Life Hack: How To Make Sure All Of Your Daughter’s Friends Know You’re A Fiscal Conservative
Your daughter and her friends are inseparable, but no matter how often they’re over at your house, it can be hard getting them to understand you’re a fiscal conservative. However, it’s not impossible, and there are easy, accessible ways to get on their level and drive home the fact that you understand a world of balanced budgets and monetary responsibility.
Take them out to pizza for your daughter’s birthday, but bring a few coworkers to show you can write the bill off as a work expense come tax season: This is a neat trick for dropping the hint that you’re a fiscal conservative. Let your daughter and her friends have their own table, but once in a while turn around and explain to them you see value in making events business-related, so you can write it off in your taxes at the end of the year. This way, come April there’s more money in your pockets and less for Uncle Sam to collect.
When you go to your daughter’s soccer games, yell “I’m a fiscal conservative!” whenever one of her friends gets possession of the ball: Whenever one of your daughter’s friends gets possession of the ball, she’ll be listening for the coach to offer instruction, so take the opportunity to scream things at them like “I believe the free market is a self-regulating system!” and “A balanced budget should be the primary concern of government!” Be sure to remember their jersey numbers with the right name.
Redecorate the living room so they see your opinions on monetary policy more: This is also a cool DIY home project. Your daughter’s friends love seeing the photos of her when she was younger hanging around your home, so why not also put a tasteful, weathered piece of barn siding hanging next to one with “This is an anti-inflation household,” beautifully burned into the wood? This is great for both the new friends looking around for the first time and the regular friends who will notice some changes.
Every time you take them to Chuck E. Cheese’s, pass the projects to show them that government interference doesn’t work: Point at the buildings that are government subsidized, maybe even the local school that had to shutter due to underperforming test scores, as proof of your belief that Keynesian economics is a dead end. It may take 20 minutes longer to get to Chuck E. Cheese’s, but that’s just more time for you to explain to them through the rearview mirror, “I’m a small-government kind of guy.”
Cookie-cut her sandwiches into the shape of Ayn Rand’s profile: This is a fun, non-ostentatious way to get your daughter and her friends’ attention to let them know you believe the free market is strongest with the least amount of regulations, right in line with Atlas Shrugged author and conservative icon Ayn Rand, who your little princess and her pals will be staring at every day at lunch. You’ll be the cool dad who takes the extra step, maybe adding a note in her lunchbox saying, “You’re doing great today. If we don’t do something about this national debt, it’s going to kill your generation.”