“Friends with benefits”
Pairing: Luke Hemmings/Reader
‘Can you please do an imagine where you’re friends withbenefits with him but he wants more and you’re scared and stuff???’
A/N: I hope this is what you were wanting. I kind of just
let it come as I was writing so idk what it turned into. I kind of changed It
around a bit with the who falls in love with who thing but I hope you like it.
The heat of his relaxed body was pressed against yours but
your attention was anywhere else. You focused on the moon light shimmering
across his white silk curtains and how the little beams of light stretched across
the floor where it peered through the curtains. You were counting the moments
of bliss before you would force yourself to leave, again.
It had become too usual of a
routine, nearly every night ending in strewn clothes and heavy breathing while thoughts
of self-pity and heartache consumed your tired mind like blackness consumes the
light. You let yourself feel the hot fan of his breath against your naked shoulder
for only a few more moments before forcing yourself up.
“Going?” He asked too casually.
The pain hit you like a silent shot-gun in the gut and you weren’t sure whether
leaving was the right choice. It was. It had to be.
“I have to go.” You whispered solemnly
while collecting your clothes off the floor and pulling them back on, well
aware of his watchful gaze on you. He didn’t say any words and didn’t try to
stop you as you headed for the door; not that you would have expected him too.
Wait. You wish he would’ve said. Come back. Please stay with me tonight. I need you for more than just
You shook your head, dismissing
the wishful and unrealistic thinking and escaping the building onto the
deserted, street-lamp lit road and started the short walk back home. Nights
like these your mind was always spinning. Spinning with impossible scenarios of
happy endings and warm nights in Luke’s bed without the worry of having to
leave. In your scenarios he wanted you to stay; to be his. You were never left
walking home alone at 4 in the morning, the only noise being the gears turning
in your head.
No strings attached. Had been the agreement and you had prayed to
god that you could keep to it. You had failed though, miserably and so here you
were night after night, the same thoughts spiraling through your head like
clock-work. You knew you had to stop it, it wasn’t healthy for either of you to
continue it. You would go crazy eventually, ruined and destroyed by the thought
that you were just an object to him. A fragile, misused object that could break
with the slightest poke.
You unlocked the door to your
dark hotel and went straight for the bathroom. No amount of scrubbing and
lathering could wash away the pain the resided in the depths of your body; but
you turned on the shower anyway. It was not supposed to feel this way, it was supposed
to be good. It was supposed to be happy. Instead you felt empty and broken,
like you had fallen so hard that you shattered your bones and was left in the
pile of broken china.
You felt like you lost something
you never had.
It was true, you still had Luke.
Most nights were reserved for you and others you spend alone in your cold bed,
curled into a ball and fighting your insomniac that had only started once the
night became consumed with thoughts of Luke and what could be but never would.
You were fully aware he didn’t express the same emotions for you in which you
had for him but that only made it harder to move on.
You wanted out. More than
anything, in fact, it was hard to even look at him anymore without the emotion
pain that was now even becoming physical. You sat in the bottom of the tub as
the water poured down over you. The water was scalding but you barley felt a
sting. Your eyes felt heavy and dull and a permanent frown etched onto your
once cheerful complexion.
It had only started getting bad
about a week prior when you were at the club with your friend and you saw Luke
leaving with another girl. You had been forcing yourself to ignore the
slightest bit of feelings you were developing for the blonde boy with the
piercing blue eyes but you couldn’t help the pain and unwanted jealousy explode
in your body that night. Yes, you had assumed he still slept with other girls
but you had decided that if you didn’t see it you didn’t care.
That changed quickly.
You found yourself thinking about
all the other girls he has been with since the two of you started your thing. It seemed to be all you could
think about during the nights when you were with him and you felt yourself
slipping further and further away from sanity with each passing night without
him permanently by your side. You wanted him and you wanted him to want you
The next morning you had made
your decision. It had to end. You got dressed, unable to look at yourself in
the mirror, knowing you would stare a little too long at the dark circles under
your puffy eyes from the multiple sleepless nights and crying. You didn’t want
it to end but you were content of getting rid of the aching pain inside your
chest. You caught a cab to his place this time, figuring if you gave yourself
the time to walk there you would probably change your mind before you got
No. This had to be done.
You heard your knuckles rap
against his wooden door but you barely felt it. This would be the first time in
weeks that he saw you in the day light; saw how much of a mess you were. Maybe
if he was how miserable you were he would understand a bit more. Your heart
still managed to do flips as he opened the door, wearing nothing but low
“Y/N? What are you doing here?”
He asked, surveying your face before letting his blue eyes rest on your dull
“Can I come in?” You spoke softly
and he nodded, stepping out of the way to let you slip past him and to your
dismay, brushing against his body in the process. You stood inside his living
room which looked different and more lively in the daylight.
“I think this needs to end.” You
said, turning to face him. He sighed and ran his hands over his face and up
through his hair.
“Y/N I-.” He started and closed
his mouth again, not knowing what to say. He took in your broken appearance,
the look of pure pain on your face and you stood before him saying the words
that caused you actual pain to get out but somehow, you managed it. “What
Your eyes shifted from the ground
up to his and you found yourself being pulled back in. You stopped yourself, as
much as you wanted to just let it happen and be in his arms, numbing any pain
you might be feeling.
“It’s not working. I don’t want
this anymore.” You forced out through gritted teeth, refusing to look at him
while you said it.
He couldn’t say anything more so
he just nodded and let you walk past him again. You left his house alone again
for what felt like the millionth time and the last time. You were free of the
pain dragging you down. And as you walked back down the street, the cloudy gray
sky matching your mood, you felt the tears slip down your face but continued on
walking, your head as high as you could manage and kept telling yourself;
You’ll be okay.