It should not be altogether surprising that we have a tendency to fall for broken people, because we all have a restless desire to be special. And when the boy who loves no one loves you, how could you not be?
I’m just going to put it out there: I’m not perfect.
I’m only 5'2" and thinner than I’d like to be. I haven’t got clear skin and my hair isn’t silky. I have body hair and thick eyebrows and a flat chest. I make stupid decisions. I buy glasses too big for my face and bras that are uncomfortable. I sleep late and skip breakfast and cut class when I already have a shortage of attendance. I daydream when I need to be studying and study till the break of dawn on the day of the test. I suck at making conversation and have stage fear and I’m awkward in social situations. I imagine problems that aren’t there and then try to find solutions for them. I dream too big and work too little. I want this boy to be in love with me for eternity but I also have trust issues that sometimes creep back in. When I’m on the phone with him at 2 A.M., I can’t say goodbye even if my eyes are giving up. I can never say goodbye. I love too much. I compromise too much for him and romanticize love a lot and can’t get over the fantasy of “the one”. I keep running back to places that have burnt me. And I love my world of books and fantasy more than the world I live in. I give destiny too much power and keep alternating between “I want to be pretty” and “Physical beauty doesn’t matter”.
And I bet you were excepecting this to end with a “but”.
“But I’ve got the best heart.”
“But I’ve got beautiful eyes that will captivate you.”
“But I’m doing okay.”
I’m far from perfect and sometimes, that just sucks a lot for me.
Cercavo di passare il tempo per non fare caso a quello che avrei voluto dirti, seduta su una sedia mi trattenevo incerta dallo sfiorarti, proteggerti un po’ da ciò che ti procurava dolore, aggiustare il tuo cuore torturato da qualsiasi altra cosa che non fosse tremare dalla felicità.
Non ci siamo mai amati tanto come ci stavamo amando ultimamente e non era soltanto un trascinare di eventi felici, stavamo bene anche quando il dolore ci sorprendeva all'improvviso, perché ci ritrovavamo sempre accanto.
Alice Giaquinta, Non amarmi nei giorni di pioggia.
We won’t always be happy.
Sometimes the darkness will feel too thick for your incandescent smile to brighten, and sometimes words like the ones I’m writing now will hardly bounce off your surface, let alone make it into your heart and mind for moments when only silence makes sense.
Even so, we’ll always have each other, and honestly, I think that’ll be more than enough.
I couldn’t imagine it not being worth the wait” read the text she received at 9:47am. She looked at her phone’s screen, mesmerized that there existed a human being that would think waiting for her would be worth it. She bit her lip before a smile spread across her sweet face when she realized he was crazy, probably more so than she was. “Really?” she sent the first message. “You think waiting for me, for my body, for my touch, is worth it?” his phone beeped with the second message before he could reply to the first. He smiled and shook his head in disbelief; pressed the call button and first thing he said to her was “Remember what I told you before I left? We had just gotten to your building, the stars were out and shining that night, you looked up at the sky and solemnly said ‘You’ll forget about me. Time will pass before I see you again, and you’ll forget about me’ but I didn’t let you believe that. I assured you that it will be worth the wait. And guess what? I still think it is.
denmysterywoman // excerpt from a story I’ll never write // written with inspiration from the lovely @tinaspoetry 💞
I am so tired, I have not been sleeping since I have met you. I am so tired, I want to sleep, but many times at night I wanna sleep with someone beside me, it doesn’t have to be intimate, but someone just next to me. Where I can feel their chest going up and down. Feel their heart beating, synchronised to mine.
Call me a dreamer or an optimist, but I refuse to give up hope that somewhere out there, there’s a place where you and I are happy together. I don’t know if it’s another time or another world, I only know that there has to exist a place where everything turns out okay for us. I have to believe that… That somewhere out there the universe gives us our happy ending…
the quiet & hush of the garden,
skin on skin, breath tangled
over stripped collarbones, branches
overhead bare, but the heat
between us evergreen.
passing headlights grace
the curve of your skull,
the feathering of your hair.
this moment, biting & cold
& far from tender.