wow dont even look at me right now

its so fucking surreal tho bc i used to be the ugly one out of my friends (at the point that my ex boyfriend even told me his friend said i was ugly.when we were still together) and spent so much time hating myself, wanting to change how i look and stuff
but now, i look against a bright future, finally. i am happy with who i am…well ok. still working on it lmao
ive been asked om dates by boys amd girls and enbies.. like.. ME?! what? m e ? !?! confuse
i am struggeling far less with my sexuality… i feel so much better than i was then
back then i didnt even think i’d make it this far, wow
anyways, if you are strugglig, please, dont give up. i almost did and look where i am now!! im not always hapy ofcourse, and still i have some mental breakdowns, from time to time. but right now? i feel content with who i am. and nobody can take that from me ✌️💕

Admirer!Seungcheol

- lets just say he’s the creepy type ok dont hit me 

- and he stares at you li ke  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- like come on have you seen him with seungkwans mom LOL I CANT– he just held her hand and held it, caressed it while seungkwans mom was like plEASE GET THIS CHILD OFF OF ME

- you are 100% aware of scoups 

- seungcheol would always pretend to drop his pen or something and pretend to not be aware so you could pick it up for him and whisper his name

- he’d be like “yES??”

- “your pencil–” 

- “OH MY BAD, THANKS YOU’RE THE BEST, Y/N” 

- you’d just snort and shake your head because you know what he’s trying to do

- then he “accidentally” grabs your hand instead of the pencil when his eyes are on the chalkboard

- and you’d raise your brows when he pretends to be surprised 

- “oh! i’m so sorry!” 

- you’d just chuckle and wave it off, seeing his cheeks pink as his smile widens

- he’s creepy– BUT NOT THE CREEPY CREEPY, LIKE THE CUTE CREEPY LIKE HE’D ALWAYS GLANCE OVER AT YOU AND STUFF OK IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT ITS NOT THE PERVERTED AND SCARY CREEPY, ITS THE ADORING AND CUTE CREEPY

- okay so you play the piano and you’re always in the music room

- seungcheol would stand by the doorway, blinking but then just sticking his head inside

- he sees you, looking down at the keys as you played a soft, beautiful melody

- seungcheol then has a loving smile playing on his lips and he feels proud because heY THATS MY FUTURE GIRLFRIEND coughs

- you would feel a presence but not bother to look over or something bc you don’t wanna mess up cause your performance in front of the whole school is like in a week oh gosh

- seungcheol would then walk in bravely

- “you’re an amazing piano player.” 

- you would just stop, sit there for a few seconds before slowly looking at him and you blush because one, he looks so goddamn adorable right now, and two, he just complimented you–again

- you smile, “wanna watch?” then you’d pat to the empty space beside you

- seungcheol would just skip over like a little boy and plop himself beside you

- “don’t mind me, you won’t even know i’m here.” 

- you smile and start to play, making seungcheol staring at your concentrated face

- seungcheol would soften bc wow he just discovered something new about the amazing and beautiful Y/N

- so then, after that, he would walk you home 

- dont forget the cliche “getting ice cream and chatting” okay

- you would both laugh a lot and eat the cold treat as you both get closer– even though seungcheol like knows everything about you um 

- you get to know that he’s a hardworking, sweet man who is sincere on everything he does and says

- you would find him handsome and cute before but after knowing him more you’re like wOW MARRY ME

- after that day, he would do the same thing everyday but with different after-school snacks

- he would always sit beside you and watch you play and just compliment you

- on the last day before your performance, you’re practicing one last time, and you feel more than confident, especially with seungcheol’s encouragement

- but on that last day, seungcheol was really tired awww

- so he just slowly laid his head on your shoulder as he watched you play

- of couRSE HE ASKED YOU BEFORE HAND

- you don’t mind because

- wow a cute boy lying his head on my shoulder nice 

- and he smells nice

- N ic EE 

- after you’re done practicing, you would stop and slowly turn your head, thinking scoups was sleeping

- but in reality he’s thinking how lucky he was considering he was just a creepy admirer to a friend to you

- then you’d mumble his name quietly

- he’d just look up at you and you like freeze like woAH YOU’RE REALLY CLOSE CALM DOWN

- so you just stare at him, shocked but quiet

- he smiles at you and you diE A BIT

- he slowly gets up and takes a hold of your hands, massaging the fingers as he smiles at you

- “you’ll do amazing as usual. good luck, beautiful.” 

- he’d kiss your knuckles and blush at you with a smile

- you’d blush so goDDAMN HARD LIKE DID U JUST–

- he’d just laugh his embarrassment off and be like “okay let’s go home lol” 

- he would be a bit more quiet than usual but still amazing bc free food

- okay so the next day is your performance 

- you do amaZING LIKE ALWAYS SO STAY BEAUTIFUL, READER. YOU’RE AMAZING ♥ 

- after your performance you feel so proud of yourself because the applause were so loud and people stood up 

- the song that you played was really difficult thats why buT YOU ACED THE FCK OUT OF THAT SHt

- then you go backstage and you find seungcheol there, his back facing you

- you smile and place your hand on his shoulder

- he turns around with a bouquet of roses and looks at you with wide eyes and a shocked expression

- you’re shocked as well bc ARE THOSE FOR ME WHAT

- he shyly smiles and nudges the flowers to you

- you slowly take it and smile, smelling them and they smell just as nice as seungcheol ;;))

- then you’ll look at him and smile 

- he’d look nervous asf lol 

- he’d breathe in and be like 

- “you did so well. You are the best.” 

- you’d blush and just smile, thanking him quietly 

- then he’d look at the flowers and speak softly but you can hear him clearly

- “Y/N… I’ve liked you for a while now and–” 

- you just smile widely and reach over and hug him with the flowers in your hands, behind his neck as your arms were wrapped around his neck

- he’d immediately hug you back around the waist with a goofy grin on his face and red ears awwww


ADMIRER!AU SERIES

1.) Admirer!Mingyu

2.) Admirer!Seungcheol

3.) Admirer!Wonwoo

4.) Admirer!Joshua

5.) Admirer!Jeonghan

6.) Admirer!Minghao

7.) Admirer!Vernon

8.) Admirer!Hoshi

9.) Admirer!Woozi

10.) Admirer!Jun

11.) Admirer!Seungkwan

12.) Admirer!Chan

13.) Admirer!DK

4
        "I saved you m'lady.. don't you see, I saved you."

… I love spiderman a lot okay? like- I grew up lovin’ spidey. he is my favorite superhero of all time ever. hands down. <3 And I just watched The Amazing Spiderman 2 for the first time a couple days ago (idk why it took me this long to see it anyway ) and I loved it. I knew about Gwen Stacy’s death before hand because I read the comics (and a ‘friend’ of mine spoiled it for the movie) but that wasn’t even enough to prepare me for the emotions during that one scene  ;^;
so i just- and hiccstrid spiderman!au.. and…wow..

..everything hurts..

ALSO something that helps a lot with being positive is teaching yourself to automatically assume the best case scenario for things you dont know the answer to

for example: if ur out in public and u think ur outfit isnt the best and everyones looking at u and thinking ‘wow they sure do look ugly’ u in reality have NO PROOF that anyone is thinking that so might as well just make yourself think ‘everyone looking me right now absolutely LOVES this grey sweatshirt im wearing and would totally come up to me and ask where i got it but theyre intimidated by my hotness’ or something like that

if u apply that to literally every aspect of ur life it makes things so much easier!! and after a while you dont even have to make that conscious jump to ‘what i actually think people are thinking’ to ‘what im going to pretend people are thinking’ bc it will just happen naturally!! its a lovely little lowkey way to stay positive and help ur self esteem!!

me right now

that ep!! even without subs like wow, i dont want to blog more till i have subs now so i can do it proper justice. 

highlights though (in no particular order- though the first shot probs #1 for me) 

the fight scenes were pretty awesome

when he be boss - i love him so much

this killed

can they look any more like a married couple

and im including the preview - he looks like such a noob in the shot

So I was at the gym and some guy in passing said to me “wow you’d probably be decent looking if you wore some make up” And my response was “oh wow I’ll take that in to consideration next time I care to impress a douche bag at the gym thanks”
Are you fucking kidding me right now why would his opinion even be valid in my life honestly. Besides I’m cute as hell anyway

2

look at how different i look in the span of four months. the pic of me on the left is from christmas. the one on the right is from a few days ago. im posting this because i can remember taking that photo on christmas and thinking “wow, i look so pretty today. this is the best I can look right now,” but now, four months later, i look back at that picture and i dont see myself. that isnt me. the picture on the left makes me uncomfortable and sad because the way i felt then is the way i felt when taking the picture on the right. and in four months, or hell, even one month im afraid im going to look at that picture and say “im not nearly as pretty as i thought i was”. i feel good about myself right now. my hair is finally long and ive been using a lot more makeup and i know what makes me look pretty. its just so frustrating to look back even to a month ago and see someone who i was once satisfied with that i think looks horrible. its scary.