wow why did i make this

wow……. like you’re still looking for a fight. @dinobcnes . you seriously repeat the same fucking cycle and blame popular blogs over it.  where is your fucking self-awareness?  its probably hiding behind your white privilege like when you were making racist remarks before. i do not even want to start going off again.  if you think this community is so toxic why would you stir the fucking pot! why do you get off on causing trouble?  “ i didnt know what finalpetal did ( again i can’t throw shade @ finalpetal it’s not my place )  “  AGAIN! TOTAL! BS! look @ the tags. plenty of people see what happened.  i am so sick of people like you making us all ( white people ) look bad! dw we will see a new blog in a week! seriously back off. 

anonymous asked:

When you looked at your persona charts, did you ever have like an epiphany where you finally understand why your placements manifest the way they do? Like I'm a Virgo moon (also Virgo dom) and I'm like super emotional and I feel things so deeply and I hold grudges and I always asked myself why until I looked at my moon persona chart to find that I have Cancer moon in the 8th plus heavy Scorpio influence and I sat there like wow everything makes sense now lol but I like my moon persona chart 👌🏻

oOoOoOoo I’m glad it made sense for you! 😭

I did have an epiphany because it made so much sense! I always knew I was a much more selfless person. I’m easy to forgive and I deeply care about others to the point it hurts. I can’t help but to forgive…

I looked at my Moon Persona chart and I knew it. I had an “I KNEW IT” moment because I saw that my Persona chart was this:

I have a Pisces rising, Pisces Moon in 12th, Moon conjunct Ascendant and a Leo stellium. It made so much sense because I really am a selfless person. At heart, I care so much about others, I love people so deeply and I forgive really easily. I knew it! 😭

Why did i spend time making this

RANDOM SENTENCE STARTERS

Following my AUs and Prompts List from a few months back, here is a compilation of my favorite sentence starters for all your writing needs.

Because most of them aren’t mine, credits are at the end.

SHORT

“Marry me.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“You are not going without me.”

“I can’t believe you!”

“I swear it won’t happen again.”

“What did you say?”

“I’m not jealous.”

"You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“Are you sure this is legal?”

“Isn’t this amazing?”

“I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

“Stay the night. Please.”

“You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

“Run away with me.”

“You did WHAT?”

“Quit whining.”

“Get outta my sight!”

“Why are you so annoying?”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

"Never in a million years.”

“Don’t ask me that…”

“I might have had a few shots.”

“What’s with the box?”

“W- What are you doing?”

“Say it!”

“I could kiss you right now!”

“Are you done with that?”

“What’s going on here?”

“Stop pinning this on me! You started it!”

“It’s your fault we’re in this mess.”

“Did you do this on purpose?!”

“Kiss me.”

“Are you still awake..?”

“Excuse you?”

“This is all your fault!”

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this.”

“Don’t give me that look! It wasn’t my fault!”

“I shouldn’t be in love with you!”

“It’s not fair!”

“I could kill you right now!”

“Knock it off!”

“Screw you!”

“You’re a complete moron!”

“I love this song!”

“I can’t be in love with you!”

“Make me.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“I hate you.”

“You are infuriating!”

“Just shut up already.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Bite me.”

“Eat me.”

“Kiss my ass.”

“Just admit I’m right.”

“Just admit you’re wrong.”

“You are being ridiculous!”

“That’s irrational.”

“Listen to me!”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Don’t yell at me.”

“That’s it. End of discussion.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You shouldn’t have said that.”

“Fuck you!”

“Shut your mouth before I shut it for you.”

“How dare you?”

“I dare you!” 

“It’s you, it’s always been you.” 

“Well this is awkward…”

“Just pretend to be my date”.  

MISCELLANEOUS

“Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.”

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.”

“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”

“I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist.”

“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”

“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”

“Did you really just insult Captain America in front of me?”

“Can I touch your boob?”

“It’s not that you’re wrong, exactly, you’re just extremely not right.”

“You shouldn’t be trusted with small children, should you?”

“Give me cake or give me death.”

“On a scale from, ’I can sometimes make important phone calls without crying’ to ’I have a stable job with a steady income, a spouse who loves me, a dog, and two kids who are screwed up minimally at worst’, how much of an adult are you?”

“You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?”

“Despite the cliche, it’s not me, it’s you.”

“Obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can’t.”

“No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care.”

“When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Specially then!”

“If you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?”

“I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.”

“What have I told you about the toilet seat?”

“I tried to change the duvet and I got stuck inside.”

“I vote today to be a pajama day.”

“You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts.”

“I don’t leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I’d talk to my VCR.”

“I can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.”

“You know we’re suppose to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.”

“Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?”

“I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.”

“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.”

“I am NOT crying, okay?! I’m allergic to jerks!”

“This would not happen if I had a penis!”

“That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”

“All nighter, you and me. First one to fall sleep buys the other dinner.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever played spin the bottle.”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to touch your butt.”

“I’m ok, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.”

“To the night you’ll never remember!”

“Excuse me, did the 12:15 bus come by already?”

“Could I sit here? All the other tables are full.”

“Are you meeting someone here? Because.. I think I’m that person.”

“You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”

“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”

“Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his/her cake hole.”

“I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.”

“You better take care of that car or I swear I’ll haunt your ass!”

“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.“

“It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

“I could do that, but could doesn’t mean would.”

“You cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I don’t give.”

“You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?”

"I recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”

“Do you need me to kill someone for you?”

“Look out where you’re going, asshole!”

“Fuck the sandwich guy!”

“I did not mean for stripping to come out of this.”

“The whole street is blocked off. The police won’t tell us anything, but I think there’s been some kind of attack… Maybe a bomb?”

“Oh my god, are you okay? I’m calling the police. I think I saw who did this to you.”

“I’m weird, you’re weird, we could have weird little babies and live weirdly ever after if it wasn’t for the fact I find you repulsive.”

“There is nothing wrong with planning a wedding with a video game character.”

“I’m gonna lay down and die for like half hour okay?”  

“There’s been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships.”

“It’s midnight, what do you want?”

“I think I know how to use a bed.”

“If I wake up in the morning and I’m dead… Wait.”

“You are completely unfit to handle a child.”

“We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.”

“Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!”

“When in doubt curl into the fetal position and give up on life.”

“It’s not a double date, we’re just third and forth wheeling.”

PREGNANCY

“I have something to tell you…”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“I’m pregnant!”

“When were you going to tell me that you’re pregnant?”

“You’re smart and successful with an adorable belly.”

“$50 bucks says it’s a girl/boy.”

“Pregnancy suits you…”

“Hello little one. We can’t wait to meet you…”

“I’ll just be in the bathroom throwing my fucking guts up because our unborn kid wants to be a dick!”

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet…”

“Shh… He/she’s sleeping..”

“I have a special surprise for you. Close your eyes and follow me.”

“No, no, no, no, no, we aren’t ready… We aren’t ready for kids yet!”

“Oh, gosh, I felt it! I felt a kick!”

FLUFF

“Your hair is so soft…”

“You’re so cute when you pout like that!”

“Just relax, I’ll wash your hair for you.”

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“What, does that feel good?”

“HA! I found a weak-spot on you, didn’t I?”

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

“You are ridiculously comfortable…”

“I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with…”

“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

“We should get a puppy!”

STARGAZING

“Aren’t they beautiful?”

“These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

“Shooting star, make a wish.”

“It’s actually a comet, but I’ll still make one.”

“Imagine if it could always be this way, even in the city.”

“Never thought something so beautiful could exist in nature…”

“Wouldn’t it be cool to name a star after yourself?”

“Y'know, your roof may not be the safest place for us to stargaze.”

“This is why you made me drive three hours out into the middle of nowhere?”

“Is that a– Wait, no, just an airplane.”

“I wouldn’t mind falling asleep out here.

FLIRTY/SUGGESTIVE/SEXUAL

“Did you just… finish?”

“They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly, this is getting dangerous.”

“I’m not actually feeling anything.”

“Are you getting any closer?”

“Why do they make this look so easy in all those porn movies?! This hurts like fuck!”

“Did something just happen? You’re not turned on anymore.”

“Shit sorry, am I going too fast?”

“Wow, you’re hot.”

“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“Hey, I’m open minded.”

“Keep sweet-talking and this could go a whole new direction.”

“I think it’s about time we stop avoiding the obvious.”

“I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m really horny, and you’re really hot. Can we fuck? Like, now?”

“I see someone’s happy to see me.”

“I saw that. You just checked me out.”

“You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.”

“Take off your clothes.”

“Tell all those other guys/girls you don’t need them ‘cause you got me.”

“Don’t give me that face, it’s so cute I might not be able to hold back.”

“Boobs are really just squishy pillows.”

“If you don’t get turned on by having your neck kissed somethings wrong with you.”

“Blasphemy! Sex solves everything.”

“I platonically want to have sex with you. No big deal.”

TEXTS

[text]: What do you want now?

[text]: Do you want to bet on that?

[text]: Guess who just got back in town.

[text]: So I might be in a hospital right now…

[text]: We can’t keep doing this anymore!

[text]: Come on, come to the party!

[text]: Can you pick me up from the bar? Too drunk to drive.

[text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up.

[text]: I call bullshit.

[text]: You thought you could get away with that, didn’t you?

[text] I gave up great shower sex to be here so don’t say I never did anything for our friendship.

[text] Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.

[text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall.

[text] Who says no to sex and donuts?!

[text] I know what you did last summer…

Sources: x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

  • Me when I'm focused: I find something cool to read. There is the vague awareness of sunlight no longer shining through the window behind me, followed by the return of said light. Wait, shit, that means I've been reading all night. If I didn't keep snacks nearby, it's possible that I wouldn't have eaten.
  • Me when I'm unable to focus: I find something cool to read. I cannot make it past the first two paragraphs. Wow, there sure is a lot of text of the page. My brain refuses to properly process it. There are the sounds of a conversation in another room, the ever-present hum of electronics, cats walking on the roof. My foot itches, and I have a song stuck in my head. ...Why am I poking myself in the face with a drinking straw? Where did I even get the straw?? Where did it come from???? I walk away, confused and realizing I'm hungry. I go to grab a can of beans, and come back with two coloring books, a pair of headphones and the overwhelming feeling that I forgot something. I put the items down on the couch and pace back and forth for no reason.

170603 Yu Huiyeol’s Sketchbook with Suran [Yoongi mention]

YHY: This song [Wine] (placed) first on music sites. Let’s give her a round of applause.
S: Thank you (x3).
YHY: You couldn’t believe it and looked (at the digital rankings) everyday, right?
S: Yes, while looking at it everyday, I truthfully while looking at (and said) “Wow.” No matter how much I thought about it, that-
YHY: BTS.
S: Yes, I wondered if it was because BTS’ fandom- fans put in a lot of strength (to place it on the charts).
YHY: I don’t know if that’s why, but there was this kind of thing as well. [Since] (Suran) did this song with BTS’ Suga, so Suga and Suran, therefore “egg” and “sugar” met.
S: Meringue, meringue~
YHY: Meringue, meringue. Egg bread.
[T/N: Suran means poached egg in Korean and Suga is sugar. Together they make meringue or egg bread.]

Trans cr: Kylie @ allforbts
© Please credit when taking out

A Babysitting Love Affair | Zach Dempsey x Reader

Genre: Romance, Fluff
POV: Reader’s/First Person

A/N: This was requested by anon! I hope you guys will like this as much as my first one. I kind of ramble on but please bear with me lol.
Request: could i request a zach dempsey x reader where the reader is babysitting zach’s sister, and zach haven’t met the babysitter yet and one day he goes home early and falls in love with her?

—–

“I’ll be there tomorrow morning Mrs. Dempsey.”

“Alright love, thank you so much!”

I smile as I close the door after Zach’s mom who asked me to babysit Zach’s little sister, May. She mentioned that she will have to go to Chicago for the weekend to take care of something and I was assigned to be May’s companion overnight since her brother is an extremely busy guy. The Dempseys are a close family friend, too bad I’m not really that close with Zach or May. It’s probably because we go to different high schools and it doesn’t really help that I can be anti-social at times. I know nothing about them, and they know nothing about me in return so it’s all good.

—–

The next morning

“I’ll be leaving now or else I’ll miss my flight! Thank you so much again Y/N for babysitting. I’ll see you girls tomorrow morning alright? Feel at home love, my number’s on the fridge if you need me and I left money for any emergency. Zach won’t be here until dinner tonight. He has basketball practice.” Mrs. Dempsey says as she bids goodbye to Zach’s little sister and I.

“Got it Mrs. Dempsey! We’ll see you tomorrow.” I finally say with a smile.

“Bye mom! I’ll be good, I promise!” May puts her right thumb out to her mom and waves goodbye.

“So, what do you want to do today, May?” I ask her as we’re left alone inside the house.

“Hmm, I don’t really have anything in mind. Oh wait I know! Let’s style each other’s hair.” She suggests with a gleam in her eyes; she looked so excited.

“Sure kiddo.” I reply with a smile and we proceed to the living room to watch TV. May got all of her hair accessories from her room for us to use. She decided that it’d be fun to start with my hair first and put them in pigtails and so she did. She chose these pink puffy hair bands to tie my hair. May had long, black and shiny hair which reminded me of Katniss Everdeen so naturally, I chose to put her hair in a fish tail braid.

“Wow Y/N, you’re really good at this!” she beams after her make over.

“Why thank you, Miss Everdeen.” I reply with a bow and she giggles in response.

A couple of hours later and it was almost lunch time. May wanted to order pizza and so we did. She didn’t like vegetables so we opted for a classic cheese pizza instead. A few minutes later and the doorbell rang, I ran to the door to open it, with the money in my left hand.

“Thank you so–” I begin to greet the pizza man but a ginormous, muscular guy hovered above me instead.

Keep reading

Alison Clues by Episode - “Choose or Lose”

Oh look, the board game has once again magically moved around in Ali’s house while she’s completely oblivious. Why would A.D. or anyone else even move it into the bedroom? And notice Emily’s first remark - even she isn’t 100% sure that Ali isn’t the one moving around the board game.

Everyone seemed to focus so much on Hanna’s response to Ali and Emily’s announcement…but I was looking at Spencer. This isn’t the expression of someone who’s happy that two of her best friends are “finally” together. She doesn’t look joyful at all, in fact…she looks almost suspicious.

So how exactly did Tanner manage to call Alison on her burner phone she’d just gotten that day? There’s no way she could have known that number…unless Ali told her. And why would Ali even take a call in the middle of such an intense, emotional confrontation with one of her best friends? It could not be more obvious that she was not only expecting a call, but knew exactly who it would be from. Finally, I don’t buy the explanation that the girls set their numbers to forward from their regular phones to the burner ones. If that was the case, why did Tanner only call Ali? Why wouldn’t she call all of the girls?

“WAIT FOR IT”?! Wow, what a specific phrase. I feel like we’ve heard it before.

And here’s yet another reminder of what a master manipulator Alison used to be. Isn’t it interesting that as much as they’ve tried to redeem her and make her an official Liar, people are still regularly bringing up the person she used to be? Is this just trying to make us feel even sorrier for poor Ali, or is this a reminder to the audience?

This is a little detail, but this isn’t just any picture of the five girls…it’s from the night of the “Jenna Thing.” They could have used any photograph for this scene, but they specifically chose to focus on one from the night that Ali manipulated her friends into helping her pull a prank that blinded a girl, and then forced them to keep quiet about it. Why?

A.D. suddenly giving Aria an alibi for Dunhill’s murder is very strange. It’s pretty clear by now that A.D. isn’t really into doing things that don’t benefit him/herself, so what’s the deal here? Well, who is the only other person who benefits from Aria having an alibi? Alison. Aria’s real role in that night was sneaking Ali back into Welby. If Aria was supposedly now out of the state during that time, who’s to say that Alison even left the institution at all? This not only gives Aria an alibi - it gives Ali one, too.

Who in their right mind would set up some big romantic gesture in the middle of the woods in the dark, when there’s not only a killer running around, but also a psychopath bent on ruining your life and maybe even hurting you? Ali seems completely unconcerned by all of this, and the only way she could be totally certain that A.D. isn’t going to do anything to her and Emily while they’re alone in the dark woods is if she either is A.D. or is working with that person.

This is so huge that I can’t imagine it was unintentional. Hanna asks everyone to swear that they won’t blame anyone for what happens next, and that they’ll all stick together no matter what. We see Spencer, Emily, and Hanna all individually promise. The camera focuses on Ali for a moment, and…she says nothing. No promise to stick by her friends, no swearing that she won’t blame anyone. What the hell is she up to?

Some Things CAN Be Replaced.

Prompt by: @love-life-death-dd

When they got Matt back, everyone was joyous. Especially Pidge and Shiro.

A brother was returned to a smaller version of a family and everyone was happy as could be.

Pidge wasn’t as snappy, she got along better with everyone as she no longer had the burden of a missing brother.

Shiro wasn’t as stoic, and you heard his laugh more often. He’d even crack a joke or two, he was able to lighten up.

Keith of course was glad to have Shiro back, and even happier that Shiro returned in better shape than expected, all thanks to Matt.

Matt was a fantastic contributor to the team, and was a friend to all.

He tasted Hunks cooking, and loved to give him ideas on what the yellow paladin could whip up next.

Matt was always happy to listen to his little sister go on about her projects and modifications. He was proud of her intelligence.

He even became close with Coran and Allura, fascinated by their tech and stories of Altea and its past.

Shiro and the man were inseparable.

Then Matt was introduced to the Lions.

Lance hadn’t had a problem with Matt before, not a significant one at least. The guy was hilarious, and knew some of the best pick up lines.

But there were insignificant problems that the blue paladin had with the older Holt.

He was becoming Lances replacement.

In the past, Lance acted the way Matt did and was always brushed off, or received not as positive feedback.

Pidge was never interested in explaining her projects to Lance.

Keith and Shiro wouldn’t offer to train with him just for fun.

Hunk might ask for a taste tester here and there, but the Mice were requested more than he was.

Lance was fine.
It’s be fine.

It has only been a week and soon everything would be back to normal and Matt would just be another body in the castle.

Another person, just like everyone else.
But he only became more of a God as time went on.

When Matt met the lions, he had immediately been drawn to Blue.

Lance wasn’t sure why, the guy just was.
That made an uneasy feeling rise in his gut, and his blood slow in his veins.

“Yeah, this is my girl, Blue. Isn’t she a beauty?” Lance said proudly, putting a hand in the cool metal of her structure.

Matt adjusted his glasses with a sideways smile, “She sure is! Mind if I take a peek inside?”

Why couldn’t Matt have been interested in the Black lion? Or maybe even the Green lion?

Why did it have to be Blue?
LANCE’S lion?

“Uh, yeah sure, she might be a little protective though, ha ha.” Lance scratched the back of his neck and led Matt inside.

Why did Lance tell him yes?

After this entire week Lances dislike for Matt had only grown, and his dislike for himself only stronger.

Sure, Matt was better with his friends.
Sure, Matt trained better.

But Lance was one thing that Matt wasn’t, and that was the Blue Paladin of Voltron.

“Wow, the Blue lion looks different than the other lions.” Matt observed, making it to the cockpit and admiring her hardware.

Lance smiled a little, cautiously watching him. “Yeah, she’s meant for the water so I guess she does have a few quirks.”

Suddenly Matt sat down in the pilots seat, and Lance stiffened.

It was fine. It was fine.
Not like Matt could power her up anyway. Only the lions paladin could form that bond and—

“Woah!” Matt gasped.

Suddenly all of the lions screens turned on and lit up, the boys hands hovering over them.

Lances heart dropped.

“I think she likes me! Can you hear that Lance? It’s like it’s alive and purring, so weird!” Matt chuckled, and started testing buttons.

Lance didn’t like that.

Matt could take his friends.
Matt could take his friendships.

He could take his jokes and his lines and his personality and all of it.

But he wasn’t going to take his lion.
Lance couldn’t stand here and watch the boy iterate and touch his lions buttons and sit in that seat and—

“Woah, Lance, are you alright?”


The blue paladin shook his head, coming back to the present and looked down at Matt. He looked worried.

That disgusted the blue eyed boy.

“Wait, are you…crying?” Matt asked, face scrunching and he looked uncomfortable now.

Lance wiped his eyes, “Get out.”

Matt blinked, “What?”

“I said get out of my lion!!” He shouted, shoving Pidges brother. “Go train with Shiro! Cook with Hunk!”

Lance was suddenly crying harder and he just wanted Matt to go away. He was being rude and irrational and he’d be chewed out for it later but he didn’t care right now.

“I wish you were still stuck on that damned Galra ship!” The blue eyed boy shouted.

The cockpit fell silent.

Matt stood, bewildered for a moment, before his features softened. “Lance, I understand you’re upset. I’ll go, but I’m here for you if you need me.”

Lance remained stiff and quiet, minus sniffling, as Matt left the Blue lion.

The blue paladin gave it a few minutes, before shakily wiping his eyes and plopping down into Blues seat.

“God…”

Matt was even calm in situations where Lance just flipped out and made a fool of himself.

He could t think about it any longer.
There would be a lecture later and Lance could wait until then to get these feelings out again.

For now, he slept.

a new-ish hockey fan: makes a funny post about hockey, exaggerating for comedic effect.

a Real™ Hockey Fan: Wow. Wow. This is the most offensive thing I’ve ever laid  eyes on in all my years. I don’t even have time to explain how wrong you are. Did you learn all that from Check, Please? Can you name any player other than Snidney Crosbey? I’ll have you know I have been following Hockey from the Womb and I will not stand for a blight upon the the sanctity of this sport… [10,000 word essay about why bandwagon fans are Ruining hockey].

The Thought Process Behind A Performance

Oh no, it’s time to go on. Here I go.


Why do I do this to myself?


Wow, there are more people here than I expected. Also fewer than I’d hoped. Feared? I don’t know.


Why do I DO this to myself??


Oh shit my entrance is soon, oh no I'mm gonna miss it? oh gosh oh nononononoooo-


Oh wait, I made it just fine. Never mind.


Hey, this isn’t going too horribly?


NOPE ABORT MISSION I DID THAT THING WRONG HELP.


Hey no one is throwing stuff, I don’t think they noticed? Just keep going, smile, fake it til you make it baby…


I wonder what’s for dinner? No, FOCUS.


I hope it’s pizza.


FOCUS DANGIT.


WHY do I DO THIS.


Yeah, this is the worst I have ever done this. I have no focus and I nearly lost a measure and I’m pretty sure I should just run away to Jamaica and never speak of my past life-


Hey, they’re clapping. Oh. Okay.


Yes, I am wonderful, thanks. Can’t wait for my next performance!

Dad Pun Sentence Starters

Send one to my Muse, or alternatively send  👍and my Muse will say one to you!

“What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.”
“Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.”
“A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here.’”
“Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!”
“How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!”
“Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.”
“I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.”
“How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”
“Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.”
“'Wow, you’re a fart smella…I mean smart fella!”
“I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!”
“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”
“Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.”
“What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.”
“How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.”
“Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.”
“I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.”
“Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.”
“How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.”
“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
“Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.”
“Don’t call me later, call me Dad.”
“What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant”
“Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.”
“What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.”
“Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.”
“What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.”
“I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.”
“The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.”
“This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.”
“5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.”
“Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?”“
"What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.”
“What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.”
“I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.”
“To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run.”
“The rotation of earth really makes my day.”
“I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts.”
“What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
“I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!”
“Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.”
“Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.”
“A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.”
“I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.”
“Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.”
“I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.”
“People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.”

tbh Henry is sketchy as all hell but that is precisely why i adoRE HIM.

JUST LOOK AT THAT FACIAL EXPRESSION FOR FUCK’S SAKE. 

but real talk: it makes me incredibly happy that we actually get to see his eyes opened in Heroes. they’re gorgeous. what did we do to deserve this? bless.

anyways yeah. so Henry is incredibly sketchy…but…also rlly sweet? like. sure he and his crows will casually tear people limb from limb. but then they would prob just as quickly make you a bouquet out of the limbs?

wow how nice and thoughtful. A+++ Henry. we love u. bless u.

An actual cute story where I don't hate anyone

So I know from experience that girls from 5-15 have this tendency to want to talk to older girls and want to impress them. I was like that as a teen, so whenever a girl in that age range comes in and kinda shyly starts talking to me I’m always attentive, because I know it will make them feel cool.
No idea why, I’m the lamest 20 something ever, but I have piercings and a car so I guess I’m cool to anyone too young to drive. Whatever.

So yesterday this 6 year old comes over while her mom is picking up her glasses and she starts off with:

“I lost my tooth last night.”
So I play along.
“That’s awesome, did the tooth fairy bring you anything?”
“I got a dollar!”
“Wow, that’s a lot. I used to get 25 cents.”
“Yeah” then she whispers “…my mom is the tooth fairy.”
I’m not going to step on that landmine, so I say.
“Really! How did she know when I lost a tooth when I was little?” Thinking the girl would clarify that the tooth fairy wasn’t real and that my parent’s put the money there. But no, the girl shrugged and just goes.

“My mom has superpowers.” Whispered like it’s the biggest secret in the world. And then goes on to tell me this story about how her mom has a special tower where she keeps the teeth and the teeth have memories in them and it was the most adorable thing ever.

Made my day so much better.

Shy || Jughead Jones

Request by @myteenwolf-world: Hi Rose :) I love your stories so much and I was wondering if you could write something where the reader is really shy and barely speaks to anyone? Jug is the only one she talks to and the rest of the group are surprised to see them having a conversation and being close. They question Jug about it and they find out he has a crush on her. Thank you in advance <3

A/N: I feel like this was kind of shaky since I haven’t written prompts in a while but I’m getting back in the swing of things! Hope you enjoy. <3

Gif by @juggiehead

—————

Being the new kid was never easy. Being the shy new kid was never easy. You were the perfect target for bullying from people like Reggie and Chuck who always catcalled you in the hallways and knocked your binders out of your arms. But you never said a word. You didn’t want to cause any trouble.

A few people noticed you. The “Sad Breakfast Club” saw you in the hallways. Sitting alone at lunch. Reading alone. Keeping to yourself. Day after day, almost every member of the group (with the exception being Jughead) attempted to talk to you. They tried to coerce you into at least sitting with them at lunchtime. Each time you quickly shook your head, eyes returning to your book.

Weeks passed and the group was still no closer to getting you to even speak a word.

“I just don’t understand!” Veronica exclaimed as she slammed her lunch tray down on the table. “We’ve tried everything. Does she just not like us?”

Betty shook her head.

“I don’t think that’s what it is, V,” the blonde said. “She’s just really shy. Sometimes you can try everything only to have nothing work.”

Veronica groaned.

“She has a point,” Archie said as he took a bite of his apple. “Maybe we should just stop.”

As the group talked amongst themselves, Jughead watched you from a distance. Unlike the others, he had taken a personal interest in you. The raven-haired teen loved mysteries and you were one he wanted to crack.

Why did you move here? Why did you move here so late in the school year? Why were you so shy?

“I can try,” Jughead interrupted, silencing the entire group. “To talk to her, I mean.”

Archie sighed.

“Jug, I don’t know…” he began. “You tend to be… really upfront. What if you scare her away?”

Jughead snorted.

“Wow, thanks, Arch,” he remarked sarcastically. “Like you guys haven’t terrified her enough.”

With that, he was off and making his way over to your table.

“This isn’t going to end well.” Betty said.

Veronica sighed as she opened her bag of chips.

“Guess we’ll find out.”

You heard someone making their way over to you before you saw them. You gripped your book tighter, forcing your eyesight to stay on the small words. You wondered who it would be this time. Would it be the jock or one of the two cheerleaders? It wasn’t that you didn’t like them either, it was just that you were literally terrified to talk to them. They seemed so cool and you didn’t understand why they wanted to talk to someone like you.

“Hey,” an unfamiliar voice said, breaking you out of your thoughts.

You looked up from your book, your eyes meeting blue-green ones. Your heart skipped a beat once you saw who it was. Jughead Jones. The boy in your English class who you had a massive crush on. But of course, you could never find the courage to talk to him. If you couldn’t even talk to Veronica Lodge or Betty Cooper, arguably the nicest girls in the school, how were you supposed to talk to the boy you liked?

“Can I sit here?” Jughead asked.

You returned your gaze to your book, not answering. Jughead took a seat anyway.

“What’s your name?” the beanie-clad teen pressed.

Again, you didn’t answer.

“Well,” he sighed. “My name’s Jughead. I’m in your—”

“English class,” you said softly before you froze.

Jughead seemed equally surprised that you spoke.

“Yeah, I, um,” you began again, clearing your throat. “I know who you are.”

“Is she… talking to him?” Veronica asked incredulously.

Archie nodded.

“Looks like she is. Who would’ve guessed?” the ginger asked.

“But why?” Betty asked.

Archie frowned at her question.

“Why is she talking to Jughead?” he tried to clarify.

Betty shook her head.

“No, why is Jughead talking to her? When has he ever showed an interest in the new kids? He never showed an interest in Veronica.”

Veronica rolled her eyes.

“Thanks, Betty.” she joked.

“You know what I mean.” the Cooper girl said.

The three students returned their gazes to you and Jughead who were now talking and smiling amongst each other. At the moment, the bell rang signaling the end of the period. The gang saw you pack your stuff up as you and Jughead said your goodbyes. Jughead walked back over to the group with a smug smile on his face as you walked into the school.

“How?” Veronica asked once Jughead was close enough to hear her.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he asked as he picked up his book bag, swinging the strap over his shoulder.

Veronica smirked.

“I don’t know, maybe it has something to do with the fact you have a crush on her? And, oh, I don’t know, maybe she likes you too and you guys are going out to Pop’s after school to get a milkshake together?” she joked, improvising everything as she went along.

Betty and Archie laughed but Veronica didn’t miss the way she saw Jughead tense up for a fraction of a second.

“Very funny, Veronica.” he deadpanned.

Veronica’s eyes widened.

“Oh my God,” she murmured. “You like her!”

Jughead turned beet-red as Betty and Archie turned to stare at him with wide eyes.

“And she likes you! And you asked her out!” Veronica continued.

“God, Veronica, scream it to the world, would you?!” Jughead hissed as the four of them walked into the school.

Veronica went silent but couldn’t stop her beaming smile or the way she was practically vibrating with excitement.

“Aw, Juggie, this is so cute!” Betty squealed.

“Not bad, Jug.” Archie said as he clapped the writer on the back.

Jughead’s red face didn’t go away.

“Yeah, okay, whatever,” he mumbled. “I’ll see you guys later.”

With that he was gone, escaping to his next class.

“Our Juggie’s growing up.” Veronica said, wiping a fake tear from her eye.

“You’re so lucky he wasn’t around to hear that.”

—————

A/N: Hope you liked it! Please send me feedback! Thank you!

Taglist

@lydixstiles @jughead-from-riverdale @pinkhappypanda @iamthegoatmaster @subsi4123 @deanskitten @latenightbooknerd @lostinpercyseyes @captainelsaeverdeen @itsjaynebird @allineedisconnor @superoriginalteenwolf @sastielstan @1amluke @satanwithstardust @babearchie @theselfishllama @katshrev @juggiesjuliet @betty-coopers-number-one-stan @imperfectanatomy @casismyguardianangel @irrajj @fangites @apocalypticangell @sparklingriverdale @jvghead-jones-iii @onceuponagladerhead @isabellaskyliner @vodkaluh @tegan-eva @murderyoursoul @regenpony @xbobaaa @farmfreshcoldsprouts @hellolittlebigstudent @audreyxhorne @faithmichaluk @thebloodyshuckface @castawayalicia @lost-in-wonderland-x @holoqraphik @nadya0128 @soulception @jughead-archie-imagines @juggys-betty @twizzlersnizzler @riverdale–trash @barbarachern @likesiriusly @thatsavagehufflepuff @multi-madison @mrs-fangirl @thatcraxygirl15 @frobert20 @miss-mia-rae @buckyplease @myblackwings5 @thecrossroad-demon @writing-in-riverdale @jghdjns-iii @johnmurphys-sass @killjoyloki @the-local-dreamer-star @stephyra17 @reginaphlanageadams @river-vixns @genderabused @wetsknn

sex bomb

Harry works at lush and you’re a writer 

masterlist x

a/n : I hope you guys really like this story. I worked really hard and this story means a lot to me. So if anything I would really like some feedback and what you guys think of it. Thank you

 Today wasn’t the best day of work, sitting at a desk all day and answering phone calls from very impatient rude people isn’t fun. When I drive out of the parking lot and onto the road my mind starts to check off the list of things I have to do when I get home. Cook dinner, feed the cat and do the laundry. Right before I get on the freeway I decide to stop by the little strip mall that is right across the street. I turn and pull in and park right in front of 7-Eleven, I decide to grab myself a treat just to maybe calm my nerves a bit for the rest of the day. I walk out and jog up to the front door, I yank the door open and stride right up to the freezer. I looked at all the types of ice cream bars they had, Snickers, Twix and Hershey. I decide to get a Snickers bar and pull it out of its case. I walk through the aisles searching for anything else that may grab my attention. I decide to not get much more and head up to the front counter to pay for everything. The cashier rings everything up and I hand him the money, he hands me my bag and say thank you. I reach for the door and walk out to the sidewalk, i start to walk to my car when I look to my left and notice a wonderful smell coming towards me. I decide to have a look and to see where it is coming from. When I start to walk and notice that it is coming from this one store that is called lush, never heard of it before. I walk in and decide to have a look around to see what they have.

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