is making me cry today. In every song I hear there’s a person attached to it. 

I feel like a shattered flower vase someone tries to fix with tape to reuse it and pour more water into… little by little leaks start to get bigger… who’s gonna put me back together when I’m done breaking?


Are you the Deity I’ve been looking for?

You strive so confident,

it seems you’re the one.

That deity will love me, as I do him.

You were supposed to help me when I drowned,

Instead you let me fall.

I gave you my heart and my faith,

you treated it as garbage.

I thought you loved me,

I thought you cared,

but you see right through me.

I always thought many things,

I just never saw the truth.

I still pray to you sometimes,

and hope you’ll give me another try,

Only to end up like before…


day 20/365

Day 20: what you think makes someone beautiful

Beauty varies, in my opinion. If I were to be shallow, I would say a tall male with a beard. Piercings and tattoos are attractive depending on the person. There are just some people who weren’t made to sport tattoos, and I’m probably one of them. But I only notice these things when I’m just out by myself and I find myself attracted to a stranger. When it comes down to someone I DO know, I am NEVER shallow, not even a little. I’ve fallen in love with big husky guys, beard or no beard. I guess I could’ve made this shorter by just saying, A GREAT sense of humor, comprehension, and a sort of sensitivity makes someone pretty damn beautiful :p

I'm just gonna answer these anyway.

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? yeh, I think he did.
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? definitely
3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? I can’t remember the last time those two feelings mixed..
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? sure, I do it all the time.
5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? nope
6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yeah, my parents’ rancheras haha aaallll the time >.<
7. What exactly are you wearing right now? jeans,  a blue tee shirt, fuzzy socks
8. How often do you listen to music? as often as possible
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? uhhhh… jeans?
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2012? too late. No it didn’t.
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? I think I’m pretty social.
12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? no
13. What about ‘R’? nope
14. Can you drive a stick shift? I can’t drive, period :/
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? not really. If they talked badly about me, I probably do the same to them. So its coo :p
16. Are you going out of town soon? nowhere in the near future, no.
17. When was the last time you cried? thursday i think >_>
18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? yes
19. If you could change your eye color, would you? not really, I’m perfectly content w/ my shade of brown
20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? I’m not so sure
21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. I have nothing to do -__-
22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? it happened once… it was cute
23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? certainly NOT
24. What are you sitting on right now? picnic chair? Idk, its comfortable though
25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? nope
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? story of MY LIFE
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? my mom
28. Do you get a lot of colds? not at all, lately anyway.
29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? the myspace building 
30. Does anyone hate you? I hope not
31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? of course not, they’re in the balcony
32. Do you like watching scary movies? yes, even if they don’t let me sleep at night
33. Do you want your tongue pierced? not really. no.
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? 2011. ALL OF IT. fuck that shit >_>
35. Did you have a dream last night? yeah, I dreamt I became a werewolf… that shit was crazy x]
36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? january 9, like 1 or 2 in the a.m.
37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? not a chance
38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I really do. He won’t leave me alone
39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? no I don’t
40. Did you have a good day yesterday? sorta
41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? no i wasn’t
42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? yeah for sure
43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? yes
44. What’s the best part about school? lunch o,o
45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? yea
46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? no
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? everyday of my LIFE
48. Were you single over the last summer? for the second half I was
49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? not one bit
50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? homework
51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? a little
52. Are you nice to everyone? I try to. Its like my policy
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? YES
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? if i ever last that long, yes i definitely believe i would remain faithful
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? fucking PRO at it
56. Do you think you like someone? I KNOW i do
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? yes :)
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? guys. Most girls just don’t agree with me :/
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? yeah i think so
60. Do you hate anyone? i wouldn’t say hate, but it is a strong dislike
61. How’s your heart? weak
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? yes
63. Have you ever cried over a guy? plenty
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? nobody i hope
65. Are your toenails painted pink? NEVER O_o
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? judging by my emotional vulnerability: yes
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? NO! who the hell loves it? Its like saying you’re glad he’s miserable >.> I’d rather find a way to make him stop crying, because happy is just a much better feeling than sadness any day of the week.
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? nope
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? jorge
70. How do you look right now? like I had a bad dream
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? not completely, no.
72. Can you commit to one person? yes I can
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? nope
74. Have you ever felt replaced? YES
75. Did you wake up cranky? not really
76. Are you a jealous person? hell yeah man, I have  a problem
77. Are relationships ever worth it? I believe so, yes
78. Anyone you’re giving up on? I can’t find the strength to give up. so no.
79. Currently wanting to see anyone? absolutely
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? go to school -_-
81. Last person you cried in front of? my mom
82. Is there someone you will never forget? yes
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? YES. too much
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? contemplating whether or not I should forgive him
85. Are you over your past? not yet
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? yes he always has to be my best friend. If your partner is also your best friend, the bond could never be greater. And that’s beautiful =]
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? in the meantime, no
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? hell no. just no >.<
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? yeah
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? yeah, no one liked him lol
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? i don’t see it happening
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? yes i do
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? no i haven’t
94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? last january? like a whole year ago? yes I was. It wasn’t going very well. THIS january, I am not.
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?  no i wasn’t. mainly because he had broken up with me -_-
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? I guess he’s OK
97. Who do you have texts from? Maximus (twitter)/ The fuzz (facebook)/ jorge/ marci
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? “so what are you gonna do about that?” its what i always do.
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? YES
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? in the background, i can only distinguish javier
101. Ever kissed under fireworks? nawwww
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? yeah. but there was this one guy who straight up gave me pterodactyls… that was beast lol

He interrupts my life, asking to have a word with me about a certain topic later in the day, when my senses weren’t so hazed. I’m ecstatic. I think he wants to talk about US. Instead I hear the story about how long a crush he’s had on a familiar of ours. The story of two frightened lovers afraid to commit. Whilst hearing this story, with special interest, I think, “Is it possible they’ve both forgotten the severity of my emotions for him?”


Day 60/ 365: a youtube video you absolutely love and describe why

THIS ONE! ^___^ because Mitchell, and because perfection :3

I love y-... yogurt :D

My invisibility cloak works well, or  it did until the day I met you.

No one ever saw me,

No one ever saw Claudia.

Until, of course, you came along.

Melancholy fills my soul whenever you come to mind.

Who knew rejection wouldn’t feel so BAD this time…

I love y- yogurt =]