wow i'm actually posting something what

  • me: being called pretty is really not that meaningful to me. there are so many things i value more than that about myself. i want to be appreciated for my character. tell me i'm funny. tell me i'm talented. tell me i'm an insightful conversationalist. tell me something that's actually emotionally fulfilling.
  • anyone: wow you look so pretty!!
  • me: [melts into a puddle you couldn't dip your ankles in]
  • me: [bc i'm shallow]

okay i’m sorry i just need to talk about this more. even more than the entire episodes we’ve had in both link joker and so far in legion mate focusing on kai’s tendencies towards self-hate and how destructive his tendency to cut out people from his life is, i think this one line here may just be the most important thing that has ever happened in regard to his character development thus far.

both pre-series and during the show itself, kai’s personality has changed multiple times - most prominently, after the incidents with ren and his parents, and after giving into link joker. while both of these times this happened partly due to other reasons, it is very likely that he adopted these personas to push people away - to protect himself from being hurt by others again, and to stop himself from hurting others, respectively.

before the link joker incident, he constantly acted on his own because he thought it was a necessity. then, this ended up indirectly causing his submission to void, which only made his self-esteem plummet even further. by the time the final battle with aichi rolled around, he had truly realized just how destructive his actions and habits had been and could be, to both himself and the people around him.

and yet, because he was just that far gone, he saw taking these self-destructive tendencies to their absolute extreme as the only option left. it wasn’t until aichi made him realize that he had people he could rely on that he relented.

and now, here we are, thirteen episodes later. and he’s saying this. his opinion of himself is still obviously pretty shot because of all that’s happened in his life, and he knows it. but he’s okay with it. he’s okay with his faults and his shortcomings, because he has people that he knows will accept him, flaws and all. he has, for the time being, come to terms with himself. in a way, it’s similar to the development aichi had towards the end of season one when he accepted both his “light” and “dark” side during the fight with ren as both parts of himself. but, what matters the most is that while kai is not okay, he’s well on his way to being okay and he knows that. i think we could probably all learn something from kai tosihiki (wow. i can’t believe the day has come that i’ve actually typed that sentence out in earnest).

huh. maybe there is something special to this whole “mate” thing after all.