damned but he believed him.

Sawada leaned forward until he was nose to nose with Xanxus, “This is a personal request from Daniela; I’m here to ask you.” Sawada pulled out what looked like a badge with a flame depicted on it and a ring.

“Would you accept our job offer to work with us as a substitute?”



Would Xanxus accept or not?

Who knows… certainly not the author.

Would You Drop by the Afterlife on Your Way Back? Part 1

Summary: Xanxus has been trapped in the ice for two months when complications happen and he lands himself a trip to the afterlife. NOT a death fic. Bleach AU.

Note: when I had the idea for this AU, most of the events were supposed to go differently but then Daniela Happened…  

Warnings: Shameless Self-Indulgence, Bleach AU (So People Who Are Dead Pre-Fic Make An Appearance), No Actual Knowledge Of Bleach Required To Read This, Let Tsuna And Xanxus Go To The Sun Division 2K17, Did I Mention AU? AU, Fic Events Are Happening At X3 Speed, World Building Details Blurted In-Fic A LOT, POV Character Doesn’t Get Much Dialogue, Poor Nono, Tsuna’s Big Crush On Ricardo, Vague Implication Of The Existence Of Ricardo’s Fanclub, Characters Get Mentioned (Blink And You’ll Miss It! Style).

Disclaimer: Don’t own KHR.


It was cold.

Everything was cold.

Xanxus shuddered and inwardly cursed as the ice tightened its hold on him, seeped into his body and latched onto his flames like a disease.

He had no idea how long it had been since he’d been trapped; it was difficult to keep track of the time while he was literally encased in a block of ice and he had nothing other than his own thoughts for company.

With every passing moment, he could feel himself slip away. To where, he had no idea; and he didn’t know whether it would be a good or a bad thing.

The ice slid down his frame, it was a startling motion, one that never happened before.

The ice was sliding away and he was slipping, fast and unobstructed, until he felt himself hit the floor.

A warm hand settled on his shoulder with a whispered ‘finally’, and Xanxus leapt to his feet, jolting away from the presence he could feel with him in the room.

His body felt weirdly light- how long had he been in the ice? His body was being very responsive, unexpectedly so.

He focused his attention on the other person in the room; the sight that greeted him was very shocking.

In front of him was the specter of Vongola Primo, solemn and holding his hands up, next to him was a miniature copy of him: a teen with striking resemblance to the first Vongola boss but with brown hair and amber eyes. Unlike Primo’s specter, the teen looked perfectly solid and was dressed in black clothes that appeared to be of Japanese origins.

The teen approached him, hands raised just like Primo, “Hey,” He spoke with a quiet voice, as if Xanxus was a little animal who could startle at any moment and run away.

(Xanxus was half pissed, half full of enough spite to make him want to maul the kid.)

“I’m Sawada Tsunayoshi.”

Xanxus blanked; he was in the ice long enough for that fucker Iemitsu to have a fucking kid?!

“I’m here to take you to where you can get medical attention,” The brat, who may or may not be Iemitsu’s spawn, continued, apparently ignorant of the mind-breaking thoughts going through Xanxus’ head faster than the Prince brat latching on recently sharpened knives, “You’ve been in the ice for a couple of months already-” Wait, what? “-Your soul has already escaped your body to avoid further damage-”

“Hold. The. Fuck. Up.” Xanxus growled. The brat stopped, “Fucking explain what you just said about my soul.”

“If you’d look behind you.” The brat pointed.

Xanxus whipped around, walking a bit sideways to keep the brat in his line of sight while he looked at the ice.

And then he understood.

There, in the ice, was his own body still trapped. Xanxus raised his hand, observing it, if he focused well enough, he could see it fade away at the edges.

He turned the majority of his attention back to the brat, who apparently understood what the look on Xanxus’ face meant and elaborated, “You’ve been in there for two months, no one is supposed to stay in that specific type of ice that long, and that’s why your soul left your body as a type of self-defense mechanism, leaving the body in stasis inside the ice.”

“So, I’m dead.” Xanxus ground out, fists clenched to hold in the anger, at least until he received a satisfactory explanation.

“Oh, no, you’re not, yet.” The brat shook his head, “It’s like you’re in a coma. Your soul is still attached.” The brat raised his hands a little higher as they glowed orange, the glow brighter around what looked like a ring on his right hand. Around Xanxus, there was a faint rattling of chains that appeared around his figure, glowing orange and red, and leading to his body still in the ice.

“Those are your chains of fate.” The brat shook his hands, the orange glow around them fading from view along with the chains, except the chains weren’t gone completely; if Xanxus listened attentively enough, he could hear their faint sounds at the edges of his hearing. “As long as they’re connecting your body and soul together, you’ll still be effectively alive.”

“So, if they all are severed, I’ll die.”

The brat furrowed his eyebrows and quirked his head to the side, “It depends? You have access to Dying Will Flames, so if the chains are severed, you can will them to mend themselves if you’re determined and willful enough. People who don’t are effectively dead the moment their chain of fate is severed.”


“Dying Will Flames users have multiple chains, which come from their original chain snapping in order to access the Flames for the first time. Next question?”

Xanxus raised an eyebrow at that; the brat seemed content to answer his questions.

Whether he was being truthful or not, Xanxus had no way to ascertain.

“And you are?”

“I’m Sawada Tsunayoshi, a shinigami, a soul reaper.”

“You just said that I wasn’t dead, what’s your business with me?”

“Reaping souls isn’t our only job.” The brat hurried to explain, “We do other things, too. We purify corrupt souls that stay in the living world too long; we take the souls of the people who die to Soul Society; we also handle cases like yours. You’re not the first person to stay too long under the Flames’ ice, we kind of have a procedure for that.” The brat gave a shaky smile, “We get the souls of people like you and take them to soul society where we heal the damages as we plot a way to get the body out of the ice. I’m here to take you.”

Xanxus deliberated, “How will you take me?”

“I can open a portal, a doorway between here and Soul Society, and take you through. Besides, it’s not like the people here can actually see us.”

Xanxus stilled.

“It takes high spiritual power for us to be seen, even for Dying Will Flame users.” The brat shook his head, “We could parade from here to the entrance while singing at the top our lungs and stomping on the ground and no one will notice.”

“So, are you coming?” The brat gave him a look and suddenly, suddenly, Xanxus saw; the brat’s eyes held the faintest orange glow, and an old presence peeked through them.

For all that he looked fifteen, he was far from it. And while he phrased it like a question, it wasn’t one. The bastard was just making it look like Xanxus was given the courtesy of a choice.

Sawada Tsunayoshi’s eyes told him that should Xanxus decline, he was perfectly ready to take Xanxus by force.

“You’re asking me?” Xanxus scoffed and strode towards Sawada, who smiled at him, pleased.

(Xanxus wanted to wipe that smile off the bastard’s face.)

Sawada turned to Primo, who was silent throughout the conversation, “Thank you for notifying us.”

Primo’s specter nodded before he faded away.

Sawada hummed, “You’ll meet the real thing in Soul Society. Actually, you’ll meet a lot of people you’ve only heard about there.”

It was then that it dawned at Xanxus what it could possibly mean for him to go to the veritable afterlife.

Sawada looked at him with a small smile, “Oh, there you go. Yes, you have family on the other side.”

Sawada raised his right hand, the ring on it glowing as he made a fist and pushed it forward in front of him, he then turned it like it was a key.

There was a loud click, and a pair of Japanese doors appeared in front of the two, an orange glow shining from behind them.

Sawada opened them, showing a hallway made of writhing flames.

Sawada gestured forward, “Sky Flames, they’re pretty harmless unless I wanted otherwise. Getting you to Soul Society safe and sound is my priority, so you don’t need to worry about me deciding to burn you to ashes once you step through.”

Xanxus looked between Sawada and the literal flaming hallway, and decided, fuck it, and he stepped into the corridor.

The walk through the hallway was silent.

When the two reached the other end, Sawada waved his hand and the flames parted, revealing an expanse of blue sky.

Sawada walked forward until the edge and looked down before he made a triumphant sound, “Okay, we got our landing covered. Let’s jump.” And Sawada proceeded to do just that.

Xanxus poked his head out of the opening and looked around; the hallway opened somewhere high in the sky. Down, there were houses surrounding a walled town made of white buildings that stood in contrast with their surrounding area.

In mid-air, Sawada appeared to have been caught in a ring of symbols that was holding him suspended. Sawada looked at him and gestured for him to jump.

Xanxus braced himself, not only was he asked to jump from this height, but also asked to entrust his safety to a stranger.

Could someone die as a soul?

Xanxus huffed and jumped, wishing he had his guns on him, but prepared to blast flames from his bare hands to handle his drop if need be.

He didn’t need to in the end, as just as he reached Sawada, another ring came into being and surrounded him, halting his descent.

The two rings than began to gradually drop closer to the ground at a steady pace.

“Earth Flames,” Sawada said in lieu of an explanation, “I don’t think they’re known in the living world except for a select few, and that’s only because they use it. It’s another set of Dying Will Flames, like the Dying Will Flames of the Sky and its branches.”

By the time Sawada finished speaking, the two had reached the ground, the rings dissipating and safely depositing them on their feet in front of a broad-shouldered, red-haired man with red eyes that had compass-like markings for pupils. The man was dressed in the same fashion as Sawada except he wore a sleeveless, reddish-brown coat on top.

He smiled at them, “Tsuna, welcome back.” He then turned to Xanxus, “You must be Xanxus, I’m Cozart, welcome to Soul Society.” Cozart turned around and gestured for them to follow him, “I’ll be taking you to the Flame Sector where you will be staying.”

Cozart led them to the walled city through a side-entrance.

(“No need to attract attention by asking the gate’s guard for entrance,” Cozart had said.)

The walled city was as grand as it looked from above with its big, white buildings. Xanxus noticed there were whom he assumed to be other soul reapers like Sawada and Cozart, as they wore the same black garb. Except those in the city carried swords with them, unlike Sawada and Cozart who only seemed to wear a ring instead.

Xanxus figured that it had to do with Dying Will Flames; there were probably two types of soul reapers, some dealt with souls that had Dying Will Flames and some dealt with the souls that didn’t, and Cozart had mentioned a Flame Sector.

The Flame Sector didn’t look distinctly different from the other buildings. The only thing that separated it was the boundary wall; it extended much farther than the boundary walls Xanxus passed on his way, which indicated a much bigger area. The entrance was modest and had a sign with a flame drawn on it, on top.

All the building were designed with a Japanese style like the rest of the city, they were spread out in a way making them face a courtyard. Each building had a sign on top of the entrance, and from what Xanxus saw, he concluded that each building was specific for a flame type.

Cozart indicated the building that had a sign with a flame, very like the one on the entrance, “I’ll leave the rest to you, Tsuna, I have paperwork to do-” Xanxus twitched; the afterlife had fucking paperwork?! “-you know what you have to do.”

Sawada sighed, “Yeah. I do.”

Cozart smiled apologetically at him and Sawada waved him off, “It’s not your fault. It’s just… you know how bad he can get sometimes… and you know how our latest visitor looks like.”

Both Sawada and Cozart gave Xanxus strange looks that he couldn’t describe and it grated at him. A part of him felt the overwhelming need to run and never look back, but he squashed it down; it couldn’t possibly be worse than that time involving him, Enrico, Squalo and a couple of dresses.

Sawada trudged towards the building with the flame sign, calling out to Xanxus, “C'mon! I’d rather get this done with very quickly. Hopefully, we can get you to the Sun division within the hour.

Sawada walked towards the building like he was walking towards his own execution, Xanxus didn’t want to go too.

Sawada whipped his head to stare at him, eyes flashing orange, "You will come as well, or so help me Soul King, I know just the person to threaten you with.”

Given that they were in the afterlife, Xanxus also knew who that person could possibly be, so he cut his losses and stomped towards the building as well.

And so, the two walked towards their doom.

Sawada led Xanxus through the hallways, passing other soul reapers who gave them sympathetic looks before they continued on their way, as if this wasn’t the first time something like this happened.

Sawada stopped in front of a pair of sliding doors. He took a deep breath before he opened them.

“Tuna-fishie!” Came a cry from inside.

Sawada launched into a flying roundhouse kick, nailing whoever came flying at them for what appeared to be a flying tackle hug, and sending them crashing.

“Ow!” Xanxus peered inside the office to see a figure lying among scattered papers. They raised their head, to pout at Sawada.

“Tuna-fishie!” What appeared to be a Vongola Primo lookalike whined.

Captain,” Sawada ground out, Xanxus was slightly impressed, “What did vice-captain Storm say about flying tackles?”

“Not to do them.” Xanxus heard a person approach the room, “But G is a killjoy!”

The newcomer bypassed Xanxus and Sawada on their way inside, with an air of muted murderous intent, “I’m a killjoy, huh?”

“Ah… G…” G walked into the room and grabbed the Primo lookalike from his clothes to deposit him on the desk.

“Sawada Giotto Ieyasu. Fucking do your work.”

Vongola Primo, and holy fuck the guy really was Vongola Primo, pouted, “Fine!”

He sighed and settled himself to start gathering up the scattered papers.

G turned to Sawada, “So, Tsuna, you’re here to report?”

“Yes,” Sawada started, gesturing to Xanxus, “Extraction successful, I’ll be taking Xanxus to the Sun division for medical examinations. I’ll turn in my written report later.”

“Oh my god, G, he lo-!” G slapped a hand over Primo’s mouth.

“He looks just like Ricardo, we know. Now, get back to work.”

Sawada grabbed Xanxus and dragged him out of the office, slamming the door behind them. Pulling Xanxus down the corridor, he didn’t let go of him until he deemed it safe, “Boy am I glad we got that done with. Now-” Sawada turned the corner, “-to the Sun divi-!” Sawada had to swerve to not hit the shinigami rounding the corner.

“Ah, Tsuna! Apologies! Almost didn’t see you there.” Freaking Vongola Quarto smiled lightly at Sawada from behind the humongous pile of paperwork he was carrying.

“It’s okay.” Sawada waved the apology off, “Why are you carrying all of this anyway.”

“Oh, this?” Quarto’s smile turned into a secretive one, “I’m just doing my duty, helping out the great Ric-”

“He’s helping me.” Another soul reaper joined in, “Even though he’s actually doing all of the heavy lifting. He refused to let me carry anything.” This one was Vongola fucking Secondo.

Sawada gave Quarto a nod and a discreet look, Quarto’s smile widened and Xanxus wondered what type of secret the two shared.

“And you,” Secondo started, approaching Xanxus, “You look a lot like me.”

Sawada perked up, carefully maneuvering himself close to Secondo, “Oh, he’s Xanxus,” He said eagerly, like he couldn’t possibly be happier doing anything else other than telling Secondo all about what he did for the day. Which, disturbing, Xanxus spent barely half an hour in Sawada’s presence and still, seeing him turn into a gushy, giggly creature was making Xanxus break out into fucking hives.

“You know, my assignment.” Sawada fucking batted his eyelashes, Xanxus was clearly lied to, this was definitely hell.

“Ah, yes, the one trapped in the ice.” Xanxus couldn’t believe that Secondo wasn’t paying any attention to Sawada’s flirty gesture, focusing on Xanxus instead with a polite curiosity. Quarto was looking at Tsuna with a pained, sympathetic look on his face.

“Of course I remember. I personally filled out the paperwork for your assignment.” Secondo hummed, “But that was sure very fast. I only gave you the assignment not three hours ago. Good job, Tsuna.” Secondo sent a faint smile Sawada’s way.

Sawada melted.

Xanxus needed brain bleach.

Secondo returned his attention to Xanxus, “Welcome to the Flame Sector, Xanxus, I’m the second seat of the Sky division, everyone here calls me Ricardo, so feel free to do the same.”

“Everyone here calls you 'Ricardo-sama’, Ricardo-sama,” Quarto interjected.

“Like I said.” Ricardo’s smile grew strained, “Ricardo.”

Ricardo took a deep breath, “Anyway, you should go to the Sun division to check up on your flames, Tsuna will accompany you in case they need Sky flames for anything. He’s one of our best when it comes to handling the Harmony factor.”

Sawada emitted dying animal noises, and launched at Xanxus, wrapping his arms around him and steering him away, “We should go!” He squeaked.

The moment the two were out of the division, Sawada released him and took a couple of steps back, his face was red.

Xanxus quirked an unimpressed eyebrow. Sawada crossed his arms, “Hey, don’t judge! At least you didn’t see the captain with Cozart around! He has it worse!” Sawada said defensively, “And now can we finally go to the Sun division? I think that’s been delayed enough, and we really need to get you there, Soul King knows just how much of a horror story this will turn out to be if Daniela knew-!

“Knew about what?” A voice interjected from behind them.

Sawada stiffened while Xanxus turned around slowly; the voice was very familiar and there was a possibility that-

He was met with his grandmother’s youthful face, “Nonna…” He breathed out.

“Xanxus.” She looked just as shocked as he was, one of her hands rose to hover uncertainly in front of Xanxus’ face, as if afraid to touch it, “You’re not dead, are you?

Xanxus was tongue-tied, and definitely also indescribably shaken. How was he supposed to explain the situation when he probably couldn’t even string a couple of words together through the lump of emotions in his throat?

“Tsuna!” Nonna barked, not moving an inch from her position or redirecting her gaze towards Sawada.

Sawada jolted and didn’t need any further prompting, “He’s not dead, but he’s been trapped in the Sky flames’ ice for two months.”

Who? Where?

“I found him deep in Vongola HQ. The flame signature matches with Timoteo di Vongola.”

How sure are you?

“Father’s specter was there, he was the one to notify us.”

And I wasn’t told?

Sawada suppressed a flinch, “We didn’t know that it was Xanxus until today.”

Nonna pressed her lips into a thin line, “You went and got him today?

Sawada nodded, “High priority assignment from the second seat, Sky division.”

Nonna’s rage seemed to recede a bit, not going away, but simply simmering underneath the surface; she sent an amused smile Sawada’s way, and his cheeks colored slightly, “High priority, huh?”

Sawada’s slight blush increased, Nonna hummed, “Hurry up and get him to the Sun division, I need to go and find a couple of people and talk to Elena.”

The color drained from Sawada’s face after Nonna turned on her heels and headed back into the Sky division.

Sawada grabbed Xanxus and dragged him again, this time towards the Sun division. Xanxus didn’t protest the treatment as he was still reeling from the encounter with his grandmother and dreading what she could possibly have planned, if Sawada’s sense of urgency was anything to go by.

“Oh, this is bad. We need to see Ricardo about this later. But first, Sun division.”

Xanxus broke out of his stupor to snark, “Fucking finally.


End part 1


i-w-p-chan  asked:

Next for Sangreal!?

For this ask meme.

With half a mind to set Xanxus’ ass on fire for this, Tsuna stalked out of the tent to get a new sword. He had to if he didn’t want to be known as the brother of the guy who farted his sword right out of existence.

- Sangreal, chapter 2. 

You, M-chan, have the perfect timing. 

Magic runs amock and I laugh myself silly writing this fic