wow im so proud of how this turned out

“Yeah we’re never not gonna be a team…”

I got this pic in my head and was working on it on and off the last couple of days, I like how it turned out as much as I can like anything that I do witch is to say not much. next up is pink zombie boy and then a Dear Evan Hanson pic I’ve also been a’brewin!

anonymous asked:

ARE U READY FOR THE BBMAS BC I AM. even if bts doesnt perform... i will just be happy bc its a new opportunity they get to experience for the first time and they’re the only kpop band to ever ?? make it that far after just FOUR years like wow we should all feel like proud parents.

ME AF BUT IM ALSO SLIGHTLY NERVOUS??? MOSTLY OF THE SUSPENSE. IM ALMOST SORT OF VIBRATING TO ANOTHER DIMENSION?? But for real though I’m so proud :’-(((( even if things don’t turn out how we expect them to be tonight, I just hope they enjoy the show and get to talk to their faves and get smothered w love from everyone

OH AND LET ME TELL YOU


In case you don’t know, I’m part of a fan group that organizes geek culture (mostly harry potter related) events in our town and we were invited by a big bookstore to create something to celebrate nerd pride day and I worked in the direction of the event (I’m usually just a minor part of the staaff and talk on pannels) but I asked for a short, smaller pannel on Mahou Shoujo and even though the leader was skeptical, he likes me and gave it to me and I made the gifts myself and I prepared and it was a huge hit? It had a LINE to get in??? It was a smaller pannel on the outside of the library but people went there specially and my credentials were special and had Sailor Uranus on it and I’m so extra, the cards to allow you into the pannel were little clow cards called “the invite” and had numbers on it and I made stickers and MOON STICKERS FOR PEOPLE TO GLUE ON THEIR FOREHEADS and I made a Princess Serenity print and mahou shoujo themed stickers and Sailor V masks for people I ALSO CUT BY HAND MYSELF.


And when I say I’m extra, I mean I’m SO extra that I gave the other pannelist toasts so we could walk into the pannel while eating toast like magical girls late for school and everyone laughed and got it and it was SO GREAT.


People actually complained about it being short and small and they wanted more and I told them to go to my boss and when I told him I wanted to do a bigger event centered on female heroes, shoujo and mahou shoujo manga, female authors and all female culture for the next International Women’s Day he was like “wow let’s do that”.


No, srsly, imagine a a woman’s day event that is not about getting roses or pink stuff for a change.


My gift bags also had little sakura petals I cut out of paper myself. I’m so proud of how it all turned out.  So many people on the bookstore were wearing moons on their foreheads, it was so sweet. 

too close to the sun

before you read I’ll say this now. creating an entire concept for a music video that doesn’t exist is hard. but having said that I am really pleased with how it turned out- exhausted, but happy. 

also as I’ve said (a lot) I am not writing until july after today :( but I will be back in july its just exams come first and they’re fast approaching

* this may be too much to ask but of late I’ve received a lot of positive comments about my work and if you have a favourite piece or moment I would love to know before I go. thank you :) *


Through the window I could see less and less green grass, everything was becoming lifeless as far as I could see. Up ahead tall buildings lied, some exposed brick that is coated in words and vivid colours whilst others fall apart as the small weeds drain of life. Focusing on my breathing I couldn’t help but let the nerves settle in, I never thought I’d get this, or get this far with an enquiry. It was only two months ago I was sat in bed, scrolling through my phone when I saw the opportunity to feature in a music video, shrugging I thought it was worth a shot. Yet I never expected for it to actually develop into something like this, never. 

I’d had some rehearsals, a run through on my outfit for the shoot but besides that I knew nothing. The band was one I didn’t know very well, let alone the song that now played on repeat in my mind. The harmony that is followed by the foreboding drum, the rhythm rising amongst the various deep harmonies to begin with. Pulling the earphones forcefully I can’t help but lean forward behind the driver, getting a closer look at the set. 

In front of us the buildings surround every inch of the car, dust flies by hidden in the sand. Leaning back I can’t help but smile at the sight of the tall brickwork, some with blown out windows or half a ladder attached. Unaware of the car stopping the driver gets out, opening the door for me which I gratefully accept. “Thank you.” I mutter as I place my phone back in my pocket. 

Hesitant to walk ahead into the vast empty space I hear someone calling my name, turning around a man is running towards me, headphones on and a clipboard in hand. Stopping in front of me he pants lightly, giving himself a moment to catch his breath. Muttering my name he composed himself before shaking my hand. “Right, if you’ll come with me and get you into fittings and makeup. Then we will run through everything. It looks like it will be a three day shoot.” All he does is stream out information as I try to keep up with his fast pace. 

Pulling open the heavy door a large crew of at least fifty people pause and turn to face me. Some faces I vaguely recognise but I am quickly moved along through the large room into a series of small rooms. Eventually he stops in front of one after going up two flights of stairs whilst I remain silent behind him. “This it?” I speak up, he turns his head and wears stress heavy in his expression. 

Not responding he knocks loudly and the door opens once his knuckles are retracted. “She’s here.” Moving aside I take the last few steps and walk into the room where three women and two guys stand at a station coated in products. 

My eyes go wide at the sight of it all and the lady nearest chuckles lightly, “Bit overwhelming, isn’t it?” She remarks and all I can do is nod, my mouth agap. 

“You, you aren’t using all of this on me are you?” She looks around at the sight and directs me to the chair next to the one of the guys and the other girl. 

Immediately they begin to wipe my face, play with my hair. “You’ll get used to it, trust me I couldn’t keep calm when I had my first shoot.” The guy explains as he starts my makeup, hiding my own face from my view. “Have you met them yet?” He questions and I raise an eyebrow. 

“Met whom?” Perplexed I can hear him chuckle to himself, he pulls away and turns his back as he fiddles with various products whilst the girl starts to style my hair and revealing a can of hairspray that is extravagant. 

Instructing me to close my eyes I obey as I feel colour being packed on, “The band,” He happily sighs making me smile slightly. “as you’re shooting with the lead singer.” Wanting to open my eyes wide and pull away from their restraints I can’t help but feel my heartbeat rising. 

“I, I wasn’t told that.” Stuttering over my words he places a hand on my shoulder in support. 

“Don’t worry love, he is as sweet as can be.” Calming my nerves I relax physically but mentally my mind rushes with everything that could go wrong. 

What if we didn’t connect? What if he doesn’t like me? What if he is super stuck up like a snob whilst I’m here having only just paid rent? 

Sighing we continue to talk about today, what they’re planning on getting filmed. In the background I can hear the thumping of the chorus. “They already filming?” I enquire with my eyes now open. 

“Yeah they’ve got to film the scene with all the people down below, you know how you two are on the buildings?” Nodding in response he continues, “Well they’ve got to look like they’re talking about it and what is going on basically. Look shocked or afraid.” He shrugs his shoulders, “That sorta thing.” 

Focusing on the music I can’t help but smile, I’m a part of this. Somehow I have managed to be a part of this project after having been bored one evening. Last night I was binge watching a tv show in my pjs and didn’t move all day. Yet just over ten hours later, here I am, on an official set for a real video. 

After what feels like hours of face beating and inhaling hairspray the two of them pull away, revealing my finished look. My mouth opens as I fear to touch my own face, the girl in the reflection differs from what I’m used to, just I’m not sure if it’s good or bad. My hair is in long curls but had a wet look about it. Smiling at the finished gold look that I wore with foil across my lids I couldn’t help but turn to them in utter awe.

The two of them wore smiles resembling my own, “Just, thank you I, this is incredible.” I struggle to find the right wording but the two of them hug me tightly, and then with the call of my name I am rushed off to wardrobe. 

As we walk along the never ending corridor with every window I catch my reflection, surprised every time at what looks back at me. “So you already know the wardrobe department, and I will be back in twenty.” The song played constantly in the background, it had gotten faint but I could still hear it. I had allowed it to become hard wired into my brain. 

“We better get you dressed then.” The woman I had met last time in a studio clapped her hands and revealed the rail of outfits that I could possibly end up in. We tried a few different dresses but ruled them out, being that high up it wouldn’t be wise. 

Our final decision rested on black shorts with fishnet tights, red converse with a plain white tee. “There is one thing left to come but we can’t use that until we are on set.” Someone muttered behind me as I checked out the finished look in the mirror. “You ready?” Standing still it felt like my feet had melted into the wood, fear etched in my eyes but without going through the full process I nodded. 

“As I’ll ever be.” Beaming to them I saw them exchange a glance, a smile forming on their faces. 

“You’ll fit right in dear.” Following the lady she too had headphones around her neck and a clipboard in hand along with a radio. I could hear exchanges of codes as she walked and the song becoming louder and louder. 

Eventually we approached a large crew surrounded by too many cameras, sound equipment and items I couldn’t even name or recognise. The man stood next to the one behind the camera walked over and gladly shook my hand, almost pulling it from its socket. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He warmly greeted me and released my hand, the shaking still happening through my entire arm. 

He ran through what I would be shooting first, it would be when I’m in the crowd on the ground. The concept for the video was these two buildings, one with bright colours decorating it and the other falling apart, not worth saving. I’d be on the coloured one, and the lead singer on the other. Below us would be a crowd of people who are going to be captured in some shots and disappear in others. We would shoot scenes of me, just me sat in an empty building or the two of us in a car, everything was going to be different. The ending would consist of too many burning feathers and me left alone in the mess. It was icarus, and it was just insane. 

Nodding in response to all the information he told me I was directed towards the large crowd up ahead. As I neared them up above I could see a figure glancing down in a dark green jacket. Squinting up a few people around me muttered about him, his name- Dan. The crew began to shout for everyone to be quiet and for me to get into position, that the moment they shout action I have to barge through the crowd and stand in front of them. 

I have to look afraid as I see him up there, and then run by them all and towards the building on my right. From there it is up to the crew but I do a few stretches and can already see the dust coat the once clean converse. “Okay and in 3, 2, 1, ACTION!” The music begins to play at some point in the song and I run straight into the crowds, fighting my way through as a camera hovers close by in front of my face. 

Making it through the crowds as they point silently to him above I separate myself from them all. At the last second my left foot falters, making me stumble before I pant heavily and run towards the building, not looking back. Once I reach the door I pull it with all the might I have and hear it slam behind me, I wait for them to shout and use the time to catch my breath. 

“And CUT! Great job everyone!” Walking back out of the door I see people smiling my way, this Dan still stays up above on top of the building. “You alright up there Dan?” They shout through a speaker to which I can just make out him giving them a thumbs up. 

Nearing me is a tall bearded guy, yet he is not holding a clipboard or wearing headphones. “Hey you’re her aren’t you?” He ponders as he focuses on me, and eventually remembering my name. 

“Yeah, do I, have we met?” Questioning him I try and register his face, but nothing comes through. 

Running his hand over his beard he wears a small smile. “Sorry, I should’ve introduced myself. I’m Kyle, I’m in the band.” My mouth forms an O shape as my mouth goes dry. “So how you finding it so far?” He asks and I pull at my tights, feeling them slip. 

“It is certainly something.” I chuckle as I look around at the space. “Bit overwhelming knowing that I have a kinda big role I guess?” Playing it down he scoffs. 

“Come on,” He replies, “you’re going to do great here, just keep your cool and try and not get freaked out when you’re up there.” Motioning to the building I’m stood by my gaze shifts as I see him, Dan stood near the ledge of the other building. “That’s Dan up there, God how he can stay up there beats me.” Whistling he retracts his head. Patting my arm he begins to walk away, “See you around.” Before I had the chance to respond he is too far away, wandering into some trailer on sight. 

For the next few hours I’m told to wait around for my cue, I reshoot the same scene where I’m running to the door. After that is finally up to the standard needed they have to film my feet running up the stairs, only my feet. My legs burn to the point where it is physically painful to walk, as if I’ve tried to do as many squats possible in one sitting to achieve the Kim K ass. 

In the back of my mind I can hear myself screaming from irritation due to the song. Hearing it out of sync is confusing and all of my senses are in overdrive and dropping from the previous adrenaline rush. “And that is hour seven done. Good work everyone, let’s take a break.” Relaxing on the stairs I stretch my legs out and lean on the cool brick whilst I take a few deep breaths. 

Closing my eyes I barely register the sound of someone coming up the steps until I hear a light cough. Opening my eyes up I notice the green jacket with large patches across it. As my eyes wander up his hair remains wild, out of sorts from the wind making me silently laugh. Then my eyes find his and I run out of thoughts, unlike any other shade of blue they contrast to the dirt, the earth and sand around us. They are bright, vivid and blur every other sight around us into nothing. 

“Hey, I’m Dan.” He spoke quietly but with so much care. “I thought we should at least meet once before we shoot.” He half heartedly shrugs as he keeps his hands buried in his pockets. 

All I can reflect on his the sweet smile and bright eyes, “It was bound to happen sooner or later.” Unsure what else to say I open my mouth to try and redeem myself but nothing comes. Instead I just introduce myself and offer him a spot next to me. “Is it always this intimidating?” I ask and he lowers his head, brushing his hair back. 

“Sometimes, this is one of our bigger sets and crews. You finding it alright?” Turning to face me I pull a face and reflect over his question. 

“And by alright you mean relaxing, just another day at the job? Yeah, let’s go with that.” Joking with him he laughs lightly making my legs clench and heart flutter out of rhythm. 

The longer we sit there the more comfortable we become, after around a half hour someone shouts up for us to get into positions. “I’ll be seeing you up there then.” Motioning up the staircase I clench my teeth and begin to walk up, my legs still trying to recover. 

As I near the top the crew catch up, three cameras following me and I take my position, hearing the director instruct us over the radio. On cue I open the door and immediately feel goosebumps spread over my skin and through the tights. I take the steps forward as instructed and almost in sync with Dan who wears a heavy look in his eyes. As I get to my required point we stare at each other blankly, I can see the brickwork crumbling on some parts of the building, moss growing out of it whilst mine is brightly coloured and well decorated with each design differing from the last. 

My next move is to shake my head, cry at him and then the camera would pan onto me. It was very close, uncomfortably close to my face as I had to scream silently, begin to sob uncontrollably and collapse down to the ground. Once I was told to stop I crossed my legs and rested my palms across the floor, taking a shaky breath due to the bitter chill wrapping around myself. 

“That was great, can you do it again? And this time make the fall more dramatic?” The director spoke over the radio and I did as wished, after six attempts he was finally happy and we moved on to the next section to film whilst we were up here. 

All we had to do was shake our heads and then let the cameras fixate on our eyes. After that our roles on top of the buildings were over, I was allowed to leave whilst Dan had to stay and film the vocals. Following the crew down the steps they exchanged compliments to me about my work and bits of small talk. 

From then I didn’t have any other role for the rest of the day, I was allowed to go home since they would be filming Dan and the rest of the band. As I began to walk away from the set I glanced back, just making Dan out amongst the sea of people. 

Arriving early on set whilst the sky was still fast asleep the team got on with the same jobs as yesterday. My ancient Greek inspired makeup look resumed and my attire the same, except with a giant mug of much needed caffeine. Walking through the set I came up to this beaten car, I was told that Dan would be driving and I’d sit there peacefully, content and when I wasn’t aware he’d glance at me. It was meant to be some sweet, sincere moment as he contemplates taking his own life later in the video. Just to make it cheerful, the calm before the storm. 

Once Dan arrived he yawned his greeting and sat next to me in the car. Some of the crew talked us over what we had to do and had the cameras all set up ready, we joked for a few minutes before we had to start and he started to drive- horrifically. 

Stopping the car with a heavy jolt I looked at him in a mixture of confusion and humour, “Wow. And I thought I was a crappy driver.” Sarcasm rolls off of my tongue as he sits there, one hand still gripping the wheel and the other through his hair. 

“It’s been awhile since I’ve driven. Give me a break.” Rolling my eyes we start up again, this time more seamlessly without any jolts or strain on the seat belt. Though I glance out of the window and look up to the sun just rising with a small smile I can sense him glancing at me, somehow I can just feel his eyes on me for a split second before trying not to kill us both in real life. 

Pulling over we were instructed to turn around and drive back to the main set. Since we didn’t have to film Dan turned the radio on full blast and the two of us sang along, his vocals more impressive than mine by far. As he sang I found myself going quiet and enjoying this moment of bliss, despite it only approaching six in the morning. 

Moving along to the next step I’m able to watch this, the moment when they use the burning feathers and let them float through a cordoned off area. Watching them burn along with the music makes the concept so much better, at first I was confused but now that I can see it, watch them become burning embers is poetically beautiful. “Where do they get the ideas for this stuff?” Turning to ask Will who I had met in amongst the morning chaos he leans against the building we are by. 

“Well it’s a mix between Dan and the crew.” Motioning to Dan who sits by the director, looking in awe at it. I can’t help but smile, and Will senses it. “You two have better chemistry than we all hoped.” He mumbles and nudges me lightly. 

“It sure ain’t acting.” I mutter to myself letting out a sigh as he glances over, a wide smile etched on his face. 

“Not for him either.” Will pushes himself off of the wall, turning around to wink at me before continuing, leaving me slightly stunned. 

Down to my last few hours on working on set I can’t help but process how mad it has all been. The crew begin to smile more as they look over all of the disjointed footage and point at some bits and laugh whole heartedly at others. I’ve spent time joking with the band, talking to Dan about life and myself. It has been comfortable, less intimidating with the passing minute. 

“Right, last shot everyone!” A round of cheers sound as I’m directed towards the remains of the feathers. 

Hearing my name being called as I near them I turn around to see Dan, holding up his jacket. “You’ve got to wear this.” He mumbles and helps me slip into it. Immediately goosebumps form as it is too big, the soft fabric comforting and laced with reminders of him and the memories we have had over the course of the three days here. “Looks, it looks great.” Wholeheartedly he smiles and I thank him before wandering over to the feathers.

My job is to stand in amongst the burnt mess and look up as more feathers- not lit fall onto me whilst I let one tear fall. The crew are all in place and everyone goes silent, this time the music doesn’t play and all we can hear is the whirring of the fans and feathers fall on top of me. Trying my best not to laugh I force it back, get into the zone as I can feel Dan’s eyes on me. 

Closing my eyes I open them just as the camera pans on me, the tears falling at just the right moment when feathers aren’t clouding my vision. Locking my gaze with the lens I let the tears continue to fall as the feathers climb up my calves. “And that is it! Cut!” Everyone starts to cheer and I collapse down into the pile of feathers, still in complete shock over the entire thing. 

“Hey,” Lifting my head Dan holds out his hand and helps me out of the feathers, picking them from my hair and laughing at the sight of me. “you did it.” He beams and his eyes seem so full of care, gratitude rimming the pure joy. 

“Everyone did it. I, I can’t wait to see it.” I could barely contain my excitement, it was as if I was a kid again going into the Disney store. “But more importantly I can’t wait to take this makeup off.” Already I could hear my face thanking me after my pores have been heavily clogged for days. 

Snapping out of his gaze I began to shrug his jacket off, “You’d probably want this back.” Taking it off I already feel cold, the warmth that circulated in it being something I now crave. As he held it in his grip he remained hesitant to put it on, instead he walked behind me and hung it over my shoulders. 

Before I had a chance to question he stopped me. “You said yesterday when we were in the car that you love being you, and not all made up like this cause it isn’t real.” I nodded in response, wondering where he was going. “When can I see you, the real you?” It came out as more of a proposition, the glint in his eyes evident as the corners of his mouth raised. 

Smiling myself I pulled my arms into his jacket, “Saturday, 4pm.” I tell him and the two of us wander back over to the cheers from the crew and the band, joining the celebrations. 

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IM SO PROUD OF THIS! It took hours and I love how it turned out. Reblog don’t repost and please don’t delete my caption <3