writers and books

I don’t think we’ll ever be anything more than strangers. The way you hurt me, I guess we were never meant to be. You don’t hurt the person you love the way you hurt me.

How I wish it could all be different

// a.s

It’s time to stop.

Stop apologizing for being emotionally unavailable. Stop saying you’re sorry because you’re incapable of loving anyone but yourself right now. Stop making yourself feel like the bad guy for following your gut instincts. Stop allowing others to blame you for putting your own heart first. Stop letting them make you feel bad for not being interested in things that do not help you grow. Stop looking for someone else to complete you when you are already whole on your own.

And then you can start.

Start embracing it all. Start living boldly and unapologetically. Start listening to your heart and only your heart. Start saying no more often. Start pleasing yourself instead of being hung up on what others think. Start treating yourself with the same dignity and respect you give everyone else. Start loving yourself. Start refusing to settle for anything less than the best. Start thriving in your singleness. Start shaping your life into exactly what you always hoped it would be. Start creating your own happiness.

—  You don’t have to apologize for it. // excerpt from an unfinished book #148
I peeled my skin off
Hoping to find something inside
Hoping I would feel more human
With one less layer between myself and the Earth.
—  poem fragment #23
Flowers cannot birth a human, but cannot a human be made of flowers?

If only you had met the girl who bled rose water and cried petals - she was a meadow of wildflowers that played at being human. // Ara Kay

Inspiration rests here: i. + ii. + iii. + iv. + v. 

I’m here. I am here now and tomorrow and next week and next month and forever. I am not leaving. I will not let you deal with this alone, I won’t let you feel this alone. You have me now and forever. If you need to talk, I’m here. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I am here. If you need someone to kiss your forehead or hold you until the sun comes up or someone to scream at, just to let it all out, I am here. I don’t care how hard you try, you can not push me away. I will not let you self destruct. I love you too much to let you ruin the masterpiece you’ve created out of yourself. You can tell me that you’re unworthy of being loved, you can tell me you’re broken. You can tell me every awful thing you feel and you can tell me all about how much you hate the person you are. But it will never change the truth. It will never change what I’ve come to learn about you. You are so much more.
—  What I need to hear//An excerpt from a book I’ll never write #10
Make you unseen from
My life,
I greet your last seens everyday.
—  Will you unsee me, too ?
/Methethinkinggirl ❤
I never really saw myself loving anyone. I couldn’t even love myself. I never felt connected to anyone, even as I got older, even though I had my fair share of lovers. I just couldn’t find that connection. I felt isolated. I felt like I didn’t belong, and as hard as I tried to get close to someone, I just never could. I wont deny I hurt a few people in the along the way, but I could not, for the life of me feel like I could be with anyone. I felt alone and I just didn’t feel like wasting my time, or anyone else’s anymore. I didn’t want to hurt anyone else, including myself. So I gave up, and for some time I was doing just fine on my own…Then came you. And you flipped my whole world upside down. You taught me how to love in a way I never imagine I was capable of loving. With you I felt a connection, not only with you but I felt connected to everything around me. You gave me a sense of purpose. You made me feel alive. From our random road trips, to a simple night of looking at the stars. Because of you I learned to love the parts of me I hated most, because of you I saw life with color. I hope you never leave, I hope you stay.
Even if I would say that I’d give you the world, you’d want the universe for yourself.

Sometimes being is just not enough. It’s not the same as living. I’m not falling in love or laughing as much anymore which all in all leads to less smiles, less pictures with friends and family, less memories. I’ve got a list of books to read that is longer than my patience for myself, if I could I would leave myself in the other room or maybe in the next town over because we aren’t on the same page anymore. I go to sleep without clothes on so that I don’t have to strip anything off in the morning; I feel like I have been ridding myself of layers for so long- who I was, who I am, my dreams, and all of the possibilities fall to the floor like yesterday’s clothing. I want to help, but I can’t help myself. I want to live, really live, but the effort it takes to just keep breathing is becoming a burden.

I wish death didn’t have to be the only promise that I know will be kept
—  Cynthia Chapman
Doesn’t everyone deserve to feel loved?
—  thinking too much #48