I used to think home was the bottom of a wine bottle
Or a 2am bar fight.
Home was time zones,
dirty fingernails,
glasses half full.
It was forgetting to call my parents and
spilling coffee on my white sweater.
Six months later, it’s 8am and you’re lying next to me.
The sunlight coming in from our bedroom window
hits your face at the perfect angle.
You teach me about Hemmingway and
how his own loneliness drove him mad.
We eat breakfast on the floor and I say,
“I was damaged goods before I met you.
Russian Roulette with my finger waiting patiently on the trigger.
Everything around me was static noise,
dead roses, and coffee grounds.
I considered mistakes and kisses to be of the same value
and projected my love on to other people
when I couldn’t figure out how to love myself.
But one look at you and all of this collateral damage
doesn’t seem so collateral anymore.
I trace your body like a map.
The indents in your spine let me know that I am home.
And by home I mean pomegranate seeds,
Afternoon plans,
my finger off the trigger.
By home I mean water colors,
comfortable silence,
and the birthmark on your left shoulder.
And I know that my love is messy and unorganized most of the time
but your skin is the closest thing I have ever called to home.”
—  1/14/16, this one isn’t about you but i hope it can be someday (a.aquilo)
i have polaroid’s on my wall
of all the boys i used to kiss.
there are dirty dishes in the sink
and i think this will be the year that
i pretend to love people just because
there’s nothing else to do.
i spend my time reading poems about girls
who don’t eat and smoke cigarettes.
i spend my time reading poems about girls
who rip their ribcage open just to find out
that there is nothing left inside except
empty beer bottles.
i get high and slip into silk
and realize that i am a combination of
1/3 love and 2/3 champagne bubbles
and i think to myself,
“maybe this is what it’s like to be
the hurricane instead of the rain.“
—  9/23/15, i forgot who i was a year ago (a.aquilo)