writing circles

4vrafangirl  asked:

(Talesfromthefade) "I am selfish even until death." for the DWC?

@talesfromthefade Thank you so much for this @dadrunkwriting prompt! As soon as I saw it, I knew where I wanted to go with it. I hope you enjoy this little bit of correspondence.

Rating: E for everyone


I am not easy to love.

It is a thing I know about myself, have always known about myself. The walls I have erected around my heart are not easily surmounted, and once they are breached, you must then contend with the man that I am.

I am vain. Not a looking glass or a clear pool gets passed by without at least a passing glance to inspect my likeness. I will compliment that reflection in my own head more than I compliment my lover.

I am proud. My happiness at my own achievements will outstrip any joy I get from seeing the person I love succeed. I attempt to justify this by insisting to myself that I have fought for and earned these achievements. And yet I know, deep down, that I have been helped every step of the way by my privilege and status, such as it is. I will never, of course, admit this aloud.

I am unkind and critical. Not a single person alive could live up to the impossibly high standards I impose on everyone except myself.

I am entitled. Even the things I have not earned, I somehow feel I am owed.

And I am selfish even until death. When I gasp my last breath, it will not be to utter a last loving sentiment to you, amatus, but to request that the world remember none of these things about me.

I will ask, instead, that the world see me as you see me. What it is you find in me that is worthy of giving yourself wholly to me, as you have done, I cannot imagine. What is it that outweighs my vanity, eclipses my pride, and outshines all the other flawed pieces of my psyche? Whatever it is, that is what I hope people remember.

It does not escape me that I have spent an entire letter to you talking about myself. But all this is to say, in my own self-absorbed way, that I am a lucky man to have found you, amatus.

I miss you. It’s terribly hot here, even after the sun has set, and I lay awake in bed wishing I could hear your damned snores. The nights are long without you beside me.

Take care of yourself until I see you again. Don’t let Krem and the rest of those ruffians get you killed. And do remind the Inquisitor that it’s been several weeks since I had a raven from her. Too busy keeping that mabari from chewing Skyhold to splinters, I expect. I told her that’s what she gets for marrying a Ferelden.

I love you.

-Dorian

The new year will be the year of walking into fairy circles, smiling at glowing red eyes in corn fields, leaving flower crowns on gravestones, befriending every eerily unblinking cat and generally exposing yourself to every slightly surreal seeming phenomenon because we have nothing to lose and eldritch beings to gain as friends.

please pay attention to the facts that:

1. eggsy has to blink back tears from simply remembering harry.

2. he is the first to run to hug harry when they meet again.

3. the Hug™.

4. their perfect coordination in the fight despite zero practice they are literally the epitome of drift compatible. 

anonymous asked:

“No, like…. It’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes." with eggsy unwin please btw I love your writing

Eggsy Unwin + this prompt list

A/N: ok so i love eggsy with my whole heart but this is my first time writing him so some feedback would be delightful just so i know i’m not writing him totally wrong. also @kurtwxgners @mvximoff @rax-writes enjoooyyyy

When you wake up, it takes you a second to fully register where you are. You blink sleepily awake and slowly take in your surroundings. You’re in someone else’s bed, a strong arm draped over your waist. The stiffness in your muscles reminds you of the previous night and heat floods your cheeks as you remember the ease and complete lack of shame with which you fell into bed with Eggsy. His chest is warm against your back and you let yourself luxuriate in the warmth and comfort of the bed for a few seconds longer before carefully sliding away from him and slipping out of bed. Retrieving your panties from the floor, you spend a second looking for the shirt you had been wearing the previous night before giving up the idea and snagging a long sleeved shirt that is most definitely not yours off the back of a chair. Pulling it on, you pad quietly out of the bedroom towards the kitchen. 

As you wait for the coffee to brew, you lean back against the counter and think about any consequences last night might have for either of you. There are no rules against romantic involvement amongst employees of the Kingsmen, though you suspect it is frowned upon. The coffee machine is whirring quietly in the background as you think about the previous night. Heat rushes to your cheeks again as months of flirting replay in your mind. It’s not like last night wasn’t a long time coming. You don’t let yourself get caught up in wondering whether this will be it for the two of you, unwilling to let yourself ruin something good before you’ve even woken up properly. It could happen, but it might not, you remind yourself. Don’t get caught up over it. If it doesn’t happen, it wasn’t meant to be or whatever. 

The coffee is finished and after a short search through the kitchen cabinets, you pull out two mugs, pausing for a second to remember how Eggsy takes his coffee before filling them both and taking a long sip from your own. It’s mid morning, and the light filtering through the curtains is warm and bright, though a faint chill hangs in the air. You take another sip from your mug, too preoccupied with your coffee and your own thoughts to register the faint sounds of of footsteps from the bedroom.

“Gotta say, ‘m glad to see you’re still here, love.” Distracted as you are, Eggsy’s voice makes you jump, almost dropping your mug as you turn to look at him. His voice is low and rough with sleep and his complete lack of a shirt makes it hard for you to come up with an answer quickly. He takes another step towards you, offering you a crooked smile. “I was worried you’d run off or something.” His tone is teasing, but there’s a hint of vulnerability to it as well; a subtle sense of relief that you still want to be around him. You can’t help but smile back as you hold the other mug of coffee out to him. 

“No, I didn’t run off. Just needed help waking up,” you reply. “Hope you don’t mind I used your machine.” 

Eggsy takes a gulp of coffee and lets out an appreciative hum. “Not at all. You probably know how to work the thing better than I do. I think it hates me,” he quips, and you chuckle. There’s a momentary lull and then his gaze drops to the shirt you’re wearing and he quirks an eyebrow as he runs his eyes slowly back up your torso, a faint smirk tugging at his lips. “Nice shirt, darlin’” he says and you feel yourself heating up in response. 

“Sorry-I-it’s-I couldn’t find my shirt, and-” you start, trailing off as he sets his mug aside and steps forwards, reaching out to toy with the cuff of one of the sleeves. You can feel his body warmth radiating through the air and your breath catches in your chest. 

“‘S alright, love. I don’t mind at all,” he says quietly, an almost disbelieving smile curving his lips. “If anything-it’s-well, I mean-I just-can’t believe you’re wearing my clothes, in my kitchen, drinking my coffee. It’s-” he breaks off, blushing furiously as if he’s just processed what he’s saying. “I just-it’s nice having you here. And my shirt looks good on you,” he mumbles, not meeting your eye. You set your own almost empty mug aside a little clumsily, and reach up to cradle his jaw in your hand, tilting his head up and forcing him to meet your gaze. He’s still a little pink and it’s so endearing to see a little more vulnerability to him than the easygoing confidence you usually see. Your thumb strokes gently over his cheekbone as you smile encouragingly at him, leaning forwards enough to close the gap between the two of you, pressing your lips softly to his. His arm tentatively loops around your waist as he kisses you back slowly, pulling you a little closer against him. His body is warm against yours and you can feel your own relief at knowing he wants you too mirrored in the way he relaxes into you. 

“I’m glad you think the shirt looks good because I have very little intention of returning it,” you say, suppressing a giggle, and Eggsy chuckles, kissing you again. 

“I don’t have a problem with that.”

The Inner Circle as Parents

Rhysand:

Originally posted by kovanr

Feyre:

Originally posted by onegreenplanet

Elain:

Originally posted by himym

Azriel:

Originally posted by abigayle12000

Cassian:

Originally posted by absurd-memes

Nesta (ft. future teenager):

Originally posted by astrologyexplained

Mor:

Originally posted by justalittletumblweed

Amren:

Originally posted by myselfishlonelykingdom

AP Gothic
  • You open the test booklet. The first page is formulas. The second page is formulas. They’re all formulas. You can’t find the questions. Everyone around you is diligently working. You flip through the booklet but all of it is formulas. They consume you.
  • “Close your booklet and stop working.” Pencils sound as they hit the desk. Time is called. Time doesn’t answer. Where is it? It is lost. You are all lost.
  • You are told to seal the multiple choice question booklet. The white labels don’t fit properly in the designated sections. None of this fits. You may never discuss these questions. They no longer exist. They never existed. Ryan tried to fight back. They drag him away. Ryan never existed either.
  • The test references AP students in it. Haha. The test is very funny. Laugh. College Board wants you to laugh. College Board just wants to be friends. College Board is very friendly. College Board beckons you closer. Closer. They are very funny. L A U G H
  • You may only use black or blue ink. Your pen breaks. The ink spills everywhere. Milky black liquid falls over everything you knew and loved. The College Board confiscates it. “How can we accurately assess your skills without gathering all your materials?” They smile. You never noticed they had so many teeth before. 
  • The proctor reads the instructions and you begin writing. The proctors circle you. They lean over your test and make disapproving noises. They are hunting. They pick out the weak. You will be next. 
You Are The Only One I Want

Pairing: Eggsy Unwin/Reader (She/Her)

Category: Angst, with a little fluff at the end

Words: 2025

Warnings: Swearing, food mentioned, violence mentioned, Eggsy is a little bit beaten up, a little bit of fighting, mention of pain pills

Prompts: “You deserve better.” & “Just sit down and let me take care of you.”

Summary: Eggsy comes home from a rough mission feeling like he is not good enough for his girlfriend.

A/N’s: Wow! So, this is the first reader insert fic that I have ever written. It also happens to be the first thing I’ve ever written that I’ve let anybody read, so please go easy on me. I’d love some constructive criticism, if anyone has any ideas on how I could make my writing any better. Thanks!  I hope you all enjoy.

Originally posted by tarons

             Eggsy hesitated to even go home that night. Part of him wanted to find somewhere else to stay for the night, his mum’s or Roxy’s. His last mission had been rough. He was beaten, bruised, and bloody. This wouldn’t be the first time he had come home to her like this. At this point he knew that she was probably used to it, that she maybe even expected it most nights and he hated that. He hated making her upset or fearful for him. He hated that when he was on a mission, she was stuck home, alone and worrying about his safety. But more than anything, he hated the fact that he was what caused her distress.

             It wasn’t until he reached their apartment building that he realized where his post mission debrief walk had taken him. While completely lost in thought he had made his way back to her. Right back to his incredible Y/N. Right back to the woman he was so helplessly in love with. Even when he was internally debating coming home or not he still found his way back to the girl he considered to be his entire world. ‘I’m never gonna be able to stay away from her.’ He shook his head at this thought.  Eggsy knew that he couldn’t keep doing this to her. He didn’t want to keep doing this to her.

              The brunette continues to stand outside of their building for a few more minutes, just allowing himself a chance to sort out his thoughts. He doesn’t know how long he ended up standing out there. It was not until a man staring down at his cell phone almost knocked him over that he finally decided that it was time to face the music. Taking one last deep breath he walks into the small building, heading straight for the elevator and hitting the button for his floor.

             As he walks down the hallway to their apartment, he sends a small smile to the single mother who lives down the hall and offers to help her bring her groceries inside but she declines with a kind smile and a simple ‘No thanks’. Eggsy stares down at the floor as he continues to walk, slightly disappointed that his plan to procrastinate the conversation he was about to have had failed.  He genuinely didn’t think that his heart could beat any faster than it already was but he is quickly proven wrong once he makes it to the end of the hall and finds himself standing in front of their door.

             The first thing he notices once he steps inside is the sweet smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. The familiar scent is almost able to bring a smile to his somber looking face. Y/N always made the delicious treats when she had some spare time before he came home. She had once told him that it was an old family recipe and that her mother always made them for her when she was having a rough day as a kid. A sigh escapes his lips as he hears her footsteps coming down the hall to their bedroom.  He is barely able to set down his bag before she is pulling him into a tight hug. “You’re home! I missed you while you were gone babe!” She says with such relief in her voice that it almost breaks his heart.

             “Hi beautiful. I missed you too.” He replies as he slowly pulls back from her hug to look down at his sweet girlfriend. Her hair is pulled up in a messy bun with a few pieces hanging loose around her face and at the back of her neck and she is already in pajamas. A pair of fluffy polka-dot socks are on her feet. She looks adorable (like always). She gives him a warm smile, but it starts to fade when she notices the gloomy look on his face.

             “What’s wrong Eggy?”

             The old nickname still manages to make him smile. An old reminder of simpler times when they were first introduced and she had – much like many other people he had met – misheard his name. He places a gentle kiss on her forehead before walking into the living room and sitting on their couch. He motions for her to come sit down next to him and takes one more deep breath before he finally begins to say what has been stuck in his mind since his mission ended.

             “I hate making you worry about me.” He’s barely started and the look on her face is already enough to make him want to shut up. The e/c eyed girl sitting next to him looks confused and worried, which makes what he is trying to do so much harder because this, this is exactly what he is trying to stop from happening again. The entire point of what he is saying, what he is doing was to stop himself from making her nervous anymore. He closes his eyes for a second and reminds himself of what has been going through his mind for hours, of all the times he came home and she had bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep. Or of the texts he would get from her, late at night when he was away on a mission. The ones that said things like ‘I hope you’re getting some sleep baby, but I’m still up and I just wanted to check in. Love you.’ or ‘I know you can’t tell me about what’s going on with the mission, but please tell me that you’re doing ok at least.’.

             Eggsy reopens his eyes, but this time instead of looking at her, into her kind eyes, he looks away, towards the coffee table where he sees the plate of her freshly baked cookies and his body completely deflates.  His normally cocky demeanor has been replaced with one of hesitance and resignation. His shoulders are slumped and his jaw is clenched. “You shouldn’t have to spend so much time wondering if I’m gonna come home or not. You shouldn’t be stuck awake all night because you’re thinking about what kind of danger I might be in on my missions.” He glances at the floor next to the couch as he says this and notices JB sitting there with his head tilted to the side, just staring at him, as if he too was wondering what the fuck Eggsy was doing, “I mean fuck sweetheart, you are so incredible, way too good for me. You deserve somebody who can provide you with some sense of stability. Someone who you can count on to come home to you every night. I see how exhausted you are when I get home from a mission and just when you start to get rested again, I get called away. I can’t keep doing this to you.”

             Sometime around when he had said that she was too good for him the h/c haired girl had started slowly shaking her head, looking at him in what he could only describe as pure horror. Before he could continue talking she cut him off, “Eggsy stop! I don’t care about any of that stuff! I know you can’t tell me much about your missions, but I can tell enough to know that what you do is incredibly important. You go out there and you put yourself in danger to protect other people. I will never ever be angry at you for that, for how brave that makes you baby. I would choose you over some normal picket fence life any day. It’s not even a question.”

             For the first time in minutes Eggsy looks up at her, into her e/c eyes. He is no longer able to continue to try to stay strong and Y/N can see the tears in his green eyes. Letting out a deep breath he mumbles, barely loud enough to hear, “You deserve better.”

             At this the normally collected girl bolts out of her seat next to him and throws her hands in the air before crying out, “You know what! Maybe I do, but even if that is somehow true I don’t want better! I want you!” She takes a deep breath and lowers herself to a kneeling position in front of him and gently places her hands on his knees, “I don’t care what kind of baggage comes along with you. I will gladly put up with any of it if it means that I still get to be with you and cuddle with you and love you! I love you Eggsy and I can’t stand the idea of not being your girl anymore. So please, if you genuinely believe that I would in any way be better off without you then do whatever the hell you have to get that thought out of your head!”

               The boy on the couch stares down at her and lets out a sob before collapsing forward onto the floor next to her. He clumsily pulls her towards him and hides his face into the curve of her shoulder and she carefully maneuvers herself into his lap and wraps her arms around him and for the first time since he got home she is able to truly take him in. She notices the bruises running along his cheek bones and the one surrounding his left eye. She can only imagine the bruises that lay under his suit which is now getting wrinkled by their position. After a moment, she carefully pulls away from him and rubs her thumb over his split lip.

             “Now babe please, you’re hurt. Just sit down and let me take care of you.”

             He nods while staring into her eyes and allows then both to stand up. He sits down on the couch while she rubs her hand carefully over his face one more time before she walks into the kitchen and grabs a few ice packs as well as some pain meds and water. Once he has taken the pills she sends him to get changed into some comfier clothing and grabs them both a glass of milk before sitting down on the couch and turning on the tv. She puts on some random sitcom while she waits for him to come back and finally allows herself to process everything that has just happened.

             When Eggsy walks back into the room she is just staring at the coffee table, completely lost in her own thoughts and he has to call out her name to get the girl to look up at him. He had changed into an old sweater and some sweatpants. When she does finally look up at him, he looks concerned and she gives him a small smile to let him know that she is ok before moving over slightly so that he can sit down next to her. Once he is comfortable on the couch beside her, she hands him the ice packs and the milk before reaching forward and grabbing the plate of cookies. They each grab a few and he places his arm on the couch behind her head, allowing the girl to rest against his side. He smiles after he takes his first bite of cookie and kisses her on the forehead, quietly telling her how much he loves her and her cookies.

             “I’m glad,” she says before joking, “I make them with love.”

             He chuckles. They spend the next few hours on the couch and they eventually end up laying down, him behind her, stomach and chest pressed up against her back. As the night goes on and they both begin to get sleepier and sleepier he begins to rub his hand up and down her arm. Just as she begins to drift off she turns her head to look at him and says, quietly, “You are right about me being terrified to lose you during a mission, but what scares me even more is the idea that you might leave me voluntarily.”

             He presses a kiss to her nose and gently tells her, “Don’t worry love. I ain’t going anywhere. I promise.”


@kurtwxgners Thanks for letting me tag you and I hope that you like it!

Inner Circle Road Trip

-Mor and Feyre plan the ultimate coast to coast US road trip, from New York to California

-They have to rent a passenger van just to fit everyone

-Azriel is the self-designated driver because “I don’t trust any of you guys’ driving skills”

-Amren, in the fourth row with Mor, is the Snack Queen™

-“Amren, pass me some pretzels!” *angrily chucks the entire bag to the front*

-Nesta is smushed between Rhys and Cass

-Feyre rides shotgun and sticks her bare feet out the window, much to Azriel’s despair

-Elain and Lucien are sharing a pair of headphones in the third row, completely unaffected by the chaos around them

-Mor: “OH MY GOD CASS put your damn shoes back on!”

-Bat bros singing 99 bottles of pop on the wall constantly

-Rhys giving horrible directions because he can’t read a map

-Nesta: “I told you we should have asked for directions!”

 Rhys, Az, and Cass: “We don’t need directions!”

-Feyre tries to take group pictures when they stop but not everyone fits

-Nesta tells little fun facts about landmarks they pass

-“Did you know you can turn off Niagra Falls?”

-“There’s over 3 million lightbulbs in the Empire State Building.”

-Cass drools all over Nesta when he falls asleep (Feyre has pictures for evidence)

-Elain asks to stop every hour to use the bathroom

-Azriel: “Again?! That’s it, I’m rationing your liquids”

 -In the end, they’ve gone 2,907 miles, stopped 17 times for gas, and made a million memories.

1. You look at a map of a city you’ve never been to.
You see patterns and street names and they tell you nothing. The map remains dead, the city unknown.
2. You go to the city you’ve never been to.
It becomes a city you know.
3. You look at a map of a city you’ve been to, but have left behind. As you look at the map, you remember.
You are looking at nostalgia. You walk through street names and remember the taste of cake in the café whose name you forgot, but you remember its yellow walls and comfy chairs. A square is no longer four lines on a map, but an open space with people and statues and laughter and a fountain in the center. The monotonous, two-dimensional blue that indicates an ocean turns into postcard memories, so many shades of blue and green and the smell of salt and fish. The famous building with the famous name that everyone knows is now a personal experience, it is yours and yours alone in a way that will never make it anyone else’s. A billion feet have walked these (now familiar) paths and two of them were yours. You can trace the steps you have taken and you remember feelings and colours and strangers who offered you a smile. There is the hostel you slept in, there is the river you crossed so many times, there is the corner where you listened to the most amazing street musician. You fondly whisper street names that you had trouble pronouncing when you first spoke them, clumsily. You connect dots, and they turn to images in your head.
The map is alive, the city an old friend.
4. The map you look at is always the same; the perception is different. It is you who has changed.
—  p.s. // every time i look at a map I have a feeling that is hard to put into words
2

the coward and the dead weight

inner circle memes because my special talents include shitposting about the dream team

  • *points at a bug* what a big wingspan
  • everyone warning amren not to eat this or that because “it’s inedible”
  • i.e. “don’t eat that berry amren it’s poisonous” “cassian that’s a blueberry”
  • *sees an ugly animal* hey look guys it’s tamlin (nesta: “what?” mor: “he’s a shapeshifter” nesta: “oh”)
  • cassian getting overprotective of elain and covering her face with one of his wings everytime something too “mature” happens
  • rhys and feyre kiss? wing in front of elain’s face. amren curses? wing. mor’s dress has slits up to the hip? wing.
  • elain ends up punching cassian between the wings.
  • throwing things at nesta like an apple and when she doesn’t catch it: cassian: see this is why you need training nesta: fuck you cassian
  • rita’s is code word for “i’m not coming home until midmorning tomorrow”
  • doing the absolute Most to piss off atïje
  • mor: hey remember that one time [insert something stupid done at the cabin] azriel: obviously not we were all wasted
  • “god nesta you can’t just ask people why they’re [insert inane adjective here]”
  • elain, menacingly chewing down on a dish and staring down mor after she says she’s not gonna like said particular dish because “it’s too spicy”
  • cassian never lets feyre forget how she almost took his arm off with that illyrian blade
  • “hey where’s amren?” “varian came over” “ah”
  • everyone teasing rhys because “he’s out of shape”
  • common greeting to say to feyre: “get any new tattoos today?”
  • azriel making terrible tree puns because no one lets feyre forget those times (yes, there was more than once) when she flew into a tree
  • bonus: cassian keeps trying to make feyre trip up when she lands because honestly? it’s fucking hilarious
  • tying as many knots as possible in cassian’s hair when he falls asleep
  • leaving elain at the townhouse home alone: have fun! no parties! no boys! don’t burn the house down!
  • loud gasps and other assorted overreactions whenever elain swears
  • feyre constantly trying to set up mor once she comes out. eventually everyone else picks it up and runs with it. it mostly happens when the majority of the inner circle is drunk
  • elain picks up on how feyre teases her boys on getting old
  • “he’s just crusty because it’s past his bedtime”: about rhys
  • “wow cassian is that a grey hair”
  • she always gets away with it
  • the constant reshuffling rhys has to do to keep mor away from his private tailor 
  • mor constantly answering “no” when asked “is that my dress/shirt/coat” because mor is a notorious closet raider
  • feyre and cassian having competitions to see who can have the most children hanging off them at any given moment. there’s a running total
  • telling feyre that she set something on fire accidentally when she hasn’t. the look she gives the offender is always priceless.
  • threatening someone to go sped time with bryaxis. usually responded to with something along the lines of “fuck you, feyre.” it doesn’t faze amren at all.
The Cabin By the Lake: Chapter 1

Summary: Cassian has been keeping a secret- for the past 300 years he has been building cabins around a lake to house the Inner Circle and any family they might have. Five years after the end of ACOWAR, the cabins are finished and the Inner Circle descends for two weeks in paradise.

**Contains minor NSFW content, not enough to warrant a tag, nothing explicit, but just a little bit.

Originally posted by pinkfloydvinyl

*****This fic is marking 5,000 followers!! I want to thank each and every one of you for following me, but especially you (yes, YOU!!! Don’t tell the others). This page is less than a year old, and I’ve been absolutely blown away by warmth and kindness of this fandom. I can’t wait to see what the next year brings as Maas expands all the verses we know and love!!!!

Tagging: @aelin-and-feyre, @my-life-is-a-drama-book, @queen-archeron || @mywritingbox, @illyrianinterrasen, @managingmischief007, @ladycassian, @photofeesh, @lets-continue, @ofstarsanddreams, @queenoffantasy, @takenbymyfandoms, @hellosparkyislove, @sensingdejavu, @sierrareads, @sheshibori, @whydoyoucareaboutmyusername, @haileanneposts, @wolffrising, @tothemoonandback-97, @rebelangel36, @dreamilyzealousbird, @poisonbooknerd, @gently-say-aha, @urbisie, @thenameisjaida-blog, @kaliejane26, @crazybookladythings, @cmhmama, @highladyoferilea, @highladyofluna, @artmatekarma, @deezrmuhsheeple, @evulette, @dreamingofazriel, @a-trifling-matter, @court-0f-dreamers, @to-read-is-to-breathe, @221b-impala-fezzz, @little-eidolon, @illyrian-empress, @theheiraelin, @chocolateserialkiller, @averageweirdgirl, @celaena-sardothiien, @thisxisxali, @songbirdsbooks, @seriouslyobsessedfangirl, @booklover242​, @empress-ofbloodshed

Specially Dedicated To: @little-eidolon, @court-0f-dreamers, and @221b-impala-fezzz, who requested content or scenarios that appear in this chapter.

For more of my fics, check out @rhysand-vs-rowan-vs-fanfic!!!!

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Kingsman Aesthetics: Merlin

“My idea of ‘help from above’ is a sniper on the roof.”

and now, a series of quotes from my sociology professor this past term...

“pull out your phones and tell me your most recent emoji, lets make this into a social experiment” 

“gotta love old dead white dudes who think they know everything about how the world works, right?”

“maybe i’m just really into cocaine, who knows” 

“the estate system is like Westeros. anyone in here who doesn’t get that, watch Game of Thrones, I highly reccommend, but I must warn you there’s a lot of boobs. all tits all the time. gratuitous titties.” 

“i know what ‘extra’ means to you guys, i’m old but i’m not dead yet” 

“so long story short, get into rich people’s social circles so you can go play polo on their yacht and be pretentious about wine to get ahead in life” 

“and by ‘we’ i mean white people; in the past czechoslovakians weren’t considered white, although lauren, you are clearly quite aryan” 

“I just want to buy a fucking birthday card, why is everything so overly gendered?” 

“can i see your penis? wait no, not like that, that was not a proposition” 

(in reference to the types of gendered toys found in happy meals) “what are boy toys? aw, fuck, wait, no…”

“i dunno, is ‘cunt’ really a gender neutral word?”

“wow, you guys really know your white people” 

“I’m not giving you a fuckin’ word bank, what is this, high school?” 

“anyone have any questions? about the test? or anything? please?” 

“i’m not gonna grade your tests i’m just going to throw them down the stairs and whoever lands closest to the top gets an A” 

“it’s not spelled ‘kahoot’ with a k, what is this, that’s the kardashian way of spelling shit?”

“is this enjoyable to you? watching me fumble around like an idiot?”

“are me and my partner considered a family? we don’t have kids, we have a dog. we’ve been together 13 years but if we didn’t have a dog we wouldn’t be a family by your standards?” 

(”i would assume that a 35 year old would know what they want in a relationship more than a 22 year old”) “yeah, you would fucking hope so!” 

“let’s watch Oprah, shall we?” 

“Karl Marx is my jam”

“apparently I am a murderer” 

“do you even hashtag, bro?”