woundedness

Nobody escapes being wounded. We are all wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not, ‘How can we hide our wounds so we don’t have to be embarrassed. But, how can we put our woundedness in the service of others?’ When our wounds cease to be a source of shame and rather become a source of healing.
—  Father Henri Nouwen
The Way One Animal Trusts Another | Carl Phillips

“The Way One Animal Trusts Another”
Carl Phillips

             Somewhere between what it feels like, to be at
one with the sea, and to understand the sea as
mere context for the boat whose engine refuses
finally to turn over: yeah, I know the place—
stumbled into it myself, once; twice, almost.  All
around and in between the two trees that
grow there, tree of compassion and—much taller—
tree of pity, its bark more bronze, the snow
             settled as if an openness of any kind meant, as well,
a woundedness that, by filling it, the snow
might heal…You know what I think? I think if we’re
lost, you should know exactly where, by now; I’ve
watched you stare long and hard enough at the map
already…I’m beginning to think I may never
not be undecided, about all sorts of things: whether
snow really does resemble the broken laughter
             of the long-abandoned when what left comes back
big-time; whether gratitude’s just a haunted
space like any other.  This place sounds daily
more like a theater of war, each time I listen to it—
loss, surprise, victory, being only three of the countless
fates, if you want to call them that, that we don’t
so much live with, it seems, as live for now among.  If as
close as we’re ever likely to get, you and I, is this—this close—

Fic Recs #26

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25

Originally posted by gwenssworld

Fight me. Olicity is true love. Let’s get on to proving it in every universe.

Darling I’m Not Right For You (But I Still Love You) by @charlie-leau - Felicity had to run. So she did. She ran to Starling City and became someone else. But when she falls in love, how does she tell Oliver she isn’t the woman she’s pretending to be?

Scrupulous Honor by @charlottecordelier - Part of the Caduceus series. Felicity goes to MIT, but doesn’t become a tech specialist. Instead, she becomes the only doctor at the Robert Queen Memorial Clinic in the Glades. And she keeps running into Oliver Queen and the Hood.

Our Woundedness by @CharlotteCordelier - Part 2 of the Caduceus series. After the events of the Undertaking, Felicity is recovering with Digg. She’s trying to stay afloat, and Oliver’s insistence at quitting the vigilante business isn’t helping.

forgetting you (but not the time) by @entersomethingcleverhere - Part of the 21 Guns series. Thea drags Oliver and Felicity to the store to register for their wedding, and they bump into Laurel.

Originally posted by dailytheaqueen

Communication Error by @thatmasquedgirl - Part of the Hardwired series. Oliver is having a technical problem, and Felicity is dealing with her own issues.

Web of Lies by @thatmasquedgirl - Two in a row! Part of the Reluctant Allies series, based on The Blacklist. Felicity makes some bad, but unavoidable choices, and Oliver initiates one of his contingency plans.

Originally posted by mxsiclyrics

Would You Dare by @felicityollies - Oliver has a very important meeting with the CEO of Smoak Enterprises.

Arrows are not the only solution by @gypsyfire1066 - Oliver and Felicity go to Hawaii for Barry and Iris’ destination wedding, not yet having revealed that they’re secretly married themselves. At the resort, one of the employees takes a liking to Felicity. Oliver doesn’t like that.

Drive by @lilbluednacer - Oliver and Felicity don’t know each other until they cross paths in the underworld of Starling City. They’re both in too deep, then they hatch a plan to try and escape.

Originally posted by bitemytonguedarling

twelve hours by @callistawolf - Felicity is dating Cooper, and they’re trying to save money to start their own tech company. But Cooper is lazy and unmotivated, and Felicity’s starting to get really annoyed. Meanwhile, she’s met CEO Oliver Queen, and he’s… flirting with her. When Cooper gets charged with hacking into QC, Oliver has a particular proposal for the couple.

Bloodstained Leather by @mindramblingsfics - Oliver and Felicity are friends (or, Felicity’s really more friends with Thea, but she’s abroad). After a shift at Big Belly Burger one day, Felicity finds Oliver bleeding behind a dumpster. In her desire to help, she gets wrapped up in his world. It’s a lot darker than she imagines.

Thea vs. The Queens by @elizaeric - A compilation of Thea watching her brother’s children. And they keep having more…

The Adventures of the Average College Roommate by @onceinalifetime1 - Oliver and Felicity are best friends, going to Harvard and MIT respectively. What better way to go through college than as roommates in Cambridge?

Originally posted by bindy417

Mid Afternoon Snacks by @felicityollies - Felicity is hard at work trying to name her new company when her favorite boys show up with some food.

Call It a Crush by @mogirl97 - Oliver Queen doesn’t have crushes on people. People have crushes on him. Until Felicity Smoak transfers to his high school for senior year, of course.

New Beginnings by @smoakbettsqueen - Felicity is visiting Iris and Barry after their move to a small Caribbean island. She brings her daughter, and little Abby manages to befriend their super hot, quiet neighbor, Oliver.

Sometimes religion appears to be presented as offering easy cures for pain: have faith and God will mend your hurts; reach out to God and your woundedness will be healed. The Beatitude ‘Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted’ can be interpreted this way too, but the Latin root of the word ‘comfort’ means ‘with strength’ rather than ‘at ease’. The Beatitude is not promising to take away our pain; indeed the inference is that the pain will remain with us. It does promise that God will cherish us and our wound, and help us draw a blessing from our distressed state.
—  Jocelyn Bell Burnell
Thoughts upon seeing Michael Jackson for the first time:

1. "When I first met him it was really love at first sight. When you get to know Michael, you understand his nature of charisma. … He looks at the world with the innocent eyes of a child.“
(Sophia Loren)

2. "Michael had a charisma which could be FELT and I was standing there, enjoying the feeling and had the strong desire to hug him.”
(Heidi Laurito)

3. “When we first met, around 1988, I was struck by the combination of charisma and woundedness that surrounded Michael. He would be swarmed by crowds at an airport, perform an exhausting show for three hours, and then sit backstage afterward, as we did one night in Bucharest, drinking bottled water, glancing over some Sufi poetry as I walked into the room, and wanting to meditate"
(Deepak Chopra)

4. "His smile was brighter then The Sun and could have lit up the entire galaxy that day. He had a presence that was truly magical.“
(Diana Dawn DiAngelo)

5. "This is one of the most beautiful creatures on Earth”
(Jennifer Batten)

There’s nothing free about non-commitment rooted in intimacy avoidance. There’s nothing free about polyamory emanating from unresolved trauma history. There’s nothing free about wanderlust sourced in relational terror. Being a ‘free spirit’ has its place- as part of the exploration of self, other, ways of being- but if it’s emanating from woundedness, it’s just another prison. Our defenses can trick us into believing that our hunger for freedom is fundamental to our soul’s imprint, but it’s often something else. It’s often an ungrounded flight of fancy, a delay tactic, a hide and seek game we are playing with our pain. If we avoid closeness, we can fool ourselves into believing that we have healed. But it only works for so long. Because we aren’t healed, and the remnants of our unresolved pain will show up everywhere. Simply put, we are wounded in close relationship, and some part of our healing has to happen in close relationship. There’s no way around it. The best way to free ourselves from pain-body prison is to learn how to trust again.
—  Jeff Brown
Ichazo’s Enneagram: Type Four

Passion: Envy
Virtue: Equanimity, Emotional Balance
Fixation: Melancholy
Holy Idea: Holy Origin

PASSION:

Envy. Envy results from the loss of contact with the Virtue of Equanimity, and leads to the feeling that something is missing in us. We are not sure what it is, but other people seem to be happier, better off than us. Rather than investigate the source of our unease, in the throes of envy, we focus on comparing ourselves with others, believing that they possess qualities that we do not have, that others have had better childhoods, parents, or luck than us. Other people are somehow more alive and more whole. Other people seem to be having more productive lives and careers and wonderful marriages, and envy leads us to believe that these things are not possible for us. (“No one suffers the way I do. ”) In short, envy sees in others qualities that we would like to have for our own self-completion, but perpetuates the sense of inner lack without dealing with the root problem.

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Nobody escapes being wounded. We all are wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not “How can we hide our wounds?” so we don’t have to be embarrassed, but “How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?” When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.

Jesus is God’s wounded healer: through his wounds we are healed. Jesus’ suffering and death brought joy and life. His humiliation brought glory; his rejection brought a community of love. As followers of Jesus we can also allow our wounds to bring healing to others.

—  Henri Nouwen
I lean warmly toward him, try to get closer, in empathy and companionship, to study his face, so moist and young in these rains, to match or approximate it. ‘Don’t be lorn, don’t be blue, it’s only morn, and I’m with you.’ I sing this, but he stiffens, then tries not to stiffen, forces a smile but moves too quickly away. He does this often now. Something, someone, keeps him, is kept, in some other corner of his life. I can’t follow him there—where that is, a place of woundedness, we are too without each other. To meet there would be to step into the strange dark rage of strangers. But I’ve accrued a kind of patience, I believe, loosely like change. I can feel the jangle and money of it. I will wait for him, I think: let him go and sicken himself, confuse himself, dash through the bad woods of himself. Love is perennial as the grass! I’ll wait for him, my heart in epilogue, knit and reknit, perhaps as it always has been. I’ll wait until I just can’t wait anymore.
—  Lorrie Moore, Who Will Run the Frog Hospital?

sentence prompts ➝ prozac nation

❛  I start to get the feeling that something is really wrong.  ❜

❛  I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn’t one I’ll have to fight for as long as I live.  ❜

❛  I wonder if it’s worth it.  ❜

❛  It’s nonverbal: I need love.  ❜

❛  I need the thing that happens when your brain shuts off and your heart turns on.  ❜

❛  And I know it’s around me somewhere, but I just can’t feel it.  ❜

❛  In the course of life, there is sadness and pain and sorrow, all of which, in their right time and season, are normal—unpleasant, but normal.  ❜

❛  But for all intents and purposes, the deeply depressed are just the walking, waking dead.  ❜

❛  That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful.  ❜

❛  Homesickness is just a state of mind for me.  ❜

❛  I’m always missing someone or someplace or something, I’m always trying to get back to some imaginary somewhere.  ❜

❛  My life has been one long longing.  ❜

❛  Nothing in my life ever seemed to fade away or take its rightful place among the pantheon of experiences that constituted my eighteen years.  ❜

❛  A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight.  ❜

❛  I wonder if any of them can tell from just looking at me that all I am is the sum total of my pain, a raw woundedness so extreme that it might be terminal.  ❜

❛  The only lesson I will ever derive from this pain is how bad pain can be.  ❜

❛  One morning you wake up afraid you are going to live.  ❜

❛  All he can say is, “Gradually, then suddenly.” That’s how depression hits. You wake up one morning, afraid that you’re gonna live.  ❜

❛  I’ve always waited for that one moment of truth to set me free and change my life forever.  ❜

❛  Sometimes it feels like we’re all living in a Prozac nation. The United States of Depression.  ❜

❛  You know, if you’re going to suggest therapy, don’t. I’m living proof it doesn’t work.  ❜

❛  I want to forget everything that has happened to me before.   ❜

❛  I want to freeze this moment forever.  ❜

❛  Have you had any drugs in the last 24 hours?  ❜

❛  No. Well… I guess I snorted some coke and smoked some pot but uh, you know, that was just to make the ecstasy last longer.  ❜

❛  We’ll be like this beautiful literary freaks. Being brilliant, and dark. Sexy.  ❜

❛  Pity, I was aiming for psychotic.  ❜

❛  No, it was just a dream I held onto for way too long.  ❜

Some of us tend to do away with things that are slightly damaged. Instead of repairing them we say: “Well, I don’t have time to fix it, I might as well throw it in the garbage can and buy a new one.” Often we also treat people this way. We say: “Well, he has a problem with drinking; well, she is quite depressed; well, they have mismanaged their business…we’d better not take the risk of working with them.” When we dismiss people out of hand because of their apparent woundedness, we stunt their lives by ignoring their gifts, which are often buried in their wounds.

We all are bruised reeds, whether our bruises are visible or not. The compassionate life is the life in which we believe that strength is hidden in weakness and that true community is a fellowship of the weak.

—  Henri Nouwen
This is a time for acknowledging that our wounds are what motivates us to create change and make a difference in the world around us. We must therefore learn to live with our woundedness, befriend its role in our life and exercise kindness when it surfaces, trusting we chose it specifically for everything it would teach us.
—  Unknown
Some of us tend to do away with things that are slightly damaged. Instead of repairing them we say: “Well, I don’t have time to fix it, I might as well throw it in the garbage can and buy a new one.” Often we also treat people this way. We say: “Well, he has a problem with drinking; well, she is quite depressed; well, they have mismanaged their business…we’d better not take the risk of working with them.” When we dismiss people out of hand because of their apparent woundedness, we stunt their lives by ignoring their gifts, which are often buried in their wounds.

We all are bruised reeds, whether our bruises are visible or not. The compassionate life is the life in which we believe that strength is hidden in weakness and that true community is a fellowship of the weak.
—  Henri Nouwen
Woundedness and Healing

‘Before we can become a clear channel through which love can freely flow, the ways we are wounded must come to the surface and be exposed. Love as a healing power can operate only on what presents itself to be healed. As long as our wounding remains hidden, it can only fester.’

- John Welwood, Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships.

I Love Outlander!

When I was growing up, starting around age 8 or so, I would spend hours sitting on the banks of the Ohio River in my small town.  What was I doing there?  Usually reading, and actually getting lost in whatever I was reading, so much so that I would forget the time, forget that I had a ball game, forget that I told one of my friends I would meet her for a bike ride…well, you get the picture - I would forget everything else.  My Mom always knew where to find me and, when it was time to come home, she would often send one of my brothers or friends to a certain spot that I liked to claim as my own special place.  It was there that I could lose myself for hours in books like The Lion, Witch, and Wardrobe or A Wrinkle in Time, or whatever book I had checked out from the library.  

Fast forward several years to a time of great personal suffering and loss in my life.   You know what it is like when suffering gets a grip on your heart and soul. You don’t think anything will ever free you from your pain, and you know for sure that life will never be the same again.  In the midst of this period in my life, I was introduced to Outlander.  And it did for me what I thought was not possible - it lifted me out of myself and took me to Scotland or France or Jamaica, and eventually to other places much closer to my own home.  It introduced me to an important piece of history about which I knew very little.  It helped me understand a culture that I previously only knew through a few folk ballads and legends.  And most importantly, in reading this series of books, I met Claire and Jamie, two people who also endured great suffering, and yet were able to bear with it, live through it, endure their heartache, and still find enough space, even in their great woundedness, to love.  

I was overjoyed when Outlander was finally brought to life on the screen.  Thrilled with the cast of fantastic actors, especially Caitriona Balfe and Sam Heughan.  Thrilled to know that this story that I loved would be brought to life in a new medium.  After two seasons of the series, I am still thrilled.  When an episode starts up and I hear “sing me a song of a lass that is gone,” time stands still for the next hour.   And it is as though I am once again that 8 year old, sitting on the banks of the Ohio, lost in the beauty and depth and mystery of a story that I love.  

Personal Space
MC x Mitsunari Baba (KBTBB)
Rated: G
based on an OTP prompt from @otpprompts

It hasn’t been that long since Baba was the one to buy me from the black market auction that we were walking around as a couple. Granted, I’m still mixed about this and he’s still flighty when it comes to women, but lately it seemed as though he was spending more time with me. He’d insist on taking me out to dinner or shopping or just out on random dates.

Tonight, Baba’s taken me to some party on a yacht and, of course, he chose the dress for me. But it was more to my taste, which was a surprise because his is usually more flashy. Anyway, it was a nice night and everything seemed pretty calm and casual. I’d stepped out onto the deck to get some air. The wine was getting to me and I felt like I was going to faint at any moment. I’d left Baba talking with some business executives so I was alone for the moment. I was enjoying the peaceful cool breeze when I felt a gentle caress on my bare shoulder.

“There you are, pretty lady. I was worried you left me for some other man.” Baba feigned a hint of woundedness as I turned to look at him. At least I thought he was feigning, but it was so hard to tell with him these days. Sometimes I feel as though he was actually putting all of his attention on me until I remind myself that he’s a thief and that’s what he does.

I sighed and shook my head. “As if I’d do a thing like that,” I said. “Besides, you drove so I can’t leave my ride behind."

He grinned satisfied and stood next to me looking up at the sky. "I’m glad I was able to bring you with me. I couldn’t have had a lovelier princess by my side.”

I looked to my hands for a distraction as I felt my cheeks flush a little from the wine and the sweet words. “It was really nice of you to have me as your date…” I felt a gentle touch on my waist and noticed Baba coming closer to my face. “Woah, what do you think you’re doing?”

“What does it look like, Princess?” Baba’s tone was low and seductive and made my heart skip a beat. “I’m going to give my princess a kiss.” He proceeded to draw closer as he held me where I stood.

“What if someone sees us?” I look around and no one was on the desk right now, but someone could come out at any moment.

Baba chuckled. “Oh, come now, [___]. We’re all adults here and I like you. I know you like me so what’s so wrong with one little kiss?” He was a few inches away when I freaked and covered his mouth with my hand to stop him. His eyes widen in surprise for a moment before I felt a smirk form on his lips and he kissed my palm, causing me to yelp and pull my hand away. “Not the kiss I wanted to give you, but I guess it will have to do.”

“Baba!” I felt red in the face as I held my kissed palm to my chest. All he did was chuckle and pet my head.

“Keep looking like that and I’ll have to kiss you for real this time.” The look Baba gave me made my heart race and he was clearly pleased with himself. But all he did was hold me close to him and nuzzle my hair as he held my head to his chest.

“[___], you will be the death of me. Hopefully a very beautiful and sweet death.” Baba chuckled and sighed. “For now,let’s not ruin the moment and let me just hold you as we look at the stars, alright?” His tone was soft and gentle and comforting and I still wasn’t sure if that was the thief speaking or the man. But it was a lovely night and it would have been a shame to waste the moment so I nodded in agreement. It was a lovely party on a lovely evening under those lovely stars and I couldn’t complain about the company either.

Some of us tend to do away with things that are slightly damaged. Instead of repairing them we say: “Well, I don’t have time to fix it, I might as well throw it in the garbage can and buy a new one.” Often we also treat people this way. We say: “Well, he has a problem with drinking; well, she is quite depressed; well, they have mismanaged their business…we’d better not take the risk of working with them.” When we dismiss people out of hand because of their apparent woundedness, we stunt their lives by ignoring their gifts, which are often buried in their wounds.
—  Henri Nouwen
How To Let Go of Resentments


By Dr. Judith Orloff, UCLA:

“If I stayed angry at other people, I would miss finding friends among those I was angry with.” –Rosa Parks, from an interview in “Positive Energy”


As a psychiatrist, I feel strongly that letting go of resentments, a point I emphasize in my recent book “Emotional Freedom,” is essential to free yourself from negativity. The main person the resentment hurts is you.

A resentment is a grudge that you harbor after you’ve felt mistreated.

 It’s easy to hold on to all the incidents that angered you, from a gossiping hairdresser to a two-timing ex-husband. And, if you took a poll, you’d probably get a lot of people on your side about your right to stay resentful. According to such logic, as time passes, you have “the right” to get angrier, becoming a broken record of complaints. But is that the sour person you want to be? Instead, for emotional freedom, try to release resentments and let compassion purify them. One friend, in the midst of that process, likened uncovering resentments to “dragging dead bodies out of a well." 

You don’t want moldering negativity rotting your psyche


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The Wounded Child Within; Ending the Vicious Cycle

‘Many of us have a wounded child within. Many! And because we are so busy, we don’t have time to go back to our wounded child and be with her or him to help with the healing. When we have been deeply wounded as children, it is hard for us to trust and love, and to allow that love to penetrate us. I always advise my friends to arrange their daily lives so that they have time to go back to themselves and take care of their wounded child. This is a very important practice.

There is an obstacle. Many of us know that we have a wounded child within us, but we are afraid to go back to ourselves and be with that child. The block of pain and sorrow in us is so huge and overwhelming that we run away from it. We run in the opposite direction. Even if we have time, we do not walk home to ourselves. We run away by reading novels, watching television, and having conversations. But in this practice we are advised to go home and take care of our wounded child, even though this is difficult. We need instructions on how to do this so that we are not overwhelmed by the pain inside. We practice cultivating the energy of mindfulness to become strong enough. With this energy, we can go home and embrace our wounded child within. The practice of mindful walking, mindful sitting, and mindful breathing are crucial. Also, our friends’ energy of mindfulness can help us. Maybe the first time we go home, we need one or two friends - especially those who have been successful in the practice - sitting next to us, to lend us their support, mindfulness and energy. When a friend sits close to us and holds our hand, we can combine his or her energy with our own and go home to embrace our wounded child within us.

Some of my students have been wounded as children. I tell them to go home and talk to their wounded child within, to embrace that child with the energy of mindfulness. “Darling, I am here for you. I will take good care of you.” You have to talk to your child several times a day. Only then can healing take place. The little child has been left alone for so long. That is why you have to begin the practice right away. Embracing your child tenderly, you reassure him that you will never let him down again or leave him unattended. If you have a loving Sangha, then your practice will be easier. To practice alone, without the support of brothers and sisters, would be too difficult for beginners. Taking refuge in the Sangha and having brothers and sisters to assist you, give advice, and support you in difficult moments is very important.

Your wounded child may represent several generations. Maybe your parents and grandparents had the same problem; they also had a wounded child within that they did not know how to handle, so they transmitted their wounded child yo you. Our practice is to end this vicious cycle. If you can heal your wounded child, you will liberate the person who abused you. That person may have been the victim of abuse. If you generate the energy of mindfulness, understanding, and compassion for your wounded child, you will suffer much less. People suffer because they have not been touched by compassion and understanding. When we generate mindfulness, compassion and understanding become possible. Then we can allow people to love us. Before, we were suspicious of everything and everyone. Compassion helps us to relate to others and restore communication.’

- Thich Nhat Hanh, The Path of Emancipation: Talks from a 21-Day Mindfulness Retreat.

We are all wounded people. Who wounds us? Often those whom we love and those who love us. When we feel rejected, abandoned, abused, manipulated, or violated, it is mostly by people very close to us: our parents, our friends, our spouses, our lovers, our children, our neighbors, our teachers, our pastors. Those who love us wound us too. That’s the tragedy of our lives. This is what makes forgiveness from the heart so difficult. It is precisely our hearts that are wounded. We cry out, “You, who I expected to be there for me, you have abandoned me. How can I ever forgive you for that?”

 Forgiveness often seems impossible, but nothing is impossible for God. The God who lives within us will give us the grace to go beyond our wounded selves and say, “In the Name of God you are forgiven.” Let’s pray for that grace.

~ Henri Nouwen