You’re all wonderful, have beautiful faces, cute interests etc. and then there’s me lmao
This isn’t even close to aesthetic, but I’m neither so that matches perfectly, doesn’t it Most of them represent my mental state actually, like some inside my head and the Daria one how others perceive me (cause I have often heard “wow, so much enthusiasm”, “woah you sound excited” etc. all in a sarcastic way of course, like ehhh sorry that’s my voice???)
And yeah the last one are some wise words (to save this post a bit) because regardless of who you have, if you don’t save yourself in a way, no one will
Wow, I have legit never seen this much hate in a pro-pairing tag before, and I’ve been apart of the Naruto fandom since 2008.
We get it: it’s not the ‘healthiest’ ship, but that’s not why many of us like it! Reylo shippers are a diverse bunch, but one thing we all seem to have in common is our appreciation of the fact Kylo perceives Rey as an equal in power, even as fucked up as his actions in the movie were. We’re not dismissing that. In fact, I want Rey to hand his arse back to him before he pulls himself back to the light. Anyone with two eyes can see the upcoming redemption arc, and I doubt the writers or Reylo shippers want that at Rey’s expense.
Also, God forbid any haters saw the infamous darkfic from older fandoms. Now those were unhealthy. Go poke them.
“You can’t change people because they are born the way they are, with their personalities intact.”
Someone said this to me Monday and I’ve been thinking about it ever since because I think it’s pure bullshit. And because I think it’s pure bullshit it got me thinking about how I ended up this way. What made me quiet and reserved? What turned me into an introvert? What made me so completely unsure of myself and my abilities?
On the same day someone tweeted “Thank a teacher” and I thought of all the teachers I had and so many of my memories of those teachers go hand in hand with the questions I’d been asking about myself.
There was the teacher who told me school was no place for humor so I stopped telling jokes and making my wry kindergarten observations, and at that point humor was my primary way of communicating and connecting with other kids. There was the teacher who said school was no place for talking and being a stickler for rules and regulations (I still am very much that way) I made sure not to talk in the classroom, not even when other kids whispered my name or tried to pass me notes. There was the teacher who told me girls don’t play baseball or kickball at recess, they do girl things, so I retreated from the boys corner of the playground where I felt much more comfortable and stood by while the girls around me talked amongst themselves and left me out of their conversations and hopscotch games. There was that year I was put in a “special” class where we would learn another form of writing and reading in some ridiculous research project foisted on third graders who were then all made to feel different and misunderstood when they started writing in this weird alphabet outside of the classroom. There was the gym teacher who told me I was too small to be good at any sports and the other gym teacher who stood by and laughed while the entire class of girls launched their dodge balls at me at the same time.
Why was I so small? Why was my voice so quiet? Why did I like to read so much? Why would I go the library for fun? Things asked not just by other kids but by adults who were worried that I was not like the other children my age. When I wanted to talk about what I read in the newspaper every morning I was told those conversations were for adults and I should go back to reading my Archie comics. When I got all As except for that one B I was questioned over and over again about that B and how it came to be. And then when it all became too much and Mr. Winter, my sixth grade teacher, took a very special unliking to me because I “quiet kids can’t be trusted” I stopped caring and started bringing home Cs which made me feel like a complete failure because every report card said I wasn’t living up to my potential.
Then I took a Home Ec class in middle school and I couldn’t sew to save my life and was asked “What kind of girl are you, anyway?” and in that class they tried to teach us about putting on makeup and hair color and fashion and when I had no interest in that stuff the teacher’s assistant said it was because I was too plain to ever really look pretty. I threw myself into my English class which was the only class I truly loved and got good grades in and I started smoking cigarettes and pot and drinking quarts of beer behind 7-11 with “friends” who were never really my friends but just people tolerated me until they had moments where they didn’t tolerate me.
I had adults in my life who told me children were to be seen but not heard but even some children shouldn’t be seen. I was made to feel awkward and ugly and out of place in this world. I was told I would never amount to anything. I was told I would never reach my potential because I lacked the drive or ambition or esteem needed to get there.
I was a self fulfilling prophecy. I was everything they said I would be and none of the things they said I would not be. I was meek and quiet and unsure of myself and I felt lost all the time. I didn’t know who I was or who I could be or how I could ever be anything of consequence. I spent my high school years in a haze of drugs, barely graduating, feeling more lost than I did before I was handed that diploma. I had friends who were going to Ivy league colleges, sure of what they were doing with their lives. I wasn’t even going to college because why bother if I couldn’t amount to anything.
It just got worse as I got older. I clung to relationships that should have never existed. I became co-dependent. I started to fear everything. I began having panic attacks. The more adulthood encroached on my life, the harder it became to enjoy my existence. Depression, anxiety and a plethora of fears made it hard to truly enjoy the world around me. And even though I had some fun and met some truly great people and had memorable experiences, there was always that veneer of “I’m not good enough for anything or anyone and I’ll never be anything other than this shell of a person” hanging over me.
I wasn’t born that way. I was made that way.
Don’t ever think outside forces can’t influence the way a person defines themselves or who they become or how their personalities are formed.
But there’s another side to this.
It works the other way, too.
Because at some point in my life I decided to release all the negative people from my world, to ignore the negative influences and surround myself with only the people who truly cared about me, the people who nurtured me, encouraged me and tried to find the worth in my when I felt mostly worthless. I became more sure of myself, more eager to share of myself and confident in my abilities. More important I became confident in the idea that I deserved to be happy and deserved to be loved. Because words have weight. Especially when they are coming from people you respect or love.
So what is all this? What is the purpose of me putting this all out here?
Words mean something. Words mean everything. How you talk to someone, how you treat them, how you encourage them to perceive themselves, especially young children, it all goes a long way toward shaping someone’s sense of self and thus their personalities. Words, thrown at someone over a length of time, eventually stick. And when they are bad words or negative words they stick hard and they don’t come off. They stay with you. They became part of you and color everything you do in your life.
Be careful with your words. A little, tiny thing like “you talk too much” or a big thing like “You’re not smart enough to be what you want to be” can have such an impact on a child. Remarking on their clothes, the way they laugh, their height, their shyness, the things they love to do, their differences - it can all go straight to the heart and what goes straight to the heart goes straight to the mind.
Choose your words carefully. Think about the impact your words can have on kid or even an adult. If you can find a good word to say about someone in place of a negative word, say it. Encourage, don’t discourage. When you’re inclined to pick on something that bothers you about someone, try finding something you like about them instead.
Be careful with your children. By your children I mean all children. They’re so vulnerable, so suggestive, so easily swayed by what others think of them. Discouraging words make for discouraged kids. Which make for discouraged adults.
I’m not saying you should continually tell a child they are special and unique and can do no wrong. That’s just as dangerous as telling them they never do anything right. But there’s a medium somewhere, a happy medium where a child’ self esteem is encouraged and nurtured enough so they can hear criticism without hearing an condemnation of their entire being.
Just, be careful. Our personalities for the most part don’t come intact. They’re shaped and formed by outside influences. So do your small part to make sure those influences are good.