Background Info: In the spirit of slowly returning to sharing things with the world, I thought I’d post the playlist that I’ve spent approximately one month procrastinating on diligently working on. I’m not completely satisfied with the blurbs, so I will definitely come back (after exams *cries*) to edit.
Started as a 30 song playlist, and cut down to 8 tracks. All the highs and lows of our entire The Freshman Book 3 relationship with Zig, with lots of angst and introspection. Some songs pertain to Zig x MC; others to each individual character.
Photos taken from Pexels, and edited by me in Photoshop. Hope you enjoy listening! 💕 Click on each song title for the link. I highly recommend listening to each song while looking at the visuals, lyrics, and analysis. 😉
And once we started having friends round You created a television of your mouth —– You got something to say Why don’t you speak it aloud, instead of living in your head? It’s always the same Why don’t you take your heart out, instead of living in your head? —– It’s just you and I tonight Why don’t you figure your heart out?
We are reeling from suitemate drama and uncertainty when we stumble upon the enigmatic barista at the Hartfeld coffee shop. He shoots us knowing smirks, flirtatious remarks, and oh, it is working.
The curve of his half smile, the curl of his deep hair, the heat of his toffee-warm skin washes over us. Risk is nothing when there’s endless possibilities in his gaze.
The start of the quarter is the perfect time to step away from the televisions (or books) inside our minds and take risks, to ground ourselves in new realities. Zig is something new, and very real.
Isn’t it a little late? Shouldn’t you fly away? —– Take a step around the room And every head keeps turning too Little dove, you fight ‘em back Show ‘em you’re so much more than that —– Walk into a smoke filled room. Oh no one could keep their eyes off you. Have a little drink or two Oh how could you be that girl I knew?
Soaring vocals brim with adrenaline, courage, and tenderness. That night, we head out into a strange world of dusky romances and dangerous people. Yet somehow, we always prove our past selves wrong.
Fragile. We walk into the Gutter Kitten’s crowded show only to be met with icy stares (and ice queens). We stand our ground, telling off the rude band members and turning up the charm to an 11 with our coffeeshop cutie. We fight ‘em all back.
Magnetic. In our “little black dress” at Madison’s birthday party, Zig is transfixed. He craves complexity, the satisfaction of stripping apart a problem layer by layer. Our fire, our loyalty, our three dimensionality captivates this lover of permutations, logic. In the smoky magic of our late night bar escapade, he takes us apart. Slowly. Tenderly.
3) “Livewire” Oh Wonder A poignant, sparse piano and beat-driven ballad, contemplating two individuals who have become intertwined.
Counting my losses as I let them go. Heavy the water as I sink below. —– I’ve been pretending all my shots are blown. Cover my heart up, never let it show. I’m shaking it off to find a higher low. —– So hold me when I fall away from the lines. When I’m losing it all, when I’m wasting the light. And hold me when I put my heart in your hands. —– Oh, won’t you be my livewire? Make me feel like I’m set on fire.
Covering up hearts, igniting fires, and letting walls down: how fitting that the themes here tie in with those of the other songs. As the relentless yearning to explore one another in dimly lit rooms and memorize each other’s complexities simmers down, our relationship spins into something deeper.
Grazing touches and gentle murmurs become even more fleeting, soft. When we hold each other tightly, slight frame on top of strong, sturdy, in the backseat of his old car, we realize that somehow within the span of weeks, we’ve become inseparable.
His confessions topple our own walls. As the night goes on, we mold ourselves into each other. Our dependence on one another is intoxicating.
Memories consume Like opening the wound I’m picking me apart again —– Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door I try to catch my breath again —– I’ll paint it on the walls Cause I’m the one at fault —– I don’t know what’s worth fighting for So, I’m breaking the habit tonight
Things begin to spin out of control. One moment, he’s brittle, too quick to snap, to accuse others of false play, to push them away. In a split second, he’s soft again, murmuring gentle reassurances and apologies.
We cannot understand his volatility. Fresh from the burn of an unfair, one-sided fight, we crack under the pressure. Everything gushes out.
The last thing we see is his back, taut with hard-earned, unwanted strength, tense with years of the strain of helplessness as his loved ones are damaged permanently. He has been cornered for so much of his life that running is a luxury.
For him, the anger gnaws and carves away at his insides. All his adrenaline, his sadness, his quick temper feeds the addictive kick. He knows no existence without it. For us, everything dries up. What hurts more, his leaving, or the ease, the relief, with which he leaves? We sink into the deep, because we don’t know if he’ll be coming back. If he even wants to.
What we don’t know if that he’s the one tearing himself apart again.
Oh, sometimes love’s intoxicating. Oh, you’re coming down, your hands are shaking. When you realize there’s no one waiting. —– Cause I’m shouting your name all over town. I’m swearing if I go there now. I could change her mind turn it all around. —– So I, dialed her number and confessed to her I’m still in love, but all I heard Was nothing. —– I wanted words, but all I heard was nothing.
We did not get the chance to see Zig’s perspective after MC leaves for California. For me, this song fills in the blank spaces. I wonder what emotions must have been running through his mind. Resentment? Regret? I imagine him playing the fight over and over again, and beating himself up for lashing out.
We know that whatever he felt, it was strong enough to compel him to dial MC’s number–and, to be completely crushed when she ignored his call. It was the final straw: the confirmation that MC did not care about him. Her silence hurt infinitely more than a punch in the face. And so, the walls go up. He hunkers himself down behind defensiveness once again.
But to finally find someone who loved him for who he was, and to lose her in an instant, stings. He knows that things could have gone differently.
6) “Poison” luhx. A stirring, indie and electronica track about apprehension, toxic relationships and choices, and the road to self-forgiveness.
I’ve been on either side of letting someone down and I don’t know which one is worse —– Your toxin takes its time to settle in When you said how much my skin reminded of home Time seemed to numb my sins —– I laid down all my walls so you could lay here next to me I know now… —– Too much of anything is poison And it’s laced upon your lips But the cure is in the venom, so I keep on coming back My soul is stained with your poison
Admittedly, this toxic relationship is a bit too dark for our reunion. Yet, there is something promising about the song’s raw honesty. It speaks of newfound wisdom, awareness, all qualities that make for a future of healing. “Poison” then captures Zig’s relationship with his past, his demons, and his journey to self acceptance.
Anger was Zig’s poison. It gave him what justification he needed to hate the world that dealt him this hand, to fight back against bullies, to have tasted and now expect rejection, and to avoid disappointment by putting up barriers around all of his relationships. In time, his numbness to his own aspirations became part of him.
Too much anger, however, and everything crashed. Inside, all he wanted was to be free. To believe in himself and his dreams once again. When he first met us in the coffee shop, he caught a glimpse of that brimming courage he once had, many years ago.
He fears that he is broken beyond repair. Perhaps this anger is now laced within his veins, toxic vines twisting around his heart, skin stained with bitter rejection.
There is beauty in his fear and newfound awareness. We are hopeful.
Darling understand, my faith wavers when I can’t see the end And I know you truly believe that our love will keep us from the edge —– I know we’ll never get it right We only ever seem to fight Anyone else would walk away When you love somebody then you stay
The end-of-the-quarter dance dazzles with the promise of new beginnings. To our joy, Zig is about to embark on his college journey! And, amid blushing and stammering confessions, he’ll do so with us–his favorite girl–by his side.
Under the blossoms of the fairy light-strung cherry trees, we twirl about on the dance floor, hearts light and gazes warm. He can’t stop staring at us, but this time, he knows that we’re his. And he, ours.
The future can come with all that it brings. As his hands make their home on our waist, we are content to press our face into his broad shoulder and just breathe. His hope is sweet as the air.
You got me tripping on my walk like I’m a novice. Something about you on the top, if I’m honest Running in circles around me, cuz you know I love it —– I’m gonna let you tie me up tonight And you can read my rights, if that’s alright I’ll loosen up your ropes and let you bite I wanna feel your touch —– (Arrest Me)
Like our bedroom escapade, this lush, achingly sexy track needs no explanation. Teasing, probing, begging. Surrendering and asserting have never tasted so perfectly together.
Zig makes us crave something deeper, almost animalistic, and we can’t control the hitch of our breath when he crumbles under our touch. How is it that we render him speechless in the coffeehouse, in the car, under the night sky, on our bed, one body pressing into the other, moans echoing against the walls?
There is heat everywhere. His gaze smolders, sends one quake after another shuddering through our pinned frame.
After, we lay together, nestled together among the bedsheets, his arm still draped over us. His hands feel rough, but his caresses gentle. As much as we love the storm, we relish the calm. The steady rising of his chest, his soft snore, almost childlike, as we drift away.
Whenever I make playlists for characters or stories, I always try to base the songs off of the feeling, rather than the actual lyrics. “Smoke Filled Room” and “Poison” felt the most ‘Zig’ to me; “Heart Out” and “Arrest Me,” the least. Regardless, I hope you liked my rambling musics and sound bites! Now back to my exam preparation… 😭
X-MEN BLUE #9 CULLEN BUNN (W) • CORY SMITH (A) Cover by ARTHUR ADAMS SECRET EMPIRE TIE-IN! • JEAN and JIMMY continue their assault on EMMA’s stronghold, trying to free their teammates… • …Meanwhile, CYCLOPS must fight to free himself from a particularly hellish mindscape. • Can the X-MEN win against HYDRA when all hope is lost? 32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99
No, that doesn’t feel like “meant to be”, because that would make it sound too easy. And it was an incredible amount of hard work and effort and determination and overcoming obstacles and fighting through disappointments and failures. It was a choice.
Jane Villanueva (Jane the Virgin Season 3, Episode 20: Chapter Sixty-Four)
“And I’m suppose to sit by while you date boys and fall in love with someone else, get married…?“ His voice tightened. "And meanwhile, I’ll die a little bit more every day, watching.” ― Cassandra Clare, City of Glass
The next day, you and Thorin decide take a stroll around Erebor like the good old days. You could still feel the awkwardness, but you were getting somewhere and that was the main thing.
You walk through the market and you stop as you see that horrible wench. Oh how you wanted to ring her neck. You feel Thorin’s hand intertwine with yours and you look up at him.
“Ignore her. Lets just continue our walk alright?” He asks, sending you a smile. You close your eyes and take a deep breath before opening them with a smile on your face. Thorin is still smiling at you.
You turn to look at the vendors and you see the dwarven vendor from a month ago, but he is now with an elf. You smile at them both
“Do you still have that dagger I was looking at? It was very lovely,” you ask and he smiles before bending down and searching under the table. He brings out a box.
“I saved it just for you,” he says opening it up. You grab it, loving the feel of it.
“This is the first time I’ve seen a dwarf interested in elvish weapons,” the elf says.
“Weapons are weapons no matter what race made them. Y/n,” you say, holding out your hand. He takes it.
“Hildrohim,” he says, giving it a firm shake before pulling back.
“How much?” You ask, digging into your pockets.
“Prince Thorin! Fancy seeing you here,” you hear and you roll your eyes, already recognize that wench’s voice.
“Free for the Prince’s consort,” he says.
“Oh she’s not his consort,” that annoying wench says and you turn to her annoyed.
“Actually I am. Wedding is set for next year Durin’s Day so if you could buzz off that would be great,” you tell her and she huffs before walking away.
The vendor chuckles.
“Don’t like her?”
You shake your head and Thorin is the one who speaks.
“That dam has caused too many problems between the two of us and my brother and Frerin refuses to see it,” Thorin says bringing out his pouch.
He hands it to the vendor. The vendor tried to push it back.
“No! It’s on us,” he says. Thorin grabs the man’s hand and places the pouch in his hand. “Think of it as a thank you for saving the knife,” Thorin says smiling. You place it back in the box and accept the box from the merchant.
The two of you leave, not hearing the merchant say, “they will make a great King and Queen.”
“Thank you, Thorin. I could’ve paid for it myself,” you say, tucking the box under your arm and not noticing that you and Thorin had yet to let go of each other’s hands.
“Oh I know. I just wanted to beat you to it,” he says and you laugh, squeezing his hand in thanks. Okay so maybe you did notice.
“You know I haven’t see Dis in a while,” you say. “I wonder why?” Thorin asks sarcastically and you just pinch him in response.
“Where is she? How is she?” You ask.
“She misses you. A lot. She asks me everyday if I was going to see you. You should probably stop by,” Thorin says.
“Or turn around,” you hear a voice say and you look behind you to find Dis. You let go of Thorin’s hand and pull her into a hug.
“There’s my little Dis! I missed you,” you say as she returns the hug. “I missed you too y/n. Why doesn’t Thorin hold this for you for a sec?” Dis asks, taking the box from your arm and shoving it into Thorin’s arms.
“And then we can-,” before you know it you are being dragged down the market with Thorin’s laugh echoing behind you.
Thorin shakes his head as he watches the two of you ran off. Dis had a very peculiar way of wanting to talk to people. Thorin walks back to his chamber thinking about the way your hand felt in his.