CAN YOU PLEASE DO A THIRD OART FOR THE ALEX SUMMERS WITH THINGS YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO HEAR MY HEART IS BEING TORN APART BUT I LOVE IT
@moonsca Oh my god please can you do a part 3 to that Alex drabble? The one with 10 and 20? Like they were so good and I’ve gotten so worked up, I also LOVED the characterization and all the emotion in them. I hope this isn’t pushy or anything, but I just really loved it and hope for more!
*slams fists on the table* MORE ALEX SUMMERS ANGST (please)
plus a couple others asking for a third part & also @frostgreyandpryde might be interested in reading this
Hiya, can you please make a #17 and #22 with Alex Summers? Thank you
A/N: Bonus points if you listen to The Sea Is a Good Place to Think of the Future by Los Campesinos! while reading
Alex deploys tomorrow morning. You really wish you hadn’t been keeping track, but it’s barely twelve hours till he leaves, and the date for his departure is burned irrevocably into your brain. You don’t expect to see him before he goes, and honestly, given the state of the war he’s going off to fight, you’re not sure if you’ll see him afterwards either. He’s been staying at the mansion since he left. You haven’t tried to see him. The two of you haven’t actually broken up, but when you left the bedroom the morning after your fight, he was gone. There had been a note on the table reading ‘I’m sorry’, and it felt like a pretty permanent ending to you. You’re slowly trying to put yourself back together. Some days it feels like you’ve done a pretty good job, but as you lie sprawled across your cold, lonely bed, you don’t feel like you’ve mended at all, and you feel a million miles away from yourself, like Alex took some integral part of you with him when he left.
The phone rings. You stare listlessly at the ceiling and let it ring out. It rings again. You let it go to voicemail. It doesn’t ring again. You close your eyes and think about getting up, but the idea feels like too much for you. The silence in your apartment feels like deep water; dark, cold and oppressive. You don’t care. You don’t care about much at all anymore. The phone rings again, shattering the silence, and managing to spark enough irritation in you to compel you rise from your prone position on the bed and pick up the phone. You’re about to start an incredibly condescending speech about how it’s rude to call a person after a certain time of night, when the person on the other end of the line starts to speak and you feel like the floor has dropped out from under your feet.
“(Y/N)?” Alex’s voice is low and rough, as if it hasn’t been used in a while.
“Alex” You say, and you sound numb and exhausted, even to your own ears. He lets out a long breath, and it comes through the phone as a rush of static.
“I wasn’t sure you were gonna pick up.” He says quietly, and you don’t respond, don’t trust yourself to respond without crying. “I uh, I fly out tomorrow. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice again. In case I-”
“Stop.” The word comes out in a whisper. “Please don’t. This isn’t fair. Do you have any idea how much you leaving hurt me?” Your voice catches on the last word, and you can’t stop the tears making their way down your face, but that doesn’t matter because you don’t want him to keep talking. You don’t want to hear about how he’s going to war or how he is or how he’s sorry. You’re utterly wrecked from the first time he walked out, and this time he’s going to an entirely different country to fight a goddamn war and even though you don’t know where your relationship stands, you’re terrified for him. You don’t want to think about him, but that’s impossible when you can hear him over the phone and picture him so clearly he might as well be in the same room as you. You desperately want him to hang up, and you’re petrified that he will. You hear him sigh heavily, and in your mind you can see him scrubbing a hand tiredly across his face.
“I’m sorry.” He says finally. “I know I hurt you. I was angry and confused and afraid. That’s not an excuse for what I did, and I know this is unfair of me, but I,” There’s another long silence, and you brace yourself for whatever is coming next as he tries to put whatever he’s feeling into words. “I miss you and I’m sorry that I’m such a fuck up and I’m so sorry I hurt you, but I’m scared and I feel so damn helpless, and I called because you’re the only person who could ever talk me down when I felt like this.” You can hear his throat tighten as his voice catches, and it’s still unfair and it’s still painful, but you miss him too. “I just want to be able to come back to you when this is over. If I come back.” He finishes, and the words are pained and anxious and you can feel the harsh, tense lines of his shoulders radiating down the phone line.
“Alex,” You sigh, tears welling in your eyes. “You can’t-We can’t just go back to how we were. That’s not how it works. I love you, but you’re about to leave for months, and you might die there, and I don’t think I can handle this right now.” You say, reaching up to brush away an errant tear sliding down your cheek.
“It’s okay.” He sounds resigned and so forlornly understanding that your heart clenches in your chest. “I know I’m leaving again, and you’re right. I don’t deserve a second chance with you. I just wanted to talk to you one last time. Clear the air, or something. I really do hope you’re happy. Maybe you’ll find someone better for you than I was” He says, voice low and dejected, and you take a deep shuddering breath, trying futilely to stop the tears falling fast and thick from your eyes.
“I don’t want someone better for me. I want you.” The whisper slips out without you meaning it to, and you hear a sharp intake of breath from Alex. “I’ll always want you, I just don’t know where to go from here because you’re leaving tomorrow morning, and I’m so fucking scared for you. Just-” You squeeze your eyes shut, taking a shaky breath. “Just come back alive and we can figure it out from there. Together. Okay?” You say. There’s a long pause, and when Alex finally says something, the sheer gratitude and emotion in his tone makes your chest tighten.