writing poems on this

Today I realized that you’re never going to love me as more than a friend. We are never going to be a couple. We’ll never fall asleep together or cook together or plan our futures together because we will never be together. There will never be an us. To you, we will always be friends, best friends. Because even when things end with this girl and I get my hopes up and think “Maybe this is my shot” you’ll already have another girl chasing you before I even get off the couch. And I don’t blame you for that because all those girls are seeing the great guy I know you are, the guy I am in love with. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. That doesn’t stop the heartbreak or the tears or the aching in my body. And it doesn’t make me love you any less. But oh god, I wish it did.
—  I have to learn to unlove you. 
the version of you that’s supportive and kind and loving to others…
can you be that person to yourself?
just once?
—  something someone told me when i was having a hard time.

They think they’re trying to help
introducing me to someone else

I play along ‘cause I haven’t
got the heart to tell 'em
that if I dance with somebody
I might want somebody else

And if I want somebody
I might fall in love
and forget what it was to be
wrapped in your arms so tightly

—  James TW - ex
Stay.”
“Why? So I can go to college in the same town I went to high school in? So I can live in my parents’ house for another four years? So I can see the same faces every single day for the rest of my life? So you and I can have a dog and a kid and a white picket fence? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I want more than that?
—  from an unfinished story #631
You matched my insanities and filled my gaps, you saw a rainbow where I couldn’t even see colors and infinity when all I saw was closed doors. And now that I am no longer in your arms, I feel like a wanderer in the desert looking for some water.
—  giulswrites
It’s like being home sick for a place that doesn’t exist.
this is the thing no one tells you about monsters
about real monsters
they don’t lurk in your closet
or hide under your bed
but they still manage to come out of the shadows when you least expect them to
they don’t live in darkness
they don’t thrive in the nighttime
real monsters walk around in broad daylight
unaffected by the burn of the sun
they don’t need to hide in the shadows
they stalk
and they prey
while it’s still light out
so they can see you better

no one tells you that real monsters don’t look like monsters
because their fangs are hidden behind soft smiles
and their claws are hidden behind warm touches
real monsters hide behind bright eyes
and dimples
and messy hair
real monsters look like the boy you’ve known since second grade
real monsters look like your neighbor who greets you on your way to school every morning
real monsters look like your babysitter
real monsters look like police officers
real monsters look like someone you should have been able to trust
they look like someone you did trust once
they look like someone who broke that trust the same way they broke you

real monsters will rip you to shreds with the same hand that once held yours
real monsters will smother you with the same arms that once hugged you
real monsters will sink their teeth into you and suck all of your blood out of your body until there is nothing left
until you are nothing
and they will leave you rotting on the floor
knowing that no one will come to help
they will watch you die
watch as they slowly kill you
they will cover your corpse with traces of them that only you can see
so you can never prove that they killed you in the first place
real monsters are not convicted
real monsters are never convicted
real monsters will convince a jury that they did nothing wrong
real monsters will smile as the judge says “not guilty”
knowing that those two words killed you even more than they ever could
real monsters roam the streets knowing that they have won
knowing that they will see the inside of you once again before they ever see the inside of a jail cell
real monsters are so scary that they make you wish the boogeyman really did live under your bed
instead of right down the hall
—  m o n s t e r s
(cc, 2017)