writing about life

andreil going on roadtrips is literally??? just the?? warmest thing ever????? they werent able to do it before, for spring break, because of all the bad stuff that happened…but just imagine like sometime in the summer. for 2 weeks or so they get to be together, alone, free of worry leaving it all behind ((including kevin much to his distaste bc he didnt want to have the court so far from him but hes able to stick with his dad so its ok. also andrew pulled out the knives))

  • having just the road beyond them!!! they travel for hours with no real destination in mind, only the feeling of being able to be with each other like this 
  • with their fingers loosely laced together in the middle of the console and the windows down with the wind blowing through their hair. sometimes neil will stick his head out to really breathe in and feel his blood rushing because freedom is right here in front of him in the palms of his hands and it feels so good
  • andrew glances at him before turning back to the road again and his heart is clenching and burning with this entirely new feeling because neil still feels like a fucking pipe dream even though he is right there with him. and he always will be.
  • after a while they’d stop at a rest area, or maybe just the shoulder of an empty road. andrew would step out and go to neil’s side and lean against the hood of the car while lighting 2 cigs
  • they both breathe in the smoke while they lean back to stare at the starry sky which is extremely clear without light pollution, except its only neil doing so, because andrew is staring at him from the corner of his eye instead
  • the awe on neil’s face makes the realization hit him that he’d burn down the world if that meant nothing would ever be able to take this away from him again ((am i speaking about neil’s happiness, or neil with andrew? ;)))
  • this muddles his thoughts and almost melts his fucking brain, so much that he has to ask “yes or no?” and pulling neil in by the collar of his shirt when he whispers out a “yes. always yes.” and biting his bottom lip for the last of it in retaliation which makes neil smile against his mouth
  • they spend nights in shitty motels with junk food and candy surrounding them on their bed, courtesy of andrew
  • theyre wrapped in blankets like a cocoon and sharing kisses and nuzzles to necks and soft touches like hands running through hair, warm hands on the back of necks and sometimes barely-there fingertips grazing up and down arms when andrew is comfortable with it
  • neil will send a pic of them on the balcony with the sunrise behind them to the foxes’ groupchat and everyone dies from it. andrew is glaring at neil and flicks the ash of his cig towards him and neil just smiles
  • neil would want to go on runs in the morning, to stick to routine, to sometimes push away nightmares he had the night before, but in the end he will always come back to andrew because he knows he no longer has to be actually on the run. and andrew will be waiting for him
  • and he is, with takeout breakast and a 2nd cig in between his fingers for him, and the steadying presence with the feeling of home
  • they dont exactly have plans for their days, just whatever comes to mind and whats easy, either lazing about watching boring movies with andrew’s legs thrown across neil’s lap or andrew slowly taking neil apart bit by bit with hot hands and harsh kisses. it all works for them
  • ((once neil asked if he’d wanna go running with him sometime and maybe check out whats around and what to do and andrew just stares blankly at him like ‘are you kidding me’ and neil has the audacity to laugh))
  • and even after many years that pass they’ll still take these roadtrips, a lot of them on a whim just to get away from everything and to wrap up into each other and feel how they still fit together like 2 pieces of a puzzle even after all this time
  • until the end of forever

You couldn’t look at me.

I was right there, and you couldn’t look at me.

Maybe it killed you to see that I could smile without you, that I could laugh with someone who wasn’t you. Maybe you finally realized that I could breathe and live, and that I didn’t need you after all.

Because at some point I got tired of chasing, chasing someone who was never going to come around. I was a fool, going back and forth playing your stupid, little game. The difference between you and I though, I tried to get through to your heart - I cared, I loved, and you didn’t. You could’ve let me in, you should’ve let me in, you needed to let me in.

But you made a decision, and your decision wasn’t me.

—  c.f. // “game over”
that’s what people do
they move on
they don’t stay at the
exact same place like
i do and i know i
should get the fuck up
i know. trust me i do.
but i cannot stop crying.
—  ck.writes (on Instagram)

When a kid falls down, the parents tell them that it’s nothing and that it doesn’t hurt as much and that it isn’t as bad as it looks and that they have to walk it off. I think I became that parent to myself. I asked myself to walk it off even when I couldn’t crawl and I told myself that the mess of my heart wasn’t as bad as it looked even though it was worse and the worst part is that everyone around me believes that I am okay even when I am not. So maybe I am a very good of an actor or nobody cares to look deep enough. And I tell myself that it’s the former and not the latter but who am I kidding, it is the latter.

I think it’s easier to tell yourself that you are doing okay even when you are not. It’s easier to lie to the world when you are good at lying to yourself

I miss her man, I miss her so much. But how the hell do I tell her that?”, my friend asked me once. It might have been the stupidest question I had ever heard because the answer was so obvious. “You do not tell her, you show her. Show her that you care and show her that her presence makes your day better.
—  It is so easy to say things but taking actions is the hardest part. // ck.writes
It’s terrifying to think this time last year, we were telling each other that our love for the other would never falter. Yet here we are, 365 days later and we haven’t spoken in months and all I can do is remember how special Valentine’s Day was with you last year and how far we have come.
—  Excerpt from a book I will never write #1219 // Valentine’s Day // excerptsofstories
I want you. I want you and only you. Too bad you can’t see that. Dammit, you drive me crazy. You’re always in my thoughts. You’re always on my mind. It’s you 24/7. I love you. Don’t you love me too?
—  do you? // 2:01pm
I keep having dreams about you. You’re always on my mind, 24/7. Sometimes I imagine what it’s like to be with you, to have you be mine. Those dreams that I have feel so real. It’s almost like they are.
—  dreams about you // 12:46am

She carries her own little universe within herself, every single content paints her life story and reminds her that she’s a piece of it,


the stars remind her of never giving up, of always seeing the good in bad and even when you’re at your worst you should just keep shining,


the clouds remind her of how important it is to travel, to see the beauty of this world and to breathe a different air and to get lost in a foreign city,


the hurricanes remind her of the past, of the fact that it may hurt, but accepting all that pain makes you stronger and wiser, everything can change in a minute and we have no control on anything,


the sunsets and sunrises remind her of how beautiful it is to continue doing your thing, even when nobody notices you, because it doesn’t mean that you suck, at the end of the day, you should do things for yourself first,


the rain reminds her of the fact that letting emotions out is always good to do, because in order to grow and to bloom you have to cry at first,


the air reminds her of being kind to others, to always help them and show them that life is truly beautiful, you know you have lived when someone tells you “because of you, i never gave up.”

— 

http://writies.tumblr.com/

breathe a different air, please!!

Love doesn’t need to last a lifetime for it to be real. You can’t judge the quality of a love by the length of time it lasts. Everything dies, love included. Sometimes it does with a person, sometimes it does on its own. The greatest love story ever told doesn’t have to be about two people who spent their whole lives together. It might be about a love that lasted two weeks or two months or two years, but burned brighter and hotter and more brilliantly than any other love before or after.
—  Krystal Sutherland, Our Chemical Hearts
All of my friends keep telling me that you’re not worth it. They keep telling me to stop wasting my time. I start to listen to them and cut you off but somehow you creep your way back into my life and I crawl right back to being in love with you.
—  8:16am//h.h

anonymous asked:

I would read the crap out of your bitty in the NHL fic

(anon is referring to these tags:  #b r a h#i have a solid 2k of backstory for how bitty could have started hockey earlier and been good enough to sign with the NHL after graduating#it involves bitty’s aunt connie john johnson’s mother and the edmonton oilers#idk if i’ll ever post it because i’m only done the outline of the fic#(thats just the 2k prologue lol) from this post

ME TOO!! I want to read it so bad, I just don’t…. want.. to write… it…… 

This is the summary though! 

Eric Bittle expected his first year in the NHL to be difficult. He expected the long road trips, the aggressive checks, the constant fatigue, the rampant homophobia lurking under the surface of a culture that put traditional masculinity on a pedestal. Less expected is the balancing act that is his social life. Putting up with a surly captain while keeping in contact with friends from college and slowly falling for an anonymous guy he met on tinder were not a part of Bitty’s contract with the Providence Falconers.

Yes, Jack is the guy he met on tinder. No, neither of them know that. 

I really want it to be a multi media story so it includes tumblr posts, newspaper headlines, text messages etc. for example, from chapter 3:

Tumblr post. fyeahjarse: Did you hear about Zimms helping Eric Bittle?? They’re doing extra morning practices together??? Look at my son helping my other son, what a good captain. -> reblogged and someone adds doodles of them as falcons a la the penguin artist on irl hockey tumblr (ninja omelet) 

Sometimes, the most random thing will remind me of you. And out of nowhere, you’re invading ever cell in my brain. Suddenly I can smell you, I can hear your laugh, I can feel your skin, your whole presence wrapped around me like an embrace. But then I remember where I am and the illusion shatters revealing reality: you are gone.
—  Me, 4.3.17, “Me and the Hipster”