I fall in love
with the sea
even if I knew
it can drown me,
and I have more
love for you,
even if I knew
that it is
terrifying,
too.
—  ma.c.a // Island of Feelings
At some point you’re gonna have to choose who you love the most. Them or yourself.
—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #13 // a.s
I wish someone would’ve just sat me down, five years ago, ten years ago even, and told me how much growing up would feel like digging my soul out of my body by teaspoons and burying it.
—  from an unfinished story #810
But not all
endings happen
with waving hands
and the loudest
of goodbyes,
because sometimes
endings were
made of
teary eyes
and the saddest
of smiles.
—  ma.c.a // Epilogue
At the mention of the word “period”, I watch him pale and look away. At this I wonder, when did the world become such a place that men are embarrassed by the most natural function of a womb, when they had once called a womb home.
—  Nikita Gill, Period
If you come to me as an ocean with big waves, surely, without hesitating, I will jump into you and drown. For someone who despises the water, that is how much I love you.
—  Lukas W. // How much I love you
And maybe
the most terrible—
yet the bravest thing
I’ve ever done,
was to continue walking
no matter how slow
my feet move,
no matter
how many times
I took a rest
and sat on the ground—
to stand up
and travel
this tough road
of mine,
when all I ever wanted
was to come back
to that wonderful moment
when things
never seem
to be wrong,
when things never hurt
so much—
and when everything
seems perfectly fine.
—  ma.c.a // Long Way Home
I figured out how to stop loving someone you’re not supposed to love anymore. I know it sounds impossible but trust me, we’ve done it before. I told my first love that I’d love him forever, but I don’t anymore. He has a spot in my heart- just like my dog and my best friends and a teacher that changed my life- but I don’t love him anymore because that was a different person who was with him and I’m not her anymore. And one day, we’ll no longer love the people we love now, we just have to wait for ourselves to change again. And we try to speed it up by starting new hobbies, getting haircuts, moving, learning a new language. Anything. Because the sad truth is we know we need to shed part of ourselves to fall out of love. And that sucks but it’s necessary.
you asked, “what is it like to fall in love?”
and i replied, “it’s a lot like dying. when you fall in love, you see yourself in their eyes and everything you believed about yourself begins to disappear. the things you once hated about yourself don’t seem so bad because you realize someone has found fondness in your flaws. and those things you hated about yourself that you defined yourself by, they begin to cease to exist. and you allow yourself to become reborn into the person they see: the real you. when you fall in love, you watch yourself die and it’s beautiful.
—  that deathless death
(cc, 2017)
I hope that you will find yourself before anything else, that you will not run out of your house in the middle of the night just to search for the missing pieces of you in strangers. I hope that you will stumble upon a love you live to give away, the kind that flows endlessly, that lives forever. I hope you will be happy for a long, long time.
—  Lukas W. // My good wish to you
I’m tired.” she said. “I’m tired of pretending to feel empty about everything. I’m tired of laughing at people when they assumed that I don’t feel anything at all. Because of course, I feel something. I almost feel everything that it suffocates my whole being. I feel it when someone slowly losing interest in me as if they were clouds—fading in the sky during warm summer days. As if they were colors melting their brightest shades. I feel my heart breaking when someone continuously pointing out my mistakes that it erased all the right things I’ve ever done in my whole life. As if everything went blank, and I need to start doing something again that will make them proud. I feel people’s words touching what’s deep within me. Especially when they were the people who were important to me. Especially when they were the people who I always expected to understand the real me.” she looked down at her hands catching her breath heavily. She wasn’t used on opening up her heart to someone. She wasn’t used on telling everything that’s on her mind. Yet she knew, this was the best thing she needed to do. That this can ease the burdens she’s been lifting up for too long. She sighed slowly, then she said, “I just want you to know, that even if people tried to pretend that there’s a black hole inside of them, they will always end up touching their chests and feel their heart beating.
—  ma.c.a // Can you really see me?
Please don’t die.
Not while
I’m still breathing.
Not while
My heart’s still beating.
We are strangers for now.
But maybe…
One day
Things will change.
Maybe…
One day
We will
Go back to
How things used
To be.
Back to when
Things were simpler.
Whether it’s in a year
Or ten…
I will wait for you.
Because
We have so much
More to do together.
I will be patient for you.
Because
We have so much
More to live for.
You are too young
To die at an early age.
You will not live life
To the fullest,
Until you live life
With me.
—  We Need More Time
You ever hear a song that you wish you wrote? Not just because it’s incredibly beautiful, but because the feelings and emotions behind the lyrics are so familiar to you, to the point that you’re pretty sure that you’ve said the words in your mind a million different ways and times but was never able to put them into your own words.
—  Marley C. // Heartsongs.
Oftentimes, we speak of words we are dying to hear from those we truly love, in hopes they will return the very same words back to us.
I hope you’ll meet someone who will love you endlessly.” he said. Telling her everything he’s thinking for a very long time. “Someone who will wipe away all the sadness in your eyes and kiss the smiles inside your heart. I hope you’ll meet someone who will still look at you with admiration in their eyes even if they had already seen your scars.” he wanted her to know how much she deserves to feel love, more than she had before. He wanted to give her the happiness she deserves. That he’s willing to accept it even if it’s not going to be with him. He looked at her as if he’s staring at the most stunning person in the universe. As if he wanted to see this beautiful scenery forever. Then, he finally said, “I hope you’ll end up with someone who will gladly want to live in the same world with you, no matter how crazy it may seem for you.
—  ma.c.a // I hope it’s you and me