so your heart can beat like crazy
Summary: Dan misses Phil. Phil can’t take it. They exchange feelings through texts.
Set in 2014 w/ some fluff and light angst.
phil: why the hell are you texting me
dan: idk i just wanna talk
phil: i’m literally one room away from you
dan: i just
phil: you just what
seen ✔️ 4:41 pm
“How do I talk to Dan if he’s acting all awkward and ignoring me, except with texts?” Phil says, sitting with Martin and Cornelia at a nearby fast food restaurant. The sun is baring down on the three of them pretty hard. Their food is laid out in front of them, and Phil slurps his shake to thaw his staggering heart, which has bothered him for days on end.
It doesn’t work.
“What do you mean?” The redhead and her boyfriend exchange glances. “Why is he acting like that? All you guys ever did was separate for a bit. You guys didn’t break up or anything, right?” Cornelia takes a single fry from her plate and pops in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. “I sure hope you didn’t.”
“We hadn’t! It’s just-” Phil sighs and takes another sip of his shake, letting the sugary drink flow through him. “He’s being strange. We talk sometimes if necessary, like for a video or that panel we had a week ago, but there’s something off about him. I know it’s been awkward since we had that bad year, but it’s been a couple years now. Surely he’s over it. I know I am.”
A flood of memories came rushing into his brain of that year, and he winces. The thought of that one night on the Manchester eye also swarmed his brain and filled his heart with roses. A thousand different feelings in a thousand different places.
Martyn and Cornelia frowned in unison, and Phil wondered what it was like for them to be in love that long and have such a romance that they did everything together, even outlandish facial expressions. He suddenly wished he and Dan were a lot closer now so that they could have something like his brother and his partner. They weren’t apart, but they weren’t together. The magic disappeared, and phil was more than willing to get it back.
Cornelia sighed. “Just talk to him with how he’s letting himself talk. I know it’s weird, I certainly think it is, but just text him like he’s texting you. Just keep the digital conversation going, and he’ll eventually grow tired of it and want to talk to you face to face.” She ate yet another fry and gestured to Martin, who agreed instantly.
Sure, a digital conversation. Phil thought to himself, tapping his chin with a pale finger. I could do that.
His phone suddenly lit up with a notification that he had received one new message, and his heart leaped. With every millisecond he spent waiting for his phone to unlock, and go to the home screen to click on messages, it felt as if time had stopped.
It was a quick few seconds to any onlooker, but to him- all he could hear was his heart beating in his ears.
Faster, faster, faster.
dan: how long are you going to be at the restaurant
phil: a few more minutes
dan: good cause your mom keeps talking about funny stories from when you were a kid and if I laugh any more my spleen will burst
phil: i don’t wanna hear about that
dan: she’s telling me the story about how you fell down the stairs at school and the entire year group laughed
phil: oh my god
dan: i shouldn’t be surprised though
phil: wait why
dan: you’re already quite the klutz
phil: shut the hell up
dan: hey phil
dan: oh uh nm
seen ✔️ 6:25 pm
Phil came to the realization that talking to Dan was going to be a challenge.
It wasn’t as if they hated each other or something. They never have and given the amount of love distilled between the two boys, they probably never will. Late night with a dim light of a lamp and bodies crashing together doesn’t necessarily count as a product for hate. It was all about the fact that there was just something above them, a little tension cloud.
And it felt like they couldn’t talk much because they were both a little scared and recovering over being outed to the entire world when they weren’t even ready. It was about taking a single leap from one side of the bridge to the other, the last step into the other side that with it came zero worries and diminished troubles.
A better future for the both of them where they can do anything without the claws of their adoring fan base at their every move. He just didn’t understand why tapping on a phone screen is the way to go.
Yet, he still goes with it. Phil felt as if he could detect Dan’s nervous aura, and did pretty well putting on a show of letting the world know that they were okay when they weren’t okay and could only communicate in the palaces of the World Wide Web. Which is the exact same way the met, a time of pure love and exploration, an unlikely situation that came true because of a friend’s recommendation and one interesting website.
It felt like the scene in a movie where the two characters were silent until one of them said something rude and incredulous letting the other launch at them, leading to either more anger or a later on resolved situation, always sealed with a little kiss.
Except this wasn’t a movie, this was real life and with every minute of every passing day, his heart beat out a single message of i need you. And it hurt.
With a sigh, he opens up his phone and sends Dan a quick little text before tapping the power button on his phone. Hopefully things will get better soon for the two of them. And hopefully everything returns to normal including his heartbeat’s rhythm.
His phone lit up 5 minutes later, and he nearly dives to see the message, a anxious expression painted on his face.
phil: please tell me what you were about to say
dan: i just miss you is all
phil: if you miss me than actually come talk to me
dan: but i feel terrible
dan: the way I treated you two years ago
phil: that was two years ago dan
dan: still, it wasn’t your fault we were outed to the whole world
dan: i screamed at you for everything
dan: i even yelled at our fans, and i’m supposed to be a role model for some of them
dan: i know they invaded our privacy and all
dan: but some of them were respectful enough not to do that, even if they shipped us
dan: yet i still yelled
dan: i’m a terrible human being
dan: this is all my fault
dan: you must hate me
phil: you’re joking right
phil: you had a valid reaction
dan: i know but
phil: listen to me okay
phil: this wasn’t your fault
phil: people stalked us, they stalked your brother
phil: they did a lot of things
phil: and yes some of them did the right thing by leaving us alone
phil: but some forced a lot of things upon us
phil: which is not okay
phil: you also faced a lot of stress
phil: you had to deal with so much
phil: don’t apologize for anything
phil: we’re good?
phil: also hey dan?
phil: i hope you know that i love you and that you deserve happiness
dan: oh wow
phil: don’t i get anything nice back
dan: yeah sure i guess i love you too
It happens a second later.
A thunderous thumping noise grew louder and louder as he finally saw himself being tackled onto the floor yuri on ice style. It startled him, making him immediately drop his phone and stare up at the person who created the chaos, starting to giggle. It was ridiculous and laughable but for the two of them, the dorky antics felt normal.
“Finally.” Phil speaks.
Dan rolls his eyes affectionately. “Don’t ruin this moment for us.”
Phil took Dan’s hand in his, rubbing his knuckles. Starting from the top and down to the bottom, just like always. “Sure.”
“I wonder how many gifsets would be cranked out if we recorded this whole thing?” Dan wondered, smiling at the undying effort of his fans.
“Probably a lot, with some quotes and a black and white filter. They’d probably throw in that one moment when I looked at your lips.” Phil mimicked the scene, leaning into Dan’s face and dramatically looked at his lips before quickly kissing them.
“Wasn’t that during Gamingmas?” Dan asks soon after.
“Yeah.” A mischievous look grows on his face, and he smirks. “More like gaymingmas. Ha! Get it? ‘Cause we’re gay.”
Dan narrows his eyes. Goof. He grabs the pillow nearest to him and starts pummeling him with it. “You’re an idiot, you know that right?”
He half means it and half doesn’t.
“Wait, nope- I’m bi. And aren’t I your idiot?” Phil batted his eyelashes before blocking his next hit, shoulders shaking from laughter. “Aren’t I the same idiot you drooled over for two years?”
“I highly regret loving you at all.”
“Liar!” Phil declares.
“Eh, it’s true. All you’ve ever done for me is steal my cereal and clutter the flat with house plants while I slowly fall even more in love with you, and it’s not fair.”
“I-I-can’t believe I’m meeting the amazingphil! I-I am so excited, I’ve watched all your videos, I even-.”
Dan kisses him to shut him up.
They’re recording a gaming video when they finally decide to let them know everything without letting them know everything.
“Hello, danandphilgames controllers!” Phil cheerily says into the camera with a wave. Dan looks at him strangely.
“Controllers?” He questions.
“Well, since we’re using controllers for this game, I just thought-”
“You’re terrible.” Dan puts his head in his hands, shaking his head.
“You’re a lot worse.” Phil interjects.
“I can’t believe I have to deal with you everyday. You’re a literal pain in the neck.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Eyes meet. Time stops. A flurry of comments and analyzation come soon after, so many people @ing them on twitter and making little edits on YouTube. Reaction videos fill up their feed. Just like every other video.
dan: hey ugly
phil: hey stupid
phil: go away
dan: i thought you loved me
phil: well you don’t love me
dan: eh true
phil: go to sleep
dan: give me five more minutes mom
phil: you’re insufferable
dan: you’re a brat
phil: now dan
dan: *le sigh* fine
phil: “le sigh” the fuck is that
phil: now you can’t even finish sentences
dan: i said shut
phil: GOODNIGHT DAN
dan: glad to see things are back to normal
Dan turns his phone off and closes his eyes.
“I thought we agreed to stop texting each other.” Phil rolls over to Dan’s side of the bed, poking a single dimple.
But he’s fast asleep.