I just found this crazy ass story on Facebook

I can’t have sex with more than 1 other person in the bed 😐 .. Ight I don’t know how y'all niggas do the shit .. I tried it twice, so I know 😐 .. the first time, I was 15 and my friend Ty was 17 .. Ty brought this girl over .. like this beatiful ass black girl 😍.. but she had her booty cheeks out and shit, I said “Damn 😵” .. He was like “Cj, I got this girl over here … You wanna tag along?” I said “What?” .. he said “Tag team this bitch 😈” I said “Nah bro I’m not good at wrestlin’ 😐” he said “DO YOU WANNA FUCK THIS BITCH TOGETHER! DO YOU WANNA HELP ME HIT IT”… Now first of all .. why you need help fuckin’ somebody .. Like yo dick that little that you need two dicks to work together as a team 😐 .. like if I had some pussy in the crib I’d be stingy as a muhfucka “EVERYBODY GOTTA GET OUT! THERE’S A GAS LEAK IN THIS MUHFUCKA!” Just lyin’ and shit 😐 .. Not Ty😐 .. this muhfucka sharin’ pussy and givin’ it out like he Jesus 👐😐 … and you know, I was 15, I couldn’t say “No” to some free pussy .. I said “Sure 😀” .. Like my dick was already out, I said “where she at 😐🍆” … But I looked over, this nigga had his dick out too 😐 .. I said “Whoa 😐 … what-what you doin’ bro 😐?” .. he said “We ready to fuck THIS BAD BITCH BRO ✊!” … See I didn’t know we was fuckin’ the girl AT THE SAME TIME 😢 .. and you know, seein’ my friend’s dick terrified me 😢 .. I said “Yo 😐 … maybe I should have sex with the girl .. by myself for like the first 20 minutes 😐 then you can have her” .. He said “Nah bro, she gotta leave in like 15 minutes” .. I said “Wtf .. so wtf you bring her over here for” .. Then when heard her callin’ from the back room .. she said “You guys ready 😩” .. like she was expectin’ some dick 😐 .. you know, so I couldn’t let the pussy down 😐 .. We went in there .. my friend had instructions out 📝 .. like this muhfucka drew out HOW we was gonna fuck this girl 😐 .. This nigga was serious 😐 he drew stick figures 😐 had both of us in the pussy at the same goddamn time 😐 .. like I don’t know what kinda gay shit this nigga was on … but I wasn’t slidin’ my dick in no coochie right beside this nigga .. Nigga couldn’t even draw .. My arm was all deformed and shit and my neck was crooked 😢 .. then the nigga drew his dick bigger than mine 😵 .. I said “WHOA 😵” .. now I ain’t measure the nigga dick or nothin’ .. but the nigga dick was like 3 inches .. I saw it in my peripheral .. Nigga knew damn well my dick was bigger than his 😐 Tf you drawin’ my dick for? .. But I let it go 😐 We only had like 10 minutes left, I said “Yo .. we can’t both put our dick inside the pussy 😐 .. That’s gay ight .. and I don’t even think that’s physically possible .. you better find another slot or somethin’ I don’t know 😐” .. So he said “Ight” .. the girl layin down on the bed, just stretched out 😳 like she good 😍 .. My Nigga Ty take his dick, just shove it in her mouth 😵 .. like he ain’t give her a chance to inhale or nothin’ .. I said “Nigga you a savage 😲” .. you know so I ain’t take no time neitha 😢 I put the condom on .. I started fuckin’ her 😩 .. I got close to bustin’ a nut 😐 I couldn’t do it 😐 .. This nigga Ty’s ass was all in my face 😩 .. I said “YO GET YA ASS OUT MY FACE 😡 Ya ass stink 😡 .. I can’t concentrate .. You need to rotate or somethin’ 😓” .. Like it was his bare ass 😢 .. And I was tryna close my eyes so I couldn’t see it, but I was scared .. Like I ain’t wanna close my eyes and accidentally lean my head into this nigga ass 😢 so I had to stay awake .. son this nigga busted a nut and farted in my face at the same goddamn time 😲😲😲😲😲 … my dick went soft .. I said “TY WTF 😩” I punched his ass 😡 It was a reflex 😢 .. you know, you don’t think about things when you in the moment .. You can say “I wouldn’t of punched his ass” all you want 😐 .. but you weren’t there when the shit happened, ight you didn’t hear it like I heard it muhfucka 😢 .. I punched the shit out his ass, I said “Fuck you 😩” .. I got up, I said “I quit 😢” I walked out, I ain’t even pull my pants up, my draws and shit was just around my ankles 😐 .. I went to the door to leave, I said “Hold df up 😐😐” I came back, I said “Nigga this my house 😡 both of y'all get y'all asses out and spray” he said “Bro I’m sorry–” “No fuck you, Arthur comin’ on in like 20 minutes and I don’t wanna see y'all 😡” .. the whole time I was talkin’ tho, I still ain’t pull my pants up, so I ain’t look as serious as I could have 😐 but I was mad, I couldn’t think 😐 this nigga Ty fucked my life up I hate.

Nothing else has seemed to work, so I'm resorting to this...

Name: Alex Shelley

Last Seen: September 29, 2011 - Impact Wrestling in a Number 1 Contender’s Ladder Match for the X-Division Title

Age at Time of Disapperance: 28

Date of Birth: May 23rd, 1983

Gender: Male

Height: 5'10"

Weight: 215 lbs

Hair: Dark Brown

Eyes: Brown

Race: White

Build: Like a god Athletic, muscular

Identifying mark: Bleached stripe through the middle of hair at last appearance.

Last Seen Wearing: Wrestling tights and boots, no shirt.

If seen, please call Impact Wrestling and tell them that WE FREAKIN’ WANT ALEX SHELLEY BACK ON OUR TVS!!!


I dont know if ive posted this already but it makes me laugh every time and i cant believe the chubby guy’s moves :) x

“Golly, I’m so excited for the family reunion! Ain’t you girls excited? Hayrides, six-legged races, apple pie eatin’ contests, mud wrestlin’, and all the family together in one spot-we’re gonna have so much fun! Maggie, ain’t you excited?”

“…Why yes, Peachy. I can hardly contain myself.”

“I know, I know, Mags, but we’ll just have to restrain ourselves til the reunion. Sugarbeets, I’m so happy I could sing!

"You better not.”

“Oh, I’m gonna!”

*casually blows dust of Peachy Keen*

Peachy Keen, Magnolia May, and Truffles make up the next generation of the Apple family, together they are the Apple cousins. Magnolia thinks her cousins are super annoying (especially Peachy’s limitless enthusiasm and their innocent tendency to call her by her dreaded nickname “Maggie”) but she totally has a secret soft spot for her doofy cousins, c'mon

Peachy got a bit of a tweak to her design-she’s gigantic now. That’s just what happens when your father is Big Macintosh. She’s actually bigger than the average stallion, and strong as an ox. Also incredibly prone to bursting into song, to Magnolia’s dismay

Just to be clear:
Peachy Keen is the daughter of Big Mac and Cheerilee
Magnolia May is the daughter of Applejack and Rarity
and Truffles is the daughter of Apple Bloom and Snails