would you look at these adorable idiots

An APH Rant on the Nations, Immortality, and HetaliaxReader/HumanOCs

So before I get to the core of this rant, I have to begin with some musings I have on the Nations of APH themselves. That is, I have to make clear what I think about them.

I love them. I love how cute Himaruya made them, how endearing, how ridiculously stereotypical, how very squishy they look. I really do love them all.

But do you know what would make me love them more? If they came from a serious, historically accurate show that was rated TV-Mature for blood, death, and ideologically sensitive material rather than innuendos and certain jokes. I would love it if Hetalia was a dark-themed anime about the horrors and beauties of history, of the past, of the world. I would love for the immortal Nations to be bloody, darkly philosophical, cynical characters alongside those cheerful, silly selves that we know and adore.

Because beneath the goofy mask of an oblivious idiot, America is a superpower mad for the throne. A razor-sharp genius who knows he’s at the top of the world, and intends to keep it that way.

Beneath that mask of rigid etiquette, England was once the greatest empire in the world and he did not get there just by luck, and sometimes he still looks around at everyone like they are so very, very beneath him.

Beneath that mask of a now-genial and pleasant old man, China is still ancient, inconceivably ancient with five thousand years of life and slaughter and death, and there used to be a time when he never even bothered to hide his condescension towards the younger nations because “What are they but children to me? Infants, all of them. What have they seen that I have not?”

This is the Hetalia I want. But hey, it’s not what I got, and I’m okay with that. Thus, moving on now~

Soooo I have some particular opinions on the Nations, if you haven’t already noticed. They are not just fun anthropomorphized countries: they are impossibly ancient and immortal beings, many of whom have lifetimes upon lifetimes on their backs. They are distinctly not human – but then they are. They are us and yet they aren’t us at all, and that makes them both great and terrifying. They know emotion, they know what it means to die and to lose the people you love and to be miserable as time flows on and ever on. They have all the capacity of goodness that humans do. But then so, too, do they have a great capacity for evil. And history has only proven that again and again.

To the point of this rant then!! I have an extremely difficult time with HetaliaxReader/Human OCs fanfictions because of this view I have of the Nations. I speak only for myself, but I know for a FACT that if the Nations did exist and for some reason I found myself meeting them, knowing who and what they were…

I know I wouldn’t fall for them. I wouldn’t drop everything and chase after them. I don’t know if I could even bring myself to try and make friends with them. How can you? How could I – a human whose life is but a blink of an eye to them – even relate? Sure, some of the Nations would be kind like America and Canada and Italy, to name just a few… But in the end? It’s going to take one heck of a miracle for a thousand-year-old being to love you. In the end the reality is that if we met these Nations, we will either freeze under their ancient gazes, unable to comprehend the number of years reflected in their eyes, staring at them in horror or fear or hate.

Or we will run. Because we’re human, and they’re not human enough.

*cough* Ahem. Er, the point is, it’s hard for me to be convinced that a HetaliaxReader/Human OC relationship will work. It all stems from the fact that it’d be hard for a Nation to fall for a human, because s/he knows that they will die soon enough; that human will be nothing but a single moment in their long existence. That’s why the hinted Nation/Human relationships that Himaruya’s given us have never worked out, either.

France and Jeanne d’Arc.

America and Davie.

Who knows: maybe even England and Queen Elizabeth, Prussia and Old Fritz, and so many others. Nothing but brief moments in their long lives…

Aaaaaaand not to mention the fact that Himaruya himself has stated that if a human spends too much time with a Nation, their perception of time may end up warped and they can lose their mind… Just saying~… > V >;;

anonymous asked:

1812 What do you think of France these days and Napoleon as well?

Pick an age or point on the character’s timeline, and ask a question. The character will respond as the age.

Oh, this. I like France. As a country. I adore French culture- and who wouldn’t? An idiot. That is who.

And- to be frank, I admire Napoleon. He’s a a very powerful man. Our tsar likes him too, so I’m not alone.

I just wish he would get out of our country.