writing as a means of survival

Every life I’ve been born into a body with no words
in its mouth but entire languages under the skin.

I was probably an architect in a past life, but in this
one I just string words together until they lose their

meaning. These days, a fire is just a fire. No more
scorch & burn. Just unreadable fingerprints from

the danger days. The ice caps are melting & defore-
station is threatening. But the water doesn’t mean

anything anymore. Neither do the fish. I survived
spring & now the summer is almost gone & I still

don’t feel awake. Everyone keeps writing about
astral projection & I can’t figure out why anyone

would willingly leave their body. My dissociation
is traumatic, not romantic. There’s razors rusting

at the bottom of my trashcan & I haven’t taken a
handful of pills in months. I think you’d be proud,

but I know I’m not meant to be thinking about you
at all. So I take to living for myself. I stop breaking

the glass. I stop walking on eggshells. If nothing’s
broken then it’s just in my head. This is meeting

the world in the cruelest way. But at least my lung
hasn’t collapsed in months. All the plants are dying

& Autumn hasn’t even started yet. I just sit by the
window, wait for the birds to leave next.
—  EVACUATION DRILL, angelea l.
what's a fire and how does it - what's the word? - burn

so i have this disney playlist i listen to usually when i’m driving and i was blasting poor unfortunate souls this morning and i was thinking

what if ariel didn’t sign the scroll?

because she’s about to, okay, and she looks at the paper. the parchment made of seaweed, the ones that’s specially treated to survive underwater. and she thinks of her cave of treasures, her books that remain perfectly preserved underwater. “no thank you,” she says slowly, becoming keenly aware of air of this place, of the not-people she’d seen who hadn’t been able to pay the price for sea witch’s bargain. “i – no. thank you. but no.”

ursula tries to convince her otherwise, but ariel runs. she goes back to her cave, destroyed as it was by her father’s anger, and thinks.

she’s the daughter of triton. her books never got wet, though she lives in the ocean. she feels a pull inside her, to the land, to somewhere else, but what if – what if –

what if she doesn’t need the sea witch or her father to perform magic for her? what if she has her own?

ursula had wanted her voice because that’s how she performed her magic. singing in this cave had given it powers and protection, and when she saved her prince from the sea – she sang then too, to keep him safe, to guide him back to life and away from death.

so she has magic. she only needs to figure out how to use it.

so that’s what ariel does now. she’s quiet and keeps to herself, and her father and sisters think that it’s because she’s upset with her father, that she’s busy licking her wounds. she’s moved on from that. she has no trident, and is uninterested with fueling her magic with the souls of the damned like ursula has. so she needs to figure something else out.

she does what she’s not supposed to do, and goes where she’s not supposed to go, slipping past the guards and patrols to the one place in the sea that is forbidden to all of them.

the crevice in the earth where what remains of her grandmother lives.

ariel goes to amphitrite, and the sea goddess is so much bigger than ariel, the size of great whale as she curls at the bottom of the sea floor, too old and too tired to do anything more than sleep. “granddaughter,” the great being croaks, opening an eye as blue and as unfathomable as the sea, “you look like me.”

“they say i look like my mother,” she says, and to herself adds: that’s why father can barely stand to look at me.

“you have more of me in you than your mother,” she says, and she shifts and pulls her mass of red hair over her shoulder. “more of me in you than your father does, even.”

“i have magic,” she says, pulling her bravery to the fore as she swims closer to her grandmother, “i want you to teach me how to use it.” amphitrite pushes herself up, and it’s the first time she’s moved in a millennia, and ariel notices for the first time that her grandmother isn’t a mermaid – she has legs.

she has legs.

“you have power,” amphitrite corrects fiercely, “and i will teach you to wield it.”

and so she does. ariel spends her nights by her grandmother, learning to harness the power of the sea that runs in her veins, and sleeps her days away while her sisters and flounder and sebastian grow more and more concerned, but she refuses to tell them why. she refuses to be stopped.

but her heart still aches. she fell in love with her prince, and she wants him still. so she swims to the edge, goes to the beach where his castle resides in the dead of night when her lessons with her grandmother are complete, and sings

. she’s careful not to let any magic leak through, only her voice. she does not want to enchant him. she wants him to love her as she is. so she sings, her voice clear and powerful and cutting through the air. she hopes he can hear it.

then one day a figure walks to the beach, and it’s him, her prince. “hello?” he calls out, “are you out there? are you – please, it was you that saved me, wasn’t it? won’t you come out and let me see you?”

so she does, waves her tail at him until he catches sight of her and takes hesitant, disbelieving steps closer.

“you’re a mermaid,” he says, eyes wide, “i thought i saw – but it couldn’t be.”

“i am, and it can,” she says, heart beating wildly in her chest. he’s just as handsome as she remembered, and she wants him just as much. “my name is ariel.”

“ariel,” he repeats, and pulls off his boots and goes wading into the water, watching her to see if she flinches away from him. she doesn’t, and his strides grow bolder. “my name is eric.”

“eric,” she whispers, and when he’s close enough he touches her, trailing fingers across the bare skin of her shoulder and tangling them in her hair.

when he kisses her, she feels powerful enough to undo the world.

so there’s that now, spending her nights with her grandmother and her prince, and she knows how to make her own legs now, could walk onto land and be made a queen among the two legged men.

but she’s a princess here first, and before she can do that she needs to take care of something.

ursula.

the rotten sea witch with her rotten sea magic won’t be allowed to torment her people any longer.

she tells her grandmother, and amphitrite smiles and says, “an excellent decision, child. i’ve enjoyed our time together, but i think it’s time for me to sleep once more. i’ve taught you everything i can.”

and tears prick ariel’s eyes, but she holds them back. she knew that it couldn’t be forever, that her grandmother can’t die but no longer desires to live and this is the in-between.

“you’ll be an amazing queen,” amphitrite murmurs, and closes her eyes for a millennia more.

this isn’t something to be done in the dead of night, although it would be easier to do it then.

she will make a spectacle of it, she will remind the sea that her people are not to be trifled with.

once upon a time they feared a blue eyed, red haired sea queen with the power to destroy them all. it’s time for them to do so again.

so she drives ursula to the center of the city. her sisters cower and people hide, and her father comes rushing forward to save her.

“you’ve committed great crimes against my people,” she says, not flinching as lightning gathers in the sea witch’s hands, “so now shall a great crime be committed against you.”

“foolish girl,” the sea witch snarls.

triton is yelling. he won’t get there in time.

he doesn’t have to.

she doesn’t need to sing anymore. instead she lifts her hands and pulls ursula apart without ever touching her, not only renders flesh from bone but also sets free the souls she’s been hoarding, reverses the magic done to those who’d fallen into the sea witch’s trap.

they all stare at her, her people, her father, and her sisters. she looks to triton and says, “i’m not a little girl anymore.”

he opens his mouth, closes it again, then says, “i can see that.”

all at once everyone’s perceptions are turned sideways about their youngest princess. she commands a power that even her father doesn’t have access to, she’s not depressed and dreamy – she’s powerful young woman who knows exactly what she’s doing.

so she does what she wanted to do, she gives herself legs and steps onto the sand and launches herself into eric’s arms. she becomes his bride, and the rumors run rampant of what she is, of where she came from, but they can’t prove anything and so they rule.

they live long, happy lives. ariel is his consort, his advisor, his wife, his tactician, and his best friend. all those years reading drowned books have certainly paid off. she ages herself along with her husband, bears his children and then teaches them they ways of her – their – people.

her husband dies, and she disappears, like the stories of selkie women that everyone whispers around her. their children give their father a sea burial, and vow to see him again one day. what they know and none of their subjects do is this – their father’s body isn’t in that casket.

she returns to her ocean, her legs form into her glittering green tail, and she goes home. she uses her terribly powerful magic, and brings her husband with her. she went from princess ariel of the sea to queen ariel of the land, and now she’s back again.

she’s not quite a teenager, but neither is she the old woman she pretended to be on land. she’s returned her and her husband to the prime of their life, and as she gained legs to be with him, he now gives his up to be with her.

eric becomes a merman, and a prince by virtue of being ariel’s husband.

she returns to her family and her world without missing a beat, and they all welcome her as if she never left, treat her husband with kindness and respect.

because they all know.

it doesn’t matter that she’s the youngest. when, far in the future, triton’s reign ends –

ariel’s reign will begin.

Sometimes, you go through something and it hurts and you don’t know if things are ever going to be okay again. But then days go by and you don’t feel like crying and you wonder what it means that you’re fine. You think maybe you’re ignoring your emotions and that they’ll come back out of no where. Until you’re driving home from work, singing along to the radio and wondering what you’ll have for dinner, and you realize you’re happy. Maybe that thing didn’t break you because you’re stronger than that. Maybe you can survive anything. Maybe you finally want to.

We are never given anything we cannot handle in life. You can always overcome trials and adversities that go in your way. Your storms are there for a purpose. Stop complaining. Start understanding the situation. Fall in love with the process. Remember, there’s meaning in your mess and there’s a beauty in your brokenness.

I don’t know much, but I do know this.

You will survive. Keep looking up; you’ll notice your rainbow.

—  E.J. Cenita
Ch 93: Not the end for Ymir?

Chapter 93 gave us the confirmation that Ymir has in fact been eaten by Galliard, Marcel’s brother, seemingly marking the ending point of her character once and for all. Given the context of the new episode, as well as the little focus or pages dedicated to her apparent last moments, many of us are very upset with the seemingly lackluster climax of her character arc; and her decision to abandon Historia to save RB and let herself be killed seems to go very much against everything her characterization according to many fans. 

The point of this post isn’t to argue about any of that, but instead, to illuminate a possible indicator that we may have not seen the last of everyone’s favorite goddess.

Please let us think back to chapter 50; one of the most impactfull and monumental chapters in the entire series, for many reasons. It marks the only time so far in the story that Eren has successfully manipulated the founding titan within him, the godlike power at the center of the current (and probably final) plot, aimed at his very first enemy; that alone marks a milestone in the series, not to speak of the various character interactions happening along the way. Among others, this chapter also marks the moment Ymir chooses to abandon Historia, the person she seems to care for more than anyone else, despite the fact that the coordinate marks a real hope for the walled world to survive the dangers Ymir is aware of. 

Now, despite the fact that this game changing power debuts in this chapter, the narrator this time around focuses on one arguably lesser important event: the aforementioned separation. Let’s look at it.

“At the time, we didn’t know what Ymir’s actions meant. But after that, the armored titan stopped chasing after us”-narrator, chapter 50.

This narration is interesting for various reasons. First of all, it marks one of the rare occasions in which the narrator is not impersonal, but in fact identifies with present characters. Other notable occasions of this include Kenny’s flashback in 69, and Eren’s description of the photograph in chapter 85 (both chapters with heavy plot and thematic value for the story, just like ch 50, if I may add). Here, the narrator refers to himself as part of a group, but opposes themselves against the armored titan, implying narrator is not part of RB’s team, but in fact of the Survey Corps escaping back to the walls (most likely part of the EMA, maybe even Armin himself considering Marina Inoue typically voices the narrator. We should hear that animated soon enough). 

That’s not the only thing the narrator is implying though. The use of the past tense as well as “at the time” is crucial. It literally means that, although they did not understand Ymir during chapter 50; at the time of narration, some form of understanding is clearly present. If, at the time of narration, the narrator was still as clueless as back then, there would be no need for “at the time” of past tense, but this particular formulation very much implies that an understanding of Ymir’s actions is very much there in the present time. And here’s the thing: even though Ymir’s death has been confirmed, our characters among which the narrator finds himself have yet to reach a point of understanding Ymir’s actions.

First of, let’s determine “Ymir’s actions”. Ymir herself is a big mystery to our cast, but according to the narrator, Ymir’s actions are what directly precedes the armored titan not following narrator and co; in which case, “Ymir’s actions” has to refer to her abandonment of Historia and her helping out R and B. In that case, the narration above implies the following: the narrator part of the surviving SC forces will eventually come to understand the meaning behind Ymir’s betrayal. Now, as of chapter 93, let’s ask the question: Does anyone present back then understand Ymir?

yeah……

Ymir herself expresses surprise at her actions, Ymir herself is unsure of her actions when writing the letter, which marks the most recent time anyone inside the walls has received information concerning Ymir. As of chapter 90, the last moment we spent with whomever the ch 50 narrator is, said narrator has yet to reach a point of understanding Ymir. OUR CAST STILL DOES NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF HER ACTIONS, AS FORETOLD BY CHAPTER 50. Isn’t that basically a confirmation that Ymir’s story isn’t done yet?

You may counterargue that its been 4 years and that Isa has changed his mind since, esp since he doesn’t want to drag the story out at anymore. But I find it so hard to believe that, in one of the most important chapters in the series, one that is still relevant to this day, the narrator focuses on this one plot point that simply ends up dropped over the course of the series. Chapter 50 is too important for that kind of redesign, wouldn’t you say? Who knows, maybe it’ll wind up different in the anime and will mark a retrofit by Isayama that fits better in line with 89 being the end of her story, but until we see it animated, I’ll chose to keep doubting that.

As for how Ymir’s story can still be told to our main cast? Here’s one possible option: Galliard

 According to the (admittedly bad) fan translation, Galliard understands Ymir and her wish to bring back her titan-something neither us readers nor the narrator in question do as of right now. Granted, this could just be terrible translation, but Galliard could wind up being the gateway between Ymir and the main cast. Or its something entirely different. In a story about time travelling memories, matter that forms out of thin air, and the literal power of a god capable of reshaping the planet and controlling an entire species, death seems like a far too small barrier to stop someone from being relevant to the story, one way or another.

Since the majority of this argument is based off the lines spoken by the narrator in 50, there is a minor chance this is all ridiculous blunder if the official translation turns out to somehow differ from the Japanese original, and if anyone knows if it does, I would appreciate if you could inform me. But otherwise, I personally will start taking those words from chapter 50 as heavy evidence Ymir’s story hasn’t fully been told yet. I don’t want to create false hopes for anyone, but until proven otherwise, I don’t think it’s too unreasonable to believe in it. 

buzzfeed.com
Can Lesbian Identity Survive The Gender Revolution?
Maybe the future really can be female. That depends on how we define it.
By Shannon Keating

y’all…this article is seriously so fucking awful. it is basically saying lesbians are regressive and ~~~too exclusionary~~~~ yet again. YET AGAIN never attacking gay men or straight people for “””genital preferences”””…

perhaps the worst quote: “Some lesbians who don’t go full-out TERF are still all too eager to write off dating trans people because of “genital preferences,” which means they have incredibly reductive ideas about gender and bodies.”

did you know you’re an evil terf if you don’t like penis?

@terfmeanslesbian and so many more blogs i want to tag

There’s no such thing as the Dark Ages, but OK

As a very serious adult, with a respectable career and life, and a healthy ability to let petty shit slide, I spent much too much time last week arguing with strangers on the internet who believe in the myth of the Dark Ages.

The arguments in question focused on a massively inaccurate meme, which some observers of the group pointed out was originally supposed to be about knowledge loss after the burning of the Library of Alexandria, but which some very cool EDGE LORD had changed to be about ‘The Christian Dark Ages’. Please feast your eyes on it in all it’s massive wrongness:

This is, pretty obviously, a bunch of honkey bullshit and also massively incorrect, as many important scholars have noted. As a result, I spent hours of my life – which I will never get back -  pointing out repeatedly that the ‘graph’ in question has nothing to do with reality, and arguing with non-experts about the medieval period.

For the most part – these people were well-meaning. Many pointed out that this was a very Euro-centric world view, and that Asia, Africa, and the Arab world were all making huge advancements in scientific and medical theory at this time. That is absolutely true. White people have never been the entire world. The Chinese had a massively advanced scientific culture by this time, for example, and had been holding it down with hermetically sealed research laboratories since the third century BCE. The Arab world, meanwhile was compiling treatises on eye surgery. Scientific advancement was something that was happening in this period. Europe is not the centre of the world.

Having said that, while it is important to acknowledge that the-rest-of-the-world was making huge strides in scientific advancement during this time, and that Europe and white people are not the entire world, nor responsible for all of human advancement, there was no such thing as the Dark Ages in Europe either.

While everything about the idea of the Dark Ages is incorrect, lets start off with the way the term was meant to be used. The totally ignorant graph above, unsurprisingly, is completely fucking off. Hilariously, the idea of the ‘Dark Ages’ actually originated in the medieval period itself. Petrarch – the poet laureate of fourteenth-century Rome - was actually the originator of the idea that there was a period of stagnation that Europe was moving out of. Petrarch had a political axe to grind. He considered that any point at which Rome – where he lived and worked and had considerable sway – did not completely dominate the world was a BAD TIME. This is not an unbiased assessment of world history.

The actual phrase ‘Dark Ages’ itself derives from the Latin saeculum obscurum, which Caesar Baronius – a cardinal and Church historian - came up with around 1602. He applied the term exclusively to the tenth and eleventh centuries.  However, and very significantly in his use of the term, Baronius was not decrying a state of scientific malaise, or a particularly turbulent political period – he’s talking about a lack of sources surviving from that time.  Indeed, Baronius sees the cut off point for the dark ages to be the Gregorian reforms of 1046, following which we see a massive increase in surviving documentation. Witness an actual useful chart:

When we move into a period where there are more texts to be considered, Baronius argues, Europe moved out of the period of darkness and into a ‘new age’.*

Now this is some real talk. As you can tell from that graph, during the Carolingian Renaissance of the ninth century, we see a flurry of Latin writers emerge, and a lot of text copying. This drops off again until what we term the Twelfth-Century Renaissance – home to this blog’s favourite philosopher/proto-Kanye –  Abelard. (Shout out to my boy.) However, when people use the term ‘Dark Ages’ now, they usually use it to talk about the entire millennium of the Medieval period, and they aren’t talking about source survival.  They aren’t thinking ‘dark’ as in ‘occluded’, they are thinking ‘dark’ as in pejorative.

We can thank the Enlightenment historiography for the expansion of the idea that the medieval period was a bad dark time. Kant and Voltaire in particular liked to see themselves as a part of an ‘Age of Reason’ as opposed to what they saw as the ‘Age of Faith’ of the medieval period. To their way of thinking, any time that the Church was in power was a time of regressive thinking. The Middle Ages, then, was a dark time because it was so dominated by religion. 

The first push back against the term dark ages began with the Romantics. After the, um, unpleasantness of the Reign of Terror, and the major cultural and environmental upheavals of the Industrial Revolution it became fashionable to look at the medieval period as a time of spiritual focus, and environmental purity. Obviously this is a super-biased way of looking at the period – just like it was biased for Enlightenment thinkers to take one look at the primacy of the Church and declare an entire millennium to be bad. I mean, really what the Romantics were doing was just casting shade on the Enlightenment historiography because they felt like it inevitably led to the guillotine. But what can you do?

By the twentieth century historians had moved on from the idea pretty much completely. If you take the time to actually, you know, study the medieval period, it becomes very apparent very quickly that there was a tremendous amount of intensive thought happening. This is the era of Thomas Aquinas – a bad ass philosopher who will think you under the fucking table. Of Hildegard of Bingen – who basically founded scientific natural history in the German speaking lands. Hell, like we talked about last week Rogerius and Giles of Corbeil were throwing it down for major medical advancement. There was a lot going on. On the real, without the contributions of medieval thinkers you would not get Galileo, Newton, or the Scientific Revolution. The medieval period was not a period of stagnation, it was a time of progress.

But it’s not just that the idea of a ‘Dark Ages’ makes no sense when you look at what incredible advancement was happening at the time, it also makes no sense because it implies that stuff was going really well under the Romans. We estimate that somewhere between thirty to forty percent of the population of Italian Rome were slaves. The Romans had total bans on human dissection, meaning that there was no real way for medicine to progress any further than it had by the time of collapse – a problem that medieval people didn’t have. I mean even if you just want to make it about religion - the Roman Empire was Christian at the time of its collapse and had its heads of state worshipped as LITERAL GODS during the pagan era. Somehow every edgy motherfucker with a fedora is totally cool with this and thinks it is super reasonable though. Because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. The Romans were not a bunch of really awesome people living a life of idealised rationality any more than medieval people were all ignorant savages living in fear of God.

Is there a time that historians use the term ‘Dark Ages’? Yeah, we do use it to talk about source survival rates. It’s not a term we use as a value judgment, however. We just mean that we don’t have a lot of evidence to go off of. By the same token – if we somehow move on to another electronic format without converting the way things are stored now, we could be moving into a theoretical Digital Dark Age, where historians in the future won’t be able to study what we are writing now. (And that would be a tragedy, because legit, I would kill to be a historian working on Donald Trump’s tweets in the year 2717.)

We’re now moving away from using the term Dark Ages at all, however, because of the frequency with which it is misinterpreted. I mean, if every basic motherfucker out there who never bothered to read God’s Philosophers (hat tip to James Hamman – this book is amazing) will insist on willfully misinterpreting us, we just ain’t gonna give them the ammo.

What it comes down to is that the medieval period was as vibrant as any other period of history. If you’re going to player hate, go ahead, but please don’t act like you know anything about either medieval or ancient history when you do. There is no period of rational supermen followed by ignorant monsters. There are just people doing their best in the circumstances.

* Caesar Baronius, Annales Ecclesiastici Vol. X. (Rome, 1602), p. 647. “Novum incohatur saeculum quod, sua asperitate ac boni sterilitate ferreum, malique exudantis deformitate plumbeum, atque inopia scriptorum, appellari consuevit obscurum.”

I wrote things about you because you gave me the slightest bit of hope in this world, that despite the hurricane, there’s some good in this life. I wrote things about you because you gave me a little bit of love, or at least what I thought was love, and I wanted so much more. I wrote things about you because I wanted you to be different, I wanted you to give me the love that I gave you, I wanted you to stay…

But like all things in this life, the truth starts unraveling and all of sudden it hits you like a freight train - what was once there might’ve been just your imagination this whole entire time. And you feel foolish, because you gave your all and he gave you nothing.

And so I still write things about you, not because I still love you, but because I remember what it felt like to have someone drown you, scratching at the air just to catch a breath without even laying a finger on you. I remember what it felt like having all this faith in the world, but slowly one by one, physically seeing it start to get smaller and smaller until it’s just a piece of dust sitting in the middle of your palm. I remember what it felt like to see the light in your eyes, what it felt like to hear all those never ending promises, what it felt like to be loved.

And I remember how you left; not a word, not a sound, just footsteps out the door leaving me with a burning throat and cracks in my heart to carry on with.

Yeah I remember all of that. Doesn’t mean I love you, doesn’t mean I still want you. It just means you let me live, and it just means that I know how to survive when people like you come around next time.

—  c.f. // “i don’t love you anymore, but you’ll always carry a piece of me with you”

Can you imagine if an internet connection was established between different worlds and suddenly people from different universes could communicate with each other

Someone makes a post complaining about how “an asshole at work today didn’t trim his dragon’s claws and now the floor is scratched” and someone else is like WAIT YOUR WORLD HAS DRAGONS EXPLAIN and OP ends up explaining what he sees as his boring everyday dragon job to all these strangers who think it’s the coolest thing ever

An elf from your average high fantasy world chats with a robot from a sci-fi universe and discovers that it doesn’t matter that he’s horrible with a bow and arrow because it turns out he’s really good at this thing called astrophysics

“What do you mean your people are suffering because the king got killed and everything’s falling apart? Here, I’ll send you info about the basics of our different governments. Go restructure your economy.”

The blending of different cultures. The discussion of different types of magic. Ideas about fusing science and magic. The sharing of technologies. Lives being saved because zombie-apocalypse-world is giving nuclear-apocalypse world survival tips or that one centaur told an alien about a new medical treatment.

inter-dimensional social media

anonymous asked:

Can you do a pref where you and Harry are having a serious fight, but mutually decide to put up a happy front around others. And everyone buys it, but one of the other guys notices that somethings wrong between you two. And he pulls you away and is like "spill" and you confess everything and you break down crying

This was no-doubt the worst fight of your relationship.

“You can’t just leave me and Darcy here while you go shoot a six month movie in France!” You exclaim, throwing your hands in the air. Harry tightens his jaw, and he basks in his silent fury while you go on and say, “We’re in a marriage, Haz! That means you can’t just pick up and leave anytime you want to!”

“This isn’t anytime, though!” Harry yells, fist colliding with the wall. You filch visibly, but that doesn’t stop him from scaring you. “This is a once and a lifetime opportunity! My movie screen debut! I could win an oscar or–”

You sigh exasperatedly, “Do you hear yourself!” You tear your fingers through your hair and your breathing becomes laboured. “You’re saying a goddamn oscar is more important to you than me and Darcy.”

“AT LEAST AN OSCAR WON’T LEAVE ME!” Harry screams and the plaster on the wall crumbles under his fist. 

Your chest heaves up and down and a moment of silence goes by before you whisper, “That was two years ago, Styles. And I didn’t leave you. I just thought it would be better for all of us if Darcy and I lived with my parents while you were on your tour, so she wouldn’t keep asking where daddy was–”

FUCKING EXCUSES!” He screams, and you start crying. You didn’t understand why he was so furious at you. He takes a step closer to you, teeth grinding. His voice lowers to a deadly whisper, “Sometimes I wish I didn’t love you so much because I’m giving you everything you need to rip out my heart and let me bleed out.”

Your eyes crinkle at the sides, and you fold your arms over your chest. “So you’re saying you regret falling in love with me?”

Harry looks at you, right in the eye, for the first time that night. He can see how much his answer will impact your next actions, so he takes a few moments to think his answer through. But apparently he’s too blinded by rage to choose wisely because he says, “I don’t regret falling in love with you. I regret taking that love and letting it control my life.”

You furrow our eyebrows and shake your head slowly, vision blurred with tears. “You don’t mean that,” you give him another chance to change his answer.

But his eyes are still trained on yours as he says, “I do.”

And just like that, the two words that started your marriage are the same words that are ending it.

WE’RE HOME!”

Both of you wince as you hear the door swing open and the sounds of your four-year-old daughter Darcy being carried by Louis, who is followed closely by Niall and Liam, fill the living room.

You quickly rush over to the sink, rinsing our face to make it appear as if the wetness of your cheeks came from a facial wash. Harry quickly hangs a calendar over the hole in the wall he had created, and is quick to walk out to greet the guests.

Struggling to hold back tears, you watch as Harry greets Darcy with a kiss on the cheek. How can somebody who regrets having their own daughter still smile at her? 

“Hey Y/N.” You turn around to see Liam exiting the kitchen, a glass of cold Cola in his hand. His eyebrows knit together as he sees the red outlining your eyes. “Is there anything wrong?”

At those words, Harry quickly turns to you, and you hesitate as you tell Liam, “No…I just got soap in my eye…that’s all.” Your husband turns back around and rocks Darcy back and forth in his arms as he and Niall discuss sports. Liam’s eyes are still trained on you, however, and he’s not buying your lie. 

“Come on,” Liam pulls you by the elbow, abandoning his glass on the kitchen counter as he leads you into the downstairs bathroom. He locks the door, and whispers, “Spill.”

You shrug nonchalantly, trying to pass off as cool. “Nothing’s wrong, Liam. Just soap in my eye, like I told you–”

“Bull,” he calls you out. “Y/N, do you know overtime you lie your cheeks heat up?”

You feel them heating up now. “What? No they don’t,” you try but fail miserably. Huffing out a breath, you confess, “Fine. Harry and I had a fight.”

He didn’t have to prompt you for you to break down crying, “And he said he regrets letting our relationship play such a big role in his life. That means he regrets marrying me, having Darcy, and–”

“Harry would never say that,” Liam interrupts you, baffled. “He’s not that kind of dude.”

“Well…he did.”


Liam storms out of the bathroom, and points an accusing finger at Harry. “Styles, you selfish–” about to say bastard, but sees Darcy peering up at him curiously, so he settles for “–respectful, successful, talented man.”

Harry looks more confused than ever, but when Louis steps in to take Darcy upstairs to the loo, his eyes find yours and he sighs deeply. “Liam, whatever Y/N told you–”

“Is true,” he interrupts. “How could you say those things to her? And mean them?”

“I–”

“Liam, you’re not our couple therapist,” you step in and shoot a sad smile at him. “Thanks for trying, though.” You turn to your husband, and your expression immediately hardens. 

“Go shoot that fucking film, Darcy and I can survive without you.”


i’m writing a sequel but don’t rush me darling xx

ok but the fact that the 100 writers could only release parts of the List scene script is very very telling. And furthermore, what is inside the script, the directions for Bob and Eliza is some of the most romantic shit I’ve ever read.

I mean you guys we’ve been freaking out over a “such a good friend” and “never more grateful for him than right now. And he for her.” and yeah of course we should be but this is direction for Eliza as she’s writing Bellamy’s name down:

this is so so romantic you guys because she’s making a list for who survives the end of the world and it’s clearly stressing her out and making her question everything but Bellamy is an easy choice. And SHE’S SMILING AS SHE DOES. It’s so flipping rare to see Clarke genuinely smile in the show and the fact that the directions specifically say that it’s a warm smile is so telling about she feels for him

Armin Reiss

This theory could easily be wrong of course, it’s called a THEORY for a reason, but it’s fun to write about these things. This one is about the famous theory that Armin is royalty, that he is Armin Reiss(or Fritz). No, this is not based on the fact that him and Historia look alike, this goes much deeper. 

Let’s begin with the very start, before Armin was even born. Who were his parents? We know nothing about them, but what’s strange is that we know everybody’s parents except for his. We’ve seen the parents of jean, connie, eren, mikasa, levi, erwin, annie, Sasha, historia, grisha and so on, which makes it weird that Armin has been left out since he is a main character. But we do know his grandfather well and I found something interesting about them, please look at Armin and the grandfather well and tell me what they have in common… Go Google them and then come back to this… Take your time, look at them well. Got an idea? Cuz I don’t. They look nothing alike! Armin is blonde and has blue eyes and the grandfather has brown eyes and hair. This might just be a genetic thing, but from a writer’s point of view, it could mean something. But the grandfather himself is very odd. We know that he was the one who named Armin and was with him until the very end and even gave him the outside world book, but I’ll back to that later. All this made me realize that Armin was closer to him than he was with his parents. To be honest, I think they didn’t care for him at all. He was constantly bullied but they did nothing at all, they left him behind, they even allowed him to go out with the book that could get him in trouble and even Armin spoke about them harshly, saying “You’ll die in a stupid way like my mom and dad,” Which is not a good way to speak about the dead! Especially about your parents! You may argue that his parents died differently in the manga, but don’t forget that every change done in the anime was by isayama himself, so that can’t be used as an argument. So about the book, where did it come from? Shiganshina is the poorest place in the walls, so how could they get their hands on the book about the outside world? Remember who else had books about the outside world? Grisha, and where was he from? Far from the walls. That’s a hint, but a little one. Speaking of, Grisha was told by Dina (royal blood) that her kind is hiding somewhere, that royal blooded people are lost, so maybe we could use that info too to explain why Armin’s parents ended up there. (ps: those couple in ch55 aren’t his parents, because there were no confirmations). Where would his parents go? I’m sure hey knew that the world outside was full of titans! Were they idiots? Leaving their son to die? Maybe they’re alive, or dead as we were told. Not sure. They left before the attack, did they run? But why the hell would they ever encourage their kid to want to leave the walls where hell is waiting? I wish I knew. About the similarities between Historia and Armin are many, besides their looks, the main one being childhood. Other kids beat them up daily, their parents abandoned them and yes, they look alike, so alike that Armin once even was mistaken for her and kidnapped, remember that? I do! That scene couldn’t be there for no reason! Every scene in aot is a hint to the future events (or isayama just wanted to draw armin in drag lol)

Another argument I hear often is “But Historia makes Eren remember things when she touches him,” And yes, that is true, and so does Armin. It’s very silent, but once you notice, you’ll understand why I’m taking this so seriously. First, we know that if they make skin contact, Eren remembers things, so let’s begin with episode 5, where Eren grabs Armin’s wrist to save him. Eren remembered nothing there, why? Because when he grabbed Armin’s arm, he grabbed his sleeve. It’s a tiny detail that could be missed, but they didn’t touch skin. Next ep where they did was the ending of ep 8, where Armin holds Eren’s hand. How does the next ep start? Eren remembering being inside the titan which he forgets when Armin lets go. Next is ep 13. People ignore the fact that Armin woke up Eren! He entered in consciousness and woke him up, which only a Reiss could do. Then in the manga when they once again hold hands, the panel is drawn as if their hands are glowing (he didn’t remember anything cuz right before Historia already helped him remember his past), crazy right? It all fits, or I’m just overthinking. How come nobody ever talks about the fact that Armin freaking heard his titan talk in ch 85?? That has never happened before and we’ve seen every other shifter talking about how their titans work, but this has not once happened!!! That scene creeped me out! The titan cried too! Some said that it might be Bertholdt, but even if that’s true, we’ve never seen Eren talking to Grisha(the previous owner)!! It’s like something only royal blood can do, because nobody else did it in the entire story. And don’t forget that the Owl said to find Armin and Mikasa! so there’s something more the world needs from him, because rn the war/attack is starting (maeley vs eldians) and it’ll be a bloodbath. Armin rn is the colossal titan! Imagine if he’s royalty too. They could win the war. But why am I fighting so hard for this theory? Because of what isayama said about ch 89,  This is so important!

 See how in ch 89 he corrected his writing from “eating royal blood,” to “Touching the royal titan” and right after that scene, the panel shows Armin looking at Eren zoomed in. (so to activate the coordinate, eren must touch a royal titan, not a human) I wonder who that titan could be that eren could use for the coordinate… Nothing can save the main characters rn, except maybe this. IF Armin ends up actually being royalty, then it means that they can use titans to fight against the Marley and actually survive and even win. Armin could save them all, because nothing else can. This is the only hope I have left to see my characters win against the world, because them alone is not enough for the war they’re in. and don’t forget that the story is ending, we’re reading the finale arc, so something like this could bring the story to the big climax, the main one being ”freeing the wall titans” as armin said would one day happen. That WILL happen and this theory is how I think it’ll be. Armin and eren working as one. We know zeke wouldn’t be the one to do it because the marley are afraid of the walls being broken down and the titans escaping, and can zeke even control the titans? Probably. But so can eren, but not without the help of a royal titan. These hints were dropped for a reason. Look at how his titan looks just like the other reiss titan we’ve seen. Isayama never had unnecessary details in his story. All we can do is wait and see what will happen next.   

alaeevolare  asked:

Hello! I was wondering, what are the differences between modern HEMA and how it was used in actual combat? Mainly in how it is/was taught, the way that techniques are/were used, small battles/skirmishes and fully fledged battles. I'm currently drawing from my own experiences with HEMA (longsword) and I know it's different but I'm not sure what all of those differences are, much less how to write them. Thank you!

Honestly, the best advice I have for that is slogging through the treatises from the masters on Wikitenaur or other sites/books that let you get it direct from the horse’s mouth (as it were). If you’re not a trained scholar or used to going through language from a century ago, much less several, I can see how parsing that might be a little difficult.

The second thing to do is study the historical period in which you want to write your fiction or, if writing fantasy, whatever is adjacent. When you want to write any kind of combat scenario, studying the culture is necessary. Whether that’s one you created yourself or history itself.

You’ve got better access to the HEMA community than Starke or I do and that springboard will make it easier to find what you’re looking for. It’s important to remember that what you’re practicing right now is what we conventionally term a “dead martial art”. Like aikido and several other martial arts now enjoying a popular resurgence, the current version did not really exist in the last century. Combat in Europe moved very quickly, rapid advancement lead to many old weapons being discarded that were no longer usable. German fencing was the only form of longsword fencing to survive, and it too is weighed down by rules unnecessary to the time when the longsword was a battlefield choice. Luckily for you, because HEMA itself is so new in its reconstruction, you’re actually far closer to the source material used to revive it than you might suspect.

If you haven’t broached this subject with your instructor, you should. They might know, or know somebody who knows something that can point you in a better direction. They work with the people who work with the people who are theorizing on the past and how to bring this piece of history back to life.

The other thing you need to do is study history. One of the things we do have a lot of surviving records of are historical battles. Lots, and lots, and lots of records.

Pick your medieval historical figure. Pick a period in history. And get to work.

Also, read Sun Tzu. If there is one great historical text for understanding warfare, it’s Sun Tzu’s The Art of War.

Battles are really broken down by three groups:

Culture.

Technology.

Terrain.

I’d throw in strategy and tactics but those are under the culture header. To write battles, you need both an understanding of historical warfare and the ability to contextualize those decisions so you can have your characters make new ones. This means figuring out not just the thought processes of the people of history (theorized by gaining a better grasp of their circumstances), but also how your own characters think in relation to the world’s they live in.

Unless you’re writing historical fiction, you can’t just copy the battles from history wholesale. You have to learn how the decisions were made. This is why I recommend looking at the above groups.

Culture

Who they are as a people, their history, who they are descended from, how they see themselves, their commander’s experience with warfare, what kind of armies do they possess (if any at all), how does that work, how do they form supply lines, how do they pay for it, all that annoying bureaucratic minutia which will kill your brain but must be figured out. War is about troop movements. You’ve got to get them from Point A to Point B somehow, you’ve got ensure their fed, and if they’ve got mounts or armor all that has to come from somewhere. War is an expensive endeavor. Someone is paying for it. Where does the money come from, where does it go, and who is getting paid?

This is why strategy and tactics land under the cultural header, the more you dig into history the more you’ll find different cultures through different eras approached these problems differently. They also had different tools at their disposal which brings us to…

Technology

Technology encompasses your weapons, your armor, and, well, everything else that came to mind. Much as you need to know where your soldiers come from, you also need to know what tools they have at their disposal. If they haven’t mastered metalwork and smithing then they can’t have armor and the type of metal they work with defines what kind of armor they create. If they haven’t developed saddles then they don’t have mounted cavalry, if they haven’t figured out how to use horses to pull things then chances are they don’t have cavalry in the form of chariots either.

The same is true of the bow and every other kind of weapon available. Your tools define crucial parts of your tactics and strategy. They define what is available to use and what is available instructs us on how we fight. As the options narrow and you find your historical period, the tools will be easier to come by. Then, you’ll be able to envisage the battles better.

Warfare is complicated, but at its base is the element of rock, paper, scissors. You develop B, so I come up with X, to counter B, and then you develop Y to counter X. It is all about trying to develop new ways to counter the available options.

You brought foot soldiers to the battle, I guess this is what you’ll choose so I array my soldiers at your front and position cavalry behind to break your lines from the side or rear. You use pikes, position your soldiers in columns in order to break my cavalry’s charge or bring a cavalry of your own (or both). I position archers to bombard your lines with a barrage, and so on.

If you really have trouble with the concept then I recommend trying some good war games like Mount and Blade or the Total War series that help you see the battlefield visually and get some practice in arranging your troops.

However, in order to sell your tactics, you need…

Terrain

What kind of environment are you fighting in? What is your target? What natural impediments are in the way? You can study Hannibal’s battle tactics against the Romans all you like, but if you ignore the fact that most of his elephants died on the march through the mountains then you’ll miss a crucial element to why he lost.

Woodland?

Marshland?

Flatland?

Valley?

Mountains?

Desert?

Jungle?

Summer?

Winter?

Spring?

Fall?

Snowstorm?

Rainstorm?

Heatwave?

The conditions you fight in can make or break. Terrain defines how the troops are arranged. If you’re fighting on foreign soil then it can be the difference as to whether your tools will be of any use to you.

Some of it is flat out just luck.

The best way to learn to write battles is learning to think like a commander, and then follow that up with every other member of the army.

When it comes to historical fiction, I always recommend Sharon Kay Penman’s novels. They’re well regarded and well researched, providing some human context to what will inevitably be the dry reading of historical texts.

-Michi

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butteredonions  asked:

So. Ulaz. if he survived. and was on the castle with the paladins for a while. what he might think of 'strange earth customs'. that maybe shiro introduces him to. accidentally. or on purpose. maybe. I mean. you know.

MISS ONIONS HOW DARE YOU COME INTO MY INBOX WITH ANOTHER PAIRING POSSIBILITY. HOW DARE.

(also I apologize this is only like PART of your prompt because I didn’t want to write a 10k story at work IT’S JUST ABOUT TOUCH AND TOUCHING AND ANYWAY)

a lazy temptation

The Castle was quiet, a gentle hum of energy accompanying Ulaz as he made his usual rounds of the halls. The Princess had kindly gifted him a map of the entire complex, though some spots were suspiciously blacked out. They were easy enough areas to get into, but Ulaz appreciated her general wariness in giving a potential enemy access to the Castle of Lions.

The patrols calmed him, channelled his unused energy into a useful task. Since leaving the Empire to assist the Paladins in the daunting task of wresting control from Zarkon, his routine had become more…lax. The Castle of Lions spanned wide; usually, he was on patrol for hours, just the quiet of his thoughts and the hush of his feet his only company. Solutions came easier in the calm of patrol.  

As he turned another corner, the room on the far left flicked, light spilling and fracturing the gentle shadows of the hall. He picked his way over, peering inside, and was surprised to find one of the many lounges in use. A holograph played across the entire far wall, aliens moving and dancing and talking in a language Ulaz could not quite track.

Though he wasn’t interested in the movie.

Keep reading

Honestly there is no other writer that I trust more with my wlw characters than Emily Andras!! She cares so much about representation and in the midst of the 100 drama we had waverly get shot and survive and nicole was wearing a bullet proof vest when she was shot. She also writes quality gay content that she knows will make the fans happy (I mean that cheerleading scene is going to kill me) and she’s already assured us that no gay character is going to die and that season 2 is going to get really gay. If you guys haven’t watched wynonna earp yet, you need to get on it asap

i know marvel didn’t intentionally write matt murdock as a bitter crip hero but guess what they fucking did and they can just try to pry him from my cold dead hands 

did they mean to write a character who is unapologetically disabled, who is so far from innocent and vulnerable and is in fact fucking furious, whose literal weapon is intrinsically tied to his disability? no but here he is, scarred and bloody and grinning 

they definitely didn’t mean to write a character who became a superhero because systemic and interpersonal ableism meant he had fewer avenues for helping people in his day-to-day life, who is so fed up with being forced into this mild-mannered persona for survival that he fights dirty in secret, but GUESS WHAT 

he isn’t an “overcoming disability” character. he’s living within, fighting within, being a hero from within disability, fighting specifically from a position of disability. they tried to write a supercrip, whose disability is not really a disability at all and is in fact his superpowers, but they fucked it up!! and instead, they wrote a character whose power lies in his application of his skills and knowledge and experience living in his own disabled body!! you did that marvel!! no take backs! fuck you!

We are never given anything we cannot handle in life. You can always overcome trials and adversities that go in your way. Your storms are there for a purpose. Stop complaining. Start understanding the situation. Fall in love with the process. Remember, there’s meaning in your mess and there’s a beauty in your brokenness.

I don’t know much, but I do know this.

You will survive. Keep looking up; you’ll notice your rainbow.

—  E.J. Cenita
Selfless Love: Bellamy and Clarke in 403

(My academic is showing with that title but w/e)

It’s taken me a full 36 hours to marshal my thoughts about Bellamy and Clarke in 403 because wow, that episode was a lot to handle.  But that’s also why I want to talk about it, because there is so much to unpack with regards to how they see each other and how their love for one another operates.

Standard disclaimer: you can read their love for each other as romantic, platonic, or some combination thereof.  I’m not going to deal with untangling the those threads here, but I am working from the thesis that they love each other, full stop. 

The point around which Bellamy and Clarke’s relationship in 403 revolves is, imo, selfless love.  This is made explicit in the text (although no one actually says wow you two love each other very selflessly)  in how both Bellamy and Clarke react to things by positioning the other person first.  Bellamy puts Clarke and her needs first, and she puts him and his needs first.  Their own personal wants and needs are secondary to the other person, but not in a codependent way.  They put each other first because they love each other utterly and completely selflessly.

The first moment we see this is when Raven says remember that when you’re starving and Bellamy informs them he does not plan on surviving Apocalypse II: Nuclear Bugaloo.  I waver on whether or not this is new information to Clarke– I could see her yes you are reaction being borne of frustration because they’ve had this conversation 400 times and each time she was like dammit Bellamy, we’ve been over this, of course you’re going to live, or I could see her reaction being instinctive and stunned because this is the first she’s heard of it.  I think in the end, it doesn’t matter if she knew his plan or this is the first she’s hearing of it, because the end result is the same: Clarke doesn’t accept a future in which Bellamy Blake does not survive.

Keep reading

They were all around me when the sun was shining. When it got dark I saw who really was with me. I laugh with many, but I don’t trust any. I am heartless because I cared too much. It’s true that time heals all wounds, but we have to forgive and forget first. I’m brave because I apologize first, strong because I forgive first and happy because I forget first. I learned that I never healed by wounding others. I mean it’s better to know nothing than to half-know many things. I am a believer, so when God said “love your enemy” I obeyed and loved myself. I am a human that have sinned and I am a sinner. I believe that my worst sin is that I destroyed and betrayed myself for nothing. We all live three lives that are public, private and secret. I believe that everybody has a chapter they don’t read out loud. It is love that makes you rich. The poor man who have love is richer than the wealthiest without love. Life always demanded skills I didn’t have. I thought I wasn’t good at anything until I learned that survival is a talent. My plan is to work while they sleep, learn while they party, save while they spend and then live like they dream
—  Lifehitsharder.tumblr.com