wtf is happening in my neck

           “Does it need to be resized or something?”

           “Hm? Oh, no.” Steve answered, looking up from his hands. He’d been staring intently down at them for a while. More specifically, he’d been fiddling with the thick, glittering band wrapped around his finger.

           “Is it stuck?” Tony prodded, “I assumed you hadn’t been taking it off because you liked it…”

           “It’s not stuck.” Steve replied, and went back to gazing at his hand and twisting the ring around. Tony squinted his eyes, as if doing so would somehow give him a clearer picture of what was on Steve’s mind.

           “Do you like it?” Maybe it was too ostentatious? The ring was made of a vibranium alloy –specifically designed to withstand Steve’s violent lifestyle- and studded all around with gemstones, which were set deep into the metal so they didn’t pop out every time Steve slammed it into some bad guy’s jaw. Tony was trying his best not to go too overboard with everything, the ring, the proposal, the wedding that was fast approaching, but maybe it was still too much. Frankly, if Tony thought he could get away with it he’d have put the hope diamond on Steve’s finger. He’d have given him the moon.

           Steve just smiled and shook his head, and Tony couldn’t tell if it meant of course I love it, what a stupid thing to ask, or why on earth did you give me this gaudy eyesore.

           “I’ve just been thinking.” Steve said, finally, “I’m trying to figure out how to ask for something.”

           Tony sighed, relieved that there was no crisis, and closed the distance between them. He pressed himself against Steve’s broad chest, wrapped his arms loosely around his waist and smiled reassuringly.

           “Honey, you don’t have to be so embarrassed about asking for things.” Tony said, gazing up into Steve’s eyes, “First of all, you hardly ever ask me for anything, and when you do it’s usually some kind of wonderful, exciting sex thing and I am pleasantly surprised… If this is another sex thing then, god, I mean that’s… you’re so… I’m getting sidetracked. Second, no, third, I will almost certainly give you whatever you want because, as I’ve said before, I love to give you things. I wish you’d let me buy you more- and I know you say you don’t need anything but that’s not really the point of the exercise. I’m getting sidetracked again. I’m just saying if the moon was for sale…”

           Steve laughed. Tony felt him relax a little, and couldn’t resist leaning up for a kiss, which Steve seemed more than happy to give him.

           “It’s not a thing, exactly.” He said, when they pulled apart, “And you can say no.”

           “I know.”

           Steve took a breath, “When we get married…” Steve smiled brightly when he said the words get married, and Tony was reminded again exactly why he’d decided to do this terrifying thing, “I wanted to take your name.”

           Tony was taken aback. That wasn’t a possibility he’d actually considered. “You mean, legally? Changing your name?”

           “I know it’s a little old fashioned.” Steve admitted, his brow furrowing, “I just think when two people get married they should have the same last name. It feels… normal, and that’s usually in short supply.”

           “Hey, no need to justify it to me!” Tony said, “If you want to change your name that’s- actually that’s a little fantastic. Why the hell did you think I might say no?”

           Steve shrugged “It’s not like Stark is just a regular name. It’s important, and you put it on everything-“

“Not everything,” Tony said, looking very pointedly at Steve “Just everything that’s mine.”

Tony got a little thrill seeing the blush spread across Steve’s cheeks. He blinked a few times, apparently clearing his head, before he continued, “Um… I’d just understand if you didn’t want to share it with me.”

           “I want to share everything with you.” Tony said without thinking. His eyes widened as he realized what had just come out of his mouth, “Um… and it’s not like Rogers isn’t an important name, so there’s no reason to be intimidated.”

           “Please, Tony. I’m pretty sure most people really believe my last name is America…

           “Now there’s an idea! Mr. and Mr. America.

           Steve laughed again, and Tony pulled him closer. He would never get tired of hearing that.

           “Sometimes… not all the time, but sometimes, it feels like being Steve Rogers got taken away from me.” Steve explained, “I didn’t have a choice, but with this… choosing to give it up. For you, I could do that. I really want to.”

           Tony let go of Steve’s waist to hook an arm around his neck and pull him down for another kiss. If the ring was Tony’s way of saying I’m not going anywhere. You can stop worrying, then this felt like Steve’s answer. I’m not going anywhere either. Not ever.

           “Steve Stark… Steve Stark. That’s really not terrible.” Tony muttered. He pressed a quick kiss to the side of Steve’s mouth, “I could get used to that.”

request analysis by @reprobateravenclaw

ok so you asked me to analyze the spank and the neck kiss ( don’t know whether to call it a neck kiss bc he didn’t really kiss his neck but i’ll go with that)

alright so the spank, this is what i noticed and obviously my intake on it. Tbh i’m still in shock that they even showed it lmao. BUT ANYWAYS, it was something else i mean we all know jungkook is a butt enthusiast and all but tbh did he have to spank jimin?? let’s all remember that this skit is on the spot no script, so this was all jungkook. It completely threw me off that he really picked jimin up and spanked him like it was normal like if he’s done it before, didn’t even think twice just AUTOMATIC!! i think that’s the part that threw me off the most how comfortable those two were, i didn’t get any awkward vibes from it, even when jungkook put jimin down and they looked at each other like “there’s a camera on us we really did that” it wasn’t even not normal ya know? what i thought was amusing was how when jimin switched roles with jungkook and smacked him in the head jimin was like “WTF WHY DID I JUST” that was like oh my gosh they really know who’s in charge LMAO. the spank in general tho was way to comfortable, and jimin enjoyed it way too much, after he sat down and jungkook did the questioning jimin was even doing a little flirting (; am i the only one that noticed how flustered jimin was??? IDK.

now to the neck kiss thing that happened at the fan sign, ok so that just completely threw me off BECAUSE before that we barely had any jikook interactions, so when that happened i was like WHUA all at once just hit me in the face like a fucking door! i mean i was happy but i wasn’t ready omg. from what i caught onto and noticed was how jimin grabbed jungkooks neck, the kiss part wasn’t even the part that caught me it was the way jimin touched jungkook. i mean come on y'all could feel the tension from your home! RIGHT!?!? jimin grasped jungkooks neck and it wasn’t even quick just grab and kiss no it was a gentle grab and caress and he pulled up his neck and that’s when jungkook pulled his body up with jimins touch, and idk about you guys but i mean when the boy that i like places his hand on my thigh and squeezes i sorta lean my body towards him more. that’s how i saw that move. and then when jimin placed his head down as to kiss jungkook but he didn’t kiss jungkooks neck he kissed his hand? but in my opinion he didn’t bow down far enough to kiss his own hand, it looked as if he kissed jks jaw line or maybe even whispered something to him, who knows, only they know (; but the fact that jk closed his eyes when jimin bowed down as if to kiss his neck it’s as if jk was expecting to feel jimins lips on his neck, and then he got all flustered when he didn’t and got up to look at jin’s selca that they took, even tho he didn’t have to get up to see that??? like there right next to each other 😂 and also jin’s expression he was just as shocked as we were!!! and then how jimin paced, jimin must have been thinking omg i really did that! but it’s crazy bc of the lack of interactions between them then we get hit with that and it makes me think that jimin has been holding it all back and then he waited for the last fan sign to he like “wow y'all thought it was over no bitch we still here strong af” i feel like they’re trying to be a lot more subtle in public. anyways this is my intake on it i hope you enjoy it!! and thank you for the request i love doing these!

random [U.A. teachers] hcs #1
  • Midnight finds Eraserhead attractive and hits on him frequently. She gets frustrated by his lack of interest, and vows to get a reaction out of him one way or another.
  • All Might is Midnight’s wingman. She tells him what to say about her to Eraserhead when they go drinking after work. He genuinely cares about these two, and does hope they both find happiness in this area, but thinks they are both utterly hopeless.
  • Cementoss does not get involved in “trivial matters” with his co-workers, but finds them incredibly entertaining.
  • Present Mic started a betting pool with the other teachers on Eraserhead’s sexuality. He bet that Eraserhead is asexual.
  • Thirteen apologizes to furniture when he accidentally bumps into them. He bet that Eraserhead is asexual.
  • Power Loader listens to music while he works and pretends he is in a montage. He does not get involved with the other teachers, but often shit talks them behind their backs.
  • Blood King brags to the other teachers about his class like a proud Dad. He did not participate in the betting pool because he low-key thinks Eraserhead is a robot.
  • Recovery Girl offers advice to Midnight regularly, though regrets it when Midnight starts talking about all the NSFW things she wants to do to Eraserhead. She bet that Eraserhead is gay.
  • Ectoplasm married one of his former students some time ago. It’s a fifteen year age difference. Believes Eraserhead will marry one of his students like he did and starts giving him advice. Eraserhead is like, “Wtf no?”
  • Lunch Rush fucks with his fellow teachers’ food just because he can. They never expect it.
  • Eraserhead first found Midnight’s attempts to be annoying, but as they started getting more desperate and bizarre, he started finding the whole thing amusing. At one point, Midnight failed to make a move on him for two weeks, seemingly giving up. This did not sit well with him, so he creep’d up behind her in the teachers’ lounge, bit her on the neck, and then promptly walked away like nothing happened. Needlessly to say, their thing resumed.
  • Nedzu won the betting pool.

anonymous asked:











I L O V E L I A M haha ha ha HAHA IM FINE..







Today, I fucked up... by asking the hot girl in school out

This happened in 94. Was in 7th grade. Was a nerdy kid, but hung out with some jocks since I could play basketball pretty well. There was this one girl I always had a crush on, but being the nerdy guy I was, was very shy. After a killer game of basketball at lunch break, was talking smack and felt like king of the world. Everyone was like, ogAOLhax0r, you the man. This never happens. So heading to class after lunch, I run across my crush. Lets call her Sarah. My best friend is like man, this be perfect time to ask her out. Feeling on top of the world and out of my norm, I do. I ask Sarah if she wants to go to the movies this weekend and food after (I know, I was so cool, right?). She says she has to ask her parents first.

Now, Ive known Sarah for a few years and she had dated guys before with no problems so I thought it was just her nice way of saying no and thought, hey, at least I asked. Next day before 2nd or 3rd period, she comes up and says her dad said no, but she wanted to. She thought I was cute. Shot down, but called cute. Hell ya! During lunch that day I tell my best friend what happened. That her dad said no, but thought I was cute. Fast forward past the weekend (this happened on a wed, thur, or fri… cant rem, but know it was close to the weekend) and my ride drops me and my friends off at school. Walking to the front gate of our school was about a 50yr distance from the sidewalk. At the front, there is someone, who I think is a teacher/admin dressed up…didnt think anything of it since we always had someone there…This person asks, are you ogAOLhax0r…and I say yes…didnt think anything of it since it was pretty safe where we went to school…and tell my buddies Ill catch up with them…this adult pulls me to the side and picks me up by my throat choking me…Im literally kicking my toes from the ground trying to get any footing. Noticing its not doing anything, I try to kick and punch, again nothing. The man turns out to be Sarah’s father. Im at the time about 5'11 170lbs, he is 6'4 280 or so lbs. As he is choking me to what I thought was death, he tells me, no one ever talks to his daughter like that again and if I did, I’d be dead. This was his one and only warning. He throws me into the bushes and walks away like its nothing.

My friends didnt see what had happened as it was pretty quick. It felt like 30mins, but was under a few mins. But one of the local bullies did. Im balling my eyes out, still hard to breathe. I was scared shitless. I didnt know what to do. So bell rang just as I was walking into home room and one the bullies that always picked on me since forever walked up to me and said, dude, I saw what happened, you gotta tell the teacher. I was crying and said no, please dont. The bully walked to the teacher and told her what happened. She got up, ran the bully and I to the Principle and told him what happened. I know the principle as Ive grown up with his son. I tell him exactly what happened. Bully says exactly what happened and matches my story. During the questioning of the Principle (Not like I did something wrong, but for their incident report) the cops were called. Once they arrived the tone changed. Mind you, I was almost a straight A student and never got in trouble (at least been caught, but thats another story). When the cop gets there, the principle says we are waiting for his parents, so you’ll have to wait…cop said, its fine, I just want to ask him some questions so we can speed this along. Takes me to the other room in the admin office and starts to question me. Started with whats my name, where do I live, what grade…then questions started going in a diff direction….what did you do to upset sarah? Why did you spread rumors about her around the school that she’s a whore. I start crying more asking for my mom (I know my dad wouldnt be reachable since he was always working in the shop across town and our house was 10-15mins away) and the cop says just answer the questions and it will be easier. Principle comes in and is like, wtf is going on, we can hear him crying out here, what are you doing…cop again asks me the questions and the principle makes him stop. My mom gets there and then about a few mins later, so does Sarah’s dad. The cop and Sarah’s dad are best friends. He called him knowing most likely he would get the call since he works that area and told him what happened (I know for a fact they were best friends, but not positive about him calling his cop buddy, but thats what we all think happened).

My mom asks wtf is going on and the principle breaks it down. Sarah’s dad is in the other room while its me, principle and the cop in the principles. Cop every now and then inserts shit like, well, we dont know if he did that or why…angering my mom even more. My mom asks, well, why isnt he being arrested. Cop replies that he talked with Sarah’s dad and he is very sorry for what he (he says he talked to me,never choked) did and promises to never do it again. My mom freaks the fuck out….wtf do you mean he isnt being arrested. Well mam, your son spread lies about his daughter and he over reacted, he has promised me he will never speak to your son again. Everyone is saying that the bully saw it happen, but cop is saying he made it up because he is pissed at Sarah for not going out with him. Mind you, my neck is pretty fucked up. Im crying still telling my mom, I just want to go home, do whatever we need to go home. My mom says we will call the police later to file charges since this cop wont do anything. Principle says Sarah’s father is banned from school grounds and if caught, will be arrested. Thats all that really happened to him. We leave.

This whole ordeal took about 2 hours. Word had gotten back to my father by this time. As we pull up to our house, I see all my uncles (like most families, everyone is an uncle) cars in the drive way and my dad loading up his shotgun along with my uncles and their variety of guns. My mom drops to her knees begging my dad to stop. Saying our family will be gone once he goes to jail. My dad asks me point blank…do you want him dead or alive? I said alive. They went back in the house and put everything away and didnt bring it up again.

When my mom called the police…it was like nothing could be done, this guy was untouchable…saying no witnesses, I made it up, etc etc. I begged my mom to drop it because each time she brought it up, I would break down crying.

People stopped bringing it up after a few weeks around school and I never spoke of it again until I was an adult talking to one of my roommates drunk one night. I asked my dad a few years ago if he and my uncles would have killed him. He said yep and never would have found the body. Always knew my dad had a dark side as I saw the fights he got in when I was younger, but that took it to a whole new level.

by  ogAOLhax0r

Check out more TIFUs: Internet`s best fuck ups are here.

it's not easy being green

For green bean anon:

imagine a pocket sized you with your arms crossed and seething as you watch taehyung cuddle with his kermit the frog plushie. taehyung usually asked you for naptime cuddles, but lately he’d turned to this ugly green abomination for warmth instead. you decide to take matters into your own hands, and when taehyung loosens his grip, you snatch the offending toy away and drag it under his bed. you snicker as you shove kermit under a dirty pile of clothes, effectively burying him alive, and brush your hands together, thinking to yourself good riddance. you turn to walk away from the crime scene but get stopped dead in your tracks at the sight that greets you. taehyung’s crescent-eyed smile is upside-down and shining with amusement as his body hangs halfway off the bed to watch the nefarious scene occurring underneath it. he tells you that you didn’t have to commit murder for cuddles; you’ll always be his favorite cuddle buddy. you pout but come out from under the bed anyway and reclaim your spot in taehyung’s arms. he snuggles you closer to his neck and you sigh contentedly as you breathe in his cologne and drift to sleep.

anonymous asked:

mormor 8, 12

Someone else already asked for 12, so I’ll do that in a little bit c:

8. things you said when you were crying

Everyone always seems surprised by their mortality. Despite all the death and disease and disasters that surround us all in everyday life, all of us think that can’t happen to me. And when it doesn’t, we are affirmed in that nonsensical belief, and continue to think ourselves immortal.

Until, one day, it does happen. 

Sebastian is not surprised in the sense that most people would be. A bomb in the living room going off would surprise anyone, including him. He had just been reaching for Jim’s book when there was a loud, deafening sound to his right, a bright flash of light, and a whoosh of air. Now he can’t hear and all he is sure is real is the blinding pain in his side. The dust and the debris of their supposedly untouchable home settles around him and makes seeing near impossible. He can make out a dark figure at the end of the room, but he can hear nothing but high-pitched ringing. 

It takes several moments for him to be aware of the blood coating his side. He looks down and sees a mixture of shrapnel and bits of their coffee table embedded in his side, jagged and grotesque and slick with his dark blood. He looks at them, finding the whole thing to be surreal until Jim is suddenly in front of him, mouth moving, but only making a ringing sound. Jim looks panicked and vulnerable and more afraid than Sebastian has ever seen him. His biggest concern becomes comforting Jim, and not the shards of metal and wood imbedded in his skin. 

The ringing dies down enough for Sebastian to say, “Jim, it’s okay.” 

Jim stops and looks at him, looking torn between punching him and kissing him. Sebastian is rather glad when he does neither, as he’s sure they’re going to make him hurt even more than he already does. Instead, Jim says, “Our paramedics will be here in a few minutes.” 

Sebastian doesn’t need to look at his side to know that he will never see them arrive. He feels lightheaded and it sounds like he’s hearing Jim underwater. 

“’M sorry,” he says, hand reaching for Jim. He takes his hand tightly, looking raw and frightened. 

“For what, you moron?” he snaps, false anger barely covering how his voice has a tremor to it. 

“Let them put a bomb in the house.”

Jim actually laughs shortly at this, a laugh bled dry of humor and life, and his eyes look watery. “You’re an idiot, Bastian.” 

Sebastian smiles weakly, but he holds onto Jim’s hand tightly, with all of his strength. The smile slips from his face as he manages, “I love you, little bird.” 

Tears spill over Jim’s cheeks, a sight that makes Sebastian’s chest ache in ways he never thought it could. He raises his other hand and brushes his tears away gently, his blood mixing with Jim’s tears. 

“Shut up, you idiot,” he says savagely though his tears. “Don’t. You don’t get to. Do you hear me? You don’t get to!

Sebastian kisses his cheek gently and looks at him, feeling weaker with every pulse of his heart, coming fewer and father between. 

“Kitten, that’s what people do.” 

Jim buries his face in Sebastian’s shoulder, holding him tightly as he feels everything he has held back and hid and rejected until then. He lets go, and breathes his love into his tiger’s neck, holding him tightly as he drifts away and is gone, Jim and his words of finally-declared love growing cold as the one man who ever loved him does as well. 

want one?

anonymous asked:

can we please talk about how jk found jimin scolding him the MOST embarrassing thing that happened to him the WHOLE YEAR??? like? wtf did jimin say ?

jimin: did i raise a child or a baboon.. ive never been this Ashamed in my entire life…. look me in the eyes when im talking 2 u young man

jk: but my neck gets tired from looking down all th- im sry.. b.. bad habit

jimin: omg ur srsly back-sassing me now.. making fun of my height.. all the years nearly breaking my back raising ur ungrateful ass, coddling u, buying u things….. this is how u repa

N: N would get offended and probably more offended than you. It would be due to the fact that the whistler clearly disregarded the fact that you are in the presence of your boyfriend. He might shout back at the whistler, but he would end up getting significantly closer to you to thwart off any other potential losers. “Hey man! I’m sitting right here. Don’t disrespect the code. Honey come closer to me…yeah sit on my lap.” 

Leo: Leo got the death stare so you know this is one of those moments it will come in handy. And he won’t just look briefly at the idiot that whistled at you, he’d stare him down to the point the guy might leave the beach completely. “…Stares…neck turning…victory…you’re too beautiful. You know that right?”

Ken: Ken is going to whistle back at the dude in hopes of making him uncomfortable and embarrassed for steeping on his territory. He’ll probably be a little obnoxious about it too and start whistling a song. Any other guys around would think twice about pulling that move. “*Whistles the tune of Beyoncé’s Drunk in Love*”

Ravi: Ravi would be similar to Leo and send the guy a menacing glare while also wrapping his arm around you. His glare would be brief however because he doesn’t have time to waste his eye muscles on a disrespectful doofus when he should be staring at your beauty. “*Glares* Ass…*turns back to you* Sorry where was I? Oh yeah your boobs. Your cleavage looks great in that swimsuit by the way.”

HongBin: HongBin is going to be awkward and try to do some skinship with you. Like its going to be a reflex - stranger looks at you, HongBin feels uncomfortable, tries to cover you up with his arms, obnoxiously kisses your face and neck while you’re like ‘wtf HongBin’, senses the whistler has passed, lets you go and pretends like nothing happened. “…I love you…*kiss kiss* you smell great. You have on perfume? Oh it’s sunscreen…umm *looks over his shoulder* oh he’s gone…want a lemonade?”

Hyuk: Hyuk would be similar to Ken and ruin the whistler’s moment. Instead of whistling back he’d probably make an obnoxious remark or two and then share a good laugh about it with you. He sure knows how to ruin moments…in a good way of course. “Thank you! My girlfriend thinks I’m hot, too. If only we had met two years earlier…”

Thanks for asking!
-Admin Cheezy ^_^

anonymous asked:



Okay okay so when Chris bottoms Josh always somehow forgets that Chris isn’t as innocent as he seems until he gets going and Chris is screaming for him to go faster, harder etc while saying the dirtiest shit and goddamn it makes Josh even harder (which he didn’t think was possible)

When Chris bottoms he’s so fucking loud like the whole house knows the whole neighbourhood knows that Josh Washington is getting laid

When Josh bottoms he’s p quiet tho like just moans and grunts until Chris starts hitting that one place that just makes Josh go crazy like he screams and grabs at Chris and sees stars like holy shit he forgets his own name because it’s so good

Josh and Chris have equal times initiating it because like horny teenagers

They go at it like rabbits like holy shit Chris has passed out before bc it’s so good and when it happened Josh was so worried like he cried and Chris was just all like ‘why’d you stop’ bc he totally doesn’t understand that he just pASSED OUT bc good dick

When I say go at it like rabbits I mean it like everybody is like “how tf do they get it up so many times wtf” bc like hours upon hours of sex like before the prank they had to be sexiled because nobody else could fUCKING SLEEP

As I said in my last ask post, HICKEYS

Josh leaves them all over Chris like holy shit. Neck, jaw, shoulders, chest, stomach, thighs like holy shit boy we know he’s yours but Josh loves seeing Chris covered in /his/ marks

Chris loves how possessive Josh is when he makes the marks bc Josh is growling shit like “Mine” and Chris thinks it’s the hottest thing ever like damn makin his glasses steam up

Chris /loves/ it rough. Sure he loves the slow loving ones too but he’s a secret freak and Josh loves it. Chris is kinky af under an innocent face and Josh is so into it like damn anything Chris suggests (within reason, which they all have been so far) Josh is so into like gah so hot

Josh’s parents silently buy Josh bedframe after bedframe because holy shit even the metal ones they break them like Josh’s parents don’t ask but they /know/

Chris doesn’t let Josh break his bed so they usually go at it against the walls, on Chris’ desk, on the floor who cares tbh like Chris could care less about where he cares more about how

Josh has a hair pulling kink I love it

Chris loves when Josh bites him holy (wendigo!Josh too like he has a lot of trust in that boy to let him bite)

Ahh these are only some of my sexcanons but I can’t think of more atm

anonymous asked:

(973): I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?

Derek is naked, and trying to blink away the hangover that’s lingering in his brain. He gets out of the bed, stumbling for the bathroom, kicking open the door and startling his housekeeper. Josie blushes wildly but thankfully doesn’t say anything about his undressed state, just nods and says, “Mr. Hale,” hands him a fresh towel and darts out of the bathroom with last week’s laundry.

Derek splashes water on his face, blinking wearily at his reflection. Yesterday is a complete haze; he can’t remember anything after storming out on his blind date– he doesn’t even remember who Erica set him up with this time. 

Derek stumbles back towards his bedroom and freezes. 

There’s another lump in his bed. He can see the gentle rise and fall of a breathing pattern under the blankets, curled up in the center of the four-poster spread. 

Derek climbs back onto the bed cautiously, hesitantly pulling back the top of the blanket to reveal–


“No, no morning,” Stiles mumbles. He cracks an eye open at Derek’s stunned face looking down at him. “Hey,” he says, sitting up– and it’s clear that he’s naked as well, bare shoulders and torso rising out of the sheets. 

“Hi,” Derek says, trying to figure out what amazing happystance of events could have happened between storming out on his date and ending up in bed with the man he’s been crushing on for months. 

Stiles pulls him closer, hand on the back of his neck and kisses him soundly, and Derek can’t help the pleased and happy noise that escapes him. 

They’re interrupted by the frantic beeping of Derek’s cell phone. “One second,” Derek tells Stiles, and goes to check. 

It’s Erica. wtf happened last night pls tell me you got laid at least? 

Derek grins and types back, flashed my cleaning lady and don’t remember who i went on a date with. i know who i woke up with though, that counts right?

If ur nice u get a stalker

(anon please) Important people: A my best friend in high school, N the creeper, K an underclassmen who is besties with N.

All of this started in 8th grade, i was a fairly average student decent grades a small group of friends not amazingly popuar but not a total outcast either. N was an outcast and not for any real reason black hair, tan skin, a bit heavy set but not to an extreme level, and she had some acne but didnt we all.  Being the naive 14 year old i was i felt bad for her and decided tobefriend her, this was my first big mistake. N started out normal enough a little “LOL SO RANUM” but not to a particularly annoying level. Being in the ending stages of my goth/weeb phase i showed her MCR and FOB and introduced her to a few animes (nothing to outlandish just ouran host club and black butler). She was a bit clingy but it was kind of understandable given i was her only friend. Thats when i find out we’re going to the same high school, which is a 45 minute drive from where we both live. Weird but ok. Looking back on it it was pretty obvious what was beginning to happen.

We end up going to orientation on different days so i wont see her til the first day. I make a few friends, the most important of which is A. A is a gossip hungry take no shit type of girl, and surprisingly intelligent to boot honestly i know shes in all AP classes but it still sometimes surprises me. First day A and i ride the same bus, score! By the time lunch rolls around Im feeling a lot more confident, thats when i get a text form N “where r u?” i quickly text back my location. After a minute or two a see N approaching, and it is not pretty. Her Hair has gotten greasy, shes gained a few pounds (just painting a picture), and her acne has gotten noticeably worse. The worst part of it is her attire. This is the first day of our first year of high school and everyone else in the freshmen side of the lunch room is dressed like it, but not N. N is wearing waaaaaay to tight black skinny jeans, an obviously well worn MCR shirt, and a grungy beanie whit some anime logo i dont recognize. She has a scowl on her face “I was looking for you all day in the halls.” she said accusingly, i just sort of laugh it off and tell her the truth, that i was busy since t was the first day. She still seems upset but calms down. I try to force her to make conversation with people at our table but she refuses to talk to anyone but me. This whole lunch routine continues for the rest of the year. She also joins me and A on the bus and insists on sitting next to me. This also continues for the rest of the year.

Sophomore year starts off much better, N begins to actually branch to and talk to other people. Granted those other people are in the anime club N joined but whatever take what you can get. She also starts allowing A to sit with me most days, as long as I take the aisle seat, still weird but idk i was just glad i wasn’t squished against the wall by her anymore. Halfway through the year is when I came to terms with the fact that i was bi and came out to A. Later that same week N tearfully confesses to me that shes bi, to reassure her tell her i am to. Within a week the entire table knows, hmmmm wonder who told them. N starts to make obnoxious jokes for example *holding up a bendy straw* “hey this is as straight as i am” followed by awkward silence. Im told by A that im all N talks about hen im not around, wow thats creepy as fuck. I also begin to notice near then end of the year that N stares at me when im not looking, fun times.

Junior year aka right now. Here comes K the freshmen a creepy little red head obsessed with a youtube duo, coincidentally N also starts to become obsessed with them (she ships them, and compares us to them ughhhhh). N and K become inseparable getting N off my back. Whenever i walk past N and k when theyre having their little pow wows K begins giggling while N blushes. ‘Oh fuck. Please no.’ I think. My fears are confirmed when N very awkwardly tries to ask me to homecoming. Im as delicate as i can be when letting her down, because shes kinda creepy but im not a total asshole. The creepiness is cranked up to 11. N stares at me constantly now whether im looking or not, shes comes up to me and the halls and tries to hold my hand and walk me to class(apparently she memorized my schedule and routes wtf) , and thats not even the worst of it. One day I overhear K telling N that she would love to snap my neck for rejecting N. Oooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaaay then. A tells me that she overheard N telling K how i heartlessly rejected her after leading her on. Honestly i had been trying to avoid her so idk hat signals she as picking up on. The creepy shit continues to happen and its consistently amping up. I can tell shes trying to get the courage to ask me to prom which is in like a week. If she does im just gonna flat out tell her no and hope she finally understands. I dont know what else to do, honestly any advice would be appreciated. Because although its not as bad as stalker ex (hope ur ok anon) im honestly kind of scared of her (she has like twenty pounds on me).

jfc how many people are like this

Preference #437: Guess the body part.


Request: Can you do a blurb/smut or something of y/n being a youtuber and doing the “touch My body challenge” with her boyfriend Luke/calum? And also after the camera shuts off ;)) Kind of like Zoë and Alfies!
A/N: Did you mean the guess the body part challenge? I hope you did because that’s what I based it on.

You had been doing Youtube for the last three years, and recently a new challenge had emerged in the Youtube world. It was called the guess the body part challenge, which consisted of two players. They would be blindfolded one at a time, whilst the other person put their finger on a random body part and the person had to guess it. A lot of youtubers had done it and many of your viewers had requested you do the video with your boyfriend Calum. You asked Calum about it and he agreed to be in the video. You decided to do five rounds and loser got a pie in the face.

You set your camera up on your tripod before you started rolling. You and Calum sat on the bed “hey guys it’s Y/N and you are watching my face which is weird” you chuckled “anyway a lot of you have been requesting I do the guess the body part challenge so that is what I am going to do. Today I am joined by this goof ball” you said “hey I’m Calum” Calum said. You carried on talking introducing what was going to happen and explaining the rules. Calum decided to be blindfolded first, so you tied a blindfold around him and made sure he couldn’t see before taking his finger and placing it in the crevice of your elbow. “What is that? Ugh its wet” Calum squirmed “is that your mouth?” he asked “nope” you chuckled as he took the blindfold off. “It was the crevice of my elbow” you giggled. Calum then blindfolded you and placed your finger behind his knee “ugh wtf is that?” you asked as Calum tried to supress his laughter. “Ummm your neck?” you asked. “Nope” Calum responded. You took the blindfold off and he told you what it was.

The game continued and finally it was the last round, Calum placed your finger on his eyeball which you guessed, and you placed his finger in your mouth which he guessed. “Okay guys that’s it. I have no idea who won so comment down below telling us who won. If you enjoyed this video give it a thumbs up and why not subscribe while you’re at it” you smiled “no don’t subscribe, don’t do that her videos suck” Calum said “shut up” you nudged him playfully. Then Calum lunged at you and began tickling you, you laughed in hysterics as you were extremely ticklish “o…okay guys…s..s..see you… next…week” you gasped out before the video ended.

The Stages of Reading Fan Fiction

Brought you by expert, Natalie Mark

Stage 1: Delight

You have found the fic of your dreams.

Stage 2: Bliss.

Oh joy it is smutty as well.

Stage 3: Rapture as your OTP gets together

Stage 4: Turtle-like delight while reading first sex scene

Where is my neck? In Heaven, that’s where.

Stage 5: The plot twist.

Wait WTF I did not sign up for this no.

Stage 6: NOPE


Stage 7: AH WTF AH


Stage 8: WHY


Stage 9: WHY GOD


Stage 10: grab onto nearest fluffy item and cry angrily

Stage 11: Denial

Pretend like it didn’t happen. Lie to yourself. Smile and lie. Everything is happy.

Stage 12: Defeat

Stage 13: Read again/recommend to friend.

Brought to you by my red-ass, loser face.

extrajordinary  asked:

hello! i found you in the douwe bob tag and would love to hear about his concert you went to! and how he called you baby! love from a sad australian who can't see him haha

hi! i hope you’re ready for a long story because i am absolute douwe bob trash and i need to talk about him a lot. (i’m actually so much trash that i’m in a douwe bob trash group chat). and don’t worry, sad australian, maybe you will see him one day!!

so, the day before yesterday, douwe announced that he would give a spontaneous concert in a small record store in amsterdam. obviously, i had to go because 1) i am douwe trash and 2) i live in amsterdam so it was very easy for me to go. the concert started at 2 pm and me and my friend arrived at like 1 pm because we wanted to be in front (as one would like to be when they are seeing douwe). so suddenly, it was only 1 pm, i heard a sound that i had never heard before in my life, so amazing and beautiful i thought my soul would leave my body. but there he was, douwe bob, already in the record store because he was gonna soundcheck, and i was sitting there with like 6 other people?? jfc im weak. so he was like walking up to the stage and he was just like: hey guys, is it cool if i’m gonna soundcheck for a bit? LIKE OBVIOUSLY IT IS. oh my god he looked so good, keep in mind that this is the first time i ever saw him in real life and that he was wearing a low shirt and i was one meter away from his ungodly neck tattoo. jfc. so he soundchecked for a bit and then left again with a wave and a ‘see you in 45 minutes!’ and i was just sitting there like: wtf just happened. but at the same time, it all felt very casual you know, so that was really nice. jfc i’ve only done the soundcheck bit and that was 15 minutes i’m so sorry about what’s still to come.

SO at 2 pm the actual concert started and keep in mind that it was really hot in the store because there were lots of people and it was pretty hot outside. my son douwe arrived and got on stage and the first thing he said was: ‘are you guys drunk yet???i know i am.’ and then he laughed and i died. he started the concert with History, which is awesome because it’s one of my fav songs from Fool Bar so i felt very blessed. let me tell you, he is even better live than on his album, i didn’t know it was possible but it is. so after history, he asked the audience what song they wanted to hear, and he got a few requests, and he was like: ‘alright, now i’m gonna play a song that nobody asked for’ what a little shit. i love him. so he played Cynic, which i wasn’t complaining about at all because that’s one of my faves as well. reminder that it was really hot in there, so douwe was like: ‘guys, i’m gonna play one more song and then we are moving outside because i’m dying in here.’ so he was about to play Take It Off, and before he started, he was like: ‘we can also just all undress, that would match the song as well. but only if you’re 18 or older.’ ah yes my baby is so good. so he played Take It Off, which was awesome as well, and then he was like: ‘okay guys, now let’s all go outside because i’m dying and i’m sure you are too!’. this was, of course, an awesome idea, but i was standing in front which meant that i had to wait until everyone was moving. remember who was also in the back of the store, very close to me?? that’s right, douwe bob.

so we were walking outside (very slowly because it was super busy and no one was moving) , and i told my friend, who was walking next to me: ‘dude, i just lost 10 kilos standing there’ and i expected my friend to reply, but he didn’t, because someone else did. now you can already guess who someone else was, and you are correct: IT WAS DOUWE WHo was apparently walking behind us, also stuck in the huge group of people. he overheard me and he was like: ‘yeah, me too, it’s insanely hot here. but i could use losing some weight.’ and i was shocked for two reasons. 1) douwe initiated a conversation with me and 2) have you seen him???? he doesn’t need to lose weight. so i told him: ‘no man, you look great, you don’t need to lose weight’ and he laughed and i died and then he had to push his way through the people because he had to get outside and perform somehow. so my son went outside and he literally climbed on a container. (i was a bit more behind here because all the people in the back of the store were outside more easily obviously but hey)

then douwe proceeded to play Slow Down and i felt my soul leaving my body because whoa he is so cute and beautiful and talented and dhufgyuad. during the song, he did the infamous 10 seconds of silence, but some people already continued singing and he was like: ‘what the fuc guys?? haven’t you seen eurovision?’ and he looked so offended i’m laughing again just thinking about it. so then he said the also infamous: ‘i love you too baby’ and i just aidfhs he is so cu te. SO then unfortunately the concert was already over bc like i said it was very small (did i say that?) BUT not to worry because much more awesome things were still to happen and meanwhile i’m getting seriously worried about this reply’s length. 

THE concert might have been over, but douwe is perfect so he went back inside so he could sign things and meet people and all that. i was still pretty close to the store, so i was one of the first to get something signed which was AWESOME. i told him how much i loved the concert and he laughed and was like: ‘i’m glad you liked it. i especially liked it when we went outside because i was dying’ and i was like: ‘yeah man, i felt the same.’ and we just talked a bit and he took my phone and we took a selfie (HE TOUCHED MY PHONE HE TOOK THE SELFI E). i walked away, dazed and happy and satisfied with everything that had happened. BUT NO, SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAD HAPPENED. MY SELFIE WITH HIM WAS BLURRY. I FELT ALL FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS CRASHING DOWN ON ME. i mean, i’m not a dick so i wasn’t going back in line and ask for another one, and i met him and we talked so i was like: it’s fine it’s cool i’m seeing him again in 2 months i can live with this. so i walked outside and my friend was like: ‘ no bente you have to ask him for another picture together’ but im not a dick???? still, something inside me told me to wait and when he was done with autographs, he walked outside and i just (how did i get the courage) i walked up to him and i was like: ‘hey douwe, can we please take a quick picture because my other one was blurred?’ and he was like (HERE IT COMES THE MOMENT WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR): ‘ah baby (BABY), i’m so sorry but i have to go’ so like, i already had my picture and i was like: ‘ooh no don’t worry it’s fine,’ and before i could even finish he just looked around and was like: ‘you know what, fuck it, let’s take a picture,’ AND I WAS NOT PREPARED AND I STILL HAD TO TURN ON MY CAMERA but it was okay because douwe took my phone (again) and we took two more pics and tHEY WERENT BLURRED and i was like: ‘thank you so much! have a safe trip home’ and he was like: ‘no problem and thanks! see you around’ SEE ME AROUND? WHEN ????/? and then he left and i was left standing there with two incredible thoughts: 1) i was the last person he took a selfie with #honored and 2) HE HAD CALLED ME BABY. BABY . MY CELEBRITY CRUSH CALLED ME BABY.

and that concludes the story of one of the best days ever aka the day that i met douwe bob and he initiated a conversation with me and he called me baby. and i was eye to eye with the neck tattoo. 

here are the selfies if you’re interested (also if you’re not interested):

the blurred one rip 

the one after he called me baby


i’m sorry about the length i hope you enjoyed my adventures!