i. when you fall in love with an angel, you must understand that there are things you will not understand.
ii. when you first go to run your hands through his hair, his halo will slice your palm. and it will hurt. he will mend it with the touch of one golden finger, and will leave so abruptly that he is gone almost before you blink. the last thing you see will be him standing in the doorway, a terrified expression on his face and blood in his hair.
(later, he tells you that he didn’t realize how breakable humans could be. when he explains what it takes to make an angel bleed, you start to understand.)
iii. ask him about the sky, about stars and suns and galaxies light years away, about how the universe looks like a blooming garden.
do not ask about lucifer, because your angel will become a soldier before your eyes.
do not, do not, do not ask about god.
do not ask about rebellious older brothers and absentee fathers, do not infer about a war you know nothing of.
iv. in a science class you are taking simply to get the credit, your teacher will be talking about quantum physics. she will call planets “celestial bodies” and suddenly you will only be able to think of the way his mouth curls in at the sides, of all the puckered scars that criss-cross his torso, of the graceful arch on the bottom of his foot. when the teacher calls on you and asks you if you are alright, you will flush an even deeper red.
(at times it is lovely to be in love with an angel. but other times, it is not.)
v. when you fight, it is like the world is ending. his anger conjures a thunderstorm, and soon the entire state is three inches deep in water. you shatter a picture frame. a bolt of lightening catches the house across the street on fire. you are screaming at the top of your lungs—something about duty, something about god—and there is a crash of thunder that shakes the house. the weathermen talk about the storm for days, and you change the channel.
vi. then there are the times when he doesn’t visit for months on end, and when he finally comes back to you, he is not himself. there are new scars across his chest, and he does not speak. he sits with you in his arms for hours, his nose buried in your hair and his arms squeezed tight, so tight.
he does not cry. you do not cry.
you do not cry.
vii. when you fall in love with an angel—oh, sweetheart. it’s too late to take it back now.
you want to talk about angels?
fine. let’s talk about fucking angels.
yes, they are beautiful, but they burn, and if you get too close they will singe your soul.
yes, when they let you get close enough, they are lovely to the touch, but so are poisonous flowers.
yes, they are curious, but they are also soldiers, and they would just as soon destroy something as they would learn about it.
and yes, yes, yes, i know you think you are in love with him. but remember darling, you cannot look at the sun without blinding yourself, and you cannot kiss a star without burning your lips.
She understood the pull between two worlds, the cosmic force that ripped her simultaneously to and from his distant life. And it was painful, but the decision to leap either way was endlessly complicated. The thoughts circled her mind, and she could not escape.
To unbecome herself, after hundreds of years of study, of meditation, of spirituality in the raging winter of her home? It was impossible. It would be as if abandoning a tireless war, in which she was bound to the army of a righteous cause – even with the knowledge of it’s poisonous politics. She had to keep fighting. The distraction that she found in her love for him was only that; a distraction.
It was a unknown element of warmth, but one that she could not help but cling to. He was alone, as was she. Both were part of a mass of bodies, civilisations full of insincere companionship. Amid all who they stood beside, they knew nobody as they knew one another. And she supposed that she could live with that emptiness, as she had known it for centuries. But the thought of leaving him to face this eternal echo without her, was unthinkable. She would not allow him to face oblivion alone, or to be drummed down by those around him, those who saw nothing of his soul.
And ultimately, she did not want to return to the bitter halls of her people, without the knowledge that across the stars – he was there, waiting. And he would never forget her, far away as she was. He would always be a new constellation, in the bleak, dark skies of her decaying city.
1. When the man at the bus stop burns holes in your skin raise your armour darling, your words are your weapons - tell him you are not a piece of meat, and his masculinity does not
make him a lion. Darling, you are not his to prey on.
2. When the men in the car speeding down the road
hurl fowl profanities at you, remember that this is not a show but your life and you are not an attraction for their eyes to feast upon.
3. Darling, a few years from now when your daughter comes home with warm tears running down her cheeks please remember that her shelter has not yet been built and she will allow you to enter for now - appreciate this, use this wisely. Do not allow her to go to bed with self-hatred in her veins and self-blame in her heart. Pay no mind to her attire, draw her attention away. Teach her that her outfit is not her consent. Teach her that her voice matters. Teach her to roar. Your words will echo in her mind and years from then her daughter will hear the same echo. You are a part of a movement. You are creating an army of powerful women. Darling, put on your war paint.
4. Baby, you are not a delicate flower, you are a lioness who’s beauty is in her self-belief, in her self-worth and in your ability to survive in a world where the odds are against you.
In today’s world and as part of
human nature, we can be so easily swayed. Our attention span is short-lived.
Our attitudes can be fickle. We promise but do not deliver. It gets all too
easy to be distracted from prayer by the latest Instagram post or the latest
Facebook update. We get more excited over the hype of the latest mega-hit
worship song than actually worshipping God with all our hearts.
The thing is, our hearts can turn
too easily from God. When I read about the Israelites in the Old Testament, the
involuntary reaction is a heavy feeling of unease that I too, act that way sometimes.
One minute, I turn to God. The next minute, I turn away. Sometimes, I give Him
80 percent. Other times, maybe 40 to 50. When I sit down and reflect, it
saddens me how far and few between are the times when I can sincerely say I
give God 100 percent. All my heart. All my soul. All my mind. All my strength. But
I don’t. I find that I give God far less time and energy than I give myself.
but ultimately God is the only one whose faithfulness fills us up in ways that no human can.
Yet, it is amazing to know how
faithful God remains to me. To us all. 2 Timothy 2:13 states, “If we are
faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.” The very nature of
God is to be faithful. Even when we turn away, he stands by our side. Normally,
when we mess up in various ways (as we humans have a tendency to do), people
have many different reactions. Some look down on us. Some insult us and hurt
us. Some judge us and never let us forget our mistakes. But very rarely does
someone support us all the way to the end. It is incredibly unusual for someone
to be faithful to us in heart, in spirit and in mind. But God is. And that is
who he will always be.
Imagine a friend who knew all our
bad habits and character flaws. A friend who knew all our failings and worse
moments of life. Someone who sees beyond the externalities of who we are and
looks straight into our hearts, perceiving both the beauty and the ugliness. Yet
that same friend still chooses to walk with us in life. We might meet one or two
people who do so, but ultimately God is the only one whose faithfulness fills
us up in ways that no human can.
“Even though I walk through the darkest
valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”- Psalm 23:4.
As we all journey through life,
we can never do it by ourselves. People
come and go, but God remains our faithful friend in every single moment. When
the worst storms of life hit us and people leave our sides, God does exactly
the opposite. He stays. In the darkest valleys of our soul, he remains with us
and walks by our side. One of the greatest promises and clearest realities is
the simple fact that He never leaves us – emotionally, spiritually, mentally,
physically – we are never alone. We walk hand in hand with our faithful God.