When you tried to kill yourself

Anonymous said: Can I get a bts Mafia reaction? One where you try to kill yourself? Sorry if it’s to heavy. I loooooove you blog btw 

Thank you for liking my blog I warned you to do not read it of you can’t stand the mention of suicide.  

Kim Namjoon : 

It is dark yet scary. You hate to be alone in the dark and your anxiety couldn’t make you tell Namjoon about this. He was very busy with the problem in his gang so you don’t want to burdened him. Your anxiety got worse when your mother suddenly told you to not come to her family again. 

It’s because you chose Namjoon over your family. 

What is worst than being kicked out from your own family? You didn’t tell Namjoon about this, yet, he didn’t feel anything wrong from you. You cried a lot, you drunk a lot, and the most important thing is, you drink a lot of pills to make you sleep. And that’s not good. 

Namjoon came home earlier than usual, “y/n? Babe, where are you?” He called you but no answer. He thought you already asleep and went upstairs. Before he went to your room, he went to the kitchen to have a drink. But he opened the wrong shelves and saw a lot of your empty bottle for pills. He didn’t see any doctor’s recipe on it, “good Lord…” He ran upstairs immediately and opened your room. 

There you are, with pale skin and closed eyes. He cursed and dialed the ambulance, “just get fucking here quickly, asshole. Someone is dying for overdose!” He would do anything so you recovered, “money is not a big deal. Just bring her back.” 

Kim Seok Jin : 

People discriminated you badly just because you’re Jin’s girlfriend the well-known drug dealer in the world. People gave you a lot of negative comments on your social media even though you sure you make it private. 

“She’s a whore. I know she only wants his money.”

“Yeah, he’s her sugar daddy after all.” 

“What a slut.” You also could hear them while you’re shopping for food. You told Jin to not buy you anything luxury, it’s because you don’t want to grab any people’s attention. You tried to ignore the negatives from outside and stay at home. 

But people could find a way to make you hear those comments and you couldn’t stand it. You started to fill the bath tube with cold water and you sat on the edge of bath tube. “Can I live my life too?” You mumbled weakly. 

You put your legs inside the bath tube and looked at the ceiling before you drowned yourself. You struggled a bit cause you couldn’t breathe but when you start to lose your consciousness someone pulled you. The first thing you see was Jin’s angry face. “What the hell are you trying to do! Don’t you think you’re being a coward here! If you have problem just tell me and I’ll help you to fix it!” He yelled. 

Min Yoongi : 

He knew you have dark past with knife and self-hurting and tried his best not to trigger you with that. But one day, you went to work at the near cafe because Yoongi didn’t let you went too far from house. 

You’ve been asked to went home with male customers a lot. “I know what you did with that rich guy, why don’t you give me the same? I’ll treat you.” They look you like you have no dignity at all, and it makes you feel….stressed. It’s not the first time you heard someone told you that. 

“What are you doing?” Yoongi stood with his glare to your bleeding wrist and cutter beside you. You stared at him blankly, “Yoongi-ah,” you called him weakly, “do I really deserve this? Why people can’t understand that….that I’m not that kind of girl?”

He walked towards you carefully, “what do you mean?” He asked. You cried, “it looks like I’m in a same level like those women who sell their body..” He quickly kicked the cutter. “tell me who said that to you,” he said while cleaning your blood. His heart aches badly when he saw you like this. 

“You know I will hear your problem all the time right? It really hurts me to see you like this.” Even though he’s a cold person, he would be very gentle around you and keep an eye for you. “After I treat your wound, let’s go to sleep. Or we can do anything you want.”

Jung Hoseok : 

He was working on his desk this evening, he told you that he would come home late this day. But suddenly, Taehyung ran to his office without knocking and panting hard, “h-hyung…y-y/n noona is in hospital.”

He stood immediately, “what? Why?” He grabbed his blazer and followed Tae to the car. “Jin hyung saw her almost fainting in the mall.” 

When he arrived at hospital, he asked the nurse who just came out from your room. “Are you her guardian?” Asked the nurse, “I need to speak with you privately.”

He sat on the chair in front of the doctor, “what is your relationship with Yoon y/n?” He asked. Hoseok sighed, “I’m her boyfriend. Is she okay?” The doctored looked at him in sympathy, “she consumed a lot of pills and overdosed. She’s been stressed out for the whole month,” he explained, “her body is really weak right now and I suggest you to stay with her 24/7 this month.”

Hoseok would cry when he saw you sleep peacefully on your bed, “I’m so sorry, y/n-ah…” 

Park Jimin : 

You talked a lot about you want to die, “it seems…quiet. You know Jimin, I might die before you.” He didn’t answer, he doesn’t want to show his mad expression. “Why do you wanna die so bad?” He asked. 

“I don’t know, I’m tired.” 

“y/n, you know you have me right? If you have problem you can talk to me.” 

You stared at him with your weak eyes, Jimin shook his head, “I can’t let you die, no,” he said, “can’t you understand my feelings when you said that? Don’t you think it’s a very selfish wish for you to make?”

Before he get mad again, you hugged him tightly, “I’m so sorry, I was thinking out loud about death. I’m so sorry if that makes you uncomfortable,” you said, He hugged you tighter as his head in your neck. “I don’t want to lose you, you are very important to me.” 

“I know, Jimin, I know. I won’t leave your side.” 

Kim Taehyung : 

His eyes showed his fear, his hands trembled as he saw you lying on the floor with blood from your head. He fell on his knees as he touched your cold body. He didn’t see this coming, until Jungkook called him about a loud gunshot in your house. 

“But…why? Did I do something wrong?” He cried, “you smiled! I saw you this morning and you smiled!” He yelled. Jin calmed his down but he reject the comfort. “y/n, is it one of your prank again?” He cried, “you beat me this time, so please wake up!” He burned himself under your crook. 

He would cry a lot since you’re the only family he had. 

Jeon Jungkook : 

This isn’t usual, Jungkook is very busy since he’s the Ace of the group but he’s here to pick you up from your school. He smiled when he thought about your surprised face when you saw him. 

“Is she okay?”

“Yah, call the ambulance! Quick!” 

“Did she gets a lot of that letters?” The whole students whispering about this girl cut herself in the bathroom, one of the teachers found out. “She’s been crying for the whole week.”

He sensed a bad feeling so he ran to your class, but he didn’t find you there. “Oh, Jungkook!” He turned and found your friend, Yuna. “Where is y/n?” Asked him in panic. Her expression turned to pale. “Yuna, tell me,” he growled. She cried, “she….she got a lot of hate letters! She stressed and cut herself in the bathroom, Mr. Han found her and bring her to the infirmary-” Jungkook ran to infirmary right away. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” he mumbled. 

Understanding the Connection Between Eyepatches, Chunibyo and Moe

Content Warning: This post contains discussion on self injury.

Thanks to a particular anime show in 2012, the term chunibyo has been a buzzword since among western anime fans. Anyone suffering from chunibyo is easily spotted thanks to the staple accessory of a medical eyepatch. What might seem like trending gag actually has a decent amount of context behind it. Here’s what I’ve gathered so far on the matter.

Accessory Eyepatch Origins 

In the 2000s self-injury among teenagers was a becoming a prominent issue in Japan. Studies found that acts such as wrist cutting were trending among young girls in particular. This mixed with the popular kawaii fashions worn by school girls made for an unsettling image of a young girls in colorful, cheerful outfits juxtaposed with the darker ideas represented by bandaged wrists. 

This combination of cute and concerning resonated with teenagers and took on a new form as a fashion and art style. An entire sub style of kawaii fashion emerged, menhera (a slang term for someone suffering from mental illness). Menhera is designated by colorful seifuku and medical imagery. 

In 2008, Yoshihiro Nishimura, a filmmaker known for gory thriller and horror stories, parodied the self harm trend among teenage girls in the movie Tokyo Gore Police which featured a fake commercial for the “Wrist Cutter G” a colorful and cute new wrist slitting product, perfect for school girls. 

In 2014, artist Ezaki Bisuko created the satire manga Menhera-chan featuring magical girls that must self harm in order to use their magic.

However the popularity of self harm in the form of a fashion statement meant that the style could be adopted by anyone, even those who were not actually performing self harm or suffering from any kind of mental illness. Wrist bandages could be an accessory regardless of whether there were actual injuries underneath them. Other accessories inspired by medical imagery and illness matched the menhera aesthetic and also became popular.

That’s right the white medical eyepatches in Japan began to be used for non-medical fashion around the mid to late 2000s. This accessory wasn’t just for the menhera sub style either. Fashion cultures love to mix and mesh and overlap and the eyepatch found its way into all kinds of youth fashion. 

What does this have to do with chunibyo? 

In 2008, a book called the “Chunibyo User’s Manual” by Kotobukiya was published as a comical guide to the phrase being used by middle and high schoolers “chunibyo” (translated as 8th grade syndrome for American English). According to this guide there are three types of chunibyo: Dokyun kei, SubCul kei and Jyakigan kei. 

Dokyun kei (or DNQ kei) accounted for kids who would act tough and pretend to be delinquents or apart of gang when in reality they aren’t. SubCul kei (or Subculture Kei) describes those who only take interest in obscure media and culture and complain about the mainstream pop culture, inferring they are special for their lack of well known interests. (Basically the Equivalent to the American 2000s Hipster.) Finally, Jyakigan Kei (or Evil Eye kei) is a label for kids who project their interest in fantasy and occult onto themselves by pretending to have supernatural powers.

A school kid suffering from chunibyo is more likely to wear fake bandages around their wrists or take part in the eyepatch fashion trend. A chunibyo could perceive self harm as “edgy” and use it for whatever kind of alter ego they’ve created for themselves for the sake of attention. 

But if you aren’t pretending to have depression or any other problems then why else would you by wearing an eyepatch? To cover up your magical evil eye of course. 

Jyakigan kei is the one form of chunibyo people apparently find the most endearing and that’s why it ended up the premise for a whole anime series.

Now We Get to the Anime and Moe Part. 

In 1996 the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion aired and gained immense popularity. Fans adored the character of Rei Ayanami, an aloof and cold school girl who piloted the giant mech Evangelion, unit 00. The character’s introduction consists of her feebly struggling against injuries from a previous accident and sporting an eyepatch and wrist bandages.

Many fans found Rei cute, attractive and most of all provoking moe, a multifaceted term that can describe a want to adore and protect.

Then in the 2000s characters, in primarily hentai games and visual novels, started cropping up with something in common.

(Games from left to right: My wife and I and Boyne 2006,  Soukai no Oujotachi ‘2008,  Nurse ni Omakase 2004,  Tokidoki Pakucchao! 2004,  Chokotto Vampire! 2006,  Azrael 2002)

Character designs including a medical eyepatch also cropped up in anime from the 2000s but the visual trope was most popular in games aimed at an adult male audience because the eyepatch was associated with moe thanks to the aforementioned Rei. (It’s also important to note that eyepatchs were not exclusive to female characters but just more popular.) 

Now in the 2010s more examples of characters in anime with medical eyepatches have emerged including the 2012 series “Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions”. 

The medical eyepatch has been established as a visual trope that’s meant to be cute and is associated with moe by the mid-2000s but by the late 2000s it has also become associated with real life fashion and the term to describe the real life behaviors of adolescents. Chunibyo Love & Other Delusions, the anime series, simultaneously exploits the cutesy angle of the eyepatch design to successfully appeal to otaku but also solidifies the accessory’s relationship with the idea of immature chunibyo behavior to its viewers.

Dan and Phil’s Dvd Collection (or at least part of it)

Big Fish

 Children of Men 

 A Clockwork Orange


 Dark City

 The Dark Knight

 Dawn of the Dead (2004)


 Donnie Darko

 The Dreamers


 The Faculty


 Fight Club

 Final Destination 2

 Final Destination 5

 The Fountain

 Ghost World

 Girl, Interrupted

 The Hangover

 Hard Candy

 He Was A Quiet Man

 The Hills Have Eyes

 The Hills Have Eyes 2

 Howl’s Moving Castle


 Inglorious Basterds



 Kill Bill: Vol. 1

 Kill Bill: Vol. 2

 Minority Report

 The Mist


 The NeverEnding Story

 New Year’s Day


 Phone Booth

 Planet Terror

 Pulp Fiction

 The Rules of Attraction

 Running with Scissors


 Saw VI



 The Science of Sleep

 Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

 Silent Hill

 Source Code

 Spider-man 3

 Spirited Away



 Team America: World Police


Twin Town


 The Wrestler

 Wrist Cutters: A Love Story

In 2011, 6 year old Timmothy Pitzen was taken out of class at school by his mother, Amy Pitzen, for what she claimed was a “family emergency.” However, this was found to be untrue. It turned out that Amy had spent the rest of that day at a zoo with Timmothy, before driving to a different town and checking them both in to a water park resort. The following day, they then travelled from Illinois to Wisconsin, where they again visited another water park. Amy eventually made contact with family back home and informed them that they were both safe, a phone call during which Timmothy’s voice could be heard in the background. Despite this reassurance, it was to be the last time that relatives would hear from them. Amy Pitzen’s body was discovered in a motel room after she had apparently cut her wrists with a box cutter. Timmothy was nowhere to be found. A search of Amy’s car brought about the discovery of her son’s blood, although whether this indicates foul play is disputed as the marks could have been a result of the severe nose bleed Timmothy had prior to going missing. The only indication of his whereabouts was left behind in a message by Amy, which read that he was safe and “with people who loved him.” But, as of this day, the little boy who would now be 10 years old remains untraceable.



Not only are the two brothers willing to get themselves killed by their OTPs, they also fall for a similar women (who become best friends in the end - as if we needed even futher proof that they are all doomed!). They are all so damaged, both inside and out (because of the cruel, merciless world they live in), yet so damn functional. It actually makes complete sense - because they don’t judge, they understand and accept each other completely, scars and all; because they love each other unconditionally, truly and deeply. JUST GO ON A DOUBLE-DATE ALREADY! And when it’s over KISS EACH OTHERS’ SCARS AND MAKE BABIES ALREADY!