wow last years pic where so much better then this years hot mess

text meme 4/∞

i’ve been collecting funny/cute texts & texts from texts from last night for about 2 years. they’ve been sitting in a word document for a long time so with all the text memes i’ve been seeing around, i decided to take all the texts i’ve saved and make a meme with them bc why not. there’s a bit of everything bellow: fluff, silliness, nsfw, angst, etc etc

[text] You’re just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem

[text] That’s a really terrible idea.

[text] Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I’m in love

[text] MILK DIDN’T HELP. IT’S NOT HELPING

[text] thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. 

[text] I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that’s just where I’m at right now

[text] Is it bad that we’re talking like nothing happened?

[text] You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.

[text] I’m turning into an adult here.

[text] I’m at the airport and there’s a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn’t see you there?

[text] You look good in that new shirt.

[text] I’ve been thinking about you all day.

[text] I don’t know. I’m drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.

[text] You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.

[text] We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I’ve known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.

[text] I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I’m not going to

[text] You kidnapped her dog. I don’t care that you and the dog are epic bros, that’s just not cool. Return him.

[text] I love you but I don’t want to see you naked.

[text] I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.

[text] To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom

[text] Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?

[text] I swear she is/you are the Mary Poppins of drugs

[text] I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I’m not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??

[text] if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up

[text] I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.

[text] I’m trying to be sexual and you’re sending me smashmouth lyrics

[text] you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up…you’re an amazing drunk

[text] Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart

[text] You’re right, I’d say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.

[text] You cannot tell me you don’t have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger’s sofa bed.

[text] I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out

[text] I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I’m glowing in the dark, there’s fog everywhere, and now I’m wearing a sombrero because apparently it’s silly hat night. I never want to leave. 

[text] She had a group on her phone called “great fucks”. I was in it. It’s almost like making the forbes list

[text] should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?

[text]  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to “Transform already!!!!”.. yeah, I’d say you were pretty wasted.

[text]  I just got this text “hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused.”

[text]  You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for “eating Henry”

[text]  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] 

[text] I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.

[text] He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

[text]  You’re the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I’m ok.

[text] College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.

[text] Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.

[text] Thanks for the pic It’s going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I’m in a meeting with your father.

[text] You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?

[text] In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she’s going…

[text] I’m bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico

[text] You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people’s legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.

[text] You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, “did it open?”

[text] Geez don’t go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.

[text] my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it

[text] Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn’t cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I’ve missed this.

[text] Found a pint glass in my snow pants.

[text] I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this

[text] I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..

[text] let’s just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex

[text] I’m 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night