worst posts

Headcanon that tsukishima’s hair grows in nice soft curls… or it would be nice if it wasn’t also really thick, poofy, and uncontrollable. He hates it so he chops it short. Also that boy definitely washes himself throughly with the proper materials so further headcanon that his hair is fluffy and soft like downy feathers. Yamaguchi is still working on convincing him to grow it out so he can play with it.

pitch meeting at the CW

cw studio exec #1: hi peyton take a seat we’re so glad you’re here

cw studio exec #2: so why don’t you give us an idea of what you’re thinking

me: okay. so. the success of riverdale has told us two very important things: first, there is tremendous money to be made in taking beloved fictional characters for children and placing them at the centre of a grimdark fuckfest. and second - your target demographic will watch anything. literally anything. 

cw studio exec #1: excellent points. what are you proposing

me: you’re targeting the millennial demographic. kids who grew up in the late 90s, early 2000s. so let’s capitalize on that. let’s bank on their nostalgia. let’s take the most beloved saturday morning cartoon of that era, the longest-running children’s cartoon of all time - and let’s update it. let’s make it sexy. ladies and gentlemen, i give you The CW’s Arthur.

cw studio exec #1: brilliant

cw studio exec #2: i can’t believe we’ve never thought of this before

me: arthur read and his friends are all grown up… and they are discovering sex. and drugs. arthur will be played by tyler posey and he will have six-pack abs. he’s romantically involved with muffy crosswire, the undisputed head bitch in charge of elwood city high. this doesn’t sit well with his best friend, buster baxter - who is gay - or muffy’s best friend francine frensky - who is a lesbian - because diversity. 

cw studio exec #1: nice

me: meanwhile young d.w. read, at just 15 years of age, has become the kingpin of a deep web drug empire and the mastermind behind elwood city’s burgeoning crisis in organized crime. but when mr. ratburn is busted with a large shipment of cocaine, everything will change.

cw studio #2: love it

me: and d.w. must go on the lam. but can she run forever… even after she discovers she is… teen pregnant?

both cw studio execs: are literally crying and throwing money at me

😤😤😤Talos the mighty! 💪💪💪Talos the unerring! 💯💯💯Talos the unassailable! ✊✊✊To you we give praise!🙏🙇🙌

We are but maggots, 🐛🐛writhing 〰in the filth 👣👣👣of our own corruption! 💰💲🚫🔪While you have ascended😱😇 from the dung💩💩 of mortality, 👥💀and now walk among the stars!🌠⭐✨

But you were once man!👨👨👨 Aye!✅✔✅ And as man, 👦👦you said, “Let me show you the power💪💪💪💪 of Talos Stormcrown⚡👑🔱, born of the North,🆙🔝☝ where my breath 💨💨💨is long winter. ❄⛄I breathe😤😧 now, in royalty,💍👑💲and reshape this land🌐🌄 which is mine. I do this for you,👉👉 Red Legions, for I love you💞💞💞.”

Aye, love. ❤❤❤Love! 💓💓💓Even as man,👴👴👴 great Talos cherished us. 😭😢For he saw in us, 👐👐in each of us,👫👬👭 the future of Skyrim! 👏👏The future of Tamriel!👏👏👏

And there it is, friends! 🙏🙏The ugly truth! 🙀🙀🙀We are the children of man! 👦👨👴Talos is the true god😇⛪💒 of man! Ascended 🙌😇from flesh,👃👃👃 to rule the realm of spirit!👻👻👻👻

The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven👱👱👱 overlords! 👺👺Sharing the heavens 🌌🌌with us? With man?👮👷💂 Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth!🌎🌏🌍

Today, they take away your faith.🚫⛪🚫 But what of tomorrow?⁉⁉ What then? Do the elves 👱👱take your homes? 🏠🏠🏠Your businesses? 🏧🏦🏥Your children? 👪👪👪Your very lives?🔪🔪🔪

And what does the Empire do?🏰🏰 Nothing! ❌❌❌Nay, worse than nothing! ❎❎❎The Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor!🙅🙅🙅 Against its own people!😠😠😠😠

So rise up! ☝☝Rise up,👆👆👆 children👶👶👶 of the Empire! 🏰🏰Rise up, 🆙🆙🆙Stormcloaks!💧⚡ Embrace the word of mighty 💪💪Talos, he who is both man and Divine!👼👼👼

For we are the children of man!👶👦👦 And we shall inherit both the heavens🌌🌌🌌 and the earth! 🌎🌏🌍And we, not the Elves👱👱👱 or their toadies, 🐸🐸🐸will rule Skyrim! Forever!💯✔💯

Terrible and powerful Talos! 👑👑👑We, your unworthy servants,🙏🙏🙏 give praise! 🙌🙌🙌For only through your grace and benevolence 💓💓may we truly reach enlightenment!👍👍👍

And deserve our praise you do, 👏👏👏for we are one! 👐Ere you ascended 😇😇😠and the Eight🕗🕗🕗 became Nine, 🕘🕘🕘you walked👣👣 among us, great Talos, not as god, 🚫👼🚫but as man!👲👳💂

Trust in me, Whiterun! 👌👌👌Trust in the words of Heimskr! 👍👍👍For I am the chosen✔✔ of Talos! 👀👀👀I alone have been anointed 💦💦💦by the Ninth 🕘🕘to spread his holy ⛪⛪⛪word!💌💌💌

“i wish there were more non-bar lgbt spaces”

me, nodding: ok, good, alcoholism is a big problem in our community, plus not everyone drinks + under 21s can have a hard time finding places to meet

“…bc the lgbt community is so ~sexual~/gay bars are Dirty/it’s gross :(/it’s acephobic/they’re harmful to children”

me, recoiling: bad fucking content,

4

Forduary week three: Support
At least he’ll always have his brother there to support him, right?


You can see all of my Forduary entries here and all of my Stanuary entries here.