wow look i made myself cry

Little Beau Lou We’ve Ween Waiting For You ♥

As it turns out, it isn’t the easiest task to come up with a name that all nine of us could agree on but we finally have decided, he will be called Beau Lou Wilde Wolfé (pronounced like Bo) 

Beau means beautiful in French, and he is soo precious to me. We wanted a name to go with Lou which is also a French name — My grandmother’s name (My mother had lots to do with this haha) so we sat in the living-room calling out random french words and meanings, the few we did know anyways. Of course Garrett loves tradition and wanted the baby to have an Irish name so we decided that he would have 2 middle names, Wilde is actually an Irish last name but I couldn’t resist as soon as I heard it!

On our way home from the mountains we stopped by the store to grab some trashcan bags at the store and more newspapers from a recycling bin near the store in case we needed them, I was cleaned from the creek water and mostly dressed aside the fact that I wasn’t wearing any shoes or underwear under my long thrifted dress and was sitting on a thick doubled towel with the back of my dress pulled up so I wouldn’t leak and blood onto it. I didn’t want to shove a pad and underwear and trap my insides just yet, I wanted my woohoo parts to breathe
I sat in the front seat with the windows slightly cracked and an obviously fresh newborn wrapped in towels held across my chest sleeping. People passed by the car and no one seemed to notice anything off about the situation or even glanced our way into the windows. I wanted to yell “LOOK AT ME! I JUST GAVE BIRTH! I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF!!” at the top of my lungs so badly. 

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If Kazui showed up in each squad’s barracks...

As requested by anon. :)

Ichigo and Orihime’s son is the tiny shinigami Kazui. Let’s say he’s visiting Soul Society for the first time. And he’s escaped from his parents, as he seems to do. And now he is going from squad to squad, visiting the barracks. What will each squad’s reaction be?

1. Squad 1

Nanao: Head Captain, who is that small child you’re reading to?

Nanao: Is another prodigy child joining your squad as I once did?

Kyoraku: Nah, he just sort of wandered in!

Kyoraku: I offered him some sake, but he said it smelled weird.

Nanao: …

Kyoraku: What?

2. Squad 2

Omaeda: So you’re saying that that kid just broke in here.

Soi Fon: Mmm-hm.

Omaeda: Got past our security.

Soi Fon: Mmm-hm.

Omaeda: And now what appears to be the entirety of the Punishment Squad is chasing him unsuccessfully?

Soi Fon: He is very fast.

Omaeda: Are we, uh, going to help at any point?

Soi Fon: Only when my ninjas have learned their lesson. 

Omaeda: Kid seems to be having fun. Are you being nice?

Soi Fon: Don’t be ridiculous, Omaeda.

3. Squad 3

Kazui: Hi!

Kira: …

Kira: Chubby cheeks, innocent grin…

Kira: What are you doing in the despair squad, kid?

Kazui: Just saying hi!

Kazui: How come you have a hole through your chest?

Kira: I’m technically dead.

Kazui: Cool! Like a zombie?

Kira: Pretty much, yeah.

Kazui: Okay see you later!

Kira: …

Kira: Kids are weird.

4. Squad 4

Isane: Uh, are you lost, child?

Kazui: Nah I’m just looking around!


Kiyone: Captain Ukitake would have loved seeing such a cute kid!

Kiyone: …

Kazui: How come that lady is crying?

Isane: M-maybe you should play somewhere else, child!

5. Squad 5

Shinji: Whoa! You look like a tiny Ichigo!

Kazui: I’m his son!

Shinji: You’re probably trouble then.

Kazui: I guess!

Shinji: Wanna learn how to write your name backwards?

Kazui: Okay!

Hinamori: …only my captain could make that activity sound sinister.

6. Squad 6

Byakuya: …

Kazui: [grinning]

Byakuya: …

Kazui: [grinning]

Byakuya: …

Byakuya: Renji, there is a tiny version of Kurosaki Ichigo here, Renji.

Renji: Oh hey! It’s Kazui!

Byakuya: This is a recurring nightmare I have.

Kazui: Are you Byakuya? My dad says you’ll let me play here whenever!

Byakuya: Only worse.

7. Squad 7

Iba: …and that is how you become a man.

Kazui: Wow, so sunglasses is all it takes?

Iba: I said a bit more than that, but basically, yeah.

Kazui: Thanks for giving me some!

Iba: I’m sure you’ll grow into them soon!

8. Squad 8

Lisa: Hey kid.

Lisa: I’m busy reading so feel free to get into whatever.

Kazui: Okay!

Lisa: I am a great babysitter.

9. Squad 9

Mashiro: …and when I saw he had cool hair AND green hoodie, I figured he belonged in this squad!

Hisagi: Plus, I know how good you are with kids, Captain Muguruma! You only made me cry that one time!

Kensei: Okay but we are not keeping him.


10. Squad 10

Matsumoto: Wow! A shinigami shorter than you, Captain!

Matsumoto: Tell me you didn’t hire him just ‘cause of that!

Hitsugaya: I didn’t hire him at all, Matsumoto! I don’t know why he’s here!

Hitsugaya: And I don’t know why he’s calling me Toshiro when I introduced myself as Captain Hitsugaya!

Kazui: My dad said you like it when people call you by your name!

Matsumoto: (gasps)

Matsumoto: It’s Inoue’s and Ichigo’s kid!


11. Squad 11

Kenpachi: So you’re Ichigo’s son?

Kazui: Yup!

Kenpachi: And your mom is Inoue Orihime with all of her amazing healing abilities? 

Kazui: Uh-huh!

Kenpachi: So you should be pretty much indestructible, then.

Kazui: Maybe!

Kenpachi (drawing his zanpakuto): This is the greatest day of my life.


12. Squad 12

Kurotsuchi: Kurosaki and Inoue, huh?

Kurotsuchi: …

Kurotsuchi: You should come and play in this test tube, kid. It is lots of fun.

Kurotsuchi: Tiny Nemu, get into the test tub and show him how fun it is.

Nemu: Yes, Mayuri-sama!

Kazui: My dad warned me about you!

Kurotsuchi: I can’t think why.

13. Squad 13

Rukia: And then you add some ears and voila! A bunny drawing!


Ichigo: Kazui is with you!

Ichigo: Here I was afraid he’d be getting cut up by Kenpachi or experimented on by Kurotsuchi or tied up in Squad 2!

Ichigo: But he’s safe and here! Hanging out with his mom and his Aunt Rukia!

Orihime (whispering): Maybe don’t tell Daddy what you’ve been up to all day, okay, Kazui?

Kazui: Okay!


anonymous asked:

Dennis "do I look foolish?" Reynolds has me crying tbh. He's so soft in that episode. And he doesn't really get mad/snap at anyone. And I think he is because that episode is told from Mac's pov and that's how he sees/remembers Dennis. (Or that's how he knows Dennis really is) I made myself cry thinking about this

Dennis being even softer than the soft boy he actually is from Mac’s POV is a GREAT concept wow


the story was almost cinematic
never thought you’d be problematic
wow, man, you’re being so dramatic
you were broken,
you were alone,
you were afraid,
and then you changed.

things are looking up for me now
i was always crying
i couldn’t stop thinking about dying
i was abandoned and scared
but then i realized that so many people actually care about me.
i wanted to end the madness,
i placed myself in a situation that made me feel trapped and
i couldn’t handle it.
god, i couldn’t handle it.
but i did what had to be done.
i freed myself.
i only want to be myself.

welcome to chapter three
the final part of trilogy
it’s been a long ride
i’ve tried and i’ve tried
but i’m finally a new person
i have reformed.
i have been reborn.
the pain hurt like hell
the pain nearly killed me
but i pushed through
and you can too.

feelings can hurt.
some people have it worse.
love isn’t a game
it never was.
we just play with it
to make it harder.
love is so special.
life is so special.
i am so special.
you are so fucking special.
never forget that.
never give up.

the battle you’re fighting
isn’t going to kill you
the battle you’re fighting
will make you stronger.
i am stronger.
i am alive.
i am stronger.

awsmazinganimexd  asked:

You said you were lonely so I'll just spam your inbox with random questions? xD First one, What are your top 10 favourite jungkook 'looks'? (favourite outfits etc.) -I need some references to draw hahaha xD

ohhh yay! love that ideia :) but yeah, i feel like i’m talking to myself here n that’s why i like my main better :/ i even thought of deactivating here

ok, so!!!!! i had to go through my jk tag and i’ll link the posts here so i don’t repost ppl’s stuff. no particular order

1. this airport look that showed me the meaty god he is

2. how can he make turtlenecks look good? idk

3. another WOW airport look (bonus)

4.kjdhfskjdhfs THIS

5. the BBMAS??????????? and look at this pic too

6. this goddamn show 

7. hot.

8. this white shirt that made us cry

9. his lil round glasses while he was munching ;/// a baby


this was too hard. i honestly have many more in mind! my favorites looks for him is simple clothes or tucked in shirts (oh man)

imagine if on my own was a duet between eponine and grantaire. because they’re both hopelessly in love with beautiful revolutionaries who will never fully reciprocate and they probably bond over that a lot so like imagine the two of them walking in the rain together and eponine starts singing about her unrequited love and grantaire just looks over to her like “i feel u” and sings with her and while they sing together they’re both thinking about the person they so desperately long for and even though it’s not the same person they both share the same feeling of wanting and despair and just imagine the part at the very end with eponine singing “i love him” and grantaire repeating after her “i love him” and the two of them harmonizing together on the final “i love him, but only on my own” wow i made myself sad

anonymous asked:

okay, so this is like a weirdly personal question and you don't have to answer, but i remember you made a couple posts about being a fat girl dating a skinny guy and i was kind of hoping maybe you could give me some advice... did you ever doubt whether a skinny man could possibly be attracted to you just because of your weight? i'm really into one of the men in my phd program but he's over 6ft and thin (and brilliant and sweet and funny ugh) but i'm short and fat. how did you get over the fear?

(Shout out to my boyfriend who will probably end up reading this. Thanks for tolerating my ramblings, honey bunch.)

You know, I don’t think I have talked about this much. And, well, there’s a reason for that. My weight, my boyfriend’s weight, and the social categories we’re supposed to fall into because of our body fat levels and distributions aren’t really part of our relationship. 

I wasn’t always like that, of course. I haven’t had a lot of relationships. (Andrew is without question the most serious SO I’ve ever had–we’ve been together for about a year. He’s also the only person I’ve ever acknowledged as My Boyfriend during our actual relationship. Let’s not touch how unhealthy that is???) I have a real history for being, um, weird about relationships. I held people at arms’ length. I quietly sabotaged things that felt like beginnings. I had trouble believing anyone was seriously interested in me. I aimed really fucking low. There’s a multitude of reasons for those habits. But when I look back at myself, it’s clear that I thought I wasn’t good enough for anyone to, um, want me.

This is recent history. I’m not sure what changed. If you knew me in real life you’d know that I’m a really dorky, awkward person. I didn’t start projecting oodles of confidence or overcome depression or self-actualize or start drinking kombucha everyday. The only difference I can note in myself is that I’m much more accepting of who I am than I was a few years ago. That’s not really the same as being comfortable with who I am. I’m anxiety-ridden. I can’t say I’m self-assured. But I’m increasingly honest about what I bring to the table. 

Maybe that’s it. Maybe I stopped feeling like I (body and soul) was a secret I had to keep if I ever wanted to fall in love. If you’re more honest with yourself, it follows that you’ll be more honest about yourself. In short, I’ve been growing into the person I am.

Andrew and I met online. (I reviewed our first few conversations recently, and they are painfully, adorably awkward.) When we finally decided we liked each other enough to meet in person, there was the usual first-date bolt of terror. What if he didn’t realize, um, what I looked like? (Isn’t that a weird belief that so many of us fat girls share? That our weight is somehow gonna be a surprise to people who know what we look like?) The angry little part of my brain that believes I’m hideously ugly and tremendously, unacceptably fat gets loud at these such moments of uncertainty. My brain screamed again when I saw him for the first time. I am completely unbiased in the statement that my boyfriend is conventionally attractive (hi, babe). He’s not skinny, exactly, but his body tends towards lean, trim, and athletic. He’s naturally quite tan, with strong, handsome features and dark hair. That’s absolutely everything I’m not! And my first thought of “oh wow he’s good looking” was, without question, quickly followed by “I am not someone this attractive person could ever want to be with.”

But, well, he made me laugh more than I could ever make myself cry.

It’s been almost a year since then. (Our first date was November 7th. I wonder how many dates we’ve been on now?) It’s…how shall I put this? It’s pretty damn clear Andrew is attracted to me. (See, I was tactful.) He kisses me in public. I’ve met his family. I’ve hung out with his friends. Maybe part of it is being with someone who’s proud to be with you. I know not everybody has had that. He tells me I’m beautiful, cute, sexy every day. More importantly, though, he doesn’t let me forget that he loves me and wants to be with me.  I know he senses that I need to hear it and see it and feel it. And I’m grateful. I love the people we are when we’re together.

It’s not like I don’t have ugly thoughts. It’s not like it’s easy. I have a difficult relationship with myself. I always have. No amount of love and support from someone else can do it away. There are times when I worry I don’t deserve to be with him. There are times when I worry other people will think I don’t deserve to be with him. These moments are fleeting in a way that love isn’t. 

There are women on this website who would have given you a more succinct answer. I couldn’t. I meandered, and I could meander more, about mental health, about love, about self-worth and growth and attraction and healing. But wait! I’ve come up with a justification: You didn’t ask me about that stuff, but it dripped into my answer anyway. My boyfriend isn’t dating my body. He’s not dating my weight. He’s dating me, with all my moving, buzzing parts. 

Yes, there are men who will be uninterested in dating you because of your weight. Yes, there will be times when your perception of yourself will get in the way of your romances. Yes, there are those individuals out there in the world (some of whom you may mistakenly want to date) who believe these relationships don’t happen. But while you may call yourself, know yourself as, or simply be fat, you will always be a bunch of other things and a bunch of other people at the same time. The same is true for anyone you might want to date. There is no blueprint for a “fat girl/skinny guy” relationship. There’s you, and there’s the other person, and then there’s an utterly infinite number of other variables!!!!!

I hope you weren’t looking for quick, pragmatic advice. I don’t have any today. 

Here’s a cute picture of me and my dear; it’s a reward for everyone who bothered to read this post all the way through.

Brother's BestFriend // Ashton Irwin SMUT

a/n: Where y/n is visiting her younger brother Calum in LA but with his constant absence, she is left alone with her all time crush, his bestfriend, his roommate his bandmate, Ashton.

Word Count: 3.1k +

Warnings?: Smut?? Lots of it??


 Writers : Hayley and Madayln

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anonymous asked:

I DOWNLOADED IT SO I CAN KEEP IT FOREVER HFDGHFDGHFD i wanna ask for more videos but i want to love myself and i want you to love yourself we don't need this pain











Wow I made myself cry while I was writing this. Hope that means its good!

Starco Week Day 2: Wedding

He heard bells.
Marco Diaz heard bells.
He felt a faint poke in his side. Looking toward the source of the poke he saw his friend Ferguson.
He pointed at the aisle. Marco turned his head slowly. He breath hitched at the sight of his soon to be wife.
Star walked down the aisle slowly, her fathers arm in hers. Her smile more beautiful then the clearest of nights.
She was nearly skipping down the aisle. Even after all these years she still is the same. Marco felt tears coming to his eyes.
Star looked radiant. Her dress was short and poofy. It reached her knees softly like a new blanket of snow. The neckline created an arc as it
displayed her collar bones. The sleeves of her dress reached all the way to her wrists, creating a swirl of fabric whenever she bounced.  
Marco saw one thing that he would never forget. She was wearing her horns. She had stopped wearing those years ago. But she wore them the day they met.
The tears were coming in waterfalls. Marco looked at his love and the tears found their way out.
Suddenly a hand was in front of him. He looked down to see his friend Alfonzo holding a tissue for him. Marco took it gratefully and wiped his eyes.  
He heard bells.
And he was ready.

She heard bells.
Star Butterfly heard bells.
Star took her fathers arm. As the doors to the church were opened she couldnt contain her excitement. Star reached up toward her head and adjusted her horns.
She hoped he’d like it. Star looked forward and felt her breath stop.  She saw him. Her soon to be husband. Her eyes brimmed with tears. He looked as handsome as the day she
first met him. His pocket held a scrap of his first hoodie. She could tell. It was mostly destroyed on one of their adventures together. She thought he had thrown it away. He kept it.
She saw his tears from down the aisle. She saw the way he was looking at her. Her hearts started to glow. Her smile grew wider as she stepped closer and closer to him.
She heard bells.
And she was ready.

Star took her stance next to Marco giving him a grin. Marco smiled back at her as he wiped his eyes again.
“Dearly beloved-” The priest started. They both jumped in surprise as the turned to the priest. Star grabbed onto his arm and buried her face into it.
“We are gathered her today to bring these two together, in holy matrimony. If any one is opposed to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Star giggled and whispered to Marco. “Why are you crying, wild man?”
Marco chuckled softy and whispered back. “Why are YOU crying, Princess Coo Coo pants?”
“Touche.” she responded.
“Do the two of you have any vows you would like to exchange?”
Marco nodded and took Star’s hands in his. “Star Butterfly. I’ve loved you since the first day I saw you. It took me a while to realize just how much I loved you. It started to sink
in just how much I love you, when we danced together at prom. Star Butterfly, I love you. And I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”  He finished giving her a goofy
smile. The tears in Stars eyes were streaming now. Her smile growing bigger with every moment.
“Marco Diaz. I’ve loved you too since the first day we met. It took me a while to realize that to.” She giggled. “But on all of our adventures we went on together, everytime
you smiled at me, I fell deeper in love with you. And I am so excited to go on this next adventure with you.” She said looking down at the floor, her cheeks flushed red.
“Do you have the rings?” The priest said looking towards them. Marco pulled out the box from his pocket and opened it slowly. He pulled out the rings and handed her his ring.
“Repeat after me. With this ring.”
Marco smiled. “With this ring.”
Star was lost in his eyes. She didn’t even hear what he was saying. She looked down to see him taking her hand and slipping the ring onto her finger.
“Forever and for always.” Marco finished.
Star looked at the ring on her hand. She smiled and took his hand.
“Repeat after me. With this ring.” The priest directed his attention to Star.
“With this ring.” Star said taking his hand, coarse from years of karate, into her hand and placed the ring onto his finger.
He lost himself in her eyes as well. He couldn’t hear what was being said. He finally snapped out of it.
“Forever and for always.” She finished.
“Do you Marco Diaz, take Star Butterfly, to be your lawfully wedded wife for all eternity?”
Marco smiled and took her hand. “I do.”
Stars smile seemed like it was almost too big for her face.
“Do you Star Butterfly, take Marco Diaz, to be your lawfully wedded husband for all eternity?”
Star nearly screamed. “YES!”
The priest smiled and closed his book.
“By the power invested in me, by the state of California. I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the-”
He was interuppted by Star jumping into Marco’s arms. She took his face in her hands and pulled him into a kiss.
Marco wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed back.
A small cough from the audience snapped them out of it.
The seperated with a huge smile.
As they walked back down the aisle together they felt immense joy.
As they ran through the crowd they felt tiny pieces of rice hitting their shoulders and backs.
They stepped into the car together.
Marco gave her a goofy grin before pulling her in for another kiss. A soft one that left her knees feeling wobbly.
“Where to, Estrella?” Marco said putting the car into drive.
“Where ever you want, Safe Kid.” Star said, kissing his cheek.
They heard bells.
Marco and Star Diaz heard bells.
And they were ready for whatever came at them next. They would take on the world. Together.

A love letter to Dinah Laurel Lance

Dear Laurel, 

I loved you before I really even knew you. 

The first time I saw you I was a mere passerby, a surprise guest at your table. I didn’t know who you were but I knew you were special. I knew you were authentic and real and someone that I needed to know. 

So I did. I watched arrow for you. For no other reason besides I wanted to know you, I wanted to know what made you cry, what made you have that broken look in your eyes. I wanted to know what exactly it was that made you look just like me. 

When I finally got the chance to introduce myself to you, when I elevated myself from passerby to the friend that sleeps over and them moves in, I realized that you were much more than I could have even expected. 

The moment you looked at your back from the dead ex and told him you wished he had stayed dead I said “wow this girl has guts”. I felt every bit of your confusion and anger and then you went to that same ex and told him that you were sorry. 

That was the first time you apologized for your feelings. 

The first time you put yourself last and the ones that hurt you first. That was the first time I knew you were my mirror and I knew I would never be able to love anyone else as hard as I loved you. 

I remember the first time tommy merlyn said “dinah laurel lance always trying to save the world” and the smile that came over your face after he said it. That’s who you were, always trying to save the world but secretly unable to even save yourself. I saw your insecurity when you struggled with letting Tommy into your life because you had been so badly hurt by Oliver. that was the moment that I knew that the beautiful, smart, compassionate woman on the outside who seemingly had it all together was drowning in insecurity because she wasn’t enough for the people who mattered to her the most. Like I said you were my mirror. 

Now that I look back on it I think I should have always known what your fate would be. It was obvious the moment you felt genuine remorse for thinking about your own hurt and pain instead of not thinking about what oliver had been through on that island. I should have known that every part of you would be sacrificed for him. That’s who you were laurel lance. The girl who loved so hard and couldn’t help caring so much that you would throw yourself into the ocean and swim to the deep end for someone else even though you didn’t have a life vest and could barely stay afloat.

 See that’s what people like you and me do. That’s why I held on to you so tightly and hoped and prayed that something would save you from drowning, that someone would see you and reach their hand out for you to take it and they would tell you that everything is going to be okay. 

You never let your armor crack though. At least not initially. You stood strong as the good friend to Joanna, the one person who believed her when she said her brother’s death was suspect. You shined bright as you tackled the city’s biggest criminals without fear and gave a voice to the voiceless. You didn’t hesitate to take a young boy under your wing after he lost both of his parents even though it came with a price on your head. See you were never afraid on the outside. Your faith seemed to be unwavering. Your passion never seemed to fade. You trusted those people said not trust like the hood, you believed when people said not to believe, you loved when you shouldn’t have and cared when you didn’t have too. 

When Oliver Queen came to your door because he didn’t want to be on that island anymore you answered him like a good friend would, when a troubled thea needed someone to take her under their wing you basically took her into your arms and loved her like you both had come from the same womb just like a good sister would. You carried your drunk father out of those bars with your head held high like a good daughter should. That’s who you were on the outside, everything a good person should be. But on the inside you were the girl still struggling with her self worth, you were the girl that probably was just a little bit afraid, you were the girl who was overwhelmed with the deck of tragic and painful cards life had dealt you. 

And that’s why you cracked. Tommy Merlyn died and those dents in your armor became gaping holes then it all collapsed. 

See you were perfect on the outside, maybe a little bit flawed, you got confused like everybody else did, wasn’t 100% strong at every moment, didn’t make all the right decisions but to the regular eye you were still perfect. Dinah Laurel Lance had it all together, Dinah Laurel Lance was strong, Dinah Laurel Lance could endure with her head held high

but you couldn’t. People like you and me never can long term. It was always bound to happen the true question was always when. 

Your sister died on a boat with the love of your life. Your dad became a drunk and your mom abandoned you. The entire fabric of your life was burnt to the ground but you Laurel, you didn’t let it get to you, no you went to law school and became an advocate for the underprivileged, you made friends and took care of everyone.

To be honest your armor would have probably held up a little longer had oliver queen never returned but he did. He came back. And with him was every overwhelming emotion that you hid from the world. With him was the other parts of yourself that you figured no one would ever know. 

When tommy died, after years of treading water your legs started to get weak. 

but you still smiled. You smiled as thea,oliver, and your dad waved at you from their cozy life boats. You didn’t let the smile fade until they turned their heads. 

Feeling empty and alone you turned to the only friend you felt you had, pills. 

They made you feel just a little bit less messed up, they helped you keep the smile, keep the smooth put together facade up. They were your shoulder to cry on, the friend you needed. They made it all hurt a just little less.

It was only a matter of time before you stopped being able to thread water completely though. I knew it in that hallway outside of your apartment as the tears feel from your eyes

“What’s so wrong with me that everybody leaves”

It was the wail of a wounded and empty woman. It was the anthem of your despair. 

It was why I loved you….

because you were me and I was you. Because your tears were my tears, and your emptiness was my emptiness. 

because the will and determination you held on to in the wake of tragedy and hurt finally caved, because your faith finally wavered, because the strong legs that kept you afloat finally gave out and your head started to slip underneath the water. You were drowning and no one could see you. I was drowning and no one could see me. 

You showed the world that the beautiful girl with the heart of gold and the world at her fingertips could be depressed too. You showed the world that the girl with everything could feel like she has nothing inside.

I loved you laurel because you lost everything. Your yourself, your job, your purpose, the last piece of self worth you had and instead of getting a helping hand then, instead of being pulled to the surface for air before you got too far under the water you got….nothing. You needed my love, you deserved my love, if no one else would give it to you I would just like I knew you would give it to me in return if you could. 

Then sara came back, the sister you loved more then you loved yourself. The sister you would have died for. The sister who stabbed you in the heart twice when she died with the love of your life. The sister you couldn’t hate because she was dead because of course, dinah laurel lance’s feelings come last, even after those of the dead. 

You couldn’t be angry, you couldn’t be sad, you couldn’t be confused. They shoved you into the perfect sister and daughter box even when it was evident that it was driving you insane. It didn’t matter

and with that you drifted to the bottom of that ocean. The water started to fill your lungs and you could feel yourself get ready to stop breathing and as it happened once again the people you loved kept drifting on their life boats with their smiles. They didn’t even notice you had gone under until it was too late and when they did they asked you “why didn’t you save yourself? why did you go out into the deep end in the first place?” 

Because you’re Dinah Laurel Lance and you’re always trying to save the world that’s why.

They didn’t know you needed love to save yourself, self love and outside love. They only gave you shame , they only gave you guilt, they didn’t want to save you. Laurel Lance doesn’t need saving. 

That’s also why I loved you. Because to everyone else you didn’t need to be saved but you still saved yourself. Just as you were about to close your eyes and let the light take you, the strength in your legs came back. Your determination and will came back along with your purpose and you willed yourself to make it back to the surface for air. 

When you took that giant gasp as you reached the surface I smiled like the heavens had just shined on me. Laurel Lance survived, so could I. 

That was the moment you showed me your true power and strength. You were a conquerer. You didn’t let the darkness take you and you came up from under the water like a goddess with new strength and new purpose, ready to save the same world that almost killed you all over again. 

but your feet never quite did make it to the shore. 

Your sister died again. Like a cruel twist of fate you found yourself back in the middle of another tragedy and you waded in knee deep water praying, hoping, you didn’t get pulled back into the deep end because you knew you wouldn’t make it out this time. Like I said, I should have always known your fate but I hoped for you as well. 

This time was different though. This time you had a new armor around you, one that wasn’t as easily punctured or removed. 

You became the Black Canary. The icon, the hero that Star city needed but never deserved. 

See I loved you before you ever put on that mask Laurel. You were a hero before you even knew superhero’s existed. You saved the world before anyone else even felt like it was something worth saving. That mask only made my heart swell up 10 times it’s size because you wore it. 

You never needed the mask. The mask needed you. It called to you like a ghost, begging you to answer the charge, beckoning you to take up arms and become the person you were always meant to be. 

and you answered. You did it but you never truly felt worthy of the privilege did you? 

That insecure girl was still there. I saw her again the first time you felt like you couldn’t live up to sara’s short legacy. The first time you got the look of defeat on your face.

Dinah Laurel Lance wanted to save the world, she needed to save the world, but she wasn’t good enough. 

Not to yourself, not to Oliver, not to your dad, not to anyone who’s validation mattered. You were a fraud, a fake, you had no value. That’s how you felt. I knew that hollow feeling all too well. 

but that previous ocean experience had given you a spark that couldn’t be stomped out as easily as before. So you fought back from that critic, the inner and the outer, just as I wished that I could. 

You fought for me Laurel when I couldn’t fight for myself.

You kept your voice when those around you wished to place you in a porcelain box so they could admire you as who you used to be, who they thought you were, not the bruised and battered human you truly were. 

You found the fighter’s instinct you felt wavering with Ted Grant but you still knew you weren’t there even though you wanted to be. 

Every time you got beat up you got right back up, dusted yourself off and went right back out there. 

You believed, even when you felt like you shouldn’t you believed. Even when the love of your life told you that you weren’t a hero and you would never be your sister you believed. You fought, you shattered the porcelain of that box and emerged as exactly who you always knew you were deep down inside

You were the black canary. You were always the black canary even when you didn’t know it. 

I loved you 

I wish I could say that after you staked your triumphant claim to your identity that you went on to find everything you deserved. That you finally got all the love and respect you deserved

But I can’t. And that’s what makes this love letter to you so painful. 

You never got what you truly deserved even after you fought so hard for it. 

It’s deflating. It’s tragic. because

Even after everything you still drowned. 

Instead of getting the love and respect you deserved you stayed chained to a man that would never appreciate you or love you the way you needed to be loved. You loved him so hard Laurel, I understand it I really do. I myself believed in the purity of that love but you deserved so much better, so so much better. 

Instead of getting a support system once again you became the support. You became the punching bag, you became the one who had it all together. Once again Dinah Laurel Lance didn’t need saving. 

and you didn’t. But you needed something else. 

you needed respect, appreciation, and happiness but you never got it. 

You had moments. Like with thea. Gosh how I loved you and Thea. She loved you, she respected you, she fought for you, and you fought for her. Thea Queen gave you everything Oliver Queen never could. 

and I could tell being black canary made you feel alive. I could tell by the smile on your face when you winked at the little boy who was in awe of you. I could tell when you made that smirk when you told cisco that you were the black canary. I could tell when you had that proud smile after Curtis told you how awesome you were. You loved being a hero. You loved that mask. 

but it wasn’t enough. So as all your sparks disappeared you drifted closer and closer to the deep end silently. unable to stop yourself and with no one to pull you back. 

I saw your sparks leave when you became an accessory. I saw you sparks leave when your history with the only staple in your life besides your dad was erased. I saw your sparks leave when you had to watch Oliver move on but you stayed chained to him. 

They took everything from you Laurel, every piece of you. Every spark. They stomped it out. 

but you never stopped being who you are. You never stopped caring, you never stopped loving, you never stopped trying. 

That’s why I loved you. 

and that’s why you drowned.

Because you just had to save the world Laurel. 

The beautiful woman with that hope in her eyes, the idealist who believed in the good in the world. The woman who never felt like she was enough never got the chance to ever be enough. 

I wish you could have known the truth Laurel. The truth about how amazing and special you truly were, about how we were all unworthy of you. The truth about how Oliver queen never deserved your heart. The truth about how you were the the true light in all this darkness, the true hope at the end of this long dark tunnel. 

It was you Laurel. It wasn’t oliver queen, or felicity smoak, or sara lance, or john diggle. It was you

you deserved to know that. I wish you could have known that. 

but you never did.  Instead you went under that water again. The water filled your lungs and you looked up at Oliver at the surface as he watched you without extending a hand. You reached out to him as you couldn’t breathe anymore and you grabbed his hand, thankfully he loved you enough to take it this time. you told him he was the love of your life, the man who had hurt you the most, you told him you loved him, then you let his hand go one last time

I knew I was never enough for you, I was never enough for anyone

that’s what you told him. That how you drowned. You drowned giving up the last piece of power you had to him and to the people who never appreciated you. You went to the bottom as they all went pass you in their life boats again, only this time you didn’t comeback up. 

You deserved better than you ever got and I can’t help but think “you shouldn’t have tried to save the world, you didn’t have to save the world” 

but you did. You did it anyway because that’s the person I knew and loved. 

So thank you for saving my world Laurel Lance. Thank you for being my mirror. My hope. Thank you for being my voice. I wish I didn’t have to let you go but now you are free and so am I. I love you.

Goodbye pretty bird. 

omgtroyetheboyblog  asked:


can I post this publicly it made me cry of happiness.

okay… just imagine this

A few years after catws and Steve wasn’t able to find Bucky. He quits the Avengers and moves into a little apartment in Brooklyn. He is alone, the only people he talks to are Natasha and Sam and only through phone. 

Meanwhile, Bucky starts remembering Steve and his past and decides to find him. 

Steve, when he opens the door and sees Bucky standing there, does nothing. Just stares at him, hands shaking, crying. After a few minutes, Steve steps back, lets Bucky in and closes the door.

Bucky doesn’t know what to do. Should he hug him? Say something? Steve isn’t even looking at him anymore, but reading some old book.

After that, Bucky doesn’t leave his side. Steve doesn’t speak a word and isn’t able to look into his best friend’s eyes.

Every night, Bucky hears Steve crying in his little bedroom and feels hopeless, unable to help him.

They continue like that for another few weeks. Bucky hasn’t seen Steve’s smile, but can’t bring himself to talk to him or leave him and gets used to it. This is how Steve is now, in 2016. Who is Bucky to change that?

During the four weeks, Steve hasn’t called to either Sam or Natasha and Sam decides to check on him. He misses him. The phone calls were good, but nothing compared to how he was when they met. He wants his friend back.

So when he opens the door to Steve’s apartment and sees Steve with a blank expression and Bucky quietly standing in the kitchen, he doesn’t hesitate and points his gun at the assassin and shouts at Steve what is he doing there.

Steve looks at him, then at Bucky with wet eyes and broken face.

,,You can see him, too?”

So ComicCon has obviously been nuts. A few things:

-Was supposed to interview Benedict on Thursday but he was running late so that didn’t happen, but was still able to see him at the Penguins panel, so that was beautiful

-have met and talked to amazing people all weekend including celebrities and artists

-haven’t stressed much about getting exclusives or anything, but I did pickup the Teen Wolf DVDs on preview night because I’m trash. And a Sherlock hoodie.

-Got a really great seat during the Teen Wolf panel thanks to amazing friends, then made a fool of myself by crying at the trailer they showed oh my god I’ve been trying to get into that panel for the last 3 years and it finally happennnneeeedddd

-And then oh man I was in the Maze Runner press room and stood a few feet from Dylan while he answered one of my questions and I have no idea what he replied with because he was smiling and looking into my eyes for like 3 minutes hahahahahaha wow he’s attractive

-The Sherlock party was GREAT. It was so great to see so many new and familiar faces and draw some really great things. I wish I had had more time to chat with everyone more, but that’s how it goes I guess :((( I can’t get over what a wonderful Job the team did putting everything together, they really are rock stars

-Osric Chau showed up at the party and he is seriously one of the nicest dudes EVER. he came over to say hi to me and Jackie at our table and he was apparently already familiar with me and my work????? /curls into a ball

-oh my god need a nap

I’m Here Now (Nate Maloley imagine)

| Requested by fangirlingovereverythingblog: Can you write a nate imagine where (Y/N) comes home from army deployment???

(Nate’s POV)

She was going to be home. She was going to be back in my arms. After 9 damn months, I was going to have my baby back.

(Y/N) had been sent to the Military for 9 months. It was a terrible 9 months. We barely talked. I missed her everyday and I was terrified that she would be gone every single day.

It felt like hell.

I was at the airport with her parents and her sister, Khloe. We anxiously waited for her to come through the gates. Everytime someone came in our breathing became heavier, but it wasn’t her.

That’s how we continued for like 45 minutes. Everyone around us was just as nervous as us. We weren’t the only ones.

She’s coming soon. She’s coming soon. She’s coming soon. I kept repeating in my head.




I sighed and looked at the time. God damn it. One minute seemed like a damn hour. I was going to tell her how much I’ve missed her. I was going to tell her how happy I am that she’s safe. “Hey, where are you guys looking at?” I heard a very familiar voice say. We turned around as we faced a happy (Y/N) (Y/L/N).

It suddenly went so fast. Her parents crying. Her sister crying. Me crying.

She was safe. My baby girl made it.

“Don’t cry.” She said as she hugged her parents. Of course they had to go first, even though I wanted to have (Y/N) all for myself. “Seriously, if you’re going to cry. I’m going to cry even harder.” She said to the all of us.

“We’re just so happy.” Khloe told her as she embraced her.

Finally, she got to me. I hugged her like the world was going down. I held her so tight that I made sure she couldn’t breath. (wow sounds scary) “I’m so happy you’re here, baby.” I managed to say. I heard her laugh. I pulled back and looked her in her teary eyes. She grabbed my hand. With my other hand I wiped her tears away. “I missed you so much.” I said as I locked our lips together. God I missed this.

I missed her.

“I missed you so much, Nate.” She said while throwing her arms around my shoulders. I held her by her waist.

“These 9 months were fucking terrible.” I slightly chuckled.

She pulled back to look me in the eye. “I’m here now.”

| ARE MY IMAGINES GETTING TOO SHORT? Pls let me know so I can work on it :)

Bedside Talks

A/N:  After a particularly bloody full moon, in which James and Remus are seriously injured, Lily goes to find the both of them in Pomfrey’s hospital wing.  

Hope you all enjoy!


          She was scared, when she saw the two curtained beds.  Daylight was streaming in through the tall windows, and it cast an unearthly glow on all the white bed sheets and white bed frames. 


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Capital W

When Mrs. Perry moved out, it felt like summer ended with an eruption from Earth’s inner core, the stars dropped from the sky like rain, and my life was never going to be the same again. I was sixteen. I felt sixty, like I lived a long life and was ready to retire.

I laid in bed, counted the cracks in the ceiling and listened to Mum complain downstairs about my ‘teenage attitude’, and I thought: you don’t understand! You don’t understand anything! The love of my life has moved on, and she never even knew my heart got wrapped up with the candlesticks and blown lightbulbs she binned the morning the moving van parked in the driveway.

You see, Mrs. Perry was married and not at all interested in a teenage boy’s whimsical gimmicks. But she spoke poetry as did she know Edgar Allan Poe, cited Jack Kerouac like my classmates cite Justin Bieber - like a holy entity, one you can only dream to be as strong as, as smart as, as close to. Literature was her God and I became her disciple, watching her from my window every night as she practiced in front of the mirror, one time being Juliet, the next Romeo, not bothered by gender, sexuality, life itself. She was everything. And now her room was Alfred’s, and he was nothing. At least to me.

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