wow why is my girlfriend not on this

2

“Wow, I really am pathetic.”

Roxane sighed. “I wish you’d stop saying that.”

“If the shoe fits….”

“It doesn’t. Stop it.”

“Look at me. I’m discussing my ex-girlfriend with the one person she loathes more than anyone else on this planet.”

“So you know about that.”

“In addition to the fact that she’s said so several times? I’d loathe you too if I were in her place.”

“It’s fine,” she said with a dry laugh. “I have thick skin.”

“Naimo can be very…..tenacious. So are you.”

“Good to know. Why did you let her go then?”

“I didn’t want to. She always knew we could never be a real “couple”, not while we were out in public. She stood to lose a lot more if we ever went public with our relationship. We were okay with that too, but only for a short while. There were a few too many late nights spent working here and there; don’t even get me started on the numerous social events you made me attend as your plus one when Nathan cancelled on you at the last minute. Eventually, she got sick of being my ‘dirty little secret’ and began to question the nature of our relationship. I answered her questions as best as I could, but we both know certain things aren’t mine to tell. It eventually got to the point where even my homophobic mother knew about her and you didn’t; to her that meant I was ashamed of her. 

Looking back on it, I really wish I had done things differently. I was a mess when you left, so I don’t blame her for coming to that conclusion. She wasn’t that far off from the truth - I do love you but I’ll be damned if I told her that. You both hold a special place in my heart. You saved my life, but she saved my soul. I love her. I want to be with her. I am madly in love with her and I regret not telling her sooner.”


Cederville Heights Chapter 1.17: Chance

A story from the line at McDonald's
  • Me: okay so my sexuality's a complicated deal so let's just call me queer as hell
  • Friend: nono I wanna know can't you explain it
  • Me: well ok mainly I am asexual which means I don't want to do the do nor do I long for it, so it has nothing to do with lack of confidence or anything like that, I simply don't find anyone sexually attractive
  • Friend: right right
  • Me: but I'm also bi romantic. The sexual and romantic attraction are different, and I still fall in love and want to have physical contact with my partner, I just don't need the hanky panky
  • Friend: right cause you have a girlfriend that's pansexual right
  • Me: exactly and as long as we're both happy with not doing the rumba naked, that's a valid relationship
  • Friend: I get it, I get it... I didn't know the entire sexual and romantic orientations were different
  • Me: yeah I know it was an eyeopener for me when I found ou-
  • Lady behind us in line: excuse me so sorry but I couldn't help but overhear but I didn't know half of what you just said and I was just wondering what that thing your girlfriend was is, pansexual?
  • Me: *awkward glance at friend* oh uh I'm not an expert or anything and uh ok so basically it's similar to being bisexual, but there's less value in what gender the one you're attracted to is, at least as I understood it. So a bisexual would be attracted to a person despite their gender, a pansexual wouldn't really care at all in a way uh I'm sorry I'm bad at explaining
  • Lady behind us in line: that's alright I can look it up myself later you gave me a general idea! So where did you find out these things, you're pretty young?
  • Me: well, Internet. Once you're a bit confused about what you might be you usually go looking for explanations...
  • Lady behind us in line: so uh in theory... It's fine if you don't know, I just want to check with you... Is there a thing called aROMANTIC? like you're asexual, is there a equivalent to the romantic orientation you mentioned?
  • Me: oh yeah, absolutely! You can be both asexual and aromantic, or aromantic and heterosexual, literally all combinations are possible!
  • Lady behind us in line: *smiles LIKE REALLY GODDAMNED GENUINELY* thank you so much, I did not know that. *fishes up phone from pocket* now if you excuse me, I'm going to call my mother and tell her I'm not crazy for never having been married or stayed with one guy for long despite being 50+ but still has three children! *steps out of line and walks off while dialing*
  • Friend: wow that was... Amazing
  • Me: see how happy she got? That's the power of right information.
  • And that's why I've been smiling since this happened.
Confessions - Carl Gallagher Imagine

Originally posted by zgallagher

Warning: Sexual content, swearing, etc.

Word Count: 2277



“Carl, give it back!” you yelled, rolling your eyes and chasing your best friend up the stairs of the Gallgher house.  Since you had stopped to text a few times while the two of you were playing a video game on the couch, he took it upon himself to snatch the phone out of your hands and run away with it.

“Hey, I just wanna know who could possibly be so important that they could distract you as I kicked your ass in Call of Duty,” he teased, sprinting into his room and unsuccessfully attempting to slam the door before you put your foot in the doorway.

“Ow, what the fuck, Carl?” you yelled, limping in on the foot that hadn’t been crushed by the door.  “I was literally just answering my brother to let him know that I was spending the night here per usual!  And I was letting him know that I’d go grocery shopping tomorrow.  Now give me my phone back so I can finish kicking your ass downstairs.”

Carl smirked and raised his eyebrows at you, plopping down on Ian’s empty bed.  “Your brother.  Mhmm.” His eyes continued to nosily scan the screen of your phone.

“Yes, Carl, my brother.  I’m pretty sure we both know that I have nobody interesting to text considering I’ve been single for, what, six months now?  Now give me my phone back,” you demanded, inching forward and banging your hip into his dresser.  The rocking of the dresser caused a box to fall on the ground, spilling out its contents.  A smirk formed on your lips as your eyes scanned the ground.  It was your turn to tease him now.  “Ah, nice condoms.  I see someone has been getting the ladies?”

Carl immediately shot up to his feet, shoving you to the side and bending down to pick up the condoms off of the ground.  “Ha, I wish,” he said with a chuckle, a slight blush forming on his cheeks.  His shaky hands struggled to shove the contents back into the box.

You raised an eyebrow in response, stepping forward and ripping your phone out of his back pocket.  “What do you mean by that?” you questioned, walking around him and climbing up onto his bed as he remained on the ground.  “We’ve been best friends for years and I’m pretty sure we both know you’ve had your fair share of girls over here.”

“Yeah, I have, but…” He paused for a moment as he shoved the box into one of the drawers and slammed it closed.  “I’ve never gone, like, all the way with any of them… you know. Sure I’ve done just about everything else, but I’ve never actually done that with any of them.”  It was pretty clear he was embarrassed to confess this to you.

The smirk reappeared on your lips as he hesitantly climbed up onto his bed and plopped down beside you, his eyes refusing to meet yours.  “Wow, Carl Gallagher, a virgin?  When did you plan on telling me this?” you mocked, shoving his side before giggling quietly to yourself.

Carl clearly wasn’t amused.  He rolled onto his side so his back was facing you.  “Stopppp.”

You laughed yet again and rolled your eyes, squeezing his shoulder.  “I’m just messing with you.  I’m in the same boat as you.  No need to be embarrassed.”


“Really?” Your words caused Carl to roll back over to face you, his eyes scanning your face.  “Hmm. Interesting.”  Slowly, a smug grin formed on his lips.  “I guess that makes me feel a little better, but not completely.  Now since you’ve embarrassed me, it’s your turn to confess something about yourself.”

Your eyes widened as you shoved his chest with the palm of your hand.  “What? How is that fair?  I just confessed to the same thing!” you exclaimed, but Carl wasn’t having it.

“Nope,” he responded with a chuckle, grabbing your hand off his chest and holding it in his own a few seconds longer than usual. “You can’t have the same confession as me.  It has to be original.”  He was relentless.

“Ugh, fine,” you huffed, rolling over onto your back and staring up at the ceiling.  After a few moments of silent pondering, an idea finally came to your mind.  “I’ve never had an orgasm.”

The sheets ruffled as Carl shot up into a seated position on the bed.  A puzzled look took over his face as he stared down at you in disbelief.  “Wait, huh?”

You bit your lip as your cheeks began to heat up.  “I mean, yeah, is that so weird?”

Carl went silent for another few seconds, combing his fingers through his wavy hair as his face remained scrunched up in confusion.  “Well, yeah, kind of,” he started, nodding his head. “I get that you’ve never had sex, but I know you’ve done just about everything else with your past boyfriends.  And, what?  I just don’t understand.”

Your cheeks darkened even more as you looked down and began to play with your fingers.  “Sure I’ve done a lot of things with my past boyfriends, but… I don’t know.  None of them ever really brought me to that level.”

Still, Carl looked confused.  His eyes wouldn’t leave your embarrassed face as he tried to figure this out.  “Okay, so like, obviously your past boyfriends went down on you, right?”

This wasn’t exactly how had planned to spend your Friday night.  With a sigh, you sat up and rested your back against the wall.  “What do you mean by obviously?  Joey attempted it but got ‘tired’ and gave up after like thirty seconds. And Matt and Ben never did.  Matt said that it was weird and he’d rather not do it.  Ben said that girls like to go down on guys but guys don’t like to go down on girls.” You shook your head and covered your face with your hands.  “Can we please talk about something else now?”

Carl held up his hand in rejection and shook his head.  “No, no, no.  Not yet, Y/N.  I’m still confused,” he said, his wide eyes still burning into your face.  “So you’re trying to tell me that all three of those guys didn’t like going down on their girlfriends?”

“Yes, Carl, I guess that is what I’m saying,” you replied, beginning to get a bit annoyed.  “Why is this so hard for you to understand?”

Finally, a quiet laugh escaped Carl’s lips, but he still continued to shake his head.  “So you’re trying to tell me that there’s real guys that exist that don’t like to go down on their girlfriends?”

“Oh my god, yes, Carl.  That is what I’m saying.” Plopping down on your back again, you grabbed his pillow and threw it at his face.  “Enough now.”

“Wow.” He still wasn’t done.  “You’ve dated some really fucking weird guys, Y/N.”  When you only responded with an eye roll, he finally allowed himself to lay back down beside you.  “But still, never had an orgasm?  That’s insane.  You’ve been deprived.”

Your eyes at last met his as you shot him a glare.  “Wouldn’t know.”

“It’s amazing.  Heavenly, almost.  Feels so good it’s almost indescribable.” Carl’s eyes glowed as he described the obviously incredible sensation you had never experienced.  “Wish I could help you out with this one.”  After realizing what he said, the boy let out an awkward cough as his eyes darted to the ceiling.

“Yeah, me too,” you murmured, your cheeks changing to match the current color of his.  Not wanting to make things too awkward, you cleared your throat and sat up.  “Okay, we’re done with this.  Now it’s time for me to kick your ass in Call of Duty.”

The topic was dropped and the rest of the night was spent playing video games and stuffing your faces with junk food, which were your usual activities.  But something was different.  There was a tension between the two of you that usually wasn’t there.  Every so often, you’d catch Carl staring at you, causing his eyes to immediately dart away whenever you noticed.  More than once, you’d both go to reach into the bowl of popcorn between you at the same time and your hands would brush and linger near each other for a few moments too long.  The typical banter you two always shared now almost appeared to be what it always had been but neither of you would admit: flirting.  Sleeping together had never been an issue for the two of you, but tonight it was much more difficult for you both to get comfortable – not too close or too far away from one another.  Spooning was never weird before, but tonight Carl seemed extra fidgety as you pressed your backside into him.  Still, neither of you addressed the change and eventually managed to drift off to sleep.

You felt like you were on top of the world.  In heaven.  Straight ecstasy.  What a dream.

Your eyes flew open but the feeling didn’t go away. Your legs began to tremble as you propped yourself up on your elbows.  “F-Fuck… Carl?”

The moment you spoke up, the blankets were pulled back from your stomach and Carl’s face became visible between your thighs.  He looked up at you, flashing you a smirk.  “Good morning.  Wasn’t sure you were ever gonna wake up.”  Without another word, he inserted two fingers inside of you and moved his face back between your legs, darting his tongue across your clit.

The sensation was too good that you hardly knew how to react. A gasp escaped your lips as you bucked your hips up toward his face, increasing the pressure.  It was in that moment that it started to dawn on you what was happening.  “W-Wait. F-Fuck, Carl.  S-Stop,” you breathed out, but you knew it wasn’t what you wanted.

Carl pushed your hips back down on the bed and resurfaced again, pushing his wavy hair out of his face.  A smirk formed on his lips again as his eyes glanced between your shaking thighs and your awe struck face.  “You really want me to stop?”

Without another word, you pushed his head back down, caving into the feeling that was taking over your body.  “Don’t stop,” you demanded, contradicting your previous statement and tangling your fingers into his messy hair.

Carl immediately began to move his fingers inside of you again, his lips moving around your clit as he began to suck and swirl his tongue around at the same time.  Your moans got louder, causing Carl to increase the speed of his fingers.  His tongue was now gliding up and down your clit, increasing the pressure each time he made it to the top.

That was all it took.  Your hips ground against his face and you tugged on his hair, your eyes closing tightly as you climaxed and came against his tongue.  

As the world spun around you, you felt Carl climb back up and take his spot beside you, propping himself up on his elbow.  While you recovered, you could feel him staring at you, his eyes filled with nothing but admiration.

When you were finally able to catch your breath, you rolled over onto your side to face him and raised an eyebrow at him, grinning.  “Wow.”

“Sorry I didn’t wait to ask for your permission, but you were kind of moaning my name in your sleep beforehand, so I saw it as the perfect opportunity,” he said with a chuckle.  After a moment, the smile fell from his lips and he rolled onto his back. He cleared his throat and bit down on his swollen lower lip.  “And, uh, I don’t know if it was just me, but something felt different between us yesterday and, um, yeah… Kind felt like all those repressed feelings finally started coming up or something… I don’t know.”

Shaking your head, you moved closer to the embarrassed boy, cuddling into his side.  “It wasn’t just you.”

A small smile formed on Carl’s lips before it transformed into a smirk.  “You know, I once read that in order to have an orgasm, you need to be physically attracted to the other person.”

Rolling your eyes, you pushed Carl onto his back and climbed on top of him, straddling his waist.  “Yes, I’m attracted to you.  I guess everyone was always right whenever they said that we couldn’t just be friends,” you confessed, raising an eyebrow at him as a bulge began to form through his pants.  “And I’m guessing the feeling is mutual.”

Carl’s cheeks darkened a bit, but the smirk remained on his lips.  “You’re right.  I don’t go down on just anyone… Recently, at least.”

“How could I ever repay you?” you flirted, leaning down and resting your forehead against his.  You could tell you had the upper hand for once from the way he swallowed the lump in his throat and stared at you with wide eyes.  “Remember that confession you shared with me yesterday?”

Carl furrowed his brow and gave you a questioning look. “The one where I shamefully told you I’ve never had sex?  Yeah, what about it?”  God was he slow sometimes.

Brushing your nose against his, you wrapped your arms around his neck.  “How would you feel about changing that?”

That was all it took for it to click in his head.  His eyes widened for a moment before he grabbed your hips and flipped you over so he was on top.  He flashed you a smirk before brushing his lips against yours.  

“I guess maybe we’ll be able to call it even then.”


———-


Once again, I’m new to the game on here so please let me know if you enjoy! xx

SKAMS04E10 Clip 2 - Penetrator Chris

CHRIS: Hey.

EVA: Hey. Did you sleep well?

CHRIS: Mhm.

EVA: Mhm.

CHRIS: I just dreamt something fucked up.

EVA: Yeah, what?

CHRIS: I dreamt that I was at my old elementary school. And we were eating lunch outside, me and Caroline, who was my girlfriend in fourth grade and then you were walking past and I was like “Wow, damn”! And then I walked up to you and I was like “Hey, do you wanna date me?” in front of Caroline.

EVA: What did I say?

CHRIS: You said yes, of course.

EVA: Yes? Of course? Okay?

CHRIS: And that’s supposed to mean…?

EVA: That we’re never going to be together.

CHRIS: Why not?

EVA: Why? Because..

CHRIS: Because?

EVA: Because you.. are..

CHRIS: I am? What am I?

EVA: A cheating fuckboy.

CHRIS: Ouch..

EVA: Hi, Vilde.

VILDE: Hi, what are you doing?

EVA: Nothing in particular…

VILDE: Listen, I wanted to do something nice for Sana at that Eid-celebration, to show her how much we love her.

EVA: Yes! We can do that!

VILDE: So I’ve read a bit about Eid and it’s common to give gifts, but it’s often just to kids and money and stuff, and it’d be a bit weird to give her money. I wanna give her something really special, so do you have any ideas?

EVA: Uhm… No, I don’t know, but we should probably ask someone for some advice, maybe someone who knows more than us,

VILDE: Yeah, I agree. We’ll ask a Muslim.

EVA: Hey, but listen, maybe I’ll call you up a bit later or something?

VILDE: Okayyy!

EVA: Okayyy, bye! Where were we?

CHRIS: We were talking about if we’re going to get together.

EVA: I don’t think so..

CHRIS: You don’t? Because I think you may want to.

EVA: Nooo..

CHRIS: You sure?

EVA: Yes, I’m sure.

CHRIS: Totally sure?

EVA: Yes, very.

MOM: Eva?

EVA: Hide!

CHRIS: Why?

MOM: Hi!

EVA: Hi..

MOM: Oh, I’m sorry! Uhm..

EVA: Uhm.. I have company.

MOM: Yes.

EVA: Uhm.. This is..

CHRIS: Hey! Chris.

MOM: Hi. Chris.

CHRIS: Is your name also Chris?

MOM: Yeah, no, my name is Anne Marit.

CHRIS: Oh, okay. That makes sense.

MOM: Yes.

EVA: Yes.

MOM: I’m sorry for just.. I didn’t know Eva had a boyfriend.

EVA: We’re not together.

CHRIS: Yet.

MOM: Yes, but that’s.. You’ll figure that out.. Okay.

EVA: Oh my God.

CHRIS: Oh, well.

EVA: Why did you stand up?

CHRIS: I had to introduce myself. I was raised well. You have to say hi to people.

EVA: You could’ve introduce yourself another time!

One of the biggest myths I see being promoted in the polyamory community is that people can control their feelings to the same extent that they can control their behavior. Couples who use “rules” will often include rules that aren’t just about behavior (i.e. “Ask me before you spend the night with someone else”) but also about feelings (i.e. “You can have sex with other people, but you can’t fall in love with them”; “We can’t love any other partners more than we love each other.”)

While you can, in theory, respond to unwanted feelings with behavior that neutralizes them (i.e. breaking up with a partner you’re developing feelings for), that will often be emotionally difficult and very painful, and also sets up a situation where people are very likely to break their promises in a very human and understandable way. 

But even leaving the issue of rules aside, poly people (myself included) often make decisions based on the fantasy that we can control our feelings.

How many of us have gotten involved with someone who has made it very clear that we will never be allowed to be as intimate with them as they are with their “primary,” that certain forms of intimacy–being publicly known as partners, spending holidays with each others’ families, sharing a home, raising children–are forever off the table, all because we assumed that we can just choose to never *want* those things?

It’s easy at the beginning. You have a first date with someone from OkC, or you hook up with a friend, and you’re thinking, Wow, this person is super cute, I’ll see them casually cuz they don’t want to/aren’t allowed to be serious with anyone else, it’ll be great. Maybe it will. Sometimes that’s how it’s been for me. Other times it’s led to massive heartbreak when I realized that I wanted her to be my girlfriend all official-like, or that I could see myself living with him someday, but that would never happen because that person had already decided before we’d ever even gone out or kissed or fucked that it wouldn’t.

That’s why, nowadays, if someone tells me that their preexisting relationship literally precludes certain forms of intimacy with others (except the ones I truly don’t care about, like children and marriage), I won’t even fuck with it. Even if right now, you’re just a random friend I think is cute. Because we don’t control our feelings and I have way too awesome a life to live without sitting around mired in heartbreak because we love each other but can’t hold that truth up in the light and really look at it.  

I like potential. I like being casual because that’s how the two of us have decided to do things, not because some third person I didn’t choose to be in relationship with has decided with you, for me.

The problem is, even rad consent-aware poly folks are rarely upfront with this. It’s usually only weeks or months into a dating situation that it comes up that, hey by the way, you’re always by default less important to me than this other person, sorry not sorry.

As far as I’m concerned, if I didn’t know from the beginning that that’s how your polyamory worked, then I didn’t enter into our relationship with informed consent.

Ride Me Baby *Part 3* (Harry Styles Mature Mini Series)

Originally posted by hipsterharrey

Hiya guys, so finally I’m getting this chapter up. I am beyond over whelmed with the feedback ive been getting from this series and I cant be more thankful for you guys reading it and enjoying it! I hope you enjoy this chapter! –K

**WARNING, EXPLICIT AND DETAILED CONTENT, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK** +18

Word Count: 5,869

Y/N’s POV
As I stood there speechless staring at Kendall as she was staring at Harry then glaring back at me like I had done something wrong. Has Harry been cheating on me with her this whole time? My heart started to sink at the thought. Harry and Kendall did date for a while but broke up because of the public always stalking them or taking pictures 24/7, so for all I know Harry might still have feelings for her and sleeping with her behind everyone’s backs. And by his reaction it seemed like he was happy to see her, even though I was standing right there. “Your faces are priceless, cant believe you fell for that one” Kendall started to laugh uncontrollably as she stood clapping her hands applauding her performance. “What the fuck Ken?” Harry’s face slightly changed into a crooked smile as he joined in with her laughter. “What are you doing here? Please come in” He steps backwards as she walked into our room, with her long legs and flat stomach that was on show under her crop top. She is so beautiful, why did he leave her for me? “Y/N?” My head shot up as I was startled out of my train of thought. “Sorry?” “How are you doing sweetie?” Kendall came over to great me with a hug, which I accepted. I had to. Ive never really sat down and got to know Kendall to know what she is like. She is so sweet and polite, I have no hate against her. But for some reason I don’t like her either. “Im good thanks how are you?” “Good, how are you guys enjoying your trip?” “Yeah its great, Y/N has always wanted to come here so I surprised her for our anniversary” Harry butted in as we walked into our kitchen. “Oh my god I’m so sorry I interrupted, I seen that you guys were here so I thought it would be rude not to come down and say hi” She giggled as her stare as with Harry through out the whole conversation. Now I know why I don’t like her. “Aw thank you for popping in Ken” His stare was with her, again. I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this situation but with the atmosphere it seemed like he was glad to see her or something, I don’t know.

Keep reading

a comprehensive list on why anyone would love throam

-epic gay love story that unfolds over the course of 7 years/3 books
-complex characters with realistic emotions and actions
-IMPERFECT CHARACTERS, flawed characters, not every decision is the right one
-70s aesthetic
-fun foreshadowing
-excellent writing, you wouldn’t even know its fan fiction
-sisky
-EACH VOLUME HAS A SOUNDTRACK LIKE A MOVIE WOULD WOW
-“"post credits”“
-some of the most beautiful quotes i’ve ever had the privilege of reading with my own two eyes
-my girlfriend liked it
-funny references to the real world and real people
-david bowie
-please read throam

My Tinder Sugar Game Be Like...
  • Him: Wow you are gorgeous-- but I have to ask... why is a beautiful girl like you interested in a situation like mine / someone like me?
  • Him: I'm looking for *insert blah blah blah*... what about you?
  • Me: Because I'm looking for a successful, intelligent, ambitious man who knows what he wants and wants to help me achieve my goals as much as I enjoy being with him. I like spoiling and being spoiled... *angel emoji* I like real connections but I live such a busy life I can't and am not looking to be a "girlfriend" at the moment, what with texting all the time etc... but I do like sharing genuine moments with someone whose company I genuinely enjoy.
  • Him: So you're looking for a sugar daddy?
  • Me: What are you looking for?
  • *drops mic, leaves the ball in his court*
  • *ALTERNATIVE RESPONSE BELOW*
  • Him: Much of the same thing.
  • Me: To make sure we're on the same page... I am looking for a sugar daddy. If this at all interests you, let me know and we can talk details. If not, hey, I totally understand! :) Let me know xo
2

I know that like, technically they’re fighting in this scene… but look how patiently he’s listening to her in that first gif and how he makes her smile in the last one. and like, look at how they’re sitting. LOOK. SHE IS PRACTICALLY SITTING ON HIS LAP IF NOT ACTUALLY ON HIS LAP. WHAT IS GOING ON.

auguste was problematic 2k17

i’ve been seeing a lot of talk about how laurent wasn’t really a reliable narrator about auguste and his faults so i made this post about things that were wrong with auguste

  • had an irrational dislike of the word ‘pelvis’
  • his favourite food was strawberries but he became allergic as a teenager….. didn’t stop him from eating strawberries
    • ‘auguste, please don’t’ ‘the world can’t take this away from me’ *shoves a strawberry into his mouth* ‘that is so good…. please take me to the physician’
  • made muscles at himself in the mirror…. vere’s saviour everybody
  • so?? comfortable??? with his sexuality??? it got ridiculous
    • this is more for modern!auguste but please consider the following: laurent is reserved and damen is confident with himself but he’s also private about his sex life. and then there’s auguste. who is just so casually open about e v e r y t h i n g 
    • ‘damen, i hear you’re bisexual’ ‘yes’ ‘wow that’s great. i’m straight but let me tell you about the times i experimented with men -’
    • ‘hey laurent i need to use your phone’ ‘okay - wait no! don’t look at that!’ ‘why?’ ‘it’s my…. bank information. i’m doing online banking.’ ‘your boyfriend is sexting you, isn’t he? laurent that’s nothing to be ashamed of. i have been in countless relationships where we found pleasure in-’ ‘stOP’
  • his hair got frizzy when it was humid
  • could not sing at all
    • also couldn’t play an instrument
    • my guy had no musical talent whatsoever
  • flirted with EVERYBODY
  • sent his girlfriends love letters and would sit there for HOURS trying to get them right. he kept a thesaurus in his chambers. each one had at least three drafts…. he wrote really cheesey poetry…. what a loser
  • pretended to take notes during political meetings when he was actually doodling
  • his best friend was his baby brother
    • who am i kidding that’s adorable
    • fuck i don’t even know him but i miss him

feel free to add your own Auguste Flaws

“I don’t like cats” - Bruce Wayne x Reader

“i love your stories. i have become addicted and i was wondering if you could write a batmom story of were selina kyle doesn’t know bruce is married and she comes to the manor in a very sexy outfit and batmom and the boys walk in on that and it very awkard. thanks :)” requested by @cheesecake-chic

Well, first, thank you, and then : here it is. I know a lot of you tell me I shouldn’t think my writing is shit, but with this one, I’m really…unsure. Meh, it’s all over the place. Anyway. Hope you’ll still like it

(My masterlist blog here : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com)

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Today, Bruce woke up with the feeling that something bad was going to happen. Usually, his guts were always right and he spent the entire morning on edge…

But as the hours went by, and he saw that everyone was safe, he relaxed a bit. When your lips kissed his cheek lovingly as you came down in the kitchen for breakfast, he let go a little bit. When his sons didn’t even fight once, he let go a little bit. When Alfred made the best pancakes ever, he let go a little bit. When his hands wrapped around your waist to bring you closer, and his lips kissed your neck, while his sons made loud “ewwww” noises, he let go even more…And by noon, he was his normal self again. Still slightly worried about everything, a bit broody and all (though your presence made him smile like an idiot), but not waiting for a catastrophe anymore.

And oh how wrong he was to let his guard down. 

It was 10 pm when all Hell broke loose (ok, he was over-exagerating). 

It was 10 pm when Selina Kyle knocked on the Manor door, wearing a dress that was revealing a lot of skin. 

It was 10 pm when Selina Kyle invited herself in the Wayne family house, and after a sexy “Long time no see Bat” and her sultriest look, kissed Bruce without any warning as he was coming to the entrance hall to see who rung the door, curious of who came to visit at such an hour.

It was 10 pm when you came in as well, with all of your kids, wondering too who was ringing so late in the evening. 

Reflexively, as you all witnessed your Bruce pushing Catwoman away (oh the bitch stuck her tongue in his mouth !), your two oldest sons, Dick and Jason, held your shoulders…Just in case you decided to jump on Selina you know, and like, kill her or something. It was notoriously known that when you were jealous, you were dangerous. Granted, you weren’t often jealous, as Bruce only had eyes for you, and mostly ignored women who were hitting on him unsubtly (though none of them would ever dare doing it in front of you, and if they did, your natural sarcasm and wits would humiliate them right on the spot). 

Bruce’s eyes were going between you and Selina, and the worry he felt earlier in the day came surging back. He knew how well you and Selina fought, if you decided to attack, it would be a disaster…

But it didn’t seem like you were reacting. At all. Your sons were holding you by your shoulders, waiting to use all their strength to hold you if need be. Damian and Tim’s stance also showed they were ready to intervene. 

But you weren’t really reacting. You were just looking at Selina blankly, as if the things you just saw were trying to register themselves in your head. 

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2

SAPPHIC DANCE BEATS

a mix of some sick beats for girls who love girls who love dancing and singing along. this playlist is for all you wild souls out there, you music loving gal pals. grab your girlfriends hand and DANCE!

[listen here]

Ruined Prom night (Shawn Mendes)

Hi loves,

please request something I’m running out of ideas haha. 

Requests are open!

Summary: Y/N instead of her prom she goes to iHeart Radio festival where Shawn leaves her alone for Camila. 

Hope you enjoy it!

Originally posted by teendotcom

Never in a million years would I have thought I‘d miss my own prom, but looking at my plane ticket I knew it happened. Since I was a little girl I always dreamed about wearing fancy dress to my prom, accompanied by a handsome guy, but when the guy I love asks you to be his pair to iHeart Radio Festival which is happening on your prom night, I guess you don‘t really have choise

**

„Why are you so nervous?“ Shawn asked slighly laughing at me. „There will be hundrets of people!” “Don’t  worry, you’ll be fine. I won’t leave you” Shawn kissed my lips trying to calm me down. When he left to get ready I knew it was time for me too. I guess wearing make up to cover up my acne skin since I was 15years old paid off because now without any struggles I did some kickass glam make up. After putting on my dress I looked at the mirror. Of course I didn’t look perfect because it would have looked prettier with slimmer legs, flat stomach, but perfection was never a thing. So I didn’t really think about it. If I said I wasn‘t nervous I would be lying because just thinking about standing there next to people you always watched on your computer screen gives me anxiety. Of course I said to Shawn that I won‘t be standing next to him on the red carpet because that would be just too much for me but it still made me nervous.

„You look amazing“ Shawn whispered making my cheeks heat. Even though I‘m dating Shawn for a very long time he still makes me feel like it happened just yesterday.  „Well you don‘t look bad yourself, Mendes“ I smirked looked at him. „I swear to god, Y/N, if we would be alone right now, I would rip that dress off your body“ Shawn huskily murmed leaving small kisses on my neck. „Maybe you should wait till the evening‘s done“  I said knowing it would put him on the edge. „You‘re..“ „Mr.Mendes, Miss Y/L/N. We‘re here“ Shawn‘s drivers said. „Don‘t be scared, princess. I will meet you there“ Shawn kissed my lips before stepping out of the car.

**

Scrolling down my instagram something catched my eyes. It was Shawn scaring Camila on the red carpet. I guess perfection is a thing now. Camila looked like a goddess with her white top and short-thing, whatever it was. It‘s actually quite rude if you ask me, people still talking about Shawn and Camila dating even though Shawn said in one of his interviews that Shawn and I were in a relationship, but again no one is asking me.

When the evening started but Shawn still wasn‘t with me  I got nervous. Where the hell is that boy? Leaving a few messages I put my phone down and tried to enjoy the evening. He will come eventually. At least that’s what I thought.

On the break he still wasn‘t here. Did he just betrayed me? Scrolling down my social medias I saw pictures of my friends in their  prom dresses. I should have been there with my friends not here. Alone. But after seeing something my sadness quickly changed into anger. There was a photo of Shawn and Camila enjoying themselves. Shawn had his phone in his hands. Maybe he didn‘t see my messages? Of course he did, he just found a better company than you. I couldn‘t be here anymore so I left.

Angrily wiping all the tears rolling down my face I looked through the car‘s window. „You okay, ma‘am?“ driver asked concerned. Nodding my head I smiled through my tears. If someone would have said that I would be crying on my prom night I‘d say they‘re lying. But now look at the mess I am. Pathetic.

**

Stuffing my mouth with multiple candy and ice cream was never in my planner but sometimes things happens. All I wanted was to leave this place, far from the highways, close to the sea. My phone starts to buzz. I look up to see Shawn calling. There‘s no way I‘m picking up that phone. ‚Have fun with Camila‘ I quickly send it and throw my phone away.

**

„Hi baby, why did you leave so soon?“ Shawn asked confused. „Are you serious right now? Please tell me you‘re not because if you are then just leave“ I said pissed. „What did I do?“ „What the actual fuck Shawn? That‘s the thing, you did fucking nothing. You left me, your girlfriend alone, when you promised me you wouldn‘t“ I yelled frustrated. „Just calm down. Why are you so mad at me?  I gave you an oppurtunity to be in this festival, for free“ Shawn said rolling his eyes. I can‘t believe what I was hearing. „Wow, thank you hero of the day!“ I yelled putting my hands in the air. „Stop making it such a big deal“ „No fuck you, Shawn. Fuck you and your stupid celebrity life. You don‘t get it, I missed my prom, the night I was waiting since I was five years old, for what? This night that I was all alone why all of my friends enjoyed themselves?!“ I snapped at him leaving our hotel room. I needed to get out of here.

**

„Stupid stupid stupid“ I started murmuring „Stop crying“ a frustrated yell escaped my lips when I couldn‘t take it anymore.

I was sitting on a hotel’s roof looking at the city’s view in front of me. If I wouldn’t be so mad and sad I wished Shawn was here too.

I turned around when I heard soft music start to play. There was Shawn standing with flowers in his hands. As I got up to leave Shawn grabbed me by my wrist. “Just hear me out” he looked at me apologetically. Again I turned to love but he caught my wrist. Again. “Please” I stopped moving and looked at his eyes. “I know I messed up. Really badly and I’m so sorry” if he thinks saying sorry will sort out everything he’s wrong “I know sorry is not enough. Hell I don’t even have an explanation why I left you alone. But I know that I love you and I’m so sorry for making this mistake. I promise I won’t leave you, never again. And I’m terribly sorry for ruining your prom night. But please can I make it up to you?” Shawn asked hopefully while I was glaring at him. “Y/N, will you dance with me?” He asked giving me flowers. Slowly taking flowers I hugged him. Feeling his body relaxing made me giggle. He was nervous coming here. “I’m still mad at you, Mendes. But nothing can change the fact that I love you. And no prom night, stupid fights will change that.” “I love you too Y/N” Shawn leaned over to kiss me. God, I love him. “But I swear to god, if you leave me again, I will chope off your balls”

Anticlimactic (Taehyung/Reader/Mark Tuan)

Prompt: “Do you guys do cross fandoms? Cos I really need some Mark (GOT7) and Taetae smut”

Genre: Smut

Words: 2.9k+

Author: Admin Meyg

Summary: Hanging out at Mark’s place with your boyfriend Taehyung takes an interesting turn. 

Tags: Threesome, Edging, Oral, etc.

Originally posted by mvss


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WANNA ONE ♡ “DOES MY VOICE OVER” CHALLENGE

PART 1 » “BF DOES MY MAKEUP” CHALLENGE

Scenario: You’re a rising fashion/beauty YouTuber and decides to let your boyfriend to your voice over.  

Yoon Jisung

  • Alright so hi my name is (Y/N) and  I love makeup–not as much as my boyfriend Jisung though
  • “I have a bunch of palettes and they’re all the same but I like buying the same thing over and over to waste money” 
  • “This looks expensive but you see all this?? I only buy it because it’s cute and I use it once before throwing it into the drawer and never see it ever again” 
  • “What is this okay spritz spritz WAIT OH IT’S SETTING SPRAY YES I LOVE TO DRENCH MYSELF IN SETTING SPRAY AS IF SOMEONE THREW A BUCKET OF WATER ON ME.” 

Ha Sungwoon

  • “Hi, everybody! Welcome back to another tutorial —sips some water and twirls hair.”
  • “Okay so we have two eyeliners–oh you’re going to shake it and.. okay just kidding you’re going to put it on your hand.. wait what?.”
  • “Now you’re going to contour the foundation around your nose and… right under the hairline with a fat paint brush and then use the beauty blender and basically punch right under your eye..” 
  • “Now I’m going to put on pink lipstick and think of my boyfriend as I do this because he’s very handsome and I love him a lot and I love pink.”

Hwang Minhyun

  • “Hey everyone. Welcome to my tutorial and this how I do my makeup.. so I’m just putting on a lot of face foundation and what is this other tube.. eye foundation? Okay it looks the same.
  • “Now we’re taking this brown shade and we’re going to put it onto my eye ball socket… and then we’re going to be really dangerous and go underneath— basically under my eye bags” 
  • “Touches brush oh man I should listen to my amazing boyfriend and actually clean my brushes before I stab my eye and get infected.”
  • “Uh here we have more powdering and contouring and now we’re going to brush the neck area, ear and more on the neck..” 

Ong Seongwu

  • It’s ONG MUA in the HOUUUUSE! Here to do (Y/N)’s voice over because I know you love hearing my voice more than hers.”
  • “BROWS GOTTA MAKE THEM EXTRA THICC WITH TWO C’s AND EXTRA DARK”
  • “BLEND BRUSH BLEND GOTTA BLEND BLEND! BLEND THAT FOREHEAD.”
  • “MY LIPSTICK SNAPPED OFF? JK it’s under control guys”
  • “And here’s the finished ‘I LOOK LIKE A BURNT ORANGE’ LOOK! Just kidding she’s looking super fine… Not as fine as me though—”

Kim Jaehwan

  • “Hello everyone! IT’S ME JAEHWAN! YOUR FAVORITE MAKEUP GURU!” 
  • “Okay, so first you’re going to grab your concealer and make a triangle and blend it with this stress ball okay so DAB DAB DAAAAB” 
  • Time to fill in my non-existent brows with this brown color gel.”
  • “Then you take some of this shiny stuff IDK what this is but going for that super 3D look” 
  • FINISHED! THANKS FOR WATCHING! LIKE FOR JAEHWAN AND SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE JAEHWAN AND COMMENT ABOUT JAEHWAN! 

Kang Daniel

  • “What’s up everyone! Going to do a glam tutorial look for you all today so let’s get started!”
  • “Wow, I look cute. Super cute and I know it. Hair flips and more hair flips. Anyways, we’re taking this white cream and putting it all over the face because my skin is thirsty for moisture..
  • “You see Rooney in the back everyone? Why don’t we just focus on her instead. Rooney is more important right now.” 
  • “She’s putting on a lot of lipstick.. how does it not get onto my lips when she kisses me…”

Park Jihoon

  • “Hi everyone! This is Jihoon speaking and today I’m here to do (Y/N)’s voice over so shall we get started?”
  • “Okay so take this neutral color from the first palette and then put on this eye primer protein—i mean potion”  
  • “Then you’re going to blend it together and then color your eyeshadow with Steela?? Stilla??”
  • “You’re going to pat pat pat the skin and you can use anything that’s soft like this square looking sponge. 
  • “Now we’re going to open this other tube and draw some small dots and triangles—this looks like clown makeup.. sorry baby..”

Park Woojin

  • “H-Hello this is Park Woojin..” (whispers babe.. do I look awkward on camera?) 
  • “Why do girls say they’re going to “beat” their face with makeup..”
  • “Next you have to keep on rubbing your face until your hand gets tired and now onto eyeshadow..”
  • “We’re going to take this purple color and put it on the eyes.. like an upside down Nike sign” 
  • What is that? Baby powder? Then you have to put it under your eyes and chin. What is this even for…” 

Bae Jinyoung

  • “So I’m Jinyoung.. (Y’N)’s boyfriend and yeah..we’re going to dive right into the look.”
  • “Taking a clean brush, we’re going to take this light brown color and swirl it all over the eyelid.. and then we’re going to take another brown color.. the colors look the same..” 
  • “Grabbing this black crayon.. pencil… I’m going to put it onto my eyelashes.. have to draw inside the lines like a coloring book” 
  • “The eyes look really pretty.. super pretty..wow..”
  • “Powder the tip of your nose and the mustache area and then you’re done! Oh just kidding not yet—

Lee Daehwi

  • “Hey what’s up everyone! This is (Y/N)’s boyfriend Daehwi and we’re going to go straight into this pretty look she has going on!” 
  • “Gotta make sure your lips aren’t dry and chapped so hydrate your lips, everyone.”
  • “So first we’re going to conceal everywhere that’s problematic.. like this pimple under her chin.. what is this… Tarte Shape Tape! ”
  •  “Now gotta make sure those brows are filled in because you know.. NO BROWS NO LIFE” 
  • Oh my god she’s so fire.. even more, fire if she actually did her make up this fast though. YES, I’M CALLING YOU OUT.” 

Lai Guanlin

  • “What’s up everyone. I’m Lai Guanlin and I was forced to do this video for my girlfriend… I love you, (Y/N).” 
  • “Looks like she’s going to put on a bunch of colors now. This bottle looks like nail polish though..
  • “Put some liquid thing onto this red egg ball and punch the makeup into your pores.. wow that’s a lot..”
  • “Why is she so extra.. okay so next you’re going to overline your lips. Want to make your lips bigger than they are because big lips are in..”
  • “And this is the final look..  Wow, my girlfriend is really attractive.. and here she is being extra again.” 
New Girl

Pairing: Clay Jensen x Reader

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: A lot of fluff.

Summary: You’ve moved to San Luis and now attend Liberty High. You meet Clay and develop a crush on him, but only start talking to him when he hurts himself badly in front of your house. It takes place the summer after Hannah’s death.

A/N: I wrote this right after I binged watch the show. I really fell in love with Clay’s character. This is a little something for all those who believe Clay deserves true happiness.:)

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anonymous asked:

hello i just wanted to yell abt this to someone but i feel jake's ig mostly has pics with amy in it. like it's not a conscious thing ?? but one day he's looking through it and he's like omg this is p much all amy with a bunch of !!!!!!!!! dork as captions il

hi!! Come and yell to me whenever I love this!! ️<3 I got so carried away w this and was making notes about it on my phone for ages

SO: okay yes ABSOLUTELY this is the truth and even if he knows he’s doing it he 100% tries to be slick about it/act like it’s nothing at first??? I’m gonna throw in some headcanons that nobody asked for to explain myself bc I’m sad and love this idea so much:

  • Jake’s had an Instagram account since 2011, largely because Gina forced him to open one and be her first follower (which obvs turned out to b the first of thousands)
  • 95% of his posts, to start, are just him doing Stupid-Fun-Jake-Shit! e.g. Splash Mountain / meeting Regis Philbin / eating a mountain of sausages w his dad / him and the squad in a booth at Shaw’s, pulling faces
  • Amy obviously begins appearing on his account LONG BEFORE they actually begin a romantic relationship; and it’s all teasing/mocking e.g.        - A picture of their two desks with the caption “guess who’s the most fun?”  
    - A picture of Amy working hard at her desk, fixated on her computer- looking completely beautiful, though that’s NOT why he took it, duh- with Gina in the background pulling a face at her                                                 - His crowning glory, and favourite Instagram post of all time, AKA the final post of their non-romantic relationship, taken only a couple of weeks before they kiss for the first time; a dim picture he took of Amy giggling like a lunatic in the passenger seat of his car on a stakeout, her face scrunched up as she clings onto her stomach with laughter. He posts it without a caption, unable to justify it- until Charles makes a comment at work about how “the best things in life need no explanation” and he promptly updates the caption to something under the lines of “memorialise this evidence of Santiago finding me funny" 

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not cheating / j.f x reader

a quick shitty 13rw imagine for you on this fine Sunday. idk I had this idea and wanted to write a quick lil thing  also I might have a either a reggie or Cheryl  imagine up tomorrow? 

warnings: cursing and shit

word count:590 ish

Originally posted by 13rwhyblog

The day that Justin shared the photo with everyone at school and said that we had had sex, was the day he ruined his relationship for himself. I didn’t know that he was dating anyone, I wouldn’t have kissed him otherwise, but Y/n was nice to me about it. I thought she would have slapped me or something, but she didn’t and she knew she was worth more than Justin.

During class everyone’s phones kept alerting them of messages, and as they checked  them, they turned to look towards Hannah. Hannah started getting teary eyed and couldn’t wait to leave her class , and was relieved to hear the bell ring.

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