I Can’t Save Her: Part 12
Pairings: Bucky x Reader
Word Count: 2307
Summary: You have been with the Avengers for three years and during that time you have developed a close friendship with Bucky. When you discover another woman in Bucky’s room you begin to question what your true feelings for him are.
Author’s Notes: If you only knew what I know. I always love hearing from you guys. I hope you enjoy it! Tags are at the bottom – let me know if you would like to be tagged/untagged. x
I woke up with ten minutes to spare before Laura and Clint expected us at dinner. I sighed sleepily and looked up at Bucky. He was muttering in his sleep and his face glistened with sweat. I paused before waking him. He was repeating his name and rank from the war over and over again intermittently adding some phrases in Russian. “Bucky,” I whispered softly as I raised up off of him. This didn’t wake him and he continued jerking his head back and forth. “Bucky,” I repeated, this time a little louder, as I placed my hand on his face. He woke suddenly with a cry.
“Y/N,” he sighed as his eyes adjusted to the dim light. His breathing began to slow and he closed his eyes for a moment, swallowing hard. “I’m… I’m sorry… You shouldn’t wake me like that… I don’t trust myself…” he trailed off.
“You’re fine,” I urged him quietly as I kissed his lips gently. “It was just a nightmare… just breathe.” I brushed his hair away from his face and kissed up and down his jaw. He closed his eyes with a sigh. “You’re here with me,” I whispered. He finally opened his eyes and they were suddenly full of lust and love.
“Doll, you better stop or we won’t make it to dinner on time, and Laura will have both of our heads,” he said with a smile.
“Not until I know you’re okay,” I protested with a gentle kiss to the tip of his nose.
“Okay? …Ha… Never – but it’s passed now,” he smiled and raised his lips to mine. “Now seriously Y/N – stop. A man only has so much self control,” he mumbled into my ear. I blushed and left the bed to change. I could feel his eyes on me as I shed my clothes and rummaged through my bags for my favorite sweater and jeans. I chanced a shy peek at him through my lashes and saw him staring after me lustfully – biting his lower lip as if it would keep his self control in check. He sighed and closed his eyes before flopping back onto the bed. “You kill me,” he groaned.
“Hmm?” I asked, feigning innocence. I pulled my sweater on and walked over to him –letting my arm brush against his leg as I bent over to whisper in his ear. “You better finish getting ready.” He grunted in assent and got off the bed without looking at me. He quickly grabbed his clothes and began to change. I couldn’t help but laugh at how flustered he was – first he tripped trying to pull on his jeans and then he dropped his shoe several times before sitting with a huff on the floor. He shot me a side-eye and grinned wickedly. I gulped – I could tell the game was on now and I would have to play really good defense to keep up with him.
We made our way carefully to the house – it had been sleeting outside and the deep snow had developed an icy crust. I breathed a sigh of relief as the front porch of Clint’s house was within my reach. Just as I was celebrating for not falling, a hard icy ball hit me in the back and I fell face forward into the snow. Bucky was roaring with laughter and sliding on the slick ice patches as he made his way to me. “I swear to god Barnes!” I yelled as he reached out a hand. I grabbed it and grinned. He immediately realized his mistake. “Stupid idea!” I shouted and pulled him down beside me.
“Oh come on Y/N! I’m hurt!” he whined as he laughed and rolled around in the snow.
“Walk it off, soldier!” I shouted through fits of laughter. He rolled on top of me and pinned me to the ground. “Buck it’s cold!” I whined. He laughed and kissed me softly.
“Barnes – I know you’re no scientist but do I really need to explain the way cold impacts performance?” Tony’s sarcastic tone floated through the air. Bucky snorted as he got up and pulled me up beside him.
“There you two are!” Clint shouted as we entered the dining room behind Tony.
“I had to explain to the kids that canoodling in the cold is not an efficient use of time,” Tony answered dramatically as he playfully rolled his eyes.
“Canoodling?” Steve asked confused.
“Don’t worry about it Steve. I’ll explain it to you one day once you’ve grown up,” Tony quipped. Everyone at the table laughed except for Bucky, who looked properly mortified. Steve still looked perplexed as he stared questionably between Bucky and I.
“I need a beer – Steve?” Bucky asked.
“Yeah – please,” Steve said with a laugh. “Canoodling…” he mumbled to himself as he shook his head.
“Y/N?” Bucky asked.
“How about a glass of wine?” I replied as I snatched the bottle out of Tony’s grasp. He scoffed as I stuck my tongue out at him and poured a sizeable amount into my empty glass.
“You’re in rare form tonight,” he said quietly to me.
“I’m just happy that we’re all together. It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve been able to do this,” I shrugged.
“Sure – that’s all it is,” he laughed to himself. “Regardless – it suits you,” he smiled as he gave me a wink.
“What were you mumbling about Stark?” Bucky asked as he sat down beside me with a beer in his hand.
“Oh I was just telling Y/N how lovely she looked tonight; don’t you agree Barnes?” he asked innocently. I tried to elbow him but he dodged and I almost fell out of my seat. Everyone was looking at Bucky now and I could feel my face growing redder by the second.
Bucky paused for a second and
smiled at me with a shrug. “I think she always looks pretty lovely myself, but
yes now that you point it out– there’s something about the ‘just fell in the
snow look’ that makes it extra evident,” he chuckled to himself. My blush grew
even deeper but attention was quickly taken off of Bucky and myself as the
various types of food were passed around the table. “You do look beautiful,”
Bucky whispered in my ear as he squeezed my thigh with his hand. “There’s
something about this place – it suits you.” I smiled shyly at him and turned to
grab the bowl of mashed potatoes from Tony.
“Y/N…Buck… You should probably stay at the house tonight with this weather,” Clint grimaced as he stuck his head out the door to monitor the weather. Bucky eyed the weather weighing his options and then looked at me and sighed shaking his head.
“If Y/N wasn’t so accident prone we could probably make it, but you’re right… it might be best to stay here tonight,” he grimaced.
“I’ll get you guys some blankets and pillows,” Clint called as he disappeared down the hallway. Within minutes both he and Laura came back with high stacks of heavy blankets and pillows. Bucky took them graciously and we bid all of our friends goodnight as they wearily made their way to their rooms.
I watched intrigued as Bucky spread out the multitudes of blankets and pillows onto the floor in front of the fire place. He turned to say something and caught me staring at him. “What?” he asked self-consciously with a small smile.
“Oh nothing – you just never fail to surprise me.” He laughed and offered his hand to me.
“Come here.” I took his hand and slid off the couch onto our makeshift bed. He laid me gently on the floor and tucked us both in before turning his attention back to me. He kissed my neck and traced the curves of my body with his hands –making me squirm.
“We shouldn’t… anyone could walk in,” I whispered in protest.
He smiled against my collarbone as he planted a soft kiss to it. “Doll, that’s half the fun.”
I woke to a commotion. “What’s going…” I replied hazily as I tried to open my eyes.
“Um oh god… hey uh… Buck,” Steve was trying to say casually.
“Now Steve – that is what canoodling looks like,” Tony said proudly as he slapped Steve on the back. As I regained consciousness I realized that a very naked Bucky was sleeping next to a very naked me.
“Oh my god!” I shouted as I covered my eyes. “EVERYONE OUT!” I demanded.
“I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to…” Steve was stumbling both metaphorically and literally as he ran into every single piece of furniture in his proximity.
“What the hell is that racket,” Sam stumbled wearily into the room from the hallway. As he took in the scene his eyes became as big as saucers. “Holy mother of god! That’s something I never needed to witness!” he exclaimed as he shielded his eyes. I desperately looked over at Bucky who was still out cold.
“I will literally kill all three of you without a second thought if you do not leave NOW!” I said as calmly as I could while I grasped all the surrounding blankets around my body. All three men sheepishly made their way back into their rooms – Sam complaining, Tony poking fun, and Steve apologizing profusely. I quickly put on my clothes once the coast was clear and looked down at Bucky who was still half asleep. “Buck,” I whispered softly in his ear as I placed my hand on his back. He groaned softly before slowly opening his eyes.
“Good morning gorgeous,” he said sleepily as he reached up to touch my face. The act was so sweet that I forgot my anger towards him. I could hear Steve raise his voice from the hallway. Tony’s jokes must have finally stopped being funny. “Oh god,” Bucky muttered and closed his eyes with a grimace.
“You better put some clothes on before they come back. If Sam walks in again and sees your ass his eyes may actually burn out of his skull,” I laughed. With a groan Bucky grabbed his clothes and quickly got dressed. “Now that I have been properly mortified I am going to go make some coffee and take a walk outside.” I kissed Bucky softly and made my way to the kitchen.
As I walked through the living room with my cup of coffee I noticed that Steve and Bucky had their heads together whispering in the corner. I rolled my eyes – no doubt it was about this secret mission that Bucky would tell no one else about. I grabbed my coat, laced up my boots, and made my way outside. The world seemed so quiet. The ground and the sky blended together to form glorious shades of white and grey. I sighed happily to myself as I slowly made my way to the tree line. I missed the quiet – New York City was always so fast and so loud. I loved living with the team, but it was never the life I envisioned for myself. I always imagined something much more like this. The fact that Clint had been able to make this life for himself gave me hope that maybe someday I could have it too.
I was so lost in thought that it startled me when Bucky put his arms around me. “I think I owe Clint a new mug,” I muttered as I looked at the now broken one that lay on the ground.
“What were you thinking about so intently?” he muttered in my ear.
“What about it?”
I shrugged. “Something about this weather… this place… it brings me comfort. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the city and all the restless people that live in it. I don’t mind it, but it doesn’t feel like a real home to me…”
“I like the quiet. It’s not something I’m accustomed to, but its something I enjoy,” Bucky added thoughtfully. “When Clint told me I could renovate the barn and make a loft I knew I had to because of how much this place meant to me but mainly because of how much it has meant to you,” he kissed the top of my head.
“Wait,” I turned around to look at him. “You mean you did it? For me?” I asked, dumbfounded.
“For us,” he responded with a sweet smile. “Not all of those missions were actually missions you know. I just knew I wanted to do something special for you… I was determined to get it done before we came back… I mean Clint and Steve helped a lot. There’s no way I could have gotten it done in time without their help.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me that you did it?” I asked shyly.
“Well I thought maybe it was too much since things had been so rocky between us…. So I wanted to gauge your reaction.” He shrugged. “I just wanted you to have a place that you could come to whenever you wanted but still have family near. You speak so fondly of Laura, and the kids…. And Clint was more than happy to give me the space.”
I smiled shyly and turned away – fighting back the tears that threatened to trail down my face. No one had ever done something so kind for me. “Do you think it’s possible for people like us?” I asked softly as the sun peaked lazily between the clouds.
“What?” he whispered.
“To be happy for longer than a fleeting moment?” I tried so helplessly to not let the fear I was feeling seep into my words.
“I hope so.” I could hear the doubt in his voice. “Whatever you do – don’t let it go,” he whispered as he squeezed me tightly.
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