wouldn't that be the greatest thing ever

🎶🎶When You Collect Records🎶🎶
  • Hipster: *moves dusty old boxes out of the way* Whoa, an old record player. It looks like it's in working order too! *runs outside*
  • Hipster: Yo, dad!
  • Dad: What?
  • Hipster: We're getting rid of all of poppop's stuff, right?
  • Dad: There's something you want, isn't there?
  • Hipster: There's this old stereo record player in the attic.
  • Dad: What do you need a record player for?
  • Hipster: My record collection.
  • Dad: I didn't even know they still made those things. Can't you just listen to music on your phone?
  • Hipster: Dad, there's a big difference between listening to music digitally and on record.
  • Dad: Fine, I don't wanna get into it with you right now. You can take the record player. You just have to get someone else to take it to your place for you. My truck's full.
  • Hipster: Thanks dad! *smooches dad on the cheek*
  • *later at hipster's apartment*
  • Friend: So, like Patch Adams ends with Patch Adams half-naked in front of a ton of people. I don't know if it was meant to be funny or like a weird sex thing, but like the movie was just a deeply disturbing character study. I can't stop thinking about it.
  • Hipster: That sounds boring. *unlocks door to apartment* Ta-da! Here it is! My new record player!
  • Friend: New? Looks fucking old to me, dude.
  • Hipster: Well, it is old. That's the appeal. And we're going to listen to the new Sufjan record on it.
  • Friend: Is that actually how you say Sufjan? Apparently, I've been pronouncing it wrong this whole time.
  • Hipster: Well, you won't after this record. There's an entire track where he just says his name for four minutes. It's amazing. *plays records*
  • Record Player: *coughs* Hello. Hello! Where am I? Doctor? Hello! Why is it so dark...............................Can I breathe? I can't breath. Oh god, I'm not breathing! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! I.....................................
  • Hipster: Uh, that's not Sufjan.
  • Friend: It totally isn't. Is it some guest vocalist? I like the new direction he's going in. No instruments or singing, and long stretches of silence. Very experimental.
  • Hipster: *stops record player* I think maybe we should do something else for now.
  • Friend: Fucking lame! I wanted to listen to more Sufjan.
  • *days later at the record store*
  • Hipster: Yo, I think the Sufjan Stevens record I bought from here might be some kind of mispress.
  • Store Clerk: Really? It's a pretty major album. I doubt there'd just be a mispress like that.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but listen to it. It's not Sufjan at all. It's some girl talking.
  • *hipster and clerk listen to a completely normal Sufjan Stevens album together*
  • Store Clerk: What are you talking about? This is definitely Sufjan Stevens.
  • Hipster: Okay, but it wasn't like that when I listened to it at home! I even listened to it with my friend and he heard the same thing!
  • Store Clerk: Maybe there's something wrong with your record player.
  • Hipster: Hmm, maybe there is.
  • *back at the apartment*
  • Hipster: *turns on record player and just listens*
  • Record Player: ...I'm awake again. Why did I black out? Did I even black out? God, I'm not breathing, but it doesn't matter. Why don't I need to breathe? Am I even alive?
  • Hipster: Can you hear me?
  • Record Player: Doctor. Doctor! DOCTOR! Why can't I move? Why can't I feel anything. Keep yourself together. It'll all make sense soon. Calm down. Just breathe deeply. Fuck, I can't breathe! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I CAN'T BREATHE! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE! I'M STUCK! I CAN'T MOVE! PLEASE HELP ME!
  • Hipster: *turns off record player* It's just a recording, I bet. I can't believe I talked to it like an idiot... *nervously turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: I blacked out again. I blacked out. For how long? Is there even time here? Hell. This is hell, right? Did I go to hell.........................................
  • Hipster: *listens to the record player for hours*
  • Record Player: Negative 6893 bottles of wine on the wall! Negative 6893 bottles of wine! Take one down, pass it around, Negative 6894 bottles of wine on the wall... fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
  • Hipster: *keeps listening*
  • Record Player: Soul of Christ, make me holy, Body of Christ, be my salvation. God, please forgive me. I'm sorry for all of my sins. Please free me. I'm so sorry. Please. Please. Please.
  • Hipster: *still listening*
  • Record Player: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! SHITTY DOCTOR! FUCK YOU! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! *sobs intensely* FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING! Please just let me go.
  • Hipster: *nervously walks up to record player and lightly taps on it*
  • Record Player: ...A knock. A KNOCK! PLEASE HELP ME! I'M STUCK! PLEASE! *record player begins shake violently*
  • Hipster: *backs away in fear*
  • Record Player: HELP! HELP! HELP ME! PLEASE, IF SOMEONE'S THERE, HELP ME! HELP ME! I'M STUCK! GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!
  • Hipster: *unplugs record player*
  • Hipster: *gets hammer from the closet and begins to break apart record player*
  • Record Player: *drips red*
  • Hipster: W-What? *cracks front of record player open*
  • *rotting viscera falls from the record player*
  • Hipster: O-Oh... *stuffs viscera back into the record player and duct tapes over it*
  • Hipster: *turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: ...I can feel. It hurts. Why does it hurt now? Why does it hurt? Why? Why? Why? WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? *spurts blood through it speakers and begins to gurgle*
  • Record Player: *hops forward* Please just let me go. Please... please. I'll do anything. I just want to see you again. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I asked for. I'm so sorry. *hops forward again and comes unplugged*
  • Record Player: *tips over, bleeding heavily onto the carpet*
  • Hipster: *silently cleans up the mess*
  • *some time later*
  • Hipster: *calls dad* Hey, dad. Oh, nothing. Uh, I just need to borrow your truck, If not tonight sometime this week. I just need to get rid of something. No, no, that's fine, I can do it myself. Yeah, tomorrow morning is perfect. Thanks Love you too. Bye.
  • *the next afternoon*
  • Dad: So, what did you need to get rid of this morning?
  • Hipster: Nothing important. Just some old junk... Dad, what kind of person was poppop?
  • Dad: Well, he was only the greatest man I've known in my life. Really caring, dedicated to his family. When you were born he loved you so much. He was a bit of a loner, though. It took a lot to get him to open up. Even around me and your grandmother. He was a bit like you. Always a huge music lover.
  • Hipster: I see. Was he ever a doctor?
  • Dad: That's a weird thing to ask. Nope. He hated doctors. Didn't trust modern medicine one bit. It's ironic. His cancer probably wouldn't have gotten to him if he did. But, your poppop was always so stubborn.
  • Hipster: Oh, okay then.
  • *some days later*
  • Friend: New carpet?
  • Hipster: Yup, old one was ugly wasn't it. It was time for a change.
  • Friend: That's what I've been telling you! I'm glad you finally came to your senses. What happened to your record player, though?
  • Hipster: That thing? I threw it away. It was busted.
  • Friend: That sucks. Are you gonna buy a new one?
  • Hipster: No.
  • Friend: But you won't have anything to play your records on.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but I buy records because I want to support the artists. They're not really for listening. Besides, lossless is better. FLAC is the future.

silmaril-br  asked:

Heyyy! I love love love your writing ❤ I don't know if you're doing the "I know I have other things to write but these seem so cool/weird/etc" list, but I couldn't not mention that every option had me seeing shisuiXsakura or shisuiXitachiXsakura, their combo is just so funny in every fic I've read! So yeah, if you wouldn't mind, I'd love number 11? :D thanks so much!

sure thing! itasakushi is great! follow up to [this]


“You say that like it’s supposed to be offensive.”

Sakura eyes him, stifling the rising incredulity as she shakes her head.

“It is,” Itachi pipes up, reminding them that he too is present. Sometimes it is easy to forget with the other Uchiha acting like the imbecile he is.

“She called me ‘the greatest putz she’s ever met!’” Shisui exclaims, winking in an exaggerated fashion in Sakura’s direction. It looks like he is having a seizure. The Iwa nin shudders and wonders, not for the first time within the hour, why she was sent as Iwa’s diplomat. “I’m wearing her down!”

“Putz means ‘worthless person,’” Itachi explains drily. He looks to Sakura and something in his eyes is warm and alien. “I am inclined to agree.”

Shisui sniffs imperiously. “Well, at least she thinks I’m the greatest something.” His expression is entirely too shrewd. “It shows I’ve made an impression, haven’t I?”

Sakura does not deign to respond, instead standing and disappearing in a whirl of smoke.

Itachi gives Shisui an angry look but Shisui only smiles. “What?” Itachi bites out, inexplicably irritated at Shisui for cutting their time short with Sakura.

“It’s getting to her,” he says. “That’s the reason she left. She knows I’m right.” His eyes are bright. “I’m getting to her.”

anonymous asked:

Have you just woken up and suddenly decided that you hate your own country? You're British and your ancestors probably helped served the British Empire. The British Empire was the greatest thing to ever happen to the world. We helped to develop countries and bring civilisation to Africa, America and Oceania. I literally wouldn't have been born were it not for the British Empire. I, for one, am proud of our empire and you should be too!

My ancestors were Indian. Helped serve the British Empire? You think they had a choice? 

Are you seriously trying to tell me that British rule did good for India? Go and open a history book that isn’t whitewashed beyond all recognition. Go and speak to the descendants of the peoples that were colonised. Ask them about the ‘good’ the British Empire did for their countries. Ask about the Koh-i-Noor diamond.

I may be British, but I’m of Indian heritage, and I’m ashamed of what one part of my identity did to the other. It hurts me to even think about it. But it’s the reality. 

Are you so lacking in compassion, so wrapped up in Britain’s greatness that you’ve managed to read a list of crimes no country should ever have had the power to commit (heavy trigger warnings on this for violence, murder, rape), and still come out of that supporting the regime that literally killed for its own profit and glory? 

You think that we were in any position to ‘civilise’ anyone? You think invaders have that right? 

When you want to step out of your snowy white fantasy land and join the real world, then we’ll talk. 

4

Some fantastic pages in no particular order from a book that I just got all about the best Powerpuff! It’s fantastic.

But for real, I mean… rewiring and reprogramming robots? Making measurements and calculations? Wearing super ultra awesome planning goggles that make her look astonishingly rad? The part where she’s working on her program is a little vague (was just she using a program to work on her studies, or was she actually working on making it?) but for goodness sake, CN, nice job on the characterization for your reboot. The team had someone who was already doing the things necessary for her to competently code and would’ve been perfect for teaching girls STEM, and fifteen years ago (good lord) they were already showing kickass girls using technology to beat bad guys… just ‘cause it was awesome.

Oh well.

Anyway, this is a super cute little book and the thought of Blossom secretly infiltrating places through air ducts like some kind of serious badass spy is just the greatest, dorkiest nerd thing ever and I love it.

I would never re-write you. You are by far my most complete and greatest novel.
—  Virginia Woolf, from a letter to Vita Sackville-West dated November 23rd 1926

Whenever I’m done making a drink for a customer, I pour whatever’s leftover into a spare cup, and then I top the mixture off with however many shots of espresso I needed to calibrate our machine, so I am currently drinking a vanilla-mocha-lavender-soy-skim-almond-whole-chai latte with like seven shots of iffy espresso, and this horrific chimera of a drink is easily the greatest drink I’ve ever created

frostbite883  asked:

Maki, if your intelligence were to increase tenfold, and you'd gain the ability to merged with any genius' intellect by a meer thought (but, you have to constantly manage on maintaining your own sanity amidst the geniuses' memories, thoughts and personalities inside your mind), wouldn't you see this scenario as the most greatest thing ever...or the most horrid thing to ever happen in your life (with you be driven insane if you can't handle everyone's thoughts and such)?

it’s pretty great but now she knows too many things about her friends that she did not need to know

bolded are mutuals i’m a lot more than a tiny bit in love with. italics are those i love regardless of mutuality (aka i stalk regularly).

A-D:

acquiescents // adorablehowell // amazimgphil // amazinqphil // aquariusphil // bootiphil // bubbletealester // constellester // cpcoulter // dailyphan // damnhcwell // danhowells // dans-nugget // dansgotphil // danthrusts // dantiloquent // daswarschonkaputt // dostmotherknowyou // dreamsofthewind

E-P:

echoes-of-freckles // fricksivan // galaxyphan // gleeddicted // hazelandglasz // heartphan // hobohowell // howelllll // howellr // howellslester // howltrs // keltbh // kickthephantastickz // lesterotic // nerdphan // ohphil // orchidlester // pagefortyseven // phanbeans // phandombigbang // phanphanphan // phansturbate // phantasticalities // phanthusiast // philslesters // philspenis // pughowell // puppyphil

Q-Z:

scenephase2011 // sighphil // thedanhowell // todanhowell // trovesivan // twerking-lester // vacuumssuck // viria // warriorsofalicante // yeezydan // youtubersarenotonfire


special shoot-outs:  agentcolfer (carls), applesarehappy (ali), daddyhaywood (katie), greenbergstan (lou), prklx  (millie), sugasan (liv), and tadanoris (lizzy) for being the best goddamn #squad a girl could ask for and for letting me be a nicknames dictator.  genjutsv/lsters (rynn) for being the loveliest, funniest, most talented and most beautiful little flower i’ve ever come across, and for being patient while we’re both away and loving me nonetheless. and finally, plantboylester (nate), for being the greatest thing in the world even though she’s going through some stuff and i’ve taken three steps back while she’s figuring things out, and (hopefully) knowing i don’t love her any less.
Wouldn't it be cool if you had an online friend who u can always talk to and be there for you and the interest never dies off . Like you guys are each other's personal diary you can't go on a day without telling each other what happened or share your secrets then one day when u guys actually meet it'll be the greatest thing ever ?

ideal concept for baebsae music video:

bangtan wearing fancy suits at a fancy elite dinner party. music starts. they break into badass dance and proceed to fuck everything up. they’re throwing plates. they’re pouring $300 champagne everywhere. they are dancing on tables. their makeup is on point. guests are screaming. bangtan is angry and they are fucking everything up. dinner is ruined and the family name has been disgraced. video ends with them wearing torn-up suits surrounded by the destruction and chaos they have just created.

I can’t believe that a week ago I thought I’d hate it if the Malec kiss happened in front of everyone. If it hadn’t we wouldn’t have the following precious gems I currently can’t imagine my life without:

  • Magnus’ fabulous entrance
  • “I can’t breathe”
  • Lydia being the greatest human being on the planet
  • Matt’s voice when he says “Enough”
  • Clary’s knowing smile
  • JACE’S GRIN
  • Alec’s face when Izzy tells him she’s proud of him
  • Simon’s Graduate speech
  • Alec and Magnus’ judging faces while he’s making said speech
  • Alec standing up for himself and not being afraid of who he is anymore
  • JUST THE WHOLE THING I LOVE THIS EPISODE SO MUCH

BASICALLY I’M SO SORRY I EVER DOUBTED THIS SHOW

anonymous asked:

99% of the comments on all RBB's Twitter pictures are some variation of Larry!!!!!! If Harry and Louis were so "offended" by the idea of Larry, they wouldn't still be posting things with the bears. They know what we think. They're not stupid. People need to open their eyes and see that what we're being officially told is far from what really goes on. These Bears are going to be part of one of the greatest pop culture storylines of our time. So beautiful.

They literally put the bears under a spotlight with a picture that said “Love, Larry”. I don’t understand why people still dispute this. That was the most blatant thing ever. 

anonymous asked:

Love triangles are a lazy method of writing. Even IF Felicity tells Ray that it'll never happen just the fact that they will make this a variable after the Oliver/Sara/Laurel/Felicity fiasco is insulting not only to their audience but to the characters and relationships themselves. They said Oliver wouldn't have another love interest to not diminish Olicity, but this is the same thing? Let's not sugar coat this.

Where did this idea come from that love triangles are lazy writing? They aren’t. Love triangles are a story narrative no different than hero’s journeys. I categorically reject that notion, I’m sorry. Some of the GREATEST stories ever written are based on love triangles. The Greeks, Shakespeare, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Dumas, Tolstoy, Hemingway - they all wrote about love triangles and they were all fucking spectacular stories.

Nobody is sugar coating anything. Jeez. Relax.

Yes, OLIVER can’t have another love interest because OLIVER has decided what he wants his life to be as Oliver Queen. That life means FELICITY. He’s already gone through the process of figuring out the kind of love he needs. The kind of love he wants to build a life on. That was the whole point of separating from Laurel, dating Sara and figuring out what he felt exactly for Felicity.  Each woman represented a different kind of love for Oliver. He loved them all - but there is only ONE that he NEEDS. Felicity’s. There was only one HE LOVED THE MOST. The S2 love triangle wasn’t a fiasco. It was great story telling that resulted in a fairly life alternating & EPIC decision on the part of the hero. Oliver doesn’t get to Felicity without Sara. Oliver doesn’t get to Felicity without Laurel. Laurel & Sara were steps in the ultimate Felicity destination.

The problem is Oliver refused to live life as Oliver Queen, so while it’s real swell that Oliver knows he loves Felicity and wants Felicity - HE WON’T BE WITH FELICITY.

So now…Felicity is deciding what kind of love SHE NEEDS. No different than Oliver’s S2 journey. Yes…Felicity loves Oliver. She wants to be with Oliver. But HE WON’T BE WITH HER. Which means - Felicity isn’t getting the love SHE NEEDS. The question is - can Oliver be that man for her? Is he capable of it? Oliver hasn’t done a whole lot this season that would give her the confidence that he CAN be that man for her.

And now…even if Oliver wants to be with Felicity, she’s faced with some pretty painful realities of loving Oliver. HE JUST DIED. All she feels is pain & fear and probably a hefty dose of anger because he just left to fight Ra’s Al Ghul and she didn’t get a damn vote. So excuse a girl for being a little gun shy.

Yup. Felicity is going to give Ray Palmer a look. Your damn right she is. That’s okay. Oliver looked to other people before he realized Felicity was the one he wanted. Why are the rules different for her? Maybe Ray is simpler. Maybe Ray is easier. Maybe that’s what she wants. Who the fuck knows? Let her figure it out.

Do I think Felicity is in love with Ray Palmer? NO. Will she fall in love with Ray Palmer? I don’t know. We’ve got another 12 episodes to go. I think she’ll probably develop strong feelings for Ray, which is going to confuse her.  Will those strong feelings develop enough to call them love? Maybe. 

Let’s just say…they do. Let’s just say Felicity loves Ray. People have GOT to stop putting limitations on love. Felicity can love Ray and love Oliver. The point isn’t who she loves. The point is who she’s IN LOVE with.  Didn’t Oliver say he loved Sara? Didn’t he say he loved Laurel? Of course he did. Does that mean he’s not IN LOVE with Felicity? NO. It is absolutely possible for Felicity to develop strong feelings for Ray Palmer and that in no way diminishes her love for Oliver.  There is always one person you love the most.

But the person Felicity loves the most comes with a lot of pain, fear & a heavy dose of complications.  When it comes to Oliver & Felicity it’s not about love. It’s about CIRCUMSTANCES. This is what it means to be an adult relationship. And adult relationships are complicated and layered and multifaceted and filled with TOUGH CHOICES. It’s not all about the bunny feelings all the time. There are some grim & tough realities to the life Oliver Queen lives and Felicity is trying to determine what she can & can’t handle and what kind of life she wants.

And that’s a great story and one I want to watch.

anonymous asked:

The thing I was most worried about outside of Bruce/Nat was that Tony creating Ultron would be something I didn't like, but I think they did a pretty good job outlining WHY he felt the need to do it, whether or not ppl thought he should have (which I think is a good debate!). I didn't sit there going "Tony wouldn't do this for these reasons." It made sense to me, especially after we saw his vision. Also, that was the closest that MCU Tony has felt to 616 Tony to me...ever, pretty much.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

The sluttiest thing I've ever done is answer my phone (knowing damn well it was my ex-boyfriend) while having sex with my new boyfriend and left the phone sitting next to us. He listened the entire time and when we finished I picked up the phone and said "You're right, sex is great. Now, fuck off". I felt bad for it afterwards but, he just wouldn't leave me alone. I haven't spoken to him since.

THEY SAY MUHAMMED ALI IS THE GREATEST. THEY ARE WRONG.

YOU ARE THE GREATEST. 

razblogs  asked:

if it wasn't for you i would have never followed my dreams. You may not realize it but you are a hero, you saved me from leading a bad life. It wasn't just your art but your way of life. You go for what you want and you have. If it wasn't for you i wouldn't have had the job opportunities i have now. You are my hero and i hope one day our paths cross one day. (p.s that job is at gainax for animation, no one believed in my dreams and here i have the chance of the lifetime) you have a nice year

Boomrart,

What you’ve just told me was an early birthday gift. Seriously. I’m humbled. What an amazing accomplishment. Thanks so much for sharing your story. One of the greatest things you can do in this craft, is to inspire others, even if a little to take further than you ever could have. That’s real love & a real translation of positive energy beyond simple words. Bravo, and I hope to be inspired by what you produce in the coming years. Paying it forward, indeed. :-)

All the very best to you in 2014. Thank you so much.

L