wow i even hate myself for making this

An open letter to Victoria Aveyard.


Dear Victoria Aveyard,

Hello, my name is Calel, as you can tell from my account, and I am here to complain to you personally. When I first went to Barnes and Noble about three months ago, I thought I was going to emerge from that fine establishment with a cute Harry Potter picture book to read to my little cousins.

What I actually came out with was ‘Red Queen’. The one book I had heard about from my friends, the one book I read the back of and was immediately engrossed in. I read the first few chapters, going 'this is pretty good, I see why my friends like it’.

Skip two weeks later, about mid-August, school is barely starting. I am reading 'Red Queen’ as much as I can. I have fallen in love with Maven, he is just so perfect in my head, he is gorgeous. Cal reminds me of myself, the name and also the 'older sibling must be perfect’ pressure. Mare confuses me, she is the one character that I sit and talk about with my best friend for six hours, trying to figure her out.

As soon as I finish the book, I am in tears in the back seat of my ma’s car. It hurts like a broken heart, because I am heartbroken. I feel betrayed, backstabbed, by the only thing I trusted. This wasn’t how it was to end. No, this book was to be about segregation and racism that I could count on to be the testament to my feelings towards the world.

Red Queen was supposed to be a cute little adventure book that didn’t take place on Earth or anywhere near my time period. It was supposed to be this wonderful book that I could reread a thousand times and find new things every time. But this book is so much more. Red Queen shattered my expectations, took the bar and flew to Pluto with it.

Queue griping with my best friend about it, and all I know is that she’s in the middle of Glass Sword, ten minutes later, we’ve swapped books, Glass Sword for Six of Crows. My ma was expected to pick me up from her house in a half an hour, so I barely scratched the surface of the book. I read to about chapter two in the next few days, as I am now a high school student in the only STEM school in the state.

I am assigned a book report due at the end of October and I reasoned with myself saying, hey, you can read another heartbreaking story for a grade! And that was exactly what I did.

Roughly two hours ago, I had 73 pages to go before I could start on the report; an hour ago, I was in the exact same spot as last time, crying in the back of my ma’s car, screaming for the next book. The neighbors are starting to stare at the blonde girl in the back of an Honda Accord, who is literally screaming at the top of her lungs “you f*cking idiot!”

I fell in love with the characters again, I hate Maven even more than I hate math homework. Shade is my brother, he is what I want in a brother. Cal is basically my crush, I love him so much, I can barely function without thinking about him. I see Mare as myself, we are one, I feel her pain, I know it well. I want to go into this universe and exist.

Miss Aveyard, you are now going, “wow, what a complete weirdo, she recapped the last 3 months to tell me this”. Not at all, I’m saying I literally want to jump into this book and make everything better. Why did you write this so well? How can you make me cry when only the worst things make me cry.

You have a gift, one that many want, but only few can master. Victoria, I love you so much for giving me this world to love, to visualize and try (fail) to paint. I want to to say thank you, even if you have gotten this far into my jumble of words.

You’re my favorite,

Calel Laathi (enter last name)

anonymous asked:

For the prompt meme: Otayuri, #31

31. things you said while I cried in your arms

“are you crying?” otabek asks when he finds yuri outside the reception hall.

“no,” yuri says, crying. 

“oh my god,” otabek says, taking his phone out to take a picture.  yuri tries to swipe it out of his hands, and eventually succeeds, but not before otabek has three blurry pictures of yuri snot-nosed and puffy eyed angrily approaching him.  “i can’t believe you actually know how to cry.”

“don’t make fun of me!” yuri says, rubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket. “i hate this!” 

“the crying?” otabek asks. “or victor and yuuri being married.”

both,” yuri spits out, looking away, like it hurts him to admit. his fists curl together and squeeze at his sides. “i want what they have, and i hate myself for it.”

“wow,” otabek says flatly. “how terrible.” 

“you don’t have to be an asshole,” yuri says. “you’re lucky i’m even letting you see me like this and live.”

“are you saying that we don’t have what they have?” otabek asks, but he’s teasing.

“of course not.” yuri sniffs, wipes his nose again.

“or that i need to make an honest man out of you?” 

“don’t be disgusting!” yuri shouts, but then retreats in on himself again.  “maybe in like… five to ten years.  if i can even tolerate you that long.”

“and then they’ll be the ones crying at your wedding,” otabek says.  

“gross, why would we even invite them?” yuri says.  otabek smiles, and doesn’t say anything, and it takes a second for yuri to smile back at him just briefly before pushing past him to head back into the hall. “god, fine, i’m done.  we can go back inside.  i hope you’re happy.  i can’t believe i’m marrying you.”  

yeo hwanwoong as your boyfriend
  • okay listen hwanwoong is a catch in every single way because this boy has a heart of gold
  • he’s kind of playful and will definitely tease you from time to time
  • but at the same time he’s very caring and will always make sure to let you know just how important you are to him
  • very passionate about the things he loves a.k.a. dancing and you
  • make-out sessions
  • making out with hwanwoong is really, really nice
  • he’s just a very sensual kind of person so he always puts a lot of passion into his kisses
  • and they don’t even have to be particularly intense for you to go weak in the knees
  • he uses tongue a lot
  • wow he just loves knowing that you’re so incredibly weak for him
  • so when you pull away from one of his kisses to catch your breath he’ll notice that your face went a little red and his lips just quirk up into a smile
  • so you know how hwanwoong has these really magnetic eyes and expressions every time he’s performing
  • he’s like that off stage as well
  • and you find it incredibly hard to tear your gaze away from his eyes whenever he feels like teasing you
  • he’ll just smirk at you and maybe even send a little wink your way
  • and honestly it just makes your heart go fucking wild inside your chest
  • whenever you decide to cook for him he melts a little because he thinks the gesture is so sweet
  • well basically he’s a fan of everything you do so
  • takes you to the movies a lot and always pays for the popcorn
  • going clothes shopping with hwanwoong is actually really chill because he knows just what you like
  • but after one hour y’all end up in the food court anyways so there’s not that much shopping being done after all
  • speaking of clothes, the two of you swap clothes all the time like you basically live in each other’s closets
  • “hey babe do you still have that grey over-sized shirt that looked really good on me”
  • “i don’t know woongie maybe it’s buried beneath the twenty sweaters you left here who knows by now”
  • tickle fights occur whenever you’re supposed to be napping
  • loves dancing with you, no matter your skill level
  • might actually sign you up for some kind of hip-hop dancing class behind your back like watch out
  • he just wants to share his favorite hobby with you so he’ll definitely try teaching you some steps
  • when you just can’t seem to get something right he’ll step right behind you and kind of guide your arms and your body and wow his touch sends such a pleasant tingle up your spine like can he do that again
  • didn’t hesitate to introduce you to gunhee and gunmin and you guys start hanging out together a lot
  • they absolutely adore you
  • and they keep ironically ??? pestering hwanwoong about marrying you
  • and honestly, one day he wants to
  • sometimes his love for you completely overwhelms him and he’ll just stop whatever he’s doing and stare at you with that gaze
  • and your heart seizes up and you blush furiously because nobody has ever looked at you like that
  • one night the two of you are sitting on your window sill with your legs dangling over the edge and he’ll just kind of grab your hand and kiss your fingers and softly confess his love to you for the first time
  • “you know i really love you right?”
  • and you’re honestly tempted to just jump out of your window yourself because for a second you can’t believe that he’s real and he’s there and he’s in love with you god damn it
  • nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck during the night and holds you close
  • you just make him feel incredibly safe, important and loved so he never hesitates to try and give that back to you wow hwanwoong is just. yes. date hwanwoong
Next to me (PART 1)

Pairing: Taehyung X Female Reader X Jungkook

Genre: neighbor!au; fluff

Summary: Summer is here. You were ready to have a nice paecefull break but that was thrown out of the window when a mesmerizing voice caught your attention. It just so happens to be that its owner is right next to you.

Originally posted by taekooktheories

Finally, summer is here. A happy smile spread on your face and the fresh summer breeze washed away all of your worries.  You were sitting on your window´s shelf, with your scrapbook in your lap. With pencil in your mouth, that you were gently biting, your attention flooded somewhere away in the distance of the street, which was filled with happy screams of kids that were playing outside.  There you were, finally able to daydream in the middle of a white day. When the idea suddenly came to you, you let your hand move on its own and create soft gray lines on a blank paper. Everything else happened naturally. Step by step the unmeaningful lines from the beginning were becoming part of the whole. Your pencil was doing the magic so you couldn´t bite on it anymore, so you automatically started chewing on your rosy lower lip.  Soon there was black on white a sketch of the old building next to the garden of thousand of roses.

While you were touching up your creation, you suddenly heard a calming sweet melody. You looked up from the scrapbook. You let go of your lip that was now burning red and you let it hang there, making you look hypnotized. You turned your head to your right, trying to figure out from where was the music coming from. Your eyes scanned through everything that your sight reached, while you were turning your head in all directions. And then your eyes lingered a little longer on the house next to yours. Its window on your side was slightly opened, making the curtains from inside to flood lightly. You moved your head to the side completely overwhelmed by the beautiful tune. You kept your attention on the window and listened more carefully. It sounded like that was the place from where it was coming from. You were guessing that the melody was singing a male…… a young male. His voice was so fresh and pleasant, the sweetest voice that you have ever heard. Longer than you listened, more and more your body started to relax, causing your eye lids to slowly close. This is how you were able to hear the singing voice even clearer. The wind caressed your face while you just listened. But you quickly opened your eyes again when you heard a loud rattle. The neighbour´s window closed and the sweet melody was gone. Through the window you couldn’t see anyone, so you thought the wind closed it. You looked back at your sketch disappointed that you couldn´t see the person who mesmerized you in a swift moment. The melody stuck in your head was slowly getting quieter, letting your mind some little space to think. That´s when it hit you. “But the neighbors moved out. Who was that then…? Did we got new neighbors?” you said to yourself. Suddenly you felt all excited when you heard your words out loud. You finished your masterpiece with a joyful smile on your face.

You were in the kitchen. Because it was in the middle of the week, your parents were at work and your little brother was outside somewhere playing with his friends. You could even hear him, screaming like some maniac while he scored a goal. You were preparing lunch, for you and your little dude. It will be like this for the rest of the week because you start working at the flower shop next week. While you were cooking, someone rang a bell. “Coming.”

You quickly wiped your hands on a towel and ran to open the door. And when you did so, there was standing a tall man in front of you. “ Hello, may I help you” you started the conversation. “ Hello, sorry to interrupt you. My name is Kim Rae Won and I am your new neighbor,” he said politely. “Oooo…the new neighbors… I was right! But this isn´t the person with that sweet voice that I heard yesterday…” your thoughts ran like crazy in your head, causing that your heartbeat fastened its pace. Because you stayed silent he pointed at the house right next to yours:

“The Kim family.”

You looked to your side, the action making you finally get yourself together. “Ow, yes. Hello, my name is Y/N, nice to meet you.” You reached with your hand forward and gave him a nice squeeze: “But I haven´t heard nothing about new neighbors moving in,” you politely tried to continue the conversation and at the same time satisfy your curiosity.“Well, we moved in just yesterday, so it´s reasonable that you haven´t heard nothing about us” he nicely told you. “By meaning us, you mean who, if I may ask?” You were desperate to know who is the owner of that honey like voice. You were looking at him with big expecting eyes.

He smiled: “My family. My wife and my two sons.”

His words confirmed your predictions and your eyes light up with hope and excitement. Automatically a smile popped up on your face and you nodded at him. “Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Y/N. I hope that we will stay in the good relationship. My family, including me, really love this neighborhood.” “The pleasure was all mine. I hope that you will stop by anytime soon so that you can also meet my parents and my little brother,” you politely suggested. He showed you his pearly teeth: “Yes of course, maybe I will even come with my family” Soon he said his goodbyes and you waved him still standing at the door frame.

“Wow, I got myself some handsome neighbors…“ words were racing through your mind making you slightly nervous. ” If he already looks like-that-I can only imagine how would the sons look like… I bet…he…looks angel like, just as beautiful as his voice.“ you were daydreaming with a little smile on your face. Soon, realizing what were you doing, you quickly shook your head, hating yourself for acting like some kind of lovestruck teenager full of hormones. Ow…well that is completely reasonable because that is exactly who you are.

After lunch, you went back to your room. Legs heavy on you so you slowly dragged them to the bed and plopped your booty on the soft surface. The action made your hair bounce a little and also dance around your shoulder when you suddenly turned your head towards the window. You were looking through your new neighbor´s window, trying to see anything. And there they were. The still untouched boxes placed nicely beside the wall, of an unknown owner´s bedroom.  You slowly stood up and went closer to the window. With your hands on its shelf, you felt the beating of your heart through your every vein in your body. While biting your lip your hands slowly reached left, to grab your curtains. You pulled them to yourself covering your body. You really don´t know what would you do if he saw you like this. Better play it safe.

Suddenly you saw something move. With your eyes wide you were sure that something moved in there, you didn´t see it clear who or what was it, but there was some kind of movement. You narrowed your eyes and gripped the curtains harder.

“Come on….I´m going crazy over here!!! Please, just let me see you…Just a little-” you whispered into the quiet room.

You dragged your face forward, closer to the window, the curtains still covering your body. You saw a shadow in the corner, so you completely directed all of your attention on that little space of mystery man´s bedroom.  With your focus on the black shape on the wall, you were bringing your face even closer to the window glass.

All of a sudden a hand showed up into your shot and moved the curtains, wiping your hopes away with the action. The movement surprised you, so you hit your nose against the window’s glass. With your face still pressed against the glass, you let out a disappointed sigh fogging the cold surface in front of you. You let go of the curtains and gently rubbed your nose with a blue face.

But on the other side, there was a boy laying on the bed. His back was drowned in the soft surface and his face was turned towards the ceiling. With his hands in his hair, he was slowly trying to rub away a stupid headache caused by the unbearable summer heat. The darkness that was painting the room caused by the curtains, was making the throbbing pain little softer. He was wearing a white shirt which was buttoned up only so that most of his torso was covered up. A single drop of sweat formed on his neck, which was slowly traveling lower, drawing a shiny line over his collarbones and chest. He needed to unpack and organize all of his stuff: “Ahh, fuck it… No way! I´m not going to move from the bed.” Only his little breaths were heard which were coming from another blue face.

“Y/NNN!!!” “Coming moom!!” You quickly ran downstairs, jumping over last two steps and sliding through the hall to the living room. “What sup”, you cutely smiled at her. “Sweetheart come here,” she stretched her arm for you to hug her. “When did you come home?” You sat down beside her after giving her a hug. “I just came. I also stopped by at the new neighbor´s house. I met Mis. and Mrs. Kim, they are really nice. Mrs. Kim also told me he already met you and I believe you made an amazing first impression my lady.” you gave her a shy smile:”Amm yeah, I guess.” “That is why I invited them for a dinner tonight.” When her word reached your ears you slightly jumped, shock and excitement overflowing your body. “A…dinner! Whaa…!T..t..tonight?! Omgggg….this is happening!!! I´m going to see him tonight!!!” you thought to yourself. Your mom continued: “ I want to have a good relationship with new neighbors, better than with the old ones,” she gave me the look and you quickly returned it when you got your shit back together, knowing exactly what she meant. “So dress up nicely and I trust you to behave yourself as always.” “Of course,” you replied a little too fast making your mom chuckle. “And help me with the dinner, would you. I´m kinda in a rush.” She patted your shoulder and sat up leaving you hard stone on the sofa. You knew someday this would happen, but not like…tonight!

You quickly helped glammed up your little brother and prepare the dinner. Later you rushed under a shower. With a body full of adrenaline you rubbed your scalp like crazy. Your intense thoughts ran through your mind as fast as the water, you were just too excited. And when it was time to choose what to wear, you thought that maybe you´re just not ready - yet. That maybe you should just hide somewhere and give yourself a little more time. You sat on the bed with your almost completely dry hair and a towel around you, deciding on your stupid plan. You looked to your side where the neighbor’s window was. Again. There was a soft yellow light that was shining through the curtains. Your eyes caught the sight of a shadow dancing in the background. The show in front of you made you even more nervous and the reality hit you even harder. In less than 40 minutes you will see him. You just can not help but build high expectations. You climbed so high, too high, the height making you scared. Scared of its danger and hard ass consequences dipped in disappointment. You shook your head jumping on your feet. “Don`t back down now Y/N! You wanted this, now you have it. They are just neighbors for god´s sake…” you tried to encourage yourself.

You slowly closed your bedroom door, after doing so you stood still for a moment facing the door. You slowly breathed into the wood, trying to calm yourself. Why were you even that nervous… It`s all your fault, your mind played stupid little games with you. You just couldn`t keep yourself grounded. You did a little “tsk” with your tongue completely outraged over yourself. Just when you were about to turn around to head downstairs, you heard the bell.

“Coming!” Your mom cheerfully yelled while she went to get the door. You loudly gulped and just waited. There were some new voices heard. You were sure, completely sure that when you`ll hear his voice you`ll know he`s the one. You recognized Mrs. Kim`s voice and the honey like female voice probably belonged to his wife, Mis. Kim. But that was it. You couldn`t hear anything else, anyone else, just your mom loudly shutting the door and rambling about everything that crossed her mind at the moment. You sighed and turned around. You fixed your fresh curl behind your ear which softly brushed against your bare shoulder. “Now or never you scaredy cat…” Yes, that was your encouraging words.

You played with the hem of your white simple dress, the light comfy material making you a little distracted. You slowly placed one hand on the staircase fence and took careful steps downstairs. The cold metallic surface making you flinch a little, the contrast between the railing and your skin just too big.

Suddenly there was that sweet melody playing in your mind again.The voice still fresh in your memory making you relax for a second. Your curiosity grew even bigger in that moment, probably because he was just a few steps away from you. Now you were in the hallway and you listened to the voices coming from the dining room. “Y/N!” Your mom peeked into the hallway looking for you. “Oh, there you are. What are you doing, come on sweety.” She went to get you and she just grabbed your hand. “Don`t be nervous. You look stunning by the way.” And in a sec you were already in the dining room: “ This is my lovely daughter, Y/N.”

Ow boy…

The scene in front of you played out in slow motion. Your eyes landed on two backs facing you which were slowly turning around. Your eyes grew larger, your heartbeat ringing in your ears completely blocking out the words of your mom and of whoever was also talking. And finally, you were face to face with now two handsome faces. With your slightly parted lips, you traced every single feature on those two faces.

The sons

Yes, you were sure those were the sons. One had lighter hair than the other and one was little taller than the other one. The dark haired guy has nice round adorable eyes and they are staring at you. When you locked eyes with him he wrinkled them a little gifting you an eye smile. But you were still in trans so you just couldn`t bring yourself to return the gesture. Your eyes rather switched on the guy next to him. His light hair was slightly parted making him reveal his sharp stunning eyebrows. He playfully raised them when you caught his eyes making you finally snap out of it. “Those are my sons. Jungkook,” he placed his hand on dark haired boy`s shoulder. “And this is Taehyung,” Mr.Kim pointed at the other boy.

You were just standing there, first looking at one guy, then at the other. Because you didn`t say anything your mom spoke up saving you: “Well now that we broke the ice shall we take a seat.”  Your mom placed her hand on the small of your back softly pushing you forward. While you were taking a sit you thought to yourself:”Gosh, I really didn`t think this through. There`s two of them, how on earth will I know which one is him…” Everybody took a seat including the sons, it just so happens to be right in front of you. You didn`t know if that is a good thing or not because you suddenly felt a big lump in your throat.You nervously slid your hand over your dress, smoothing out the wrinkles.

The dark haired boy was wearing a small polite smile and from time to time he curiously looked around the room. Yeah, he was looking around…also looking at you. But whenever you looked at him too, he focused his eyes on something else, most of the time at his baked potatoes, which were laying on his plate while he was playing with them. If you weren`t staring at him too, you wouldn’t even know that he gave any of his attention. While you observed him you were thinking if he is the one.

But suddenly he spoke up:” Am, yes we are both in college.” With your mouth slightly open you imprinted his smooth voice in your memory. He has a really sweet attractive voice. You could listen to him for hours, but is it that the voice that you`re looking for…

Before you could figure out your ears were met with another voice. This one was deeper, honey like sending slight shivers down your spine. Is it… “Yes, I am. I`m 2 years older than Jungkook.” The words formed the light haired guy. He was answering your dad`s questions while wearing cheerful aura. You could feel it, his energy was positive and strong. But he, for a difference, wasn`t switching his focus on you not even once. You observed him too and now that you also heard his voice you were even more interested. You carefully listened to him, he shared even a laugh with your dad making you even smile. You leaned your head to the side supporting it with your hand. Could he…be the one who mesmerized me… You slowly blinked comparing the two voices that you heard. They were both beyond pleasant but… You gently bit your lip, still focusing on the light haired guy called Taehyung.

The memory from a few days ago flashed in front of your eyes… The singing voice… “Of course sir…” His words echoed through your mind making you lift your head once they settled in and… Could it be… is he really…!

anonymous asked:

Falco Lombardi

I stated in the first ever post featuring a Star Fox character that there is not a single character besides Slippy that I would not consider furrybait. Yet here we are, getting a submission for yet another character in the lore of Star Fox that is obviously furrybait.

Look at this confident, cocky, strong, fierce birdman. This birdman is a birdman a birdman of hating you. yet, he’s something to desire. I don’t get the draw to Falco as much as Wolf. I wouldn’t consider myself a big fan of Falco Lombardi, but I don’t hat him. He’s hot and definitely has his features that give all who gaze upon him chills.

(rather devil’s fork looking in this pic, wow)

The thing that makes him even more furrybait is his range of emotion. In this photo he trots along like the dorky piece of white meat he is. He has a fierce look and can be dorky or any sort of emotion. In conclusion, Falco Lombardi is furrybait and I don’t really need to go into detail why.

okay i said i was logging off but I got one more thing to say. *clears throat*

So I was reading anons being sent to @tayloralisionswift and I couldn’t help but notice how many people talked about feeling bad about themselves for *not having kissed, had sex, dated, etc. 

I sent this anon:

And I feel the need to add to it because tumblr freaking cut me off.

I’ve felt this way all though grade school and it sucked. I hated that that I was so uncomfortable with parties so even if I was invited to one I wouldn’t go. I don’t hate parties though, I hate drinking. And I hate that because I don’t drink, my likeliness of making friends and socializing in high school was limited. And that’s scarring. I watched all the pretty girls in tight dresses and heels go to parties and holding their red solo cups, and posting their pictures on instagram. And writing that I want to laugh at myself, but in that moment it sucks to be sitting at home, looking at that picture and thinking about how uncool you are. Which leads to, “Why would anyone want to be friends with me I’m not like that” which led to “wow k I hate myself.” 

And the same goes for dating and kissing and what not. We perceive a relationship to be what makes up happy because of society!! This is a taylor swift blog so I’m go to incorporate her into this. Someone I admire like no other even talks about this narrative and how she fell for it to as a teenager and part of her early twenties. (You can actually see the progression in her albums!!) Her album 1989 was really about realizing how happy you can be when you complete yourself. 

If a woman (who I consider to be so mature and beyond her years) can also be clouded by this narrative that society teaches us then so can you and so can I. Most women will tell you she was happiest when she was single because a relationship with yourself IS REALLY HARD, let alone a relationship with a another human being.

and let’s just get down to the last one. sex. If you haven’t done this then so what? If it’s really something you want to do, let’s be honest, you can do it. It ain’t that hard to go out there and find someone. But if you don’t want to, but you feel pressured to, don’t do it because there are plenty of stories out there about people who regretted having it just because. Trust your gut and do things when you want to and when you feel ready whether it be any of things. 


Just listen to Taylor Swift and eat ice cream because I’ve always found that to be more relaxing then living up to crazy standards that were started by fictional characters in a fictional narrative. 

Stargate: Atlantis — Season 2  {Sentence Starters}

  • “Everything’s not fine.“
  • “Why aren’t you dead?“
  • “What did you do to him?“
  • “Do I make you nervous?”
  • “Why are you whispering?“
  • “Ok, what are our options?“
  • “Do not even speak to me!“
  • “You need to stop doing that.“
  • “You said it was a great plan.“
  • “Slow down. Are you all right?”
  • “I know, I disgust myself sometimes.“
  • “Maybe we should make a diversion.“
  • “You are the worst hallucination ever.“
  • “Easy, you’re gonna cut your hands off.”
  • “Well, we are spread a bit thin right now.“
  • “I made a mistake trying to save your life!“
  • “You should have seen me, I was amazing!“
  • “Don’t stare. He hates it when people stare.“
  • “I think it’s a little more complicated than that.“
  • “Wow, you must really be some kind of genius.“
  • “You know, this does require a bit of concentration.“
  • “You don’t seriously think that’s gonna help, do you?”
  • “I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to do.”
  • “I am perfectly capable of doing both at the same time.“
  • “I’m just checking something… I’m sure it is impossible.”
  • “Well then, if we get rid of it, you’ve got nothing to worry about.“
  • “I’m starting to develop some serious abandonment issues here!“
  • “We do our best to fight them off, but they keep sending them in.“
  • “But remember, you have to be willing to put your life on the line for me.“
  • “I think you’re trying to determine the point at which I will completely snap.“
  • “Look, I just wanna say one last time: I really don’t think this is a good idea.”
  • “Let me see, we’ve got quick death, slow death, painful death, cold, lonely death.“
  • “You’ve got a serious laceration on your arm and you’ve lost a good deal of blood.”

Me: Wow I sure love making art. So fun. So relaxing
Me, 5 minutes later, crying: I fkcinh hate ths FUCK why did I do this thr shading fukc hell shit

...You're Home (Part 7)


Part 6 here:

No warnings maybe a little blood

(The villain I made up entirely by myself this person isn’t real in The MCU or marvel at all)


I was in a hurry to get to avengers tower

Fury had screamed his lungs out at me he needed me and every avenger has to be on call at all times blah blah blah

I locked my door and saw matt come out of his apartment I smiled

“Hi Murdock” I took my key out and looked at Matt up and down he was his red glasses again and a suit of course he was bleeding from his cheek “oh my god matt” I touched his face he whimpered in pain “its fine its fine im good, I fell on my face earlier”

“Aw shit you were alone why didn’t you yell I would’ve heard it”

“I’m good I promise, you wanna hang out tonight” he licked his lips

“Um yeah if I get a mission I’ll come down to your office if that’s okay?” I asked I didn’t know matt well but I at least wanted to tell him in person if I couldn’t go

“Of course, also if you ever need an attorney I’m here!” He smiled handing me his card in his suit jacket pocket

I kissed his cheek “I won’t forget” I’ve never seen someone turn the color of their glasses before, me and matt have somewhat but haven’t actually had a conversation I blame myself

“WHY wasn’t I told about it?!” Fury yelled in the office with half of the avengers which included Tony Natasha Bucky Sam and Steve

“I’m sorry time passed by and I forgot” I genuinely forgot it wasn’t a lie

“We’ll deal with you later now Mr stark went totally over MY RULES I set specific rules for this mission I told him to train agent y/l/n because I have a mission that was yesterday I needed her to be ready” fury was frustrated

Myself and the team all gave each other funny looks except for tony who folded his arms across his chest and rolled his eyes

“Nobody was even informed about it? Wow stark you are making me hate you more than ever” he scoffes

“I intended for y/n to do a simple mission find out information lure the man in and its a done deal, Mr stark here” he puts his hand out gesturing to tony “made some other women come in that he “trained” and put her out on the field without me knowing “ he air quoted trained which means she fucked up

"And ruined our chance! so tonight agent y/l/n theres a banquet for a charity Ivan Williams is going to be there, we need information get it out of him quick agent barnes will be there on guard also agent Romanoff” fury cleared his throat “After you get what we need for the are bucky are leaving on a trip to Argentina undercover as Ivan and his wife, here’s the files I’m counting on my best assassins end Ivan Williams once and for all.” Fury threw the files our ways tony didn’t get one he huffed and knew what he did was wrong he got up and left and so did fury following the rest except for myself and bucky.

“I have to cut my hair” bucky was a little sad “aw no way I love your hair Barnes” I was sincere Bucky’s hair made him, him he wears those black rubber bands around his wrist and pushes his hair back frequently when he’s nervous I was with the man for almost 5 years I know his ticks

“I won’t take the mission” he smiled it was light hearted I love him….- wait what

“I broke up with Chelsea, I found out she was cheating on me and using me for stuff” YES, he generally looked upset I felt horrible but now he knows how I feel

“ how ya holding up?” I asked looking though the briefing

“Better I guess the first day felt like the longest day ever” he licked his lips and pushed his hair back he was getting nervous?

“I know what that’s like I had a guy do that to me once I actually said he was dead to me” I flipped through the pages with a smirk on my face

“Haha very funny” he mock laughed getting up

“What am not allowed to joke about it? I looked at him for the first time, his eyes piercing blue he again pushed his hair back

"Is there something you wanna tell me ivan?” I cringed at the name I hated that man with all my heart

“Alicia I have to go” he played along with Ivan’s wifes name leaving the room

He wants to tell me something I’ll get it out of him sooner or later, time to go see matt and tell him I can’t hang out tonight so there I went. His office building wasn’t too bad

I knocked at the window that said

Nelson and Murdock I smiled

“Come in” a women said from the other side and I walked in of course she sat at a desk with papers and files everywhere

“Hi do you have an appointment?” She stood up to come shake my hand

“No I’m here to talk to Mr Murdock”

“I’ll get him hold on” she opened the door to her left

“Matt there’s someone here for you” he walked out the room touching the door way finding his way out

“Hey matt it’s -”

“Y/n you have bad news for me” he frowned

“I do I’m so sorry I have a business trip and important stuff to do but I’ll be back Thursday?” I questioned myself I wasn’t even sure anymore when I would be home it was only Sunday

“I hate to see you go so soon” he took off his glasses for the first time he had beautiful eyes, apparently I like eyes

“I’ll see you thursday” “Jesus Christ I did it again” he laughed I said hugging matt he was cuddly “I’ll see you thursday” he smiled in my shoulder we pulled away

I packed only a small amount because shield has to give me “alica” clothes or something.

I went to avengers tower again I saw some guy and that some guy was bucky

“Woah” his hair was cut he had his tux on and a divine beard a very expensive watch on he looked completely different

“Steve I look ridiculous!”

Midnight Shadows  ; 7

 Pairing : Jimin x Y/N

Genre : Fluff / Angst

 A/N : This part is longer so thank god

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

I went home, unluckiest person in the world huh?
Yes, I’m pretty damn unlucky It started raining on my way back home. How great it is. Tomorrows work too. I hope I get it over soon, because I just wanna sleep & rest. But I thought how was Jimin feeling about all this? Yes, I know he felt really bad.
But maybe, it’s gonna be easier for him when she’s gone. I don’t think she’s gone for long though. She’s too atached. I have a fear for any other girl he’s gonna date.

I went home all wet. Rain drops started dropping on the floor.

“Great” I said to myself.

Well it is true that I’m pretty damn unlucky.
But now I just wanted to go to my bed. Just dig right in there and sleep tight. Yes, I needed to dry off my hair before going to sleep. Thanks to the rain.

But now, the moment finally came where I went in bed. Finally all this day this is all I ever wanted.

And I finally fell asleep. I thought about this all situation I mean it’s not like I like Jimin or anything so it wouldn’t be too bad to get close to him as a friend.

Yes, the past actions of mine we’re very stupid.
But that’s why it’s called the past you live and forget.

But. The morning came. Wow I really hated this, I quickly turn off my alarm because it’s annoying.
Why did I even make that my alarm I think to myself. But I’m begining to be off track.

I quickly dress up and put some makeup on. Aswell as fix my hair so I wouldn’t look like some horror film villain. I look in the mirror.

“Looking, ugly as always”
I get my bag and I rush to work. I see Jimin wearing the employee outfit.

I think to myself what the heck is he doing here?

“Hey, Jimin that outfits only for employees”

“Yeah, I got a job here.”

I didn’t want to be this unlucky. When did I ask for any of this. My life was going well until this.

“Why did you get a job here though”

“Because they we’re hiring people?”

Why the sarcastic reply. I just wanted to know why you got a job HERE. Not anywhere else.

But something popped into my head.

“Wait where’s Choa”

“I think she quit the job?”

I remember her saying that it was the best job she’s ever had. But now she left out of nowhere?
Seriously my days keep getting worse and worse.

“So I bet we’re gonna see eachother everyday”
He looked enthusiastic about all this.

Oh look it got even worse.

“Hah… I guess so” I look even more dead inside.
GREAT. I really did hope this was some kind of joke and that choa didn’t quit.

“Also, will you wanna catch up anytime soon? Since yesterday when we tried to do that it messed up” Oh, he’s talking about his (ex) girlfriend cheating.

“Oh, sure I forgot to ask are you feeling okay after yesterday I mean she did hurt you?”

“I guess so” I really got confussed is he still sad? No, one knows.

So the job ended, and I was ready to go home. I took off that ugly uniform that I had and grabbed my bag.

“Hey, I think my aparment is next door to yours” WHAT. DID. HE. JUST. SAY.

“How come?”

“well since I moved out of the one I had shared I moved into a new one”

“Wait… How do you know where I live?”

“I saw you walking to work”


Well this is wow. Why next to my apartment wasn’t the job enough. Why is life so cruel? I just wanted to live my life peacefully but now I can’t. I’ll need to see him everywhere.

“Well I’m gonna go home” I wished, I prayed that he didn’t say we can both go home.

“I can go with you since I live next to you” Oh no.
This is very bad. Is he a mind reader? Why couldn’t you possibly give anyone this extreme bad luck. Why me?

So I awkwardly walk home with Jimin next to me.

“Well this is my apartment cya”



“Do you want to watch a movie or anything like somewhere on netflix”

Oh, I could decline the offer but I might seem rude and “rude” isn’t what I’m trying to be as a person.

“Sure I guess, text me when you do want that movie night of yours” And I went into my apartment. Finally no human interaction peace and quiet-

I hear a knock.


I open the door.

I see Jimin and he says “Well, I think we could do movie night right now”

“Right now..?”

“Yeah, It’s midnight perfect for movies right?”

Why did I even try.

“Okay, fine we can do movie night but you pick out a movie”

I went in the kitchen to make popcorn because what’s a movie without popcorn am I right? After microwaving some popcorn I go back inside my living room.

And I think actually, why am I doing this.

He turns on some scary movie I don’t even know the name of. It’s not even scary? What is this I could’ve spent my life doing something productive and now I’m watching a “scary movie” I’m not even scared of.

Me: *sees myself in a fat character who is underappreciated and loves food and super caring of friends and even dresses similarly*

Me: *headcanons him as aro like myself*

Some aphobe: wow making another character a-spec because of a stereotype!!! When will y'all stop hating fat people!!!!! And he obviously is in love with his best friend?? Lmao blatant homophobia. I can’t believe you make these headcanons just so you don’t have to ship him and can make him unhap-

Me: um

anonymous asked:

Great. More Carol filming with Zeke, Jerry, Daniel and the other Kingdomites. Somewhere near the Creepy House probably. Far away from Daryl.

Oh my dear Anon. *sigh* This may go down like a bowl of cold sick, but I’m finding it very hard to care about these filming spoilers.

And it’s not that I don’t care about Caryl - oh I still very much do. I’m just so so worn down from all the “OMG” stressing over what is happening or not happening, I just can’t.

We were spoiled in several ways last year with filming spoilers. Mainly, because we had RD, we knew REALLY ACTUALLY what was going on for each episode - or at least the jist of it, so that meant sightings were in context etc. We don’t have that this year, at all. 

Also, ironically, Carol filming so little and being where she was made things very clear. We knew most episodes were not going to feature Carol, if they were filmed anyplace but Creepy House. And we knew Daryl and Carol weren’t going to film together until Daryl got out of the Sanctuary. So there was really very little uncertainty.

This year, truthfully, we know SO little. We have no clue what happened in the first episode. 

We don’t know if Daryl and Carol had 20 mins of on screen sex, then split up to divide and conquer. We don’t know if they had awkward almost sex and are keeping away from each other with uncertainty. We don’t know if they are interacting on a regular basis but then fighting with other people. We don’t know if they hate each other and will never speak again. We know NATHING.

So I just can’t bring it in myself to stress out about things until we know how the season starts. And EVEN IF Gimple is keeping them apart for much of 8a - God, it’s irritating as hell, but it doesn’t mean it’s bad for Caryl. Everyone and their dog talked about how amazing the Caryl reunion was last season and was one of the highlights of the year. Gimple may have thought “wow yes, i must do this each season, split them up then let them have a magical, emotional reunion! That will make people happy!” I mean, he’s an idiot if he does that, but my point is it doesn’t mean Caryl is in the dumpster.

Like I say, I personally don’t know enough to jump one way or the other. I’m staying neutral because I can neither get super excited at this point, or feel like I want to jump ship. I’m just floating along on a dingy waiting either to be rescued, or for a storm to toss me over the side and kill me. 

It’s going to be a long summer.

(P.S. last year my excitement didn’t happen until i saw the trailer. Fingers crossed the trailer gives us a big clue one way or the other) 

i’ve been reading articles “quiet bpd” and wow… they really resonate w/ me. i’ve been really unsure what’s up w/ my moods because they don’t last long enough for bipolar but the highs don’t fit for major depressive disorder (i described it to my friend as “really exciting depression” which i’m p sure isn’t a thing…).

bpd seemed off because i find it really really hard to express negative emotions towards other people – even just disagreeing in casual conversation scares me so much that i’m going to make them hate me. if i’m upset w/ someone i usually just wait until i’m alone and then direct the anger at myself.

i’ve been seeing a psych for the last few years and my diagnosis has been all over the place (bipolar ii, then borderline, then major depressive disorder, switched back and forth a few more times. i actually have no clue what my medical records say at the moment). but the articles i’ve read on quiet bpd seem to fit really well with what i experience, and i’ve been finding that oddly reassuring.

anonymous asked:

hello! um, i was hanging out with my friends and one of them started talking about how they're disgusted by fat bodies. as a fat person, i asked her if she's disgusted by me. she said that i "hold myself well for an overweight person." what does this mean?? i assume its because im the conventionally attractive kind of fat (big hips, thighs, & boobs, tiny waist) but even then i dont fully understand what she meant? why is she my friend if she hates fat people? im confused :(

wow, bigoted, mean, and patronizing? she sounds like a gem 

but i don’t want to make light of what must have been a deeply hurtful and humiliating experience for you, and you’re definitely not alone in it. i feel so proud of you for confronting her with that vulnerable and pointed question, tho! i’m guessing she isn’t used to that kind of feedback from people. 

i doubt your friend really knows what or who she hates, or has examined the source of her “disgust”. it sounds like she’s not willing to address her fatphobia (which is socially conditioned) or her quite frankly bizarre lack of interpersonal decency. 

maybe she is, but i honestly wouldn’t stick around to find out.

i’ll give the caveat that i tend to ghost Problematic™ people pretty easily - it’s part of my attachment style :/ - but i would encourage you not to continue this toxic friendship. you deserve much, much better

This is a post from the wonderful Megan aka bodyposipanda on Instagram. As soon as I saw this I took a screen shot to show my boyfriend. Since we’ve started dating I’ve witnessed his family making comments on his body. They were always said in a joking way but with very negative undertones. Things like “well look at the gut on you.” “Wow, you’re getting quite a belly there.” That kind of thing. The look on his face when they said these things broke my heart. I always make an effort to tell him that I love every inch of him no matter what he looks like or what his weight is. I love the person inside his body, he is the sweetest, most caring man I have ever met. Since the day we got together he has made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the entire world. Even on days when I hate every inch of myself he reminds me of how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. I think it is just as important to remind men to be body positive as it is to remind women of the same thing. People come in all shapes and sizes and they are all beautiful. So to all the folks out there with a special man in their lives take a second to make them feel beautiful (or handsome as my man prefers to be called) because it can make a big difference in their self esteem and confidence.

its so exhausting to be best friends with such beautiful girls who are constantly talking to new guys all the time & they get all the attention & their phones are blowing up
and i have to act like it’s super fun when she shows me a new guy she’s talking to and how she doesn’t even like them and I’m like wow i wish a guy would even talk to me. its so draining to my self esteem to always just be the ugliest person in the room. it makes me so upset i just want to be loved.

I’m so FAT, guys I don’t even lose weight, I’m eating 500cals 4 days and then I act like a fat bitch and eat a lot and then 4 days under 500cals, all it does is making me cold, i’m still fat and probably gaining. wow. really hate myself.