wounds again

indiepunkloser  asked:

I think i'm asking a little early, I forgot the date but I just wanted to know if your surgery went well? I figure you'll make a post about it but I just wanted to know if you're doing okay. Anyways if this is pre-op good luck and if it's post op I hope things went well. much love I hope you get back to full health soon!!!

Tomorrow will be a week exactly since I went into surgery. The surgery finished almost an hour early, roughly 4 hours total. I lost almost a litre of blood but I didn’t need any blood transfusions, thank God. The tumor was also bigger than I thought it was, a bit bigger than my actual kidney. 

The first day was very rough; they tried to make me walk and I blacked out and threw up. The second day I was unable to urinate on my own for 6+ hours so I was stuck on a catheter for 2 days. Luckily by Sunday I was able to go on my own. They allowed me to go home on Sunday afternoon, but after removing my drainage tube from my side I got a fever that night of 101.5 degrees and couldn’t move/breathe well. There was fluid in my lungs too, but I think I fended off pneumonia for the most part by practicing the spiromiter thing. I was told to call the hospital if I had a fever or anything but I chose to sleep and drink water instead. My fever went away a couple days ago.

I can’t sleep long hours and still am in constant pain. My parents bought me a walker to walk to the bathroom when I need to, and I went to the hospital today to see my surgeon. He is giving me more pain meds and muscle relaxers to help me sleep at night. Luckily he told me the tumor was tested and wasn’t cancerous, though since I’m so young there’s a chance I’ll develop one on my liver or my kidney again in my lifetime. For now I’m not going to worry about it.

Thank you guys for all the prayers and kind thoughts. They helped a lot while I was in the hospital, and still help as I’m continuing to recover. Hopefully in a week I can move and get up by myself. For now I’m playing it by ear.

[LYRICS] Outro: Wings by BTS

Korean

Take me to the sky
어릴 적의 날 기억해
큰 걱정이 없었기에
이 작은 깃털이 날개가 될 것이고
그 날개로 날아보게 해줄 거란
믿음, 신념 가득 차 있었어
웃음소리와 함께

(새처럼)
가지 말라는 길을 가고
하지 말라는 일을 하고
원해선 안 될 걸 원하고
또 상처받고, 상처받고
You can call me stupid
그럼 난 그냥 씩 하고 웃지
난 내가 하기 싫은 일로
성공하긴 싫어
난 날 밀어
Word

난 날 믿어 내 등이 아픈 건
날개가 돋기 위함인 걸
날 널 믿어 지금은 미약할지언정
끝은 창대한 비약일 걸
Fly, fly up in the sky
Fly, fly get ’em up high
니가 택한 길이야 새꺄 쫄지 말어
이제 고작 첫 비행인 걸 uh

Take me to the sky
훨훨 날아갈 수 있다면
영영 달아날 수 있다면
If my wings could fly
점점 무거워지는 공기를 뚫고 날아

날아 나 날아 난 날아가
Higher than higher than
Higher than the sky
날아 나 날아 난 날아가
붉게 물든 날개를 힘껏

Spread spread spread my wings
Spread spread spread my wings
Wings are made to fly fly fly
Fly fly fly
If my wings could fly

이제 알겠어
후회하며 늙어 가는 건 break up
나는 택했어
조건 없는 믿음을 가지겠어
it’s time to be brave
i’m not afraid
날 믿기에
나 예전과는 다르기에
내가 가는 길에 울지 않고
고개 숙이지 않어
거긴 하늘일 테고
날고 있을 테니까 fly

Spread spread spread my wings
Spread spread spread my wings
Wings are made to fly fly fly
Fly fly fly
If my wings could fly

English

Take me to the sky
I remember the young me
Probably because I didn’t have any big worries
These small feathers became wings
Because I was full of faith
That those wings would allow me to fly
With the sound of laughter
Like a bird

I go places they tell me not to,
Do things they tell me not to do,
Want things I shouldn’t,
Get wounded again and again
You can call me stupid
Then I’ll just crack a smile
I don’t want to succeed
With work I don’t like
I push myself
Word

I trust myself, Since the reason why my back hurts
Is so that wings can sprout
I believe me, you, though the beginning may be humble,
The future will be prosperous
Fly, fly up in the sky
Fly, fly get ‘em up high
This is the path you’ve chosen kid, don’t chicken out
This is only the first flight after all uh

Take me to the sky
If only I could fly freely freely
If only I could escape forever ever
If my wings could fly
I penetrate through the air that gets heavier and heavier, and fly

Fly I I fly I fly away
Higher than higher than
Higher than the sky
Fly I I fly I fly away
With all my strength, my rosy* wings

Spread spread spread my wings
Spread spread spread my wings
Wings are made to fly fly fly
Fly fly fly
If my wings could fly

Now I know to
Break up with the idea of growing older while having regrets
And I’ve decided to
Have unconditional faith
It’s time to be brave
I’m not afraid
Because I believe myself
Because I’m different than before
I don’t cry on my way,
Don’t bow my head
Because it will be sky where I’m going
And I will be flying fly

Spread spread spread my wings
Spread spread spread my wings
Wings are made to fly fly fly
Fly fly fly
If my wings could fly

(T/N: * Referring to the rosy sunset light on their wings and also mean blood-stained wings.)

Trans cr; Julietq01 & Joyce @ bts-trans
© TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

Language is what eases the pain of living with other people, language is what makes the wounds come open again. I have heard that anthropologists prize those moments when a word or bit of language opens like a keyhole into another person, a whole alien world roars past in some unassigned phrase. You remember Proust so appalled when Albertine lets fall “get her pot broken.” Or you hear a Berliner say “squat town”—and suddenly see sunset, winter, lovers cooking eggs in a grimy kitchen with the windows steaming up, river runs coldly by, little cats go clicking over the snow.
—  Anne Carson, Plainwater: Essays and Poetry
Watch Me Babygirl [pt.2]

A much requested part two! 

[previous part] [next part] [pt.4] [pt.5] [pt.6] [pt.7] [pt.8] [pt.9] [pt.10] [pt.11]  [pt.12]

Summary: Jungkook is your brother’s annoying best friend. You can’t stand him but he just can’t resist teasing you. How far will he actually go?

warnings: language


“Hey are you going to the game tonight?”

You slid farther down in your seat, doing your best to continue to ignore Jungkook. You hadn’t been able to look him in the eye all week. In fact, you’d even contemplated faking an illness to stay home from school just so you could avoid him. However, school was important to you and a small part of you didn’t want to give the Jungkook the satisfaction of knowing that he’d gotten to you. He had though, and he knew it.

Keep reading

Aries: Let yourself heal. Drink enough vodka to clean out the wounds they left on your insides. It’s okay to shatter sometimes and it’s okay to stand for what’s right. Even if everything hurts, just keep breathing.

Taurus: sometimes making excuses isn’t good enough, how dare you deny someone else their pain. Sometimes a situation is just fucked up and that’s all there is too it. Sometimes it can’t be fixed, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Gemini: Think about yourself for once. Stop putting people before you, even if it’s me. Let yourself rest you can’t keep running ragged all the god damn time. I know you want to protect everyone but you cant. We love you for it, but you cant.

Cancer: Pain is going to end I swear it will. I know it feels eternal right now. If it’s all you can do to hang on then fucking hang on because you’re strong enough to beat this.

Leo:  Learn to keep your lips shut because some things aren’t meant to be shared. I know they aren’t told as secrets or at two am but they are still not to be talked about so damn casually.

Virgo: This time of year is always hard. Always scary. But you can pull through. I believe you. Believe that you’re past the hospital visits and all the scary parts of this. You are past it.

Libra: Sometimes cutting up yourself to give others isn’t the best solution. You are not always the missing puzzle piece. You don’t always belong and you won’t always be enough. That’s okay.

Scorpio: Wrap yourself up in bubble wrap if you have to. Keep yourself from getting hurt. Keep yourself from opening wounds again as hard as it is. I know you’re scared. I am too. But you’ll be okay.

Sagittarius: Sometimes recovery Isn’t linear. I know you’ve been fighting for progress but sometimes all you need is a backslide to get a little strength back. I know it’s not easy. But you’ll be okay.

Capricorn: What are you doing? Seriously. What the hell are you trying to do here? You need to say what the plan is so we can get on board. Because all we can tell right now is you’re exploding. We need to know how to pick up the pieces.

Aquarius: Stop being ashamed. Your scars, your wounds, your damage is nothing to fucking hide. If it makes them uncomfortable tell them to fuck off. This is your life and you should be proud.

Pisces: Learn to stop taking so many risks. Running right to the edge one day you won’t be able to stop. Learn how to pull back sometimes. I know it’s hard but it’s all you can do.

—  This week’s horoscope
Isn’t it beautiful? All your life you let people in and they break you or burn you and so you let go, lick your wounds, and start again. And on and on this goes until, one day, you meet someone so fantastically unlike all the others, you forget there was anyone else.
—  Beau TaplinT h e  C y c l e  O f  T h e  H e a r t
Healing Tensions*

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader
Rating: Mature - 18+ only
Summary: An enhanced Reader puts her life at risk on a mission and gets injured once again. Steve - her ex-boyfriend - can’t stand this situation anymore and when he cleans her wounds, they take this opportunity to bring back some memories.
Word Count: 3.1k
Genre: General/light angst
Warnings: Some swearing, an injured Reader, mentions of blood and one of alcohol, pretty heavy sexual tension, slight graphic description of the wound and Steve being protective. You know me, so wait till the end and you’ll read something interesting like mild smut.
Author’s Note: It’s set before the events happening in Avengers: Age of Ultron.

Gifs used below aren’t mine, credit to the rightful owners.

Walking out of the brand-new Quinjet in the hangar, the blinding sun, setting in Manhattan’s sky welcomed you as the exhausted Avengers headed towards the same Tower they all lived in. Your main headquarters that Tony had named after your group of heroes since the tragic Tesseract events.

Several out of breaths former S.H.I.E.L.D. doctors waited close to the double doors of the medical bay as some of your teammates approached them whilst Natasha cradled an arm against her chest, the other wrapped around Clint’s shoulder while a bullet hole decorated her bicep.

This had become familiar since S.H.I.E.L.D. had fallen and you’d declared a war against Hydra, searching for Loki’s powerful scepter. Yet, when you had gotten used to this ballet- among all these things around you, your mind couldn’t get used to one thing. Or one man.

Steve Rogers. Your ex-boyfriend, a man you’d met when you were a spy, considered as a promising Agent Maria Hill, or even Melinda May. The first time your eyes had crossed, something had happened. You had thought about this cliché several times, but it was real. You shared this unexplainable connection with him and since this moment, you’d never left each other’s side, being close friends who secretly loved each other… and then lovers.

A bit more than a year of love, worries, passion, wounds and sweetness together and you had to stop everything for everyone’s safety. As the policy forbade relationships between co-workers, you’d tried to not let your feelings get in the way, but it had never been easy. Too much had been engaged between you and being together when stability wasn’t the favorite word made you choose to go separate ways in the painful path of romance.

Keep reading

if you’re considering watching 13 reasons why, please don’t. it’s so triggering and can make even the most content person question their happiness. i recovered from depression 2 whole years ago and this damn show made all that feel like a raw wound again. just be careful when it comes to 13 reasons why please

Significance

A NIGHT AT WORK | NAMJOON VERSION 

WORD COUNT: 9K 

He was a professor, and you were his favourite.

During your first year of university you found Mr Kim to be quite the English teacher, you always anticipated his class every Thursday and Friday afternoon and it seemed your hard work didn’t go unnoticed either. Late night extra credit classes soon became a place for your deepest and dirtiest desires.

warnings: graphic smut, dirty talk, rough sex, squirting, strong language 

Originally posted by just-namjooned

masterlist | ask | song

Keep reading

iclosemyeyesandbelieve  asked:

Hey - When was Misha listed as a regular for Season 13? When they announced that they were confirmed for season 13? I've seen this around and I just want to be really sure before I let myself calm down and believe my heart and soul of the show is going to be okay. This show doesn't work without Misha, in my opinion.

Hello!  First and foremost, he’s listed as a main character in season thirteen on Supernatural wikipedia page:

http://supernatural.wikia.com/wiki/Season_13

He’s also listed as one of three confirmed characters for season thirteen here: 

http://supernatural.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Season_13_characters

There was also apparently a tweet confirming from one of the writing staff, but it was deleted before I could see it (to build suspense, probably.)

Moreover, Dabb loves Cas, and seems to have a lot of fun with him as a character.  He wrote some of the best Cas-centric episodes, loves Team Free Will, and I seriously doubt he’d ever get rid of Cas for real.

He also wrote last season’s finale, in which Cas believes Dean to be dead, so this season leaving off with Dean believing Cas to be permanently dead provides perfect (if sadistic) symmetry. 

Finally, I’ll remind you that Cas was very definitively “dead” for most of season seven, not to mention all the times he briefly exploded before that, and he always wound up popping up again, just as I’m absolutely sure he will next season.

So sit back, read some of the many, fluffy fanfics available (I’m going to create a masterpost of those later, just to help calm everybody’s nerves) and know that there’s no way he’s gone for good.  Just for the summer.

“Cry Followup”, or “See A Doctor! The Musical”

I got sad. A doctor recommended that I go off my anxiety meds because they might be interfering with a bunch of other health issues. I did. It wasn’t good.

I tapered off for months and dealt with the withdrawal symptoms. When they were gone, I felt ok for a few weeks. Then I was easily irritated and sometimes angry. Then weird feelings started to creep in. I guess it was just dread. Maybe it was weird to just be feeling anything after being numbed on meds for so long. I started crying watching movies sometimes or thinking about whatever the fuck. I started getting really sad. Eventually I would cry everyday, sometimes for multiple sessions. It’s strange to think back on that now that I’m safely numbed to fuck again.

My grandfather had died about 8 months earlier and I thought I had emotionally exhausted that, but now it was back and I dwelt on it constantly. I thought of dying with an urgency that I couldn’t distract myself from. I thought of everyone I knew dying. It felt like time was an illusion and it wouldn’t be long until I’m standing beside their open coffins, reflecting on how quickly time had passed and now they’re gone and I’d wasted time not spending more time with them.

Most days I’d just wake up and lie there for hours. I’d try to look at things on my phone to try to distract myself. Snapchat was fun for that. Christ, so was Miitomo. I wouldn’t get any work done. It was difficult to focus and overcome the feeling in my gut of being pulled down and the constant present terror feelings of death and knowing this whole experience will be gone some day, but before that, I’ll watch everyone I know leave too. For a long time, I don’t think I really connected that it was my absence of meds that was doing this to me. I thought maybe it was just circumstances and some kind of Holmes-Rahe scale thing where a bunch of life events happening at once were stacking and compounding my depression feelings. There was no way to win against it and this kind of thing encourages you to not to the things that will typically pull you out of a depression. It makes you want to seclude yourself more and work on further diminishing your self-worth mentally. Instead of seeing friends or doing activities you enjoy, you convince yourself that you’re a burden to them, they don’t really want to see you anyway, and that something bad is going to happen if you go out and do anything. For so many fucking days I just laid there. That makes your depression even worse; your lack of productivity frustrates you and makes you hate yourself. All that wasted time boils your living asshole. It’s a paralysis and you don’t know why you can’t break out of it. You can’t just go into the other room and sit at your computer and do your work. Brains are incredible. Just a bit of absence from a certain chemical changes everything. Of course, you tell yourself things like this, that it’s not really you and that it’s just a biological ineptitude temporarily and that everything will be fine soon enough, but that doesn’t help at all.

That’s the other thing: you don’t feel like this will ever end. This is who you are now. A fucking shrivelled terrified cryhole. I did feel terror quite a few times during all this. It usually gets you when you wake up or try to go to sleep. Everything is still and You are going to fucking die someday, sooner than you think and You have wasted every moment of your life so far blast in your mind and your heart pounds, you can barely breathe, and you might even suddenly groan as panic waves hit your brain in an instant. There’s a terror in knowing there’s no relief from this; that all of these things are true and for some reason you believed the illusion your whole life and weren’t always in the perfect terror about it that you are now. Still, you beg for that trick to come back, to be able to put this mindset away and believe in the stupid shit we tell ourselves just to keep existing in some kind of calm. All these thoughts keep assaulting you with some kind of biological urgency, like you need to figure this problem out immediately or you die. This is what being on chemicals to help your brain for years and then suddenly going off them is like. Your body doesn’t know what the fuck. It’s weird to not give a shit about any of this and then suddenly imperatively have to give a shit about it and be unable to escape it. Even now when I’m in the clear, I still feel its background noise. Maybe I always will from now on. This whole thing has been a Paul on the road to Damascus type ordeal.

I fucking cried watching the new X-Files episodes, my dude. Probably during each one. That’s what it was fucking like. Imagine being in your late ass twenties and something in the X-Files makes you cry because you think of a squandered opportunity, or what you should or shouldn’t have done as a kid, or wishing you had put more effort into certain relationships with family or friends. It just finds anything to grab onto and get you with. You just have a dragging feeling constantly present and looking for things to attach to and convince you you’re sad about. Frankly, it’s fucking annoying. I cried one time because a nintendo phone app was enthusiastic about sharing my character’s picture with others. Just the fact that someone would have an interest in who I am and treat me like a normal person and want to share something about me with other terrible avatars made me cry as I was playing this thing and trying to take a shit. It made me think about my own self-worth and how long I thought there was no reason anyone should give a fuck. Cripe, one time I was almost screaming crying about my best friend who died when we were 11. It was like a fresh wound again and I was lying facedown on my bed wailing like an asshole. Depression can fuck with you.

So, this got pretty bad and I decided I had to see my GP about it. This can become a battle in itself, because past a certain point, you are convinced you aren’t worth the effort and that you’re a burden to have to deal with, and someone else could use that time to see the doctor instead. It gives you any reason to turn yourself down. I cried right away talking to my doctor. All this is really weird to reflect on; I was an entirely different person then. It was like a frantic sadness, an inability to just hold your shit together for even a few minutes. The impending terror was really pressing; a constant urgent anxiety that something bad is going to happen really soon, or that I’m about to get a call that someone I know just died. The doctor recommended seeing a therapist and going back on meds. Now I remember that the reason I finally did something was because my neighbour’s son killed himself. Fuck, that really bothered me. Hearing about any death at all was bad enough, but I think that week I was reading about Edgar Allan Poe’s death and then Vincent Van Gogh’s, and I just got really fixated on vividly imagining their final moments. I think there were others, too. See? Just a stupid thing to waste your time on but in the moment, you think this will help for some reason. Maybe the gravity of that kind of thing hooks you and you can’t help but look into it. So when my neighbour’s son also committed suicide, that was a pretty strong blow. I hadn’t even talked to the guy in over ten years, but I couldn’t help but fixate on having seen his father maybe 3 days prior as he joked in my mom’s backyard and borrowed a ladder. Now his life was ruined and the son he struggled to try to get mental help his whole life had killed himself. He was only 37 and he had a son. I think I spent a few days of weeping out my stupid ass over this, then made the decision to see my doctor.

I started seeing my therapist and cried within 6 minutes of entering his office. I wish I went to see a talk doctor when I was recommended it as a teenager. It’s good shit. Beyond that, I started seeing my friends again. Before this, I think 2 years had passed between us spending time together. I had talked myself into feeling like they were better off without me anyway and had their own real friends and lives that I didn’t have anything to do with. I started to exercise and even just take walks around the block. Sometimes, if I was just lying awake staring at the ceiling, I’d get up and go for a run. I started being able to work on videos again and looked forward to it. Thinking back on it now, I realize I kept streaming during the whole time. That would become the only thing I’d do or look forward to for most of this stretch. SO THANKS IF YOU LOOKED AT MY TERRIBLE STREAMS DURING THIS ERA I WAS QUITE WOUNDED AND I’M HOPEFUL THAT I WASN’T TREMENDOUSLY OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS, YOU HELPED KEEP ME STABLE WATCHING ME PLAY WITH CHILDREN’S TOYS. Beyond this, I’d just sleep until the afternoon and try to find a way to kill time until the streams started. This is why there were even less videos than usual. I was sad.

So, these things helped pull me out of the shit. A lot of it is self-examination and discovering why you feel this way in the first place. I’ve talked to my therapist about whether or not this whole thing was because of being on meds for so long and then going off them and feeling a withdrawal, or if that’s who I am underneath the medication.  He said that it is probably both, but more that that’s who I am. Fuck. He categorized this as a major depressive episode. It was weird to just hear the words. That is the kind of thing that happens to people in their mid-30s in office jobs who are getting shit on by everything in their lives. I guess it can also make you feel like a diva asshole; that you feel you’re so important that you had to have this major crisis about yourself. Writing this makes me realize how stupid it is to think like this, but that’s the kind of trap you get put into. Anyway, let me emphasize how important it is to see a therapist if you are depressed. Do it. It can change everything. Also talk to a doctor and see if meds are part of your solution. See a doctor. Do not just let it go. This is like if you had cancer and you just wanted to wait it out or hoped it would get better on its own. A lot of people let it go until it’s overwhelming and consumes them completely and just kill themselves to end the pain. Don’t!

I got better. I went on meds and in just a few weeks I made a drastic improvement. Plus the therapy, and plus feeling like I was doing anything with my life again. I hear a lot about hesitation to go on meds because you feel like they may change the foundation of who you ever are. This doesn’t happen. For me, it made me feel more free to be who I felt like I really was. That said, it may numb your emotions if you are a person who typically feels a lot of things. Just talk to a doctor about any concerns you have and don’t let these build up and become reasons you don’t get help for yourself. You are worth it. The doctor isn’t angry to have to deal with you. If it will cost what you can’t afford, don’t let that become an excuse not to do it. Save up or find a way to make it work. Again, it’s like if you couldn’t afford cancer treatments so you just let it kill you instead of finding out how you can make the situation work financially. What you’re dealing with is serious! Do something about it!

I almost forgot to mention that a lot of getting better was having something to look forward to. Knowing I’d see my friends and we’d have a good time was part of it. Another was spending all of my fucking money to go to as many conventions as I could. They were something I enjoyed in the past but didn’t bother with much anymore, so I decided to get back into them. It was the best choice. Thanks for coming to drink a lot of beers and talk shit if I saw you at a PAX or TwitchCon or Magfest! They were sincerely some of the best times of my life. Knowing that it wouldn’t be long until I’d be at another convention helped a lot with otherwise feeling complete dread. The power of giving yourself something great to look forward to is really strong! Do it! Find things you like and make time for them. Reward yourself! At one point, I got into a really unbalanced lifestyle and would spend maybe 60 or 70 hours a week editing videos and I burned myself out to shit. All I would think about was the job and let my health and relationships go to shit. You’re not supposed to do that. Give yourself good things and make it a habit. Anyway, PAX East soon, my man.

When I wrote my last crypost, a lot of people responded it it. I was in a daze for the rest of that day as I heard from a mountain of individuals. A lot of you deal with issues like this and a lot of you feel hopeless about it. It’s fucked up! This is your life! You’re entitled to a good one! Doing something about it will take a lot less than you may think, and will help you in a lot more ways and probably faster than you may think. A lot of you also said since that you’ve decided to finally get help. So yeah motherfucker I had a cool cry about your messages several times. What was also helpful was anonymous tumblr questions saying they got help so others could see your experiences and know I’m not just yelling out my dick about this. Thanks! You helped people!

Ok I think I have to cut this short now, it got late and I try not to stay awake until fucking 7 AM these days. I feel like I missed a few of the main points I wanted to make but by now I think you get the point that you can feel like you are going to face total annihilation within the next few moments and still get back to normal in very little time. I almost just wrote “Hopefully talking about my own cringe-ass experience helped you with…” and so forth to end this on a light-hearted self-shitting, but that again is part of the problem. Feeling as if your issues are embarrassing, not worthy, juvenile, or to be written off as not serious is no good. I know we joke about this kind of thing to help deal with it, but don’t feel that way for real. AGAIN, YOU’RE WORTH IT. YOU’RE GOOD! YOU’RE WORTH DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FEEL NOT FUCKED UP! GO! 


Go!

anonymous asked:

People decide to take a pop amd grab all the fakes bar the vagabond. It takes a hell of a lot of work but they succeed. The fakes have been getting lazy with their unquestioned position. Which is why they think the vagabond has gone soft. Ramsey has him leashed, patillo muzzled him, mogar and lil j keep him in check while the golden boy tugs on his ear like a love sick puppy. More fool them 1 💙

They grab gavin last. They figured itd be more entertaining to see how riled up the vagabond would get. They played with their food, giving gavin enough time to call ryan before they grabbed the golden boy. His squawks and attempts to wriggle free were pitiful. Of course, usually he’d be dangerous in his own right, but they’d gotten him adequately drunk beforehand. All part of the plan. They left vagabond a handwritten note. A taunt. “Let’s see what an old dog can do about this”. 2 💙

See, there two parts of the terror that’s going to fall on these people who have dared to think that they can just take the Fake AH Crew.

The first part is the obvious part. Ryan. Because he’s coming after them. No god in heaven or hell is gonna be able to hold him back. And he’ll come prepared. He’s going to do every single thing possible to get his family back and he has no qualms of who he takes down along the way. Any person not a Fake is going to die, that is basic fact. They can only pray it’ll be a swift end.

But the second part. They’ve captured all the rest of the Fakes. They have all of them there. Together. All wanting to protect each other and even Ryan from rushing in here and doing anything too stupid. Especially if this gang has set up a trap for Ryan, which it seems like they have. The Fakes aren’t just going to sit back and let themselves be held captive.

They’ve made a huge mistake. You can’t keep track of all five of them at once. Even if it could be possible, some of the Fakes will distract you as the others slip out.

Jeremy slips out first of course. Undoing his binds, slipping into the shadows. After that they start disappearing one by one until there’s only Geoff sitting there with a big grin at the confused guards before Michael and Jack are knocking them out to steal their guns.

In the end there’s destruction in two waves. From inside and outside as the Fakes still manage to work together in terrifying, devastating ways.

staying afloat

For @rebelcaptainprompts prompt #8: “agony, fingers, and shiver” 

With a word like agony, do you really think this was going to be anything other than angst? I’ll do a part 2 if I feel nice

(also I unintentionally ended up using the words a lot oops) 

Word Count: 500 (no cut)


One. Two. 

Jyn sees stars, pain searing through her body. She collapses to the ground, groaning in agony, clutching at the blaster wounds. 

“Jyn!” Cassian’s voice breaks in anguish, as if he was physically sharing her pain. “Jyn!” His voice reaches her while he can’t, fending off the impending Imperials. 

Blood seeps through her clothing, a sickly warm feeling creeping up her side. She pulls her hand away and the tips of her fingers are stained a dark red. Her head spinning, she manages to drag herself out of the way of blasterfire. I have to hold on until he gets here

Steadying her breathing as best as she could, Jyn brings herself to peer at the wounds. She inhales sharply. It’s bad. She needed to be in a medbay in an hour at the latest. She tries not to think about what would happen if she wasn’t, attempting to shake Cassian’s agonized face out of her mind. They had fought so hard to stay afloat together, and she wouldn’t drown alone. I promise. 

Where’s Cassian? She tries to see the firefight, but she can’t lift her head. Swearing to herself, she leans against the closest wall and waits, undoing her scarf and pressing it against the injury, counting minutes in her head as the warmth of life leaks out between her fingers.

She’s cold, so unbearably cold, icy water lapping against her side. It was if the death that eluded her at Scarif was now breathing down her neck. The thought sends a shiver down her spine. 

When Cassian finally reaches her side, face streaked with dirt and eyes wide with concern, she can barely make out his face in the blurry haze of her mind.  

“Cass…” she gasps, unable to form his full name, trying to grasp at his face swimming in and out of her vision. Help

“I’m here, I’m here, don’t worry,” he murmurs, pulling out his medkit and working quickly to temporarily patch up the injury, his face a mask of neutral concentration. His fingers feel warm against her skin and her throat tightens, because wasn’t Cassian usually the cold one? 

Cass,” she tries again. He looks up at her from under his eyelashes, and Jyn catches a glimpse of the pure fear in his eyes. She feels like she’s being dragged underwater, and reaches out to Cassian to pull her up, desperate to keep afloat. Don’t let me go. 

He takes his hand in hers, their fingers intertwining together, both stained with blood - her blood. She’s shaking, shivering from cold, shock, and the sheer effort of hanging on to the remaining scraps of life. “I’ve got you,” he says, ready to hoist her up in his arms. “Hold on.” 

Jyn tries to nod and give him a reassuring smile - I’m trying - but it’s getting harder to keep her head up. She gives his hand one tight squeeze - I’m sorry -  before the waves pull her under. 

She never lets go of his hand. 

angst memes | part 1.

 ( send me a line and my muse will react to your muse’s painful words. )

  • ❛ I just want you to need me. ❜
  • ❛ What were they like? ❜
  • ❛ Just think of me and pull yourself back to creation. ❜
  • ❛ They were right about you… ❜
  • ❛ I let myself be vulnerable to you. ❜
  • ❛ I didn’t want to go home tonight. ❜
  • ❛ Who’s the first face that comes to mind when you get sad? ❜
  • ❛ God never came. ❜
  • ❛ You make me feel so scared… ❜
  • ❛ With you, I withered… ❜
  • ❛ You couldn’t even keep your promise. ❜
  • ❛ It’s funny how the smallest lie might live a million times. ❜
  • ❛ For many moons I tried to forget about what you did, but my body won’t let me forgive you. ❜
  • ❛ I never saw you the same way. ❜
  • ❛ We could’ve been a lot of things. ❜
  • ❛ You were good. ❜
  • ❛ It’s hard for me to feel something for you. ❜
  • ❛ I don’t want to remember you. ❜
  • ❛ You were the first person to ever break my heart. I just want you to remember that. ❜
  • ❛ I don’t feel safe with you. ❜
  • ❛ Loving you is just too fucking much… ❜
  • ❛ I can’t do this anymore. ❜
  • ❛ You’ve awoken all of my demons. ❜
  • ❛ I wouldn’t wish this ache on anyone. ❜
  • ❛ I know they don’t love me… ❜
  • ❛ I know you don’t love me… ❜
  • ❛ I just wanted to say goodbye. ❜
  • ❛ You might not see me again. ❜
  • ❛ I hope that if we meet in the next life, our fate won’t be as cruel. ❜
  • ❛ After all of that, why would I want to stay here? ❜
  • ❛ I feel misplaced. ❜
  • ❛ I made the mistake of thinking we could fix each other. ❜
  • ❛ You lied. ❜
  • ❛ I want you out of my fucking head! ❜
  • ❛ You put the fear of God in me… ❜
  • ❛ The blood won’t go away, no matter how hard I scrub. ❜
  • ❛ I blamed myself often for the terrible things you did. ❜
  • ❛ It’s hard to look you in the eyes… ❜
  • ❛ We’re disgusting; we’re absolutely fucked. ❜
  • ❛ I see the death of many men when I look at you. ❜
  • ❛ You died that day. ❜
  • ❛ I died that day. ❜
  • ❛ Your wounds opened up again… ❜
  • ❛ Your insecurity is showing. ❜
  • ❛ Why do you flinch every time I raise my hand…? ❜
  • ❛ I made this mistake of thinking you were home. ❜
  • ❛ Lovers don’t do that to each other… Why the fuck did you do that to me?! ❜
  • ❛ You are the source of my scars. ❜