you cracked open my chest

and inscribed love letters on the veins in my heart

they surged throughout my system

charging me with an electric lavender hum

I bled your poetry.

when you left,

I cracked open my own chest,

in desperate fleeting hope of finding the words that once made me feel so undefeatably beautiful;


I found every single love letter you inked in me

stamped with

return to sender.

I thought you left me last December but it turns out you left me the day you cracked me open;

I was just a storage place for you

a hollowed out empty chest

a place for you to set your pretty



I don’t trust anyone

who sounds like poetry


We did it in his mother’s bedroom,
maybe because he didn’t want the memory of me on his sheets but I couldn’t bring myself to look at the powder pink roses on her comforter.

So I kept my eyes closed.

I wanted to be the bitch who smoked a cigarette right after,
and I was.
But it was a drag off of his, the tobacco made me sick that’s all I could taste his teeth were the color of the filter.

His knuckles were scabbed, his mouth too close I didn’t want to kiss him.

I didn’t want to kiss him.

His mother’s room had sermons on the night stand and a cross on the dresser, facedown,

I was praying I would forget this I was laying face up, thinking about the drawing of God in the living room thinking god why am I here in this smoke filled house under this smoke filled body thinking Jesus Christ get me out of here thinking Jesus Christ why does it feel so good

Thinking that maybe this is wrong because I only want it until it’s over.

—  I’m not religious but God strike me down

anonymous asked:

ur favourites blogs???

i swear i mess this up everytime!!  @weaksorry @557am @s3xnoise @affectioms @unsends @highschoolhandjobs @pressurizes @xan-scum @drunkenlyhere @aoq @naughttyangel @loviely @extrasad @emptygrl @etherealangels @rlyalone @toothprick @ughgoth @sodascherry @oddcrush @prozacgirl @patheticgoth @dreamgrl1998 @deathtml @suckeyangel @writun @wreckurs @to-theluckyones @tbhalone @inkskinned @crazhe @night-rooms

because this tshirt smells like you
and I have strong lungs
I breathe in slow,
and hold it,
hold it,
slowly release;
because that is how I am trying to let you go

because my dad hates it when I ramble, I will tell you that I miss everything about you over and over
but only in my head
because you left,
and the corner of your suitcase that I tucked myself into
is getting too cramped for me to breathe
in slow,
or even at all.

because I said goodbye to you when you got on a plane,
yet you still called and told me you loved me
and yet,
I let you,
because your tshirt is in the bottom of my drawer
and when I see it
I think of you dancing in a thick, hazy fog of smoke,
brashly sliced by moonlight

because when I told you
that I wanted you to start new,
you told me you loved me,
and as my mind tried to conjure up the proper words to tell you that missing you
made my lungs weak, you asked me to never text you
again you let me down,
again you let me

because you left
because you chose to wear the soles of your shoes down on a different grain of concrete,
and I am still standing right where you said goodbye


said goodbye

because it’s been nearly two years
since you took my breath away
and sometimes I still forget
to breathe.

—  you’re not my muse, you just dragged me through hell and made it taste like heaven

so the year is coming to a close and i finally decided to do a follow forever!! but first i wanna personally thank @understudier @sorryalways @affectioms @557am and @mis-takenchance for helping me get through this past year. i love you guys so much and i couldn’t have done it without you :-)

and now for the normal follow forever stuff, i bolded ppl that i’ve talked to/am friends with 

@0800angel @557am @affectioms @angelbaby37 @anxieusly @aoq @arabellashigh @artmilf @astrroid @basicuhlly @cxlcium @dauinty @dearlightning @deathtml @drowsyspace @drunkdrop @e-lllipses @emptygrl @emptyirl @etherealplum @etherealsluts @extrasad

@fagg @falleds @flyngmdlrckts @frailcloud @frogflesh @gianpierree @gothetic @gothpout @heckxno @inanimates @irlpoetic @irlpunk @isohlated @itstartswithasinglestep @lachrymosedrunk @liarbby @loviely @mis-takenchance @miserabler @miserrable @misffit @mothurs @my-h-e-a-r-t-s-not-in-it

@naughttyangel @ne-kurr @nymfets @oddcrush @opiumhoney @postoverdose @probablyysad @prozacgirl @requitedloves @rlyalone @sadbutfab @satansbabyboy @sickfake @sighbers @sinroyalty @sleepyfairies @snowysad @sorryalways @sorryish @spacebaby2001 @spacedsoul @sryangel @suckeyangel

@taexe @tiredbtw @toothprick @trulysad @twodoorsadclub @ughgoth @understudier @untrashed @vuae @waxygen @wineangel @wreckurs @writun @writurfreak

and lastly i want to thank everyone who follows me, you guys are all so lovely and i appreciate you guys so much :-) i hope 2016 is a great year for everyone!!

When you kiss her in my dreams
my face turns the color of hospital sheets.
You wouldn’t know
because I sleep alone.
The moments I need you most you’re on lunch break
in the cafeteria on the floor above the emergency room.
I don’t want to talk about it
they can lay one thousand mugshots out on my nightstand but
I won’t turn you in for doing this.
You stole my heart but gave it back
you cut me out with your knife collection you did it so cleanly they thought a surgeon did it
but you’re just a custodian who faints at the sight of blood
You cover your tracks so well
with bleach and windex
these windows are so clear.
—  But I can still hear the sirens.

sometimes I wanna wrap my car around a tree; 
maybe because 
it’s the closest thing to your tight embrace
that I’ll be able to get 
in this hauntingly empty haze, 
the kind that is so strangely thick that you can feel it 
your shoulders down,
trying to sink your heels beneath the concrete,
down to the dirt and the worms.

it’s the kind 
that presses so hard you feel you may just shatter;
like the windshield of my car would
upon the force of impact; the shards would rain down and resound like the thunderstorms that grow behind the left side of my temple 
demanding attention.

somehow, underneath this

r o a r i n g I think of you I think about how we used to taste like eachother; but now you taste like a swift punch. I taste like blood. I guess in a way we still go together, but we are not the same. as the glass falls i will find myself thinking of the spectacle in the same way those who came after you found me beautiful;
in a broken, shimmering kind of way,
the kind that lifts you up 
and up
and up
until you hold on too tightly
and suddenly you’re bleeding,

and cursing my name and slamming doors and asking yourself


you ever felt so drawn to such a deceptive beauty
like glass,
I was always transparent. 

I guess it was wrong of me to think you’d know;

I guess I just assumed

because you always looked right through me.

you never saw me when I was right in front of you, maybe you’ll finally see me on the news when they report the crash

how many times can they say
they are sorry
before it becomes so empty that you hardly recognize it as a word,
before it goes right through you,
leaving only unsettling sensation,
as if it were nothing but a ghost
passing through a wall.

how many times
do you look down at your chest
and see that your heart is gone,
to find it only in the midst of their sweaty palm
(they promised they would keep it next to theirs
they promised
they promised
where did you go wrong?
loving someone
who has hurt you
over and over,
for so long?)

how many times
must they crush a piece of your heart between their fingers,
“it was an accident. all I was trying to do was love you.
to keep you here.
close. with me.”
before you must pry open their hand,
and try to piece
it all
back together?

stitch up the scars and
that they won’t show up so clearly
if you every try
to give your heart away again-

that is,
if you get all the pieces back.

—  i love you in the way an alcoholic loves the drink- wholeheartedly, desperately, brokenly.
a.) my hands are still as cold as they used to be; my friends all tell me so. I can’t help but think of how you would warm them for me. even if you were across the room acknowledging the coldness of my hands all you’d have to do is give me a flash of that smile that always melted me so.
b.) sometimes I think about you
c.) you text me, and we talk, and sometimes it’s like you never left, but other times it’s like you’ve never felt so far away.
d.) sometimes you feel like a sun-kissed memory, golden, warm, shimmering; yet far away. sometimes you feel like a frozen late November, the kind that never fails to chill you to the core no matter how long it’s been. sometimes you feel like street lamps, with your steady constant hum illuminating dark streets, always there, always ready to guide my way home.
e.) I have a date, you know. she’s not you, but she is definitely something; I just don’t know what yet. I’m not her type, and it frustrates her because she wants me, and she reminds me of that in a teasing tone similar to the one you would use with me when we were tangled up in our sea foam colored corner of heaven.
f.) every day I find a new way to say goodbye to you. it’s almost the time of year when you broke my heart the very first time, and the chilled air reminds me of that, settling in my bones when I wake. it’s like watching you walk away another time, over and over like a scene from a movie.
g.) every day I find a new way to say hello to your ghost; because you’ll always be here, you will always stay. you’ll always be mine, and I yours, but really, it’s not truly you; it’s a memory. I belong to the you that existed here months ago, and you belong to the me that wrote you a ten page letter about our love.
h.) so no, I’d never break a promise to you; I won’t forget you. I couldn’t no matter how hard I tried, even in years when I have new skin cells that your pale hands have never touched, I will remember you.
—  a list of things I wish that I could tell you, but you are so very far away and I am so very cold

I keep waiting
to feel something
or feel someone next to me
in bed,
on the streets,
a comforting hand in mine,

but, for now,
my best friend is the linoleum
floor of the bathroom
and the shapes I can make out
on the textured walls,
like the dinosaur in the bottom right-hand corner,
or the sad face below the toilet paper dispenser and

I keep waiting
for something,
to breathe life back into me,
but everyone has a different definition of what it is like
to truly be living, different views on whether or not loving is living,

so, for now,
the ceiling fan is my lover,
because I can easily turn it on and off when I please,
and as I watch the blades whirl
I think of how I used to spin for you like that,
how I used to blow you away
like the loose leaf papers on my desk.
now the only piece of you
that remains in the sheets
next to me
is the slight dip in the mattress
from where you used to lie

when I roll into it,
I can almost feel your laugh
vibrating in your chest,
almost feel you
wrap your arms around me

but, for now,
the only thing wrapped around me is the scarf
that got caught in the door
when you left,
did you know that the slamming sound still haunts me?

you told me I was a lost cause,
and if that is true,
then why can I find myself shrouded in a cloud of longing,
drifting among the broken hearted in alleyways and in telephone wires?

I keep waiting for someone
to tell me
I’m right where I need to be,
but no one dares to walk down this street,
and none of the restless souls here
dare to say this is where
we belong.

I keep waiting for someone
to open my eyes,
and I ask myself who it could be
and as I look in the mirror
I know
that the only one that can save me
is me,
but you took so much of me with you
when you left,
that without you,
I am no longer sure who I am.

—  I have always been patient, and will wait for you to return until the end of time
without you,
I feel like I’m dying,
but I guess that’s just a side effect of having a heart in my chest.
the blood in my veins pumps slowly, like the second hand on a clock, tick ticking away the hours, thoughts jumbling,
trying to piece together my patchwork heart and comprehend what it was like when you left with part of me;
but the words don’t come,
because poetry is a dying art, and trying to revive it is like pouring gasoline into a lake and praying for it to burn,
like dousing matches in tears.
And yet,
I cannot help but hope that maybe,
somehow, learning to ignite them will help me forget that you always have me in the palm of your hand.
—  nothing will ever burn me the way you did

I am not sure if pain breeds poetry;
for I am overflowing with sorrow from an aching heart,
yet there is no poetry in my soul.

you told me that my words
took the breath from your kiss-ripened lips,
so I tried to stop breathing,
in hopes of finding my voice.

my highschool english teacher once told me that poetry pumped through my veins,
so I sliced open my skin
in hopes of finally discovering
the words I so desperately needed
to flow.

you told me that my words were stunning,
that they must have come directly
from the halos of the angels
and out of the tip of my pen,
so I tried to get to heaven,
but the bottle of pills was too empty.

my best friend once told me
that my writing brought her to tears,
so I cried a whole damn ocean,
yet my words crashed before even reaching the shores.

I once told myself
there was nothing in this world I couldn’t be,
I once told myself
no one would ever take my poetry
but the day you decided I wasn’t enough,
the very same day my writings could no longer get you to stay,
was the day I lost them; something so personal,
something I keep locked up in a chest but you,
you came in with the stealth of a burglar,
cracked open my chest, and stole my poetry,
and I can’t even begin to fathom
how to explain
how much you decimated me.

—  I guess just taking my heart wasn’t enough for you

anonymous asked:

top ten favorite blogs?

This is v hard @557am @teenemotional @s3xnoise @loviely @affectioms omg that’s already 5 AH @naughttyangel @vulgarwoman @trustissued @xan-scum @spacebaby2001 ???? There’s a lot of good other blogs ok Like @gothetic @extrasad @sadangel2002 @unsends @crazhe @aoq @oddcrush @prozacgirl @patheticgoth @writun @fagg @frogflesh u ask for 10 I give u 22 that’s just life ok and there’s still so many more

anonymous asked:

can u please please please please list a couple of blogs similar to yours/your fave blogs?

Yep@557am @weaksorry @inanimates @mis-takenchance @toothprick @frogflesh @fagg @highschoolhandjobs @anxieusly @understudier @babyalmighty @sugarangel72 @sadlilbratt @naughttyangel @suckeyangel @memefairie @cyanlips @pressurizes @deathtml @gothxmom @patheticgoth @sadangel2002 @drunkenlyhere @arabellashigh @affectioms @onlinedaddy @realfool @extrasad @writun that should be a good list :)