written entries

9/26/16

She tells me that I’ve changed. I ask her to define change. I ask her like the way wind rustles leaves, I’m in her bones at this point. She’s shaking. I drive away with the last bits of summer. I’m shaking. I’m angry. I have her attention, but she doesn’t have mine. Did I break her heart? She says, she speaks– my train of thought runs all over me. Bits of who I believe myself to be exposed to daylight– we’re unfamiliar. We’re strangers. We don’t talk like we mean it. I’m hollow, I’m empty, I’m cracked, I’m ripped. I mindlessly do things. I smile because I want people to relax, not because it’s real. I make people laugh because there’s too much crying when we’re alone and no one truly cares too much to pay any real attention. The burning ashes from my lit cigarette thins itself on my knees. I can’t seem to love people anymore. Real life interactions carve me open, but I don’t pay attention to myself. I call myself selfish, but in a way I’m just too selfless. I’ve given too much away, I don’t recognize myself in the rearview add to that… this is the longest 30 minute car ride ever. She gets out. I drive away. If I screamed, I wonder if she could hear it through our silence. She says how come you never write about me, darling, I can barely write about me. I’m a stranger to my strangers. I’m a stranger to me.

– the truth

March 15th, 2017:

Sinister by Shane

I knew our love was nothing. I knew it the whole time. But a part of me held on to the single, tiny shred of light and hope that i had left. I knew it was over almost immediately but i still held on. I kept fighting, even when he stopped. When we stopped talking, i kept trying. I was still giving it my all, even though he wasn’t giving anything. Love is a compromise. Both people have to give something. When i could only give 50%, he wasn’t willing to give the other 50%. Love is meant to be between two people, not one person giving it everything and the other giving nothing. But, sadly, i was always giving everything and he was always giving nothing. Our love was sinister. Like him.

I guess that’s why i’m being overly cautious now. I don’t want to give my all to someone and get nothing back. This boy is just as beautiful as Him. He gives me the same feelings He once did but also not the same feelings. It feels different. He’s given me hope that maybe, just maybe, he may feel the same. Please don’t be in love with someone else.

—  c.h.s (@coffeeshopserenades)
Missing you isn’t lying awake remembering car rides to nowhere with the windows down and the radio turned up to full, feeling the vibrations hum through my body and my hair blowing into my eyes.
Missing you isn’t scratching your name into the rotting, twisted wood of that old park bench where we used to lie, praying you see it and write my name back.
It isn’t wishing for the seven hour phone calls or scrolling through old conversations, seeing them sink from ‘god, I love you’ to ‘maybe this isn’t a good idea’.
Missing you doesn’t come with empty bottles of vodka under my bed or driving to a field in the dead of night just to scream your name to the sky. I think I’m through with that now.
Missing you is hearing your name and hoping that maybe you regret it all and that you’ll text saying you still love me, that you never really stopped.
But I know that hope is dying now.
Maybe it’s already dead because I know you have been falling asleep next to her and you only loved me on a whim.
Perhaps your idea of love was warped because you say you have loved time and time again and I don’t understand that because I could never love anyone the way I loved you.
— 

 I know missing you won’t bring you back to me but holy fuck I can’t stop (via cigeurette)

anonymous asked:

What's your motivation to photography and writing?

Without photographs and written entries, life would pass by in seconds.

Someone’s gotta capture the beautiful (and ugly) moments.

reactingcaptain  asked:

Hey guys, I'd really appreciate it if y'all would tag blood/gore. This is specifically in reference to the most recent post for the sbideas, but there may be others. Thanks so much for all you do, and I'm excited to participate in the bingo!

Hey there dear! (Your tag doesn’t work, I’m sorry D: )

I’m so sorry about that, I hadn’t seen that post before but it’s fixed now, I’ll try to make sure things are tagged in the future, but as there are multiple admins with access to the blog I may not always be aware of it, so if this happens again please let me know so I can tag it :)

For our followers: Blood will be tagged as blood tw and trigger warning: blood, and gore will be tagged as gore tw and trigger warning: gore

As a note, because it would be very difficult to make sure every single written entry to Sterek Bingo is thoroughly read through, I ask that written submissions have trigger warnings front and center at the top so admins can see them, I’ll do my best to tag accordingly but written entries is where I’ll really need help from the writers to have trigger warnings on the actual entries so that we don’t miss them, a list of trigger warnings will be posted next month along with the tags that will need to be used, but if anyone has a specific trigger warning that doesn’t fit in with the most standard ones (IE: Gore, non-con, underage, charector death, etc) please please send us a message so we can put them on the list, thank you!

~Admin Asagi

Originally posted by sterek-story

She’s the type of girl who
writes in diaries
and plays in the band
and might read until her eyes fall out if the book is any good.
She’ll
text you the most random things and then she’ll call you to explain before you can text back.
She has a
snowglobe collection
and she refuses to sleep with pants on.
She is
uniquely herself
and I don’t think I’ve ever met someone more
b e a u t i f u l.
—  Makayla Grace Pettriess
Monday, August 3rd, 2015
9:27 p.m.

Levi seeing a flower on a mission outside the walls that they don’t have on the interior and it reminding of him of Mikasa, so he thinks about giving it to her but when he walks over to her and is about to do so he realizes he doesn’t have the slightest idea of what to say when you’re giving a flower to a girl, especially not one you might secretly have a crush on, so he just ends up telling her it’s because she, “fought well in the last battle.”

literally the coolest thing about reading the kurt cobain journals after having read heavier than heaven (aside from being able to identify when certain entries were written) is watching kurt learn! within the journals you can literally pinpoint when he started dating tobi vail and learning about feminism and feminist theory and you can see him actively changing his way of thinking and basically it’s really really cool

SAY SOMETHING

Entry 25

No one says anything.

A part of me says I should just leave. But I don’t listen to it.

Mabel is the first to speak. She tells me it isn’t what I think, but I’m quick to interrupt her.

How could I think this was anything other than what it was? He obviously trusts her more than me. She obviously doesn’t care about my feelings enough to tell me what’s been happening. They’re clearly fine handling things themselves and I should just butt out. And he’s made it abundantly clear he doesn’t want me involved. That I should leave them alone. That I’m just a nuisance.

I’m slapped for a second time that night but this sting a little more.

She’s looking at me through tears, and I immediately regret everything. I bite my lip and look anywhere but at the two of them.

She tosses something on the table that catches my eye. Flowers.

I look at her, confused, and she explains that the plant is helping him with a lot of things. She pauses and gives him a look before continuing. She tells me what the book didn’t.

He doesn’t have much time.

The virus can’t be stopped and the best we can do for him now is make sure he’s comfortable. Make sure it’s as easy as it can be for him.

I don’t understand or, rather, I don’t want to.

She tries to touch my arm but I back away. She says my name, but I don’t really hear it. He’s not talking. He’s not even looking at me. I don’t understand. I feel nauseous and the room starts spinning.

He doesn’t have much time.

I leave the room.

6

songs that speak to me // not spring, love, or cherry blossoms - high4 & iu

A week left of Lent

I must admit, I did not think for a minute I’d manage. But I have so far. Not a single crisp has passed my lips. Not even a sneaky one from someone else’s packet. No Doritios or nachos either. So proud.

Although Lent ends on April 17th, I think I might just continue the no crisps thing until I go on holiday. Since I cut them out of my diet, I feel like I have so many more calories in my daily allowance to enjoy a large lunch or dinner. I was generally eating two bags a day, so that’s a minimum of 200 calories on nonsense. Now I’m making bigger dinners with more veg. So all good.

So yeah. Feeling proud.

It humbles me when I see other people together, and then there I am, by myself, for myself. I think it’s important to value that sometimes you only need yourself. I remember when I was with the girl I love, and that everything felt endless. The thing I now have reminded myself is that, we sometimes lose the moments we use to have, as everything is a memory to hold. Even if I’m not with her, I’ll continue to love her apart. I loved her once, and loving someone once should be enough for yourself. Never love more than you deserve. I always hated when lessons were learned between us, though it also kept leading me to grow to who I am now. That separation, and multiple paths taught me to love more that was around me. Tracing steps backwards was an reflected idea but when I continue to blink to a new day, between the nights ahead, possibilities and new dreams grew. My passions, to others around me created a longer connection. New discoveries emerged consistently, as my life started happening again. I am now working harder for a future that is certain, but also aiming to have a life that makes me happier. I always said to others, “I’m only as strong as my heart.” Years have passed, and my heart have learned to be much stronger again.

4

Amy Appreciation Week 2.0 || 8.18 - Written in Stone

Part where Ty finds Jessie drop the charges & then they going to,Pike River to the church & decide not get married , best part is Ty sit on the log & Amy come up , thanks him for tea & he said there bacon &a eggs in the oven ,thought that was sweet…. - gkb44

(Note: This one actually combines two eps, so will carry over two days.)
Also.... tried on my wedding dress today :D

My dress, my ACTUAL dress. Oh man, I love it so much. It makes me look semi-tall haha. Don’t need many alterations at the moment, so that’s good. Just means if my shape changes a lot before the wedding then I won’t be panicking.

My bridesmaids got to try on their dresses today, they look so gorgeous I love it. I got to stand in the mirror with the girls around me and it was just amazing :)

Two months today until I marry the man of my dreams. Holy crap.