Importance: When it matters I’ll care.
i almost killed 5 people.
Nobody seemed aware.
The universe feels
all wrong. We
all die in the same frame. Even
When not the daze is gone but shit’s still

It’s okay to be dead, to be wanting to live, to be bleeding or bled, to be blessed, to be living to die at the end, to be me when it’s said, to be spent and unstressed, to be over.

All I’ve ever hoped and dreamt of is going somewhere in life, that will make people proud. Yet, everyday I just show you I’m unable to do the things you want, buy the things you want, go to college for you. If only you knew the hardest task I face daily, is facing myself in the mirror after fighting with myself to get out of bed. You’re materialistic with things you want from me. You never wish me happiness. You’d rather have bragging rights about all the things I’m doing in life, than have the clear subconscious of me being happy. You asked me how I am today, and I told you I’m fine. You believed me, and that’s when I knew. You never cared about me. Only for yourself.
—  I’m Doing The Best I Can // MB

1. I am a crybaby and I don’t fucking care

2. When someone sees me cry why is their immediate reflex to offer me tissues? I don’t want to wipe away my tears. I won’t to let them flow. They evaporate on their own. And once I am done I can look myself in the mirror and know - it all disappears if you let it go.

3. When I say ’go away’, I mean it. Sometimes the best comfort you can offer to someone crying is to leave them alone. They are upset/angry/hurt. Lets not add embarrassment to that list too.

4. Sometimes I don’t know why I am crying. And sometimes I don’t want to talk about it either. If I am letting it go, so should you.

5. If I am crying in a public place, don’t be embarrassed for me. Don’t say what I already know - people are staring and we are right in middle of the classroom. I know and I clearly don’t care.

6. There are so many triggers. A quote, a single word, a memory that should have been forgotten by now. When tears appear, when the trigger hits, it doesn’t show that I am weak, it shows that I am strong enough to live.

7. Don’t tell me to ‘stop crying’. That’s like the worst thing you can do. After saying ‘calm down’. It took me a long time to realize there is nothing wrong with tears. Don’t ask me to suppress my emotions. I won’t, no matter how many times you repeat the same frustrating thing.

8. You can leave. You really are not obligated to stay there and comfort me.

9.But if you choose to stay, you must chuck your idea of comfort out the window if it doesn’t match mine. Because in the end it is all about trying to make me feel better in that moment, right?

10. Do NOT start with advice. Not unless asked.

11. Most times a joke works. It can be the silliest one. Not because I want laughter to cancel out the tears but because it is good to be reminded of yin yang.

12. Don’t start telling me about your problems or why your life sucks. Not when my cheeks are still wet and there is more to come. Listening about how bad your life is will NOT make me feel any better. Just worse.

13. I can call myself a crybaby but you cannot. Because when I say it, I know exactly what I mean by it. When you say it, I am not too sure but have a fair idea of how much you pity me and how sometimes you see me as pathetic.

14. Don’t hug me. Don’t touch me. The hugs while crying look comforting only in the movies. When I am crying I feel like everything is closing up on me. It gets harder to breathe or even see. I just want space.

15. If I ask you to stay and you do, I want your company not your words. I have heard her breathe for an hour straight when she cried on call and all I did was let her. That day in 8th grade I realized there are times when words are not needed at all.

16. I will throw up. I will feel hungry soon. I will say things I don’t mean. Don’t make it a big deal. Crying comes easy to me but most times smiling does too.

—  Things I want you to know as a Crybaby 

i did 3k+ words today, thats pretty good for having been blocked for 6 weeks and gritting through anOTHER fcking back flare up. 

She is soft and gentle
An explosion and an ember in one
A girl who’d rather read a good book than go out
She lives in her own head and gets lost there
She’s the type of girl who’ll love you the hardest, because it’s the only thing she’s capable of doing
She understands heartbreak, and won’t ever allow it to touch you
Won’t ever allow you to experience it
You’ll see her as your home, because she’ll feel like it
Stable, warm, cozy, familiar
She’ll snuggle you tightly at night
Make puppet shadows on the walls to ease your troubled mind
She’ll talk with bold words, seeming very unapologetic
But she’s the kindest soul you’ll ever meet
And she’ll be that girl you’ve been waiting for
Because she’s the girl who’ll show you more than you’ve ever deserved
She’s the girl your family and friends will adore
Because she’s the girl you feel safe with, a girl you finally trust to keep your heart soft and full of love
When you find her, keep her
Because there will be days she’ll be a raging ocean, untamable
And days where she’s so lost in her own head, you won’t know where to start looking
But she’s the girl you’ll forever regret letting go if you do
Don’t ever make that mistake

I am a savage. Couldn’t you tell? I warned you I’m part heaven and equal parts hell.
—  s.z (I Am Not To Blame)
maybe i’m not easy to love.
i have a strong heart. it’s a strong
heart but sometimes it still
hurts when people try to pull on it.
it’s my lungs that are the
problem. i lose my breath faster
than i lose my headphones.
it’s like my lungs are two balloons
being squeezed too tightly
and my chest concaves
and i feel like they’re going to just
pop. i’m not easy to love.
it’s more than just that.
i do impulsive things like cut
all of my hair off and tell you i
love you before i’m sure
i do. and one day you’ll wake up
and you’ll notice that i’m
not as kind as you thought i was.
or i’m not as smart.
or as pretty.
and you’ll realise i’m not
easy to love. you’ll
realise you just wanted to believe
i am. that you’d managed
to convince yourself otherwise.
—  (r.e.s)
you always used my heart,
as a place to rest
when you’re tired to find someone better
and i let you
over and over
—  d.p.a
She’s the type of girl who can look right through you or right into your soul. Either way you’re screwed.
—  s.z (Let’s Call A Spade A Spade

this is the part where you let go.
where the pain in your heart
merges with the softness in your soul.
where a deep breathe takes you
from unsteady to okay.
where you start to find the path
that leads you the right way.

this is the part where you let go.
breathe in, breathe out.
start here.

—  starting point // r.e.s

The Dregs: *break multiple laws, threaten people, blow things up, cause murder and mayhem like the Chaotic Neutrals they are*